The Expat Test

[Spaniel]

28

[zorro1]

Bum Gun or Wipe ?

That about sums it up ..... Sit or squat!

If you live here more than a year and use the Bum Gun your an expat. Nothing else on the list matters if you cant use the gun you may as well go back home

[jstumbo]

I never came to Thailand before my first trip here.

Really? I came to Thailand 10 times before I took my first trip to Thailand

[soundman]

Bum Gun or Wipe ?

That about sums it up ..... Sit or squat!

If you live here more than a year and use the Bum Gun your an expat. Nothing else on the list matters if you cant use the gun you may as well go back home

What about at all those toilet stops where there is no bum gun and no dunny paper? Are you suggesting that if you are unable or un-willing to use your hand that you might as well not classify yourself as an expat?

[zorro1]

Bum Gun or Wipe ?

That about sums it up ..... Sit or squat!

If you live here more than a year and use the Bum Gun your an expat. Nothing else on the list matters if you cant use the gun you may as well go back home

What about at all those toilet stops where there is no bum gun and no dunny paper? Are you suggesting that if you are unable or un-willing to use your hand that you might as well not classify yourself as an expat?

time to start packing...

[quiksilva]

Allowing for the fact that I am neither retired or fit with any of "psyches" described, so I chose the best fits, my score was 33.5

Edited March 13, 2008 by quiksilva

[BigSnake]

Some test will take it after O-Net.

[pampal]

26

[PhilHarries]

Good Saturday morning chuckle Jims. Didn't try to add up my score as many of the categories wouldn't apply to a seasoned nomad like me but as I've spent some 16 of the last 20 years living and working outside the UK I consider myself an expat.

What was missing was one simple answer for each question:-

THIS IS A PATHETIC LOAD OF NONSENSE - 1000 points.

Anyone clocking up 5,000+ points earns a free admission to Bumrungrad for a sense of humour transplant.

[MeMeMeMe]

Are you an Expat???

Am I an Expat??

Theres no easy way of explaining this one, Dr Burito has polled for what defines an Expat. But in lifes quest for answers on whether you ARE an expat look no further than taking the Jims Knight Patented 'EXPAT TEST!' Smile

INSTRUCTIONS FOR UNDERTAKING THE EXPAT TEST!

The more points you attain the better.....

For each question (truthfully) choose only one answer that applies to you....

If there is no such answer contact the author for finesse point allocation!

No cheating, talking or other mischief! The Moderators are now Invigilating!

The time allowed for this test is 10 minutes or the time it takes the Moderating king to drink 4 Bottles of Chang! Cheers

Enough said and let the test begin! :jap:

Stage one - Length of Stay, travel and documentation.

How many times have you visited thailand previously?

Never - 0

1 to 5 times - 1

6 to 10 times - 2

10 times + - 3

What plane ticket did you arrive in the country on?

A closed Return ticket - 0

An open 6 month return - 1.5

A one-way all or nothing ticket! - 2

What visa is currently stamped in your passport?

A tourist visa - 0

A double entry tourist visa - 1

A single entry visa non-imm 'o' - 2

A multi entry visa non-imm 'o' - 3

non-imm 'b' (business visa) - 4

Retirement visa! - 6

I don't need a visa stamp! I hold a thai passport/citizenship! - 15

Stage 2 - Country specific questions...

What driving license do you hold?

None - 0

UK/Intl. driving license (bike or car) - 1

Thai driving license (car) - 3

Thai driving license (bike and car) - 4

How much thai language can you speak?

Nothing apart from very rudimentary basic bargirl thai phrases! - 0

Basic phrases and numbers - 0.5

Colloquial thai - 2

Advanced thai (hold a v. good conversation) - 3

Fluent/Native speaker thai (and writing) - 5

What line of work are you involved in?

Nothing at all! - 1 ( 2 If Retired)

Teacher / Divemaster - 2

Dive Instructor / Bar Manager (can also be silent investor partner) - 3

Company / Office worker - 4

Offshore work (Middle East, Rigs, DSVs, FPSOs etc) - 4.5

Offshore work in thailand (Rigs, DSVs, FPSOs etc) - 5

If you are working in Thailand do you hold a work permit?

No - 0 (You cheeky monkey!)

Yes - 3

What is your accommodation?

Hotel - 0

Guesthouse - 1

Renting a House / Apartment - 2

Ownership of a house (via a company) - 3

Ownership of house (via a thai) - 3.5

What vehicles do you have as your own?

Nothing - 0

Bicycle - 0.5

Motorbike (Rental) - 1

Motorbike (owned in thai name without access to papers) - 1.5

Motorbike (owned in thai name with papers) - 2.5

Motorbike (owned in your name with papers) - 3.5

Car (owned in a thai name without access to papers) - 3

Car (owned in a thai name with access papers) - 4

Car (owned in your name with papers) - 5

What finances support your living while in thailand?

Cash in the bank - 1

Cash in the bank + income from pension / assets - 2

Cash in the bank + income from work - 3

Cash in the bank + income from pension / assets and income from work - 4

I have so much cash i never have to worry about other sources of income!! - 10

What best describes your own psyche/character in Thailand?

A tattooed, unrepentant, border-line psychotic criminal on-the-run type, from whom no man, woman or child is safe! - Minus 5

A hard drinking, grizzled, reckless womaniser who is ok in small doses around other (more balanced) expats - Minus 2

A married, hard working person who just wants to settle down with his new children in retirement - 2

An Indiana Jones type of guy; a bit of a ladies man/sugar daddy, bit rough around the edges, enjoys a few drinks here and there with the boys, travels about a bit and is a good friend to others - 2

An quiet, contented, enigmatic, mysterious person. Your a solitary kind of guy who has few friends, but prefer your own company. Everyone see's you around, but nobodys quite sure what the h_ell you're up to. Is he a teacher? A Divemaster? Who knows? - 2

A well-connected person who is on a long-term expat retirement package and quite frankly, has never had it this good compared to the others - 3

A creative genius / eccentric who is on a once in a life time quest to try and better themselves and others while going with the flow of Thailands many quirks and oddities. - 3.5

END OF TEST

This concludes the EXPAT TEST! Please sign your test sheets accordingly and pass them to a moderator for marking!

Well lets see how you've done.

SCORES -

2 - 8 points. Fail! The results seem to indicate you are a tourist! Enjoy you're stay! Grade F-

9 - 17 points. Fail! But this result seems to show you have some roots here in thailand but you still need some effort to get towards the next step in expatdom! Grade D+

18 - 26 points. Border-line Pass! This score indicates you are either an expat or Semi-Expat, based here in thailand for short to long durations at time. You can consider this score showing you to be an 'Honoury Expat!'. Look out for deserving expat-wannabes! They may need your help in passing the test! Grade B- Smile

27 + points. Pass! WELL DONE! You have passed the Expat Test with flying colours! With this accolade Thailand is surely yours for the taking! Just take care out there on your adventures! Grade A+

If you are brave enough, submit your scores by replying below for all of TV to see what status is really behind the Username

Jimsknight: 23.5 points.

[Who, me ?]

29....

Where is the redemption counter for me to get my gift ?

[chicowoodduck]

grow up !

Geez, grow up? I was born in a cellar and was never brought up, I've never even thought about growing up, perhaps that's why I only scored in the mid-20's.

[Jangot]

But being an expat is about living away from your native country - not about how long you have been in Thailand.

Or about how you have settled in.

I have not lived in my native country (UK) since 1982, and have never held residence status in any of the countries where I have lived and worked since.

So I think I qualify as an expat regardless of the "JimsKnight" test score

I have only been in Thailand for the last 9 years.

Anyway it was only a bit of harmless fun and did not deserve some of the vitriolic replies it got.

Cheers,

Jangot

Edited March 15, 2008 by Jangot

[gunnyd]

15.5 I guess you'll have to kick me out of the expat club.

31 if I include time in the Philippines

32 if you included US/International Drivers License.

Was the test for only UK expats?

[BEENTHEREDONETHAT]

Since owning a condo is not listed I took 3.5 for that for a total of

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