Is it possible to rehabilitate a bargirl back into polite society?

[Cameroni]

31 minutes ago, sidjameson said:

I agree with most of your points. Women tend to be diminished by every man that seduces/lies to them. 7 broken hearts/ disappoints take their toll and they and their future husband pay the price.

So therefore how comfortable are you to be contributing to another humans suffering? Unless your irresistible i imagine your waving a potential committed life time relationship at this Filipina knowing that it won't happen.

 

Unfortunately, I have seen the world from both sides, I have been with a 19 year old long term,, 23 years,  a 25 year old and a 27 year old also fairly long term, 12 years and 6  years., and it seems to me that the effect men have on women is far greater than we realise. I say this, because the 19 year old stayed loyal for 23 years, she had no issues, she did not have to deal with cheating and the like, and her life was blessed and her behaviour was usually on point therefore. However, I also saw the 25  year old Filipina (not the one that's coming, another one), who had 6 previous relationships, and even though it was her propensity for cheating, dishonesty and crazy behaviour that torpedoed all those 6 relationships, she developed greater insecurity and ever crazier behaviour, precisely because of her insecurity that once the men find out who she really is, that they will leave her.

 

So loss, the fear of loss, cheating and the like, even when done by the woman, will take a major toll on her sense of security and thus her ability to conduct herself right in any relationship in the future. And it always gets worse.

 

Even with the Thai girls I noticed that in their very first relationship they were all giving, generous and carefree, but then when they saw their love was wasted, not reciprocated and effectively for nothing, that is when they became harder of heart, less generous, less giving and less feminine.

 

It is absolutely the case that previous relationships have a profound effect on women, and men, but more on women.

 

Of course I am extremely apprehensive about bringing this Filipina virgin to Thailand, particularly as I am still entangled with the Thai Miss Grand, and I am mindful that one or both of the two women, and potentially myself, will come out of this year heartbroken and will have to go through a valley of tears. But you have to be strong enough to survive that, because if you do not, what is the alternative, you act like a monk and have no experiences? Life is to be lived, even if it hurts. You dust yourself off and get on. As Bonaparte said, in war and love, all's fair.

 

However, I am bringing in the Filipina in in good faith, ie I am giving her the chance to show that she can be a life partner. Also because the Thai Miss Grand has some serious behavioural issues.

[zmisha]

On 6/11/2025 at 9:15 AM, Lacessit said:

I doubt it. The bar is not just a place for barfines and punters, it is also the social network for most bar girls. That is where their friends are.

 

"Polite society"? It can go sit on the rough end of a pineapple.

You are absolutely right. It is society. So one should change the society of the girl to then make her behave different.

How? New career will give her new society.

I know a rich businesswoman who began her way in normal life with hairdressing courses. Now she has her own shop.

In addition, it is necessary to force her to unfriend/unfollow everyone from her previous life - one by one.

[sidjameson]

9 hours ago, Cameroni said:

 

Unfortunately, I have seen the world from both sides, I have been with a 19 year old long term,, 23 years,  a 25 year old and a 27 year old also fairly long term, 12 years and 6  years., and it seems to me that the effect men have on women is far greater than we realise. I say this, because the 19 year old stayed loyal for 23 years, she had no issues, she did not have to deal with cheating and the like, and her life was blessed and her behaviour was usually on point therefore. However, I also saw the 25  year old Filipina (not the one that's coming, another one), who had 6 previous relationships, and even though it was her propensity for cheating, dishonesty and crazy behaviour that torpedoed all those 6 relationships, she developed greater insecurity and ever crazier behaviour, precisely because of her insecurity that once the men find out who she really is, that they will leave her.

 

So loss, the fear of loss, cheating and the like, even when done by the woman, will take a major toll on her sense of security and thus her ability to conduct herself right in any relationship in the future. And it always gets worse.

 

Even with the Thai girls I noticed that in their very first relationship they were all giving, generous and carefree, but then when they saw their love was wasted, not reciprocated and effectively for nothing, that is when they became harder of heart, less generous, less giving and less feminine.

 

It is absolutely the case that previous relationships have a profound effect on women, and men, but more on women.

 

Of course I am extremely apprehensive about bringing this Filipina virgin to Thailand, particularly as I am still entangled with the Thai Miss Grand, and I am mindful that one or both of the two women, and potentially myself, will come out of this year heartbroken and will have to go through a valley of tears. But you have to be strong enough to survive that, because if you do not, what is the alternative, you act like a monk and have no experiences? Life is to be lived, even if it hurts. You dust yourself off and get on. As Bonaparte said, in war and love, all's fair.

 

However, I am bringing in the Filipina in in good faith, ie I am giving her the chance to show that she can be a life partner. Also because the Thai Miss Grand has some serious behavioural issues.

You clearly know the game and the evolutionary mechanisms at work. By your post you seem to be over 50 with a lot of experience. The young girls you target don't have those benefits do they.

Has any girls SMV (sexual market value) been increased by sleeping with you? Or decreased?  At your age you should have developed more compassion. 

We both know this time next year it will be different girls but the same story.

[1duckyboy]

Yes, until your money is gone.

[Cameroni]

3 hours ago, sidjameson said:

By your post you seem to be over 50

 

I'm 53. 

 

3 hours ago, sidjameson said:

The young girls you target don't have those benefits do they

 

Some do, some don't. The first Filipina I mentioned above had, at age 25, six men, five of those relationships were serious and she cheated on everyone. So she had a lot of relationship experience, most of her relationships were longer term. All of them took her on amzing holidays, Disney World. Macao. One bought a business for her mother.

 

The Thai Miss Grand  of whom I posted photos upthread, as usual lied about having had only 2 boyfrieends, the same as the Filipina above claimed falsely. It turned out Miss Grand had at least four, though I suspect more, and she too cheated on every one of her boyfriends. As one would expect, given her above aveage beauty, her first boyfriend was a very rich Thai, her second boyfriend was a tall Ukrainian who looked like MacGyver, trained wild animals for a living and has over 7000 followers on TikTok. This girl punched above her weight, except with one English guy she went to see in a 5 star resort in Phuket for 10 days, he looked like he was plopped out the rear end of a Pug. Obviously the 5 star resort was the draw there.

 

These girls have a lot of game, even at 25. The only exception is the Filipina virgin of course.

 

3 hours ago, sidjameson said:

We both know this time next year it will be different girls but the same story.

 

I hope not, it would be nice if the virgin acts right, or Miss Grand. But if not, then it goes on. Obviously the search is complicated, she has to have certain physical attributes, and also good character traits. Unfortunately, having been in the trenches for some time now, I have to say 90% of women are trash. Harsh but true. Fortunately a man does not hit the wall until 65 or so these days so  there is plenty of time in SE Asia.

 

[save the frogs]

11 hours ago, Cameroni said:

These girls have a lot of game, even at 25.

 

Especially at 25. 

 

They are too young to understand they have limited time to secure a good partner.

They are not mature enough. Full blown psychological development probably doesn't happen until around 28 or 29, according to some psychologists? 

 

 

Most likely, if you increase the age to 30 or 35, you will find fewer girls playing games. 

Based on my limited experience and understanding of women. 

 

Unless maybe she's a single mother at 25 with few job prospects. Now she has entered the school of hard knocks and knows she needs to secure a good man to help raise that child. 

 

Just take a look at the profiles on Thai Friendly. You will notice that older women will almost always write something like "I don't play games" and/or "If you are man playing games, please don't bother me". 

See if you can find a 20 year old on Thai Friendly who writes that in her profile. 

 

 

 

[BritManToo]

10 minutes ago, save the frogs said:

Just take a look at the profiles on Thai Friendly. You will notice that older women will almost always write something like "I don't play games" and/or "If you are man playing games, please don't bother me". 

See if you can find a 20 year old on Thai Friendly who writes that in her profile. 

Those are just lies used to manipulate their potential customers.

All women play games, all the time, obviously at age 50+ women have more experience and are better at the games.

 

Their games only fool the naïve and gullible though.

[save the frogs]

11 hours ago, BritManToo said:

All women play games, all the time, obviously at age 50+ women have more experience and are better at the games.

 

Jesus man. That bad, huh? Is there any hope for any of us? 

Anyone ever tell you that you sound like the grim reaper? 

Not sure what you look like, but you sound like him. 

 

[Cameroni]

15 minutes ago, save the frogs said:

 

Especially at 25. 

 

They are too young to understand they have limited time to secure a good partner.

They are not mature enough. Full blown psychological development probably doesn't happen until around 28 or 29, according to some psychologists? 

 

 

Most likely, if you increase the age to 30 or 35, you will find fewer girls playing games. 

Based on my limited experience and understanding of women. 

 

Unless maybe she's a single mother at 25 with few job prospects. Now she has entered the school of hard knocks and knows she needs to secure a good man to help raise that child. 

 

Just take a look at the profiles on Thai Friendly. You will notice that older women will almost always write something like "I don't play games" and/or "If you are man playing games, please don't bother me". 

See if you can find a 20 year old on Thai Friendly who writes that in her profile. 

 

 

 

 

True that. 

 

Of course if a girl starts riding the carousel at 18 or 19, give or take, some do it earlier, some later, by age 25 they'd be feeling in their prime of attraction. And they absolutely are not aware how short-lived that period is. This Filipina was 25 when I met her. She spent 6 years trying to lock me down to marriage, even though she knew I was married and was very unlikely to leave the wife and children. She had passed the age of 30 when she gave up. Very quickly thereafter, mere months, she locked down a Filipino sailor because she knew her SMV was dropping like a stone past 30 and she was desperate to be wifed up. She was married within months, no doubt made clear to the Filipino you can hit this only if you marry me.  He bought it, male thirst is strong.

 

However, I have tried and sampled 35 and I have to say it was a terrible experience. You can really tell the difference between a 35 and a 25 year old in terms of difficulty of character. A 35 year old is indeed set as an adult, which means she has her own very firm ideas how things should go. By contrast a girl in her 20s is much more relaxed, and not as difficult, though this is a sliding scale of course, they'll still have idiotic ideas on some things. Witness Ms Grand telling me men have to do half the housework.

 

But no, a 35 year old is not unattractive because her looks are not as good, that is the case, but really the issue is her character is much more difficult and unpleasant at 35. She'd also have been disappointed, lied to, cheated on and discarded by that age, so she's more difficult to deal with allround.

 

Despite all the problems with 20 year olds, and there are many, I wil still stick with that age group. Like I said, I: tried 35 and it was a horrendous experience.

 

[Cameroni]

25 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Those are just lies used to manipulate their potential customers.

All women play games, all the time, obviously at age 50+ women have more experience and are better at the games.

 

 

They're playing a game right there, when they say "I don't play games". I always chuckle when I read that.

 

Indeed all women do play games. Unfortunatley their skill level is extremely high, as they have so many options all their lives.

[save the frogs]

11 hours ago, Cameroni said:

This Filipina was 25 when I met her. She spent 6 years trying to lock me down to marriage, even though she knew I was married and was very unlikely to leave the wife and children. She had passed the age of 30 when she gave up.

 

Yeah, so you made her waste 5 of the best years of her prime where she could have landed a good husband ... sorry but ... I'm not on board with that. 

 

Also, you keep complaining that women cheat while you had a girl on the side with a wife and kids? That doesn't make much sense. 

 

Double standard. Same with body count. Men brag about their body counts and then expect women to be virgins. The math doesn't add up. 

 

[Sydebolle]

It cannot work and the seed of distrust in implanted the moment they meet:
- she is aware that she got bought out and is afraid, that he can go and get any other girl by buying her out
- he is aware that she followed the financial gravy train and if there is another guy offering same or more, then he is history

If yo take her along to your homeland and she does not have some education or skills, she will end up meeting likewise sufferers in faraway farang land; alcohol, gambling and Somtam will be the answer. 

Look for someone you can really talk to (language-wise), share common interest (traveling, cooking, garden etc. etc.) and someone who is open to new things (Western food etc.) and not taking the Thai society protocol too serious when living overseas.

You will not find such a person in a girlie bar, look at your place of work, online dating sites (here you have to be prepared that the real thing might differ from the online profile!) .... apply common sense. To get laid you resort to available services every, for everything else just remember, that get laid is not the top priority - me thinks! 

[Cameroni]

7 minutes ago, save the frogs said:

Yeah, so you made her waste 5 of the best years of her prime where she could have landed a good husband

 

More like 6. I was actually seriously considering wifing her up. However, as a good judge of character it quickly became apparent that she had major character issues. This prevented a follow through on the wifing up possibility. It was her fault. She ruined it. In any event, she did find a husband, she got wifed up by a FIlipino sailor who makes 2000 USD a month, and she loves his family, so she's allright now. Don't worry White Knight Lancelot.

 

7 minutes ago, save the frogs said:

Also, you keep complaining that women cheat while you had a girl on the side with a wife and kids? That doesn't make much sense. 

 

I didn't cheat. I told the wife up front I was flying to Philippines to meet another woman. Just the way I am.

 

But of course as I understand human nature, and that we are a promiscuous species, this is why I am relatively understanding of the cheating issue, even when the woman does it.

 

 

[BritManToo]

11 minutes ago, Sydebolle said:

Look for someone you can really talk to (language-wise), share common interest (traveling, cooking, garden etc. etc.) and someone who is open to new things (Western food etc.) and not taking the Thai society protocol too serious when living overseas.

But the only people I can really talk to are other English men .......

and I've never wanted to have sex with any of them!

[Cameroni]

5 minutes ago, Sydebolle said:

It cannot work and the seed of distrust in implanted the moment they meet:
- she is aware that she got bought out and is afraid, that he can go and get any other girl by buying her out
- he is aware that she followed the financial gravy train and if there is another guy offering same or more, then he is history

If yo take her along to your homeland and she does not have some education or skills, she will end up meeting likewise sufferers in faraway farang land; alcohol, gambling and Somtam will be the answer. 

Look for someone you can really talk to (language-wise), share common interest (traveling, cooking, garden etc. etc.) and someone who is open to new things (Western food etc.) and not taking the Thai society protocol too serious when living overseas.

You will not find such a person in a girlie bar, look at your place of work, online dating sites (here you have to be prepared that the real thing might differ from the online profile!) .... apply common sense. To get laid you resort to available services every, for everything else just remember, that get laid is not the top priority - me thinks! 

 

Excellent points.

[RoryBreaker]

why would anyone want a girl that's been drilled by 8 thousand men? what will you tell the kids when they get older?  -  'momma was a prostitute back in the day'

 

even the ugliest of blokes can easily get some here without paying and that's coming from experience. go bag yourself one from 7/11 and save yourself some drama.

[save the frogs]

11 hours ago, Cameroni said:

this is of course why I am relatively understanding of the cheating issue, even when the woman does it.

 

Saying "90% of women are trash" doesn't sound like you are "understanding" to me. 

 

[save the frogs]

11 hours ago, RoryBreaker said:

even the ugliest of blokes can easily get some here without paying

 

yeah, here we go again.

if you're not paying ST 2000 Baht, you're paying the rent and groceries, or most of it.

the ugly guys pay even more.  

 

[Cameroni]

8 minutes ago, save the frogs said:

 

Saying "90% of women are trash" doesn't sound like you are "understanding" to me. 

 

 

It does to me. If you go out there, and date 100 women, you will quickly see it's the case. In fact you just need to look at TF for 5 minutes to see that's the case.

 

That's not a sexist thing btw, 90% of men are trash too. Again a cursory look on a dating site will prove that.

 

 

6 minutes ago, save the frogs said:

the ugly guys pay even more. 

 

Obviously.

[Cameroni]

7 minutes ago, RoryBreaker said:

why would anyone want a girl that's been drilled by 8 thousand men? what will you tell the kids when they get older?  -  'momma was a prostitute back in the day'

 

even the ugliest of blokes can easily get some here without paying and that's coming from experience. go bag yourself one from 7/11 and save yourself some drama.

 

I still regret how I slipped up with that 7/11 girl.

[GinBoy2]

So this is one of those topics that we go around and around with here..

 

But it always fascinates, a little like watching reality TV. I hate myself for watching it, but can't help myself.

 

Of course over the years I've run in to many a couple, obvious ex bar girl and older farang.

 

They tend to be decades apart in age.

 

What the heck do you talk about, generally young enough to be daughters, if not granddaughters.

 

I talk to my daughters but it's on a whole different level, we almost don't speak the same language

 

So I guess if it's just all about sex, thats fine, but I do just kinda like hanging out with my old lady, same age age similar life experiences, don't think I could deal with the girl child thing

[RoryBreaker]

23 minutes ago, save the frogs said:

 

yeah, here we go again.

if you're not paying ST 2000 Baht, you're paying the rent and groceries, or most of it.

the ugly guys pay even more.  

 

i suppose there is some truth there, fair enough

[BritManToo]

32 minutes ago, GinBoy2 said:

What the heck do you talk about, generally young enough to be daughters, if not granddaughters.

I talk to my wife (20 years younger) as if she were my daughter (I have one almost her age).

You ain't going to school dressed like that, be home by 10pm ......... etc.

[Formaleins]

On 6/11/2025 at 9:26 AM, blaze master said:

 

I prefer a plodding one 😅

Plodding Tiger, Crouching Mamasan

[gejohesch]

On 6/11/2025 at 2:54 AM, save the frogs said:

I've popped into bars and had conversations with a few. So "a few" does not constitute a scientific study.

 

But based on my very limited experience, I would say most of them either cannot be rehabilitated back into polite society or it might take a lot of work.

 

I was testing out one girl. I said I'm looking for a friend. She lost her temper and stood up and said "No!" . It was a major shock to her system to insinuate that her role be tweaked. 

 

When you sleep with hordes of men, it affects you on a deep level. They are not the same as normal women at all. 

 

So my response is very few. And for others, it might take a lot of work. 

 

Edit: And you may need to worry about her having a "relapse". Because working in a bar is a bit like taking drugs. It's constant high adrenaline, booze, party vibe, getting a lot of attention from different men. They may find a stay at home life boring. I dunno. Just a hunch. 

 

I

I agree with you completely.

One thing I know, having been around in Bangkok years ago (I lived there), is that most of the girls/women one meets in the bars are rather Lo-So. I appreciate that may not be everyone's concern, but I could not cope with the vulgarity and bad taste of most of them (eg when chosing clothes), if I had to end up making a longtime partner. And believe me, I'm not overly difficult!

 

That's just one angle to the discussion.

[harryviking]

There is a saying that "you can take the girl out of the bar, but you can never take the bar out of the girl!" I call it a lottery!😆

[save the frogs]

12 hours ago, GinBoy2 said:

They tend to be decades apart in age.

 

How long do those arrangements last (on average) when the girl is 35+ years younger?

 

The girl stays with the guy until the end usually ... or ?? 

 

[ExpatOilWorker]

One of you guys probably married her.....

 

[Kinnock]

Is it possible to rehabilitate a bargirl user back into polite society?

 

Perhaps we should debate this question too?

 

[Tazmo]

Well I tried several myself but finally decided that it wasn’t for me. Especially after 2 failed marriages, I wasn’t prepared for that high risk!

 

 I also realized that I myself needed rehabilitation from the life that I was living and partly why I came to Thailand. I had experience in working in Rehab and a great believer in it.

In the UK there is a law, “ The Rehabilitation of Offenders Act”, thousands have changed their lifestyle as w result. In drink- driving for example, you will be offered courses to undertake. Or f caught for a speeding offence. Also In High Security Mental Hospitals, patients who have been serious sex offenders have been rehabilitated and returned to the community. Very few reoffend.

 

So Bar girls can rehabilitate if they are motivated to change and given the appropriate help.

Though some may need Specialist Services! 100%  recovery is always going to be unrealistic.

 

Farangs also need rehabilitation of some form. Many I know have never had a serious relationship in their own country but have money and trying so buy love! Others have had like me broken relationships, but in addition no insight into their behaviour, bad tempered; drug dependent ( alcohol included) and other undesirable behaviors that will render them useless with Western women!

 

So it’s a 2- way thing, You can take a man out of the West but you can’t take the West out of him. A big challenge for relationships of mixed races, but never impossible, there are many shining examples. I know of a few close friends who have done well and a few who have got cleaned out! Horses for courses!

 

BTW it doesn’t only happen in Thailand but in other parts of Asia and the World. I know for sure it’s similar in the Philippines!