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Thai Wife visiting family dynamics

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Hi All,

I am looking to understand if this is usually what you expect being married to a Thai woman going to visit family. I've never been married to someone who has family in another country so not sure what to expect on the communication level side of things.

We have been married for two years and she hadn't been back to see family for about 2.5 years and she said a couple of weeks before Christmas she feels homesick so booked a ticket to go home and spend time with family in Isan (I couldn't go with because I had family commitments in the UK). The whole time she's been there she's barely spoken to me, the odd 5 minute video call here and there telling me she's busy with family - but the usually love you etc has been exchanged. Is this normal when they visit home to be so busy they can hardly speak to husband back home?

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  • Yes, her family comes first, you second.

  • couchpotato
    couchpotato

    That's just a generalisation. But just a thought..possibly an old boyfriend or ex husband was the real reason to go home.

  • rattlesnake
    rattlesnake

    Lots of negative types on this forum, who project their own failures on others. I can give you my personal experience and opinion, for what it's worth. I have been with my Thai wife for 14+ years, we

  • Popular Post

Yes, her family comes first, you second.

  • Popular Post
9 minutes ago, msbkk said:

Yes, her family comes first, you second.

That's just a generalisation. But just a thought..possibly an old boyfriend or ex husband was the real reason to go home.

3 minutes ago, couchpotato said:

That's just a generalisation. But just a thought..possibly an old boyfriend or ex husband was the real reason to go home.

Hard telling, though some people do tend to get bored of being around some people.

  • Author
25 minutes ago, couchpotato said:

That's just a generalisation. But just a thought..possibly an old boyfriend or ex husband was the real reason to go home.

What in her village?

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Your previous post was about your wife not interacting with you and your family, and one good piece of advice from a poster was to protect your finances and prepare for a divorce. I hope you took this advice.

With my Missus I come first, we're a partnership and she manages family visits around our schedule so our own routines are not impacted. I trust her 100% (and she trusts me about 80% 😅) and I wouldn't ask for relationship advice on a forum as she'd be my first port of call for a serious chat about any big issues.

The fact you're asking us lot for advice suggests to me you have a problem, and while she's unlikely to initiate a divorce, as her family see you as financial insurance, she's clearly not happy in the relationship.

My advice, (for what it's worth - as any advice from a stranger is likely to be unreliable), is to use the time while she's in Thailand to protect your personal finances. Set up a private (none joint) account, transfer funds, assets and property to trusted family members where practical. Then when she returns, ask her straight out if she's happy in the relationship and if she has anyone else back in Thailand.

Ask her if she sees your relationship as a business transaction. Ask her if she loves you ..... yes, love is real, especially for Thai girls raised on Lakorn serials.

If her responses are not convincing, reset your life and start again afresh.

There's no shortage of good women out there, don't settle for one you wouldn't trust with your life.

When she's with UK how much does she use her phone to chat with family back in Thailand? That's what I'd be comparing.

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1 hour ago, djb687 said:

The whole time she's been there she's barely spoken to me, the odd 5 minute video call here and there telling me she's busy with family - but the usually love you etc has been exchanged. Is this normal when they visit home to be so busy they can hardly speak to husband back home?

She hasn't seen her family and friends for over 2 years. Of course she will be busy catching up and having fun.

The odd 5 minutes video call should (IMO) be enough to keep you posted about what's going on, and assure you that she still wants to come home to you. I'm assuming you two are not insecure teenagers.

Let her have her fun, and don't be too needy. If you can't trust her you shouldn't have married her and taken her away from her family (is my opinion).

  • Author
6 minutes ago, Kinnock said:

Your previous post was about your wife not interacting with you and your family, and one good piece of advice from a poster was to protect your finances and prepare for a divorce. I hope you took this advice.

With my Missus I come first, we're a partnership and she manages family visits around our schedule so our own routines are not impacted. I trust her 100% (and she trusts me about 80% 😅) and I wouldn't ask for relationship advice on a forum as she'd be my first port of call for a serious chat about any big issues.

The fact you're asking us lot for advice suggests to me you have a problem, and while she's unlikely to initiate a divorce, as her family see you as financial insurance, she's clearly not happy in the relationship.

My advice, (for what it's worth - as any advice from a stranger is likely to be unreliable), is to use the time while she's in Thailand to protect your personal finances. Set up a private (none joint) account, transfer funds, assets and property to trusted family members where practical. Then when she returns, ask her straight out if she's happy in the relationship and if she has anyone else back in Thailand.

Ask her if she sees your relationship as a business transaction. Ask her if she loves you ..... yes, love is real, especially for Thai girls raised on Lakorn serials.

If her responses are not convincing, reset your life and start again afresh.

There's no shortage of good women out there, don't settle for one you wouldn't trust with your life.

Since my original previous post a year ago we did have a good year, where things improved. It was only recently last couple of months she became homesick, which others tell me would be normal if you didn't go home for over two years - I've no reason to doubt she was homesick, but something I learned the hard way since I never had a relationship with someone who has family abroad.

I already asked her before she left if shes happy and she told me clearly she loves me and will return after visiting family.

If what a previous post says about family come first, husband second or last - that's ok because I understood that dynamic before we even got married. I am simply trying to understand how it is for others?

3 minutes ago, chickenslegs said:

She hasn't seen her family and friends for over 2 years. Of course she will be busy catching up and having fun.

The odd 5 minutes video call should (IMO) be enough to keep you posted about what's going on, and assure you that she still wants to come home to you. I'm assuming you two are not insecure teenagers.

Let her have her fun, and don't be too needy. If you can't trust her you shouldn't have married her and taken her away from her family (is my opinion).

And that's what I have been trying to understand. Thanks

  • Author
11 minutes ago, sidjameson said:

When she's with UK how much does she use her phone to chat with family back in Thailand? That's what I'd be comparing.

She's with her phone all the time in the UK - always has been from day 1.

1 hour ago, djb687 said:

I am looking to understand if this is usually what you expect being married to a Thai woman going to visit family.

Where were you married? If in Thailand, your pre marriage finances/property are safe.

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15 minutes ago, stubuzz said:

Where were you married? If in Thailand, your pre marriage finances/property are safe.

Why do we always have to jump to conclusions of divorce - I am simply trying to navigate the dynamics of a marriage which involves different culture.

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5 minutes ago, djb687 said:

Why do we always have to jump to conclusions of divorce - I am simply trying to navigate the dynamics of a marriage which involves different culture.

Lots of negative types on this forum, who project their own failures on others.

I can give you my personal experience and opinion, for what it's worth. I have been with my Thai wife for 14+ years, we lived in France between 2014 and 2016 before coming back to Thailand. I also know (or have known) several 'mia farangs' who are living, or have lived, in Western countries (mainly France but also US, Australia, Uk, Germany, Sweden).

The bottom line is that a lot of them are not happy in a farang country, because life there is tough, depressing (for a Thai) and overall far from the idealistic view they had before going.

Those who can go back to Thailand are the lucky ones. Those who are 'stuck' over there are often unhappy to various degrees, and also often have a drinking problem and everything that goes with it (of course, this is not everyone, some are happy and everything is great for them, but I am just mentioning the fact that often, a Thai woman's unhappiness in farangland stems from the country and living conditions rather than the relationship she is in).

I would posit that one holiday in Thailand per year would be the minimum to compensate for these shortcomings. 2.5 years is too long.

40 minutes ago, djb687 said:

She's with her phone all the time in the UK - always has been from day 1.

So, for sure she's on her phone all day there too.

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2 hours ago, djb687 said:

The whole time she's been there she's barely spoken to me, the odd 5 minute video call here and there telling me she's busy with family - but the usually love you etc has been exchanged. Is this normal when they visit home to be so busy they can hardly speak to husband back home?

Seems normal to me, she's making the most of it and if there are no other causes for concern, I wouldn't worry about it.

24 minutes ago, djb687 said:

Why do we always have to jump to conclusions of divorce - I am simply trying to navigate the dynamics of a marriage which involves different culture.

You are only tolereated at best. I suggest you cut back her financial support and don't call her. Then wait and see what happens. You will then see her true colours.

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4 minutes ago, stubuzz said:

You are only tolereated at best. I suggest you cut back her financial support and don't call her. Then wait and see what happens. You will then see her true colours.

She has a job in the UK. She uses her money for herself and family. I pay the house + bills. So there's nothing to cut back on...

  • Author
11 minutes ago, rattlesnake said:

Seems normal to me, she's making the most of it and if there are no other causes for concern, I wouldn't worry about it.

Good to know.

  • Author
12 minutes ago, sidjameson said:

So, for sure she's on her phone all day there too.

My understanding is its not respectful to use your phone with the elders and other family around?

44 minutes ago, djb687 said:
1 hour ago, stubuzz said:

Where were you married? If in Thailand, your pre marriage finances/property are safe.

Why do we always have to jump to conclusions of divorce - I am simply trying to navigate the dynamics of a marriage which involves different culture.

Seems you didn't answer.

There was lot's of good advice in your last thread that you ingnored. Now you are back asking more questions and not listening.

13 minutes ago, djb687 said:

My understanding is its not respectful to use your phone with the elders and other family around?

1 hour ago, djb687 said:

She's with her phone all the time in the UK - always has been from day 1.

As i said. You are tolereated at best.

1 hour ago, Kinnock said:

Your previous post was about your wife not interacting with you and your family, and one good piece of advice from a poster was to protect your finances and prepare for a divorce. I hope you took this advice.

With my Missus I come first, we're a partnership and she manages family visits around our schedule so our own routines are not impacted. I trust her 100% (and she trusts me about 80% 😅) and I wouldn't ask for relationship advice on a forum as she'd be my first port of call for a serious chat about any big issues.

The fact you're asking us lot for advice suggests to me you have a problem, and while she's unlikely to initiate a divorce, as her family see you as financial insurance, she's clearly not happy in the relationship.

My advice, (for what it's worth - as any advice from a stranger is likely to be unreliable), is to use the time while she's in Thailand to protect your personal finances. Set up a private (none joint) account, transfer funds, assets and property to trusted family members where practical. Then when she returns, ask her straight out if she's happy in the relationship and if she has anyone else back in Thailand.

Ask her if she sees your relationship as a business transaction. Ask her if she loves you ..... yes, love is real, especially for Thai girls raised on Lakorn serials.

If her responses are not convincing, reset your life and start again afresh.

There's no shortage of good women out there, don't settle for one you wouldn't trust with your life.

Very good advice. Can't hurt to insulate yourself from financial disaster or hardship.

3 hours ago, djb687 said:

Hi All,

I am looking to understand if this is usually what you expect being married to a Thai woman going to visit family. I've never been married to someone who has family in another country so not sure what to expect on the communication level side of things.

We have been married for two years and she hadn't been back to see family for about 2.5 years and she said a couple of weeks before Christmas she feels homesick so booked a ticket to go home and spend time with family in Isan (I couldn't go with because I had family commitments in the UK). The whole time she's been there she's barely spoken to me, the odd 5 minute video call here and there telling me she's busy with family - but the usually love you etc has been exchanged. Is this normal when they visit home to be so busy they can hardly speak to husband back home?

My exwife was visiting her family many times..but didn't want me to go with her and our 2 kids.

When i called she never answered or reply my msg.There was a time in our marriage we was away from echother for 14 months.She stayed in surin and I stayed in my country.Same story..she never answered my calls or msg.The only times she msg me was in the end of month asked if i have transferred money to her account.Everytime she was picked up by her socalled uncle in the airport..and they went to Koh Chang for 3-4 days.Her mother was with them but stayed in another bungalow.When I went back to surin alone the same "uncle"picked me up.

I noticed our car had gone about 50,000 km in one year even i and my exwife stayed abroad.

Of course I understood whats going on.About 8 years ago she went alone to surin again.

When she returned after 10 weeks she was pregnant and I knew right away who the father was.

I told her what i mean and filed for divorce.Easy in my country doing that thrue the government website.We had to be separated for 12 months before the final divorce.When that period was finished I asked for the final divorce and it was granted the same day thrue the website.My exwife took the divorce documents with her to Thailand and get that registered at I the ministry of foreign affairs in Bangkok.Case closed.Long story but we never know what's happening in Thailand when ur wife stay there alone with family.When i lived in surin some girls came visit us telling they get a foreign boyfriend and almost everytime their ex bf/husband came back and told the girl that they loved and missed her and mostly of these girls believed them and start cheating the foreign bf.Do NOT accept that she dont have time to talk with u.

20 minutes ago, djb687 said:

She has a job in the UK. She uses her money for herself and family. I pay the house + bills. So there's nothing to cut back on...

No doubt at all, some guys have been badly burned in their relationships with Thai women. The same might be said in any relationship, regardless of location or nationality.

However, IME - Thais have extremely strong family ties. I think it's to do with having no (or little) state welfare - such as we are used to in Western countries. Children and grandchildren are expected to take their share in looking after their elders. That is normal behaviour here but, obviously, some individuals will take advantage of their (wealthy) foreign partners.

From what you posted, your wife is not draining your personal finances to donate to her family she is using her own earnings. I'd say that is pretty normal and honest behaviour.

  • Author
45 minutes ago, stubuzz said:

Seems you didn't answer.

There was lot's of good advice in your last thread that you ingnored. Now you are back asking more questions and not listening.

That's true. My previous post a year ago she expressed desire to go to Thailand to visit and I ignored that desire, which then resulted in her going now. What rattlesnake said about one holiday to Thailand a year seems like it would prevent the homesickness - how often do others go?

11 hours ago, djb687 said:

Why do we always have to jump to conclusions of divorce - I am simply trying to navigate the dynamics of a marriage which involves different culture.

Because asking strangers for marital advice is not the sign of a solid relationship. Sooner or later the relationship will fold, so being financially prepared is just wise planning.

11 hours ago, djb687 said:

Since my original previous post a year ago we did have a good year, where things improved. It was only recently last couple of months she became homesick, which others tell me would be normal if you didn't go home for over two years - I've no reason to doubt she was homesick, but something I learned the hard way since I never had a relationship with someone who has family abroad.

I already asked her before she left if shes happy and she told me clearly she loves me and will return after visiting family.

If what a previous post says about family come first, husband second or last - that's ok because I understood that dynamic before we even got married. I am simply trying to understand how it is for others?

And that's what I have been trying to understand. Thanks

My Missus says her home is wherever we are together. We travel together for work, and make our 'home' wherever we stay. It's a cop out to say Thai culture means her family comes before a husband - Thai culture means husband is number I, even if some money is sent to her Mother for financial support.

Yes, over 2 years not seeing her family is an unusually long time, but why did she not choose a time to visit when you could both go?

18 hours ago, djb687 said:

The whole time she's been there she's barely spoken to me, the odd 5 minute video call here and there telling me she's busy with family

You want to be very careful with this, because Thai girls use the family visit as a cover story. Instead of being with family she instead goes to see some guy she met on a dating app. Which is why you then don't hear a lot from her. Not saying that's what your girl is doing, but it happens.

Insist she send you photos with her family.

  • Author
1 hour ago, Cameroni said:

You want to be very careful with this, because Thai girls use the family visit as a cover story. Instead of being with family she instead goes to see some guy she met on a dating app. Which is why you then don't hear a lot from her. Not saying that's what your girl is doing, but it happens.

Insist she send you photos with her family.

She did video call me today again for only 5 minutes but showed me her mother and they were in her house.

I can only speak from my experience. It is always good morning for me when back home,, and sometimes from me depending on summertime or not back home. Always good night to her, and sometimes several times during the day if something presence.

Maintaining a relationship takes two and good communication, and also willing to put each other first.

Anyway, that's my take on it,

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