2 minutes ago, fredwiggy said:

Where am I concerned with who people date? I only like to see others treat their partners well. You know, be a man and also a father if there's children.

Do you know what a homebody means? Do you think a homebody never leaves the house?

My stories always make sense as they're reality.

You concerning yourself with what others do in Thailand doesn't make sense, especially when you think visiting 100 cities is an accomplishment everyone has to do.

All decent women are great, no matter where they live.

I moved to Thailand because I met a Thai woman and we had a child. I will move back because Thailand isn't a good place for either of us. I mentioned this before.

Again, try not to assume things about other's lives you haven't met. You don't know anything they do , nor is it any of your business.

So no travelling like you planned and burnt cds get to fly home.

3 hours ago, swissie said:

Not sure if this is of general interest. When I married my Thai wife in 2002, during marriage festivities, with the help of an interpreter, we declared to the congregation the following: "We will financially supprt the wifes children (education) and very close family members (medical emergencies), other financial requests will remain unanswered".

Needless to say, that the "family" left in somewhat of a somber mood.

Fast foreward: We financed 2 daughters a stellar career in banking plus some minor medical stuff over the years.

No other financial "hokus pokus" requests ever reached us.

Conclusion: Establish certain (unpopular) rules at the very beginning with the agreement of your wife as a pre-requisite. If Thai wife should not agree with this concept in the first place, it might be advisable to re-think any matrimonial plans.

It worked for me (us)-

When I started dating my first Thai wife in 2003, we agreed that we would not support her family with my money. Any support would come from her own earnings. Our marriage lasted 15 years and she never sent money to her greedy family although she worked non-stop. When our daughter was old enough, the greedy family approached her to send them money. After a few years of sending them money, our daughter realized that they only contacted her when they needed a cash top-up. Because we didn't splash our cash on them, they are all estranged. My second Thai wife's children have professional careers and her family run their own businesses and own their own properties. Thai people are slowly starting to reject the loss of face as a tactic to gain compliance. Fair enough, my new mother in law is 86. I don't expect her to work. She is supported by her 5 children. But I'm not involved in that.

Oh no what happened why did you break up

Been manacled together (as Basil would say) for 12 years. Enjoy her company more than anyone else in this world. Sex is less frequent these days (30 years difference), but no sign (or not much!) of ED.

Our motto (our whole relationship) could be summed up as:

"I take care you; you take care me". Seems to work perfectly.

2 hours ago, fredwiggy said:

If I would have stayed there and not visited Thailand, I would have been with one there. I'll be returning soon, and will eventually find another.

Does that mean that you have finally given up on the notion of your current girlfriend moving over when you are settled in the USA?

Sounds like it's already over...

On 4/21/2026 at 3:37 PM, Gecko123 said:

Not being able to communicate directly with family members because of a language barrier also puts foreign men more at risk for being subjected to financial aid requests because it is always easier to make these sorts of appeals through an intermediary in order to save face in case the request is turned down.

even for the linguistically inept its not difficult to learn how to refuse.

13 minutes ago, Bday Prang said:

even for the linguistically inept its not difficult to learn how to refuse.

I might be having trouble expressing myself pecking away on my I phone while my desktop is in the shop.

The issue isn’t whether the foreigner has the capacity to decline a request for money from the family. Everyone knows you can say no

The issue is how to manage expectations so that that financial assistance requests are minimized. The points I was trying to make were:

(1) if the foreigner has never lived in the wife’s village, they’re going to have a limited grasp about the reasonableness and amounts involved;

(2) if you can’t communicate directly with the person asking for money (and the requests are relayed through the wife) the commitment level to repay the loan is degraded because the commitment to repay wasn’t made directly to you, but instead made to the wife who likely has conflicting loyalties to her family; and

(3) when an intermediary is used (i.e. the wife) this actually ends up encouraging loan and other financial aid requests because it spares the supplicant from losing face by asking for the help in the first place, or losing face when the loan isn’t repaid or losing face if the request is turned down by the foreigner.

16 years in my Mrs' village, with two brothers and three sisters plus families all within spitting distance. I can count on one hand the number of small loans, less than Bht 10,000, which were all paid back when they were supposed to.

If you are getting ''endless financial requests', get out quick. 555.

1 hour ago, Gecko123 said:

I might be having trouble expressing myself pecking away on my I phone while my desktop is in the shop.

The issue isn’t whether the foreigner has the capacity to decline a request for money from the family. Everyone knows you can say no

The issue is how to manage expectations so that that financial assistance requests are minimized. The points I was trying to make were:

(1) if the foreigner has never lived in the wife’s village, they’re going to have a limited grasp about the reasonableness and amounts involved;

(2) if you can’t communicate directly with the person asking for money (and the requests are relayed through the wife) the commitment level to repay the loan is degraded because the commitment to repay wasn’t made directly to you, but instead made to the wife who likely has conflicting loyalties to her family; and

(3) when an intermediary is used (i.e. the wife) this actually ends up encouraging loan and other financial aid requests because it spares the supplicant from losing face by asking for the help in the first place, or losing face when the loan isn’t repaid or losing face if the request is turned down by the foreigner.

The issue is absolutely about the ability to say "no" but not everybody is capable of saying It linguistically its actually not that difficult , even to do it in a "face saving" way by claiming to be low on funds does not require an advanced knowledge of the Thai language. but many have difficulty in saying "no" for a myriad of other reasons, none of them rational.

Reasons ranging from stupidly wanting to appear wealthy, often in a misguided attempt to gain some respect , to not wanting to appear "mean cold and heartless" in front of the beautiful young woman one has become infatuated with, to greedily adding up all the interest one has been promised , to being a soft touch, or simply not wanting to spoil the atmosphere at the impromptu party / gathering "coincidently" taking place .((that one has probably paid for).

The most important thing is simply to say no

As I said in a previous post, insisting via the wife, that any prospective borrowers have to ask in person face to face and not via the mrs that will stop at least 95% of any of them ever asking. If one of them does get brave enough to ask face to face an immediate but polite refusal will prevent the other 5% from ever asking There is no need to understand the language, but pretend to hear them out, a nod, a smile , a shake of the head in empathy then just say "that there is no spare cash", they will know its a lie , but it doesn't matter,they will have already lied when they promised to pay it back with a very generous amount of interest, its all part of the game. Don't even worry about repercussions, it will all be forgotten about by the morning

As you said, the foreigner has never lived in the wifes village , so the only thing he needs to know, and keep reminding himself , is that these people survived their entire lives financially before he turned up and there is no obligation to give them anything The only reason any of them are asking a foreigner for money is because there is probably a trail of unpaid debt around the village and nobody else will lend them anything.

No amount is reasonable unless you are happy just giving money away

The fact that these requests for "loans" often occur in the early days of a "relationship " is even more of a reason to give a firm "no" thus setting precedent should any others consider trying their luck

Afterall what sort of person seeks to borrow money on an unsecured basis from somebody they don't know and have only just met ? i think I know the answer to that, And more tellingly what sort of person agrees to lend to them? I think I know the answer to that too

15 hours ago, Rockyroad said:

So hookers for 10 then got married.

maybe the other way around

On 4/21/2026 at 10:07 PM, fredwiggy said:

That wasn't about me.

Actually all posts are about your view of the world. Same as everybody else. You are not talking about others cause you don't even know them.

On 4/22/2026 at 10:53 PM, Bday Prang said:

The issue is absolutely about the ability to say "no" but not everybody is capable of saying It linguistically its actually not that difficult , even to do it in a "face saving" way by claiming to be low on funds does not require an advanced knowledge of the Thai language. but many have difficulty in saying "no" for a myriad of other reasons, none of them rational.

Reasons ranging from stupidly wanting to appear wealthy, often in a misguided attempt to gain some respect , to not wanting to appear "mean cold and heartless" in front of the beautiful young woman one has become infatuated with, to greedily adding up all the interest one has been promised , to being a soft touch, or simply not wanting to spoil the atmosphere at the impromptu party / gathering "coincidently" taking place .((that one has probably paid for).

The most important thing is simply to say no

As I said in a previous post, insisting via the wife, that any prospective borrowers have to ask in person face to face and not via the mrs that will stop at least 95% of any of them ever asking. If one of them does get brave enough to ask face to face an immediate but polite refusal will prevent the other 5% from ever asking There is no need to understand the language, but pretend to hear them out, a nod, a smile , a shake of the head in empathy then just say "that there is no spare cash", they will know its a lie , but it doesn't matter,they will have already lied when they promised to pay it back with a very generous amount of interest, its all part of the game. Don't even worry about repercussions, it will all be forgotten about by the morning

As you said, the foreigner has never lived in the wifes village , so the only thing he needs to know, and keep reminding himself , is that these people survived their entire lives financially before he turned up and there is no obligation to give them anything The only reason any of them are asking a foreigner for money is because there is probably a trail of unpaid debt around the village and nobody else will lend them anything.

No amount is reasonable unless you are happy just giving money away

The fact that these requests for "loans" often occur in the early days of a "relationship " is even more of a reason to give a firm "no" thus setting precedent should any others consider trying their luck

Afterall what sort of person seeks to borrow money on an unsecured basis from somebody they don't know and have only just met ? i think I know the answer to that, And more tellingly what sort of person agrees to lend to them? I think I know the answer to that too

In 1981, my (real) brother, a lazy lily white Caucasian, borrowed money from me for a beer. When it was time to pay it back, he lied and claimed that he'd already returned it. The next time he borrowed money and it was time to pay it back, he claimed that I'd never given him money. The third time he wanted money, I refused. He screamed at me like an impetuous child: "Give me money, now!!!!". When I said no again, he went into the customer service area (a shop) and approached every customer in the waiting room lamenting: "My own brother won't even give me a dollar for a beer". This behavior continued all is life. He's been caught stealing numerous times. Our cousin sued him recently because he committed inheritance fraud. He was the executor of our uncle's estate, and as expected, he pocketed all the money for himself. He even tried to excuse the theft in court by claiming that he was following our uncle's wishes post death although the will was very clear. The moral of the story is: there are bad people everywhere - not just Thais. My first Thai wife never sent money to her family members except once when her aunt died. Neither my second Thai wife nor her family have ever asked me for money. When we go out together, we all take turns in paying. Regardless of the financial situation of some Thais, those Thais waiting to be saved by a foreigner need to grow up. Likewise, do you really think you'll meet a high quality woman in a bar or brothel? Think about it. While it is customary for younger Thais to look after senior Thais, it doesn't necessarily mean that a foreigner splashes the cash to show his love for the woman. No respectable Thai will sit and wait in a village for a foreigner to pick up a woman and splash the cash. I've never participated in that and I've never been asked to give generously or otherwise. The word "No" is indeed a very powerful word. Lucky for me, I've never had to say it except to my own brother.

On 4/22/2026 at 9:11 AM, fredwiggy said:

Why are you concerned with what others are doing? How would you know what I do on a daily basis?

By reading your posts. You burn cds, listen to music and post on here.

6 minutes ago, Rockyroad said:

By reading your posts. You burn cds, listen to music and post on here.

Yes, along with hundreds of other things.

2 minutes ago, fredwiggy said:

Yes, along with hundreds of other things.

Hundreds of things 5555

Here you go again with the stories

6 minutes ago, Rockyroad said:

Hundreds of things 5555

Here you go again with the stories

There has never been an again. I tell the truths, with no reason to make up stories, unlike like you , with the "most everyone's", I've been to 100 cities, Gyms are all the same, etc etc etc. Yes, I like everyone else here, has a daily life, where we do things besides come here to vent.

4 minutes ago, Rockyroad said:

You sit on here 7 days a week telling people you are doing hundreds of things.

Post a photo of you kite surfing in Hua Hin or fishing in Phuket then.

I would say the same to you. Post up a receipt from the nearest 7/11 to your house dated today. Going out to buy some tortilla chips for the Mexican meal I am making up tonight. I can post it after purchase from Tops near my house. Go for it Rocky.

2 hours ago, ZigM said:

The moral of the story is: there are bad people everywhere

2 hours ago, ZigM said:

Likewise, do you really think you'll meet a high quality woman in a bar or brothel? Think about it.

There are bad people everywhere just as there are good people everywhere I think that applies to those in bars and brothels too, ( regardless of which side of the counter they are on )

2 hours ago, ZigM said:

The word "No" is indeed a very powerful word.

But from what I've gathered, it's quite common for children to support their parents in Thailand.

So by saying "no", you're practically breaking a societal norm to some extent.

I just met a girl who was single (I am not dating her) and she spent a lot of her own money for her father's medical expenses before he died.

Now she's looking for a bf to support her.

13 minutes ago, save the frogs said:

But from what I've gathered, it's quite common for children to support their parents in Thailand.

So by saying "no", you're practically breaking a societal norm to some extent.

I just met a girl who was single (I am not dating her) and she spent a lot of her own money for her father's medical expenses before he died.

Now she's looking for a bf to support her.

Very common. Normally the daughters do it. They get a farang bf to help. You have to be tough with them.

The family has never asked for anything. I am the one pushing to help more.

4 minutes ago, cjinchiangrai said:

The family has never asked for anything. I am the one pushing to help more.

My friend, a while back now, used to tell me about what her family was doing. Wherein she would pay off the debt and then her family would somehow put the land in hock again. Reading all the stories back then, I was sceptical. Though on the other hand, she understood my position with regard to getting involved in such things, so didn't ask nor expect any financial contribution from me.

I still get to hear the stories of what goes on. The latest was that her mother was pushing her to lend someone money, who wanted to use their land as collateral. I think she needed some support from me that the answer should be no. I suggested that she might prepare herself to not ever see that money again. She went with a no.

Multiple off topic, trolling and bickering posts removed.

Either discuss the topic and stop hijacking the topic or expect further action.

On 4/21/2026 at 7:07 PM, fredwiggy said:

That wasn't about me.

Every post you make is about you.

As for financial requests, I generally offer to support one Thai child, currently I pay the school fees for one if my son's school pals. It's not a lot but it helps one family out.

1 minute ago, BritManToo said:

Every post you make is about you

1 minute ago, BritManToo said:

Go back and look at the thousands,including the one you refer to, and you'll see otherwise. Also, go back and look at those where I had to defend myself against trolls or those that assume and turn things around, where I admit I wasted more time than necessary, instead of just ignoring their nonsense, and you'll see the wherefores and the whys.

To answer the topic work out your budget. If you only want to help a little bit just say that. This is all I can do. I can offer 5,000 or 15,000 or whatever it is and stick with it. If you keep giving and giving they will keep asking. Some dogs cant stop eating. Just put 10 biscuits in the bowl a day.

18 hours ago, cjinchiangrai said:

The family has never asked for anything. I am the one pushing to help more.

19 hours ago, save the frogs said:

But from what I've gathered, it's quite common for children to support their parents in Thailand.

So by saying "no", you're practically breaking a societal norm to some extent.

I just met a girl who was single (I am not dating her) and she spent a lot of her own money for her father's medical expenses before he died.

Now she's looking for a bf to support her.

Yes, that is an expectation that has been fading over the decades. My first Thai wife that I met in 2003 never ever supported her family although her family constantly held their hands wide open every time we came to Thailand. She wanted them to go and work for a living and not rely on her or use her. My wife was way ahead of her time. I sometimes offered to help but my then wife refused me to help them. My current wife also does not support her family because they all work. All 5 children look after their mother financially and they take turns. I've never been asked to contribute. While there are still pockets of traditional thought, since I've got to understand Thai culture, it has been changing very quickly.

The ultimate trick is to borrow money from them. "When will I give it back? Soon, don't worry" (with a smile) – full cultural integration is the way to go.