Late Night Humor

Leno:

More and more news coming out about President Clinton’s successful heart operation. Doctors said today that during Clinton’s surgery they stopped his heart for 73 minutes. In fact at one point Clinton’s entire life passed before him. In fact, at first he didn’t recognize his life because it was nothing like he wrote in his memoirs. There was no resemblance to his book at all.

Doctors held a press conference about the operation and were asked over and over again when Clinton would be able to start campaigning for John Kerry. “When can you start campaigning?” “When can you start?” Finally, they turned to Kerry and said, “Will you shut up?!”

John Kerry said at a recent campaign rally that the middle initial “W”, in the president’s name, stands for “wrong”. And President Bush fired back in his typical manner. He said “the middle initial “f” in Kerry’s name stands for phony.”

An official at the U.S. State Department said today that the U.S. is close to capturing Osama bin Laden...and we’d be even closer if Bush were behind in the polls.

Letterman:

Pundits say John Kerry’s message is garbled. You know it’s bad when you’re running against Bush and your message is garbled.

This is interesting. For 73 minutes during the surgery Clinton had no pulse and no heart beat. Just like Kerry campaign.

You know since Clinton’s surgery Americans have been lining up for heart checkups. You know he has that effect on people. During his impeachment Americans were lining up for oral sex.

Former President Clinton is doing very well and getting better every day. In fact yesterday they took him off his respirator and today they took him off a nurse.

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