Question For The Unfaithful Guys Out There

[girlx]

My wife, bless her, has decided sex is something done for procreation only... (I guess that is her thinking). "Her words were something like, I don't want to have sex with you, & I have absolutely no desire too."

So now, I essentially have a sexless marriage. Nothing to be proud of, but after 3 years... I have learned to cope.

hrmm. in this case i would say get on out there and do it with someone else! i don't think wives have to have sex with their husband every single time he wants it, but they should be obligated to have an occasional shag and at least pretend they like it! have you tried talking to your wife about it? maybe she would be ok with you having a mistress since she can't hold up her end of the bargain!

[Maigo6]

My wife, bless her, has decided sex is something done for procreation only... (I guess that is her thinking). "Her words were something like, I don't want to have sex with you, & I have absolutely no desire too."

Good one Dakhar.......

[Dakhar]

My wife, bless her, has decided sex is something done for procreation only... (I guess that is her thinking). "Her words were something like, I don't want to have sex with you, & I have absolutely no desire too."

So now, I essentially have a sexless marriage. Nothing to be proud of, but after 3 years... I have learned to cope.

hrmm. in this case i would say get on out there and do it with someone else! i don't think wives have to have sex with their husband every single time he wants it, but they should be obligated to have an occasional shag and at least pretend they like it! have you tried talking to your wife about it? maybe she would be ok with you having a mistress since she can't hold up her end of the bargain!

At one time she did tell me to get a Mia Noi & I wanted too, but that comes with a lot of problems too. Money, neglect, is she being faithfull, how do I cope with that... How do I hold my son and tell him that I love him, and shag a woman that is not his mother....? All kinds of issues come up when a man wanders.

Like most Thai relationships... we do not talk about the subject. We sleep in different beds etc. Everything changed after our son was born, which was about 4 years after we got married. I do not think moveing to Thailand helped anything, if fact I think it only makes it worse. (living with the dam (sp) in-laws.

After being rejected so many times, I don't even try any more. Am I fat slob... ? No not really, in fact I wiegh less than the day we got married. Am I poor bum... to hear my wife discribe it, I am a bum... not very "active." I don't like to go to the zoo or dream world... partly because I get tired of being around the extended family all day every day. I am far from poor, fact is pretty wealthy for a person my age.

My job is shifting, and I will be travelling more ofter. While I am away, it helps me because I am busier etc. Truthfully, I just try not to think about it. & think about work etc.

Am I happy? Oh I don't kid myself, I know things should be better, and I will probably die after leading a un-fullfilling life.... But, I have a wonderful son, so there is that to be happy about.

[Heng]

Sounds like a living hel_l, Dak... but if you're happy, that's all that matters.

[Dakhar]

Sounds like a living hel_l, Dak... but if you're happy, that's all that matters.

What are the alternatives? Sleep around, hope that a thin layer of latex saves your life? Or step up and do the honorable thing.... divorce your wife & reward her with half of everthing (and zero debts mind you)? Not to mention I spent 5 million on some property for her, which as you know is in her name, and woud not be considered as mutual property. So she would get the property, my son and half of what is in the bank.....

I laugh when I ponder the reality of it.

Funny thing is, my brother is in the same situation. His wife is Japanese, and he is wealthy with 4 kids. He would stand to lose everything if he droped her too.

YTD, 7 times for me.... Yes, I can count it.

[submaniac]

Sounds like a living hel_l, Dak... but if you're happy, that's all that matters.

What are the alternatives? Sleep around, hope that a thin layer of latex saves your life? Or step up and do the honorable thing.... divorce your wife & reward her with half of everthing (and zero debts mind you)? Not to mention I spent 5 million on some property for her, which as you know is in her name, and woud not be considered as mutual property. So she would get the property, my son and half of what is in the bank.....

I laugh when I ponder the reality of it.

Funny thing is, my brother is in the same situation. His wife is Japanese, and he is wealthy with 4 kids. He would stand to lose everything if he droped her too.

YTD, 7 times for me.... Yes, I can count it.

You have my sympathy...do not know what else to say. But from your post, it looks like you do know the real score on things and what will happen if you try and divorce. Kind of scary really...makes me really nervous to ever consider getting married.

[garro]

My wife, bless her, has decided sex is something done for procreation only... (I guess that is her thinking). "Her words were something like, I don't want to have sex with you, & I have absolutely no desire too."

So now, I essentially have a sexless marriage. Nothing to be proud of, but after 3 years... I have learned to cope.

hrmm. in this case i would say get on out there and do it with someone else! i don't think wives have to have sex with their husband every single time he wants it, but they should be obligated to have an occasional shag and at least pretend they like it! have you tried talking to your wife about it? maybe she would be ok with you having a mistress since she can't hold up her end of the bargain!

At one time she did tell me to get a Mia Noi & I wanted too, but that comes with a lot of problems too. Money, neglect, is she being faithfull, how do I cope with that... How do I hold my son and tell him that I love him, and shag a woman that is not his mother....? All kinds of issues come up when a man wanders.

Like most Thai relationships... we do not talk about the subject. We sleep in different beds etc. Everything changed after our son was born, which was about 4 years after we got married. I do not think moveing to Thailand helped anything, if fact I think it only makes it worse. (living with the dam (sp) in-laws.

After being rejected so many times, I don't even try any more. Am I fat slob... ? No not really, in fact I wiegh less than the day we got married. Am I poor bum... to hear my wife discribe it, I am a bum... not very "active." I don't like to go to the zoo or dream world... partly because I get tired of being around the extended family all day every day. I am far from poor, fact is pretty wealthy for a person my age.

My job is shifting, and I will be travelling more ofter. While I am away, it helps me because I am busier etc. Truthfully, I just try not to think about it. & think about work etc.

Am I happy? Oh I don't kid myself, I know things should be better, and I will probably die after leading a un-fullfilling life.... But, I have a wonderful son, so there is that to be happy about.

There is a lot more to life than sex, but I sort of feel bad for you after hearing your story. I'm sorry if that sound patronising. It is not so much the lack of sex that would bother me, but more the rejection. If the decision to not have sex was mutual it would be better.

I go through stages myself where I can't be bothered too much with sex (not too frequently), but it is still nice to know that it is there. There is too much emphasis put on sex, but it is a nice thing and a good way to feel close to another human.

I suppose it is noble that you are faithful to your marriage for the sack of your child. On the other hand, if you live an unfulfilled life you will only have yourself to blame.

[garro]

I would just like to add Dakhar. I spent some time working as a palliative care nurse,and I can assure you that your deathbed is the wrong time for regrets. Live life while you are still alive. Unfortunately being alive sometimes means taking risks and one of these risks will likely kill you one day. That's life.

[Dakhar]

Sounds like a living hel_l, Dak... but if you're happy, that's all that matters.

What are the alternatives? Sleep around, hope that a thin layer of latex saves your life? Or step up and do the honorable thing.... divorce your wife & reward her with half of everthing (and zero debts mind you)? Not to mention I spent 5 million on some property for her, which as you know is in her name, and woud not be considered as mutual property. So she would get the property, my son and half of what is in the bank.....

I laugh when I ponder the reality of it.

Funny thing is, my brother is in the same situation. His wife is Japanese, and he is wealthy with 4 kids. He would stand to lose everything if he droped her too.

YTD, 7 times for me.... Yes, I can count it.

You have my sympathy...do not know what else to say. But from your post, it looks like you do know the real score on things and what will happen if you try and divorce. Kind of scary really...makes me really nervous to ever consider getting married.

It should.... I read these posts and see so many guys wanting to get married and I chuckle in amazement and wonder why? When there are so many options, and when one flames out... move on. That my friend is freedom, freedom to love be loved and enjoy love & life.

[Heng]

Sounds like a living hel_l, Dak... but if you're happy, that's all that matters.

What are the alternatives? Sleep around, hope that a thin layer of latex saves your life? Or step up and do the honorable thing.... divorce your wife & reward her with half of everthing (and zero debts mind you)? Not to mention I spent 5 million on some property for her, which as you know is in her name, and woud not be considered as mutual property. So she would get the property, my son and half of what is in the bank.....

I laugh when I ponder the reality of it.

Funny thing is, my brother is in the same situation. His wife is Japanese, and he is wealthy with 4 kids. He would stand to lose everything if he droped her too.

YTD, 7 times for me.... Yes, I can count it.

It's so refreshing to hear some honest posting like this. In a situation like that, I'd stick it out for the family, just like what you're doing. Sleeping around wouldn't work for you because IMO you'd be joining that heavy guilt+paranoia/I think I might have contracted something crowd after each deed. You might even become more stressed out instead of the other way around. As for divorce, still from the old school where there are no divorces. I can't think of a single divorce in my entire extended family... and contrary to popular/liberal belief, it isn't because the women aren't empowered, most women in our family have near/equal/or greater financial assets than their counterparts.

YTD, decade to date for me, I don't even bother counting anymore. But I do keep an unnumbered list in my Hotmail inbox.

[garro]

What is YTD ?

[Dakhar]

I would just like to add Dakhar. I spent some time working as a palliative care nurse,and I can assure you that your deathbed is the wrong time for regrets. Live life while you are still alive. Unfortunately being alive sometimes means taking risks and one of these risks will likely kill you one day. That's life.

I don't think I would regret not shagging the girl at the bank, Mr Doughnuts, food mart, K mart, Wallmart, Mc Donalds, the stewardess, the hooker I saw in a white mini skirt with a red thong at a pool hall in Sukumvit, or the nurse I cought a climpse of her brasier as she took my tempature.... as I lay in my death bed dyeing from active TB that kicked in after suffering from AIDS. But I do think I would regret having sex with that hooker in Changmai, the one with a tatoo of a butterfly on her inner right thigh, the one that promised me she was fine, promised me she was "clean" and the condom broke...

No, I think I would regret that a lot. I think I would regret having my son know his father died of Aids, and puting these thoughts down are pretty darn sobering.

[Dakhar]

What is YTD ?

YEAR TO DATE

[Heng]

What is YTD ?

Year to date.

Another question... when my heart is ready, a turtle with a mustache will come looking for me?

Edited April 13, 2008 by Heng

[garro]

I would just like to add Dakhar. I spent some time working as a palliative care nurse,and I can assure you that your deathbed is the wrong time for regrets. Live life while you are still alive. Unfortunately being alive sometimes means taking risks and one of these risks will likely kill you one day. That's life.

I don't think I would regret not shagging the girl at the bank, Mr Doughnuts, food mart, K mart, Wallmart, Mc Donalds, the stewardess, the hooker I saw in a white mini skirt with a red thong at a pool hall in Sukumvit, or the nurse I cought a climpse of her brasier as she took my tempature.... as I lay in my death bed dyeing from active TB that kicked in after suffering from AIDS. But I do think I would regret having sex with that hooker in Changmai, the one with a tatoo of a butterfly on her inner right thigh, the one that promised me she was fine, promised me she was "clean" and the condom broke...

No, I think I would regret that a lot. I think I would regret having my son know his father died of Aids, and puting these thoughts down are pretty darn sobering.

The fact is we are all going to die of something. Of course, there are many diseases with a stigma attached. It is easy to hold somebody accountable for their own demise if they slept with the wrong person, abused alcohol or drugs, ate the wrong things, failed to get enough exercise, or spent to much of their time worrying about their health.

[garro]

What is YTD ?

Year to date.

Another question... when my heart is ready, a turtle with a mustache will come looking for me?

Yes, and you will recognise him by the fact that he will also be wearing a sombrero.

[Spee]

As a dear friend of mine once said.....

"There's more than enough for any man at home - It's just some guys can't reach it"

OT a bit but it reminds me of an old Richard Pryor joke ...

Richard and his woman are having a fight and he decides to leave saying something like, "That's it! I'm leaving. Gonna go find me some new pu**y. To which his woman retorts, "If you had two more inches of d*ck you'd find some new pu**y here.

All kidding aside, I don't claim to be an expert on morals or religion, but I do believe that single guys and single gals should go get all the stuff they want. But once you make a commitment to stay with someone for the rest of your life, then it is just that, a commitment. If your partner grants you privilege to engage in extra-curricular activity, then it is just that, a privilege. It is not liberty to be taken simply because you want to take it.

[raro]

....and none of you will tell Mrs. raro that I was reading in here....agreed?

/edit: And don't tell her that I posted here either!

Edited April 13, 2008 by raro

[OxfordWill]

A professor friend of mine teaching psychology once commented on this (and obviously this is just an opinion) "Why do these men spend thousands of dollars on a marriage therapist when they could just visit a prositute once a month and their marriage would likely be perfect." His opinion being that most marriages fail due to both parties having unrealistic and unhuman expectations with regards to fidelity and beating themselves and their partner up when they try but fail to stop wanting multiple partners. Of course, he could just be trying to justify his own failings, which is how many would take it.

[siamamerican]

I would just like to add Dakhar. I spent some time working as a palliative care nurse,and I can assure you that your deathbed is the wrong time for regrets. Live life while you are still alive. Unfortunately being alive sometimes means taking risks and one of these risks will likely kill you one day. That's life.

I don't think I would regret not shagging the girl at the bank, Mr Doughnuts, food mart, K mart, Wallmart, Mc Donalds, the stewardess, the hooker I saw in a white mini skirt with a red thong at a pool hall in Sukumvit, or the nurse I cought a climpse of her brasier as she took my tempature.... as I lay in my death bed dyeing from active TB that kicked in after suffering from AIDS. But I do think I would regret having sex with that hooker in Changmai, the one with a tatoo of a butterfly on her inner right thigh, the one that promised me she was fine, promised me she was "clean" and the condom broke...

No, I think I would regret that a lot. I think I would regret having my son know his father died of Aids, and puting these thoughts down are pretty darn sobering.

Is it the fear of aids or is it because you really don't need sex to be fulfilled? The odds of contracting Aids while using a condom is minimal. In a 1987-1991 study of mixed-HIV-status couples, all 123 couples who used condoms every time for four years prevented transmission of HIV. The vast majority of Thai women don't have aids so the risk would be less. Hard to get better than the 0% infection rate of the study, but you get the point.

Cutting your the time you spend on Thailand's infamous roads, drinking less or eating less would allow you to have protected sex once a week and not take on any incremental risks.

More power to you if you don't need it. Doesn't make me more of a man, but I think about it quite often

Edited April 13, 2008 by siamamerican

[YoungFarang13]

if you use a condom its almost impossible to get HIV.

can't you just go visit a friend in bangkok or pattaya or join a charity organization every now and then?

[worldfun]

for the guy in unhappy marriage I suggest you visit approach a legal advisor such as one of those advertising on this very forum about chances of divorce success without paying a penny since your wife is denying you a part of the deal (sex).

yes thai law do worry about that & thus I believe you have a fair chance if thats what you may want?

check it out do something instead of just whining & let it lie.

for others who worry about money & marriage do make it more simple by including prenuptals & e.g. buying thai property with a company thus reducing potential losses should a divorce come up.

cheers & happy safe sex new year

[Dakhar]

for the guy in unhappy marriage I suggest you visit approach a legal advisor such as one of those advertising on this very forum about chances of divorce success without paying a penny since your wife is denying you a part of the deal (sex).

yes thai law do worry about that & thus I believe you have a fair chance if thats what you may want?

check it out do something instead of just whining & let it lie.

for others who worry about money & marriage do make it more simple by including prenuptals & e.g. buying thai property with a company thus reducing potential losses should a divorce come up.

cheers & happy safe sex new year

Married in the US, I think the laws there would be applied. Sorry if I appeared to be whining. I am a realist. Life goes on...

[smileah]

OK, I'm not an unfaithful guy - I'm a girl - here's my answer anyway.

I take care of my husband, and make sure that he gets EVERYTHING he needs from me. Basically, I am my husband's girlfriend.

You are feeling guilt about it because of having to lie about it. All the reasons you have for cheating may totally hold water, but you made vows in the begninning - 'forsaking all others...', and as a human being with a heart and soul, you feel guilt.

If you're not getting what you need from your Mrs., why don't you tell her so? It's a wife's duty to keep her man satisfied so long as he isn't an addict or abuser. If she recognizes what she needs to do, then you'll be one happy man.....If she refuses, then she is breaking her vow as well - and you both need to figure things out!

Buy her this book: 'The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands'. Read it first, and then find a way to give it to her. She may freak out at first, but be patient.

Lying is never going to feel good. Nor are the diseases you will probably get by sleeping with loose women. Try to fix your marriage so you can have that bond - keep your vows - and get everything a man needs and deserves. But seriously - find that book. Good luck.

[garro]

OK, I'm not an unfaithful guy - I'm a girl - here's my answer anyway.

I take care of my husband, and make sure that he gets EVERYTHING he needs from me. Basically, I am my husband's girlfriend.

You are feeling guilt about it because of having to lie about it. All the reasons you have for cheating may totally hold water, but you made vows in the begninning - 'forsaking all others...', and as a human being with a heart and soul, you feel guilt.

If you're not getting what you need from your Mrs., why don't you tell her so? It's a wife's duty to keep her man satisfied so long as he isn't an addict or abuser. If she recognizes what she needs to do, then you'll be one happy man.....If she refuses, then she is breaking her vow as well - and you both need to figure things out!

Buy her this book: 'The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands'. Read it first, and then find a way to give it to her. She may freak out at first, but be patient.

Lying is never going to feel good. Nor are the diseases you will probably get by sleeping with loose women. Try to fix your marriage so you can have that bond - keep your vows - and get everything a man needs and deserves. But seriously - find that book. Good luck.

I think for some men the problem is that; if there is always chocolate biscuits in the jar, who wants chocolate biscuits?

[TheDon]

OK, I'm not an unfaithful guy - I'm a girl - here's my answer anyway.

I take care of my husband, and make sure that he gets EVERYTHING he needs from me. Basically, I am my husband's girlfriend.

You are feeling guilt about it because of having to lie about it. All the reasons you have for cheating may totally hold water, but you made vows in the begninning - 'forsaking all others...', and as a human being with a heart and soul, you feel guilt.

If you're not getting what you need from your Mrs., why don't you tell her so? It's a wife's duty to keep her man satisfied so long as he isn't an addict or abuser. If she recognizes what she needs to do, then you'll be one happy man.....If she refuses, then she is breaking her vow as well - and you both need to figure things out!

Buy her this book: 'The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands'. Read it first, and then find a way to give it to her. She may freak out at first, but be patient.

Lying is never going to feel good. Nor are the diseases you will probably get by sleeping with loose women. Try to fix your marriage so you can have that bond - keep your vows - and get everything a man needs and deserves. But seriously - find that book. Good luck.

Are you really a girl??

Buy your logicm you dont mind him telling you to iron his shirt either if it makes him happy?

Plus who needs a book when there is plenty of great DVD's you can copy amd do role plays

[Heng]

if you use a condom its almost impossible to get HIV.

can't you just go visit a friend in bangkok or pattaya or join a charity organization every now and then?

On a case by case basis sure, but anyone who frequently "takes a left turn into the big parking lot with the neon lights" knows that anything can happen in the "room with the extra sized tub." You know what I mean, I'm not talking about Carrefour or Home Pro. Say if the girl decides to do a routine she just saw in a porn film or that she just learned from the establishment "trainer." You've had a few beers and before you know it she's treating your face like a bicycle seat. Say she has herpes/you have chapped lips/cut yourself shaving/consider that many sex workers work through their menstrual cycles... it's life, any number of permutations are possible. Now you've permanently increased your risk for contracting HIV/HCV (I just mention these two because these are the two popular "terminal" ones) for life. So technically, for skin to skin STD's (many of which are vectors for HCV and HIV) there's no such thing as safe sex.

The risk is there, there's no need to rationalize it away to make oneself feel better (not saying this is what you are doing). For folks that can't handle it, they should continue to do the Dakhar thing. Not turning left is the "right" thing after all.

Edited April 13, 2008 by Heng

[OxfordWill]

Yet crossing the road to get there is still more risky- no need to rationalise it away to make oneself feel better.

[OxfordWill]

OK, I'm not an unfaithful guy - I'm a girl - here's my answer anyway.

I take care of my husband, and make sure that he gets EVERYTHING he needs from me. Basically, I am my husband's girlfriend.

You are feeling guilt about it because of having to lie about it. All the reasons you have for cheating may totally hold water, but you made vows in the begninning - 'forsaking all others...', and as a human being with a heart and soul, you feel guilt.

If you're not getting what you need from your Mrs., why don't you tell her so? It's a wife's duty to keep her man satisfied so long as he isn't an addict or abuser. If she recognizes what she needs to do, then you'll be one happy man.....If she refuses, then she is breaking her vow as well - and you both need to figure things out!

Buy her this book: 'The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands'. Read it first, and then find a way to give it to her. She may freak out at first, but be patient.

Lying is never going to feel good. Nor are the diseases you will probably get by sleeping with loose women. Try to fix your marriage so you can have that bond - keep your vows - and get everything a man needs and deserves. But seriously - find that book. Good luck.

If you ever become single again (sounds highly unlikely) please let me know!!

But more seriously.. as garro said.. there is a high value placed on "new". Even if new is not better than old/current, that quality of being "new" is the key. I reckon only the most talented women can overcome this if unlucky enough to be married to a man with the obsession for "new". I have a couple of married friends in London who swear by roleplay.. changing hair colour, etc.. for me it wouldn't be real enough.. but then I've never tried. Plus how would you overcome the fact that the mans brain finds youth attractive, even though his body and your body do not get any younger. I think you can do everything in your power as a talented, intelligent and attractive women and still fail to keep a man, thanks to things out of your control. Thats if you are unlucky enough to have married that type of man, which I propose is the majority, based on no research whatsoever. Please dont take my comments personally- you're just words on my monitor screen.

[Heng]

Yet crossing the road to get there is still more risky- no need to rationalise it away to make oneself feel better.

Why would anyone want or need to cross a road? What if your umbrella bearer gets tangled up in between the cars and motorcycles?