Home Alone

[HowardJohnson]

Over the weekend we took our 11 year daughter to her friends (classmate - same age) house for the afternoon.

There were no adults there at the time but didn't think too much about it. Its a nice big house on a good estate.

About 5pm we pick up our daughter to go to the cinema. It turns out they have been alone all afternoon and there was no food, only Mama noodles.

My mrs invites the friend along to the cinema and after the movie, I ask if we are taking the friend home first before heading back ourselves.

She tells me that the friend is going to stay with us as his mum is still not home and they don't know when she will be back. I ask where the father is and apparently he is working in Canada for 3 months. Where is the mum I ask. She is staying in Bangkok. Any family to look after him? No, Auntie has gone to Bangkok also.

So, after calling the mum to make sure it was ok, the friend stayed overnight with us.

The next day we took the friend back about 3pm but there was still no sign of adults there. There was a bag of takeaway food hanging on the gate.

So, father away. Mother and Auntie away in BKK. No provisions left for the kid. 11 Years old. Thai mother/foreign father.

He seemed happy and healthy but should an 11 year old be left alone all weekend?

[Scott]

Is this the plot for a Thai movie? Could be a good one!

Actually, it's not a good idea--a lot can go wrong at that age. I don't think it's against the law here though. I lived in Hong Kong some years ago and there were a lot of people who locked their kids in the flat when they were gone. Many, many tragedies when the flat caught fire.

[t.s]

not your fight unless you have proof of serious neglect

Edited June 4, 2008 by t.s

[gymshark]

A niece came to stay with us in BKK, I refused to let her stay in alone (20th floor with balcony) but all the Thai family say it is perfectly normal.

Thai and Westerners have very different ideas about looking after kids. I would leave it, the kid is their responsibility, not yours, nothing you do will help the situation.

[teacup]

No it's not such a good idea even for the thais!

How could his mother....oh well

[chickenslegs]

An 11 year old child should not be left all day without adult supervision. The mother of this child intended to leave him alone all night too. It is not an exaggeration to say that the consequences could have been tragic.

You know you need to do something about this, but what?

You could speak to the mother, or try to find a way to contact the father. If I were in your position I would find this a very uncomfortable thing to do.

You could inform the police - or at least discuss the situation with them - I believe there is a women and childrens dept.

Or, you could have a confidential chat with the school head who may have some experience of similar situations.

If you do nothing, the odds are everything will be ok. But if something happens to this boy you will feel responsible.

Good luck with this one. I'm glad I'm not in your position.

Edit - though the child was a girl

Edited June 4, 2008 by chickenslegs

[pampal]

If it's not illegal in Thailand, what can be done?

[Boater]

If it's not illegal in Thailand, what can be done?

very true... unfortunalty, the Thai Society do not have the same values as western Society IE riding with your 1 year old baby on the motorbike!

[slapout]

Fairly common place to leave children 7 to 12 years, home by themselves, from what I have observed. They figure if there is a problem the children can go to the neighbors. The 12 year old may be taking care of 2 younger children while parents are out. Its the village way, even if you now live in the city. We may not agree with it but its hard to change the local thinking.

[dave111223]

If its a well to do neighborhood then they can obviously afford a babysitter. Maybe you could pass some babysitter contact info along to the mother and suggest that if she plans to leave the son home alone all night maybe she should hire a babysitter (and give her the list).

[ajarnmark]

If it's not illegal in Thailand, what can be done?

very true... unfortunalty, the Thai Society do not have the same values as western Society IE riding with your 1 year old baby on the motorbike!

And why do you want to impose western values on Thai society anyways?

Thai society has its own values, be it good or bad. That what the socities are for. If they are all same, where can we find diversity then?

Its a very narrow minded view of yours to fit everything according to your perception and experience. West is NOT Thailand, so they have different values.

[chickenslegs]

Fairly common place to leave children 7 to 12 years, home by themselves, from what I have observed. They figure if there is a problem the children can go to the neighbors. The 12 year old may be taking care of 2 younger children while parents are out. Its the village way, even if you now live in the city. We may not agree with it but its hard to change the local thinking.

This incident is a little more extreme than just leaving the child alone for a few hours. It seems that this child was being left to look after himself for the whole weekend.

Village, town, city, Europe, Asia, anywhere - I don't think many people would find that acceptable.

BTW - I'm not suggesting that you find it acceptable - just that I don't agree with you that Thai people do.

[HowardJohnson]

Thanks for the suggestions and advice.

I think a quiet word with the school head might be a good way forward.

I'll also suggest that my wife offers her services as babysitter. (She'll like that - they have a 42" TV!)

Thanks again.

Cheers

HoJo

[cmsally]

None of my Thai friends would leave their 11 yr child at home alone; neither would I.

I don't agree it's a Thai thing.

[villagefarang]

Do not get involved is my vote.

You need to take care of your own first. For example, why are you letting your little girl spend all day, unsupervised, with a little boy who doesn't have a lot of parental guidance?

Even in my day we were "active" by 12 or 13, so these days 11 would not be out of the question. Just a thought.

[Travel2003]

This is not a Thai thing.

Unfortunately this happens on a daily basis in all the bigger western cities as well.

We can read weekly that the child services have picked up a neglected child.

Recently several court cases ended in prison sentences in Hong Kong, for exactly the same issue.

Happens all over.

Having said that, I actually think the average child in Thailand gets an amazing lot of attention, from family, friends, and neighbours. Even strangers make nice and polite comments about other peoples kids.

I have never seen people in general so involved with children as I have seen here.

[wolf5370]

Several cases in the UK too over the last few years of people going on holiday and leaving their kids home alone. Still looking for a little girl apparantly snatched in Portugal after the arent ate out with friends and left babies and a very young girl in bed in the ground floor appartment - even if you believe their BS about going back to check every 15 minutes. My Thai wife was sickened by that, we have never left our kids alone and we never will until they are 16+ (and our girls are very trustworthy and well behaved). Cetainly not a Thai thing as none of the Thais I know would do that (well maybe one I know, but that's another story!)

[JetsetBkk]

Call the police anonymously from a pay phone. Let them deal with it and they can, if necessary, get Social Services involved.

Hang on, we're talking about Thailand. Forget it.

[llso]

When I first came to Thailand I came to work and live, Not just on a short holiday. I saw many things that were counter to my Western values and beliefs. Especialy regarding children, horrific beatings for a minor thing, being left to fend for themselves etc. Safety issues on motorbikes and playing with dangerous things. all in the mai pen rai attitude. I used to think for you Star Trek fans of the "Prime Directive". Do not interfere with the alien culture. So whenever i saw or heard of something like that I always said to myself. "Remember the Prime Directive"

LL

[wolf5370]

When I first came to Thailand I came to work and live, Not just on a short holiday. I saw many things that were counter to my Western values and beliefs. Especialy regarding children, horrific beatings for a minor thing, being left to fend for themselves etc. Safety issues on motorbikes and playing with dangerous things. all in the mai pen rai attitude. I used to think for you Star Trek fans of the "Prime Directive". Do not interfere with the alien culture. So whenever i saw or heard of something like that I always said to myself. "Remember the Prime Directive"

LL

Then also remember that the needs of one (you) does not out value the needs of the many (the kids)

Live long a prosper

[noise]

He seemed happy and healthy but should an 11 year old be left alone all weekend?

I was surprised no one commented upon the emotional impact on the child. Of couse, the problems mentioned are the ones that make the international news, not the subtle effects on the children even when nothing happens.

Regardless of the maturity of the child and his apparent happiness, an 11 year old child staying home alone all night is very different than being a latchkey kid. They have active imaginations and fears of some kind, and the fears are magnified tenfold during the night (even adults wake up with thumping hearts at 3 am to strange noises) [don't even think of that as being a pun!] You might consider having the child stay with you until his mother/aunt returns.

If this is a regular occurrence, then I don't know what to suggest

[Antimony]

So, like, where did the bag of takeaway food come from?

[technocracy]

So, like, where did the bag of takeaway food come from?

What takeaway food is mentioned??

Mama noodles are dry packaged instant just add water noodles - no takeaway.

[Crossy]

So, like, where did the bag of takeaway food come from?

What takeaway food is mentioned??

OP clearly mentions takeway food in a bag

I agree that this state of affairs is unacceptable, but what to do without causing friction with the neighbours. Perhaps just keep an eye on the youngsters?

Edited June 6, 2008 by Crossy

[technocracy]

So, like, where did the bag of takeaway food come from?

What takeaway food is mentioned??

OP clearly mentions takeway food in a bag

I agree that this state of affairs is unacceptable, but what to do without causing friction with the neighbours. Perhaps just keep an eye on the youngsters?

My bad!

I kind of skim read it and missed that detail . . that's what lack of sleep does for you!

[bangkapiboy]

The school call social services? Give me a break... They don't want to lose the tuition!

[HowardJohnson]

You need to take care of your own first. For example, why are you letting your little girl spend all day, unsupervised, with a little boy who doesn't have a lot of parental guidance?

Even in my day we were "active" by 12 or 13, so these days 11 would not be out of the question. Just a thought.

Believe me, the little boy in more interested in his playstation rather than playing with anything else. Also, I was not aware that there was no supervision when we dropped our daughter off there.

So, like, where did the bag of takeaway food come from?

Bit of a mystery this one. I assume that the mother asked a nieghbor to drop it off. Probably not a family member as they did not have access to the house.

[distortedlink]

Over the weekend we took our 11 year daughter to her friends (classmate - same age) house for the afternoon.

There were no adults there at the time but didn't think too much about it. Its a nice big house on a good estate.

About 5pm we pick up our daughter to go to the cinema. It turns out they have been alone all afternoon and there was no food, only Mama noodles.

My mrs invites the friend along to the cinema and after the movie, I ask if we are taking the friend home first before heading back ourselves.

She tells me that the friend is going to stay with us as his mum is still not home and they don't know when she will be back. I ask where the father is and apparently he is working in Canada for 3 months. Where is the mum I ask. She is staying in Bangkok. Any family to look after him? No, Auntie has gone to Bangkok also.

So, after calling the mum to make sure it was ok, the friend stayed overnight with us.

The next day we took the friend back about 3pm but there was still no sign of adults there. There was a bag of takeaway food hanging on the gate.

So, father away. Mother and Auntie away in BKK. No provisions left for the kid. 11 Years old. Thai mother/foreign father.

He seemed happy and healthy but should an 11 year old be left alone all weekend?

The OP states that he phoned the mother in Bangkok to ask if the child could stay at his home, yet not bothering to inquire when the mother will be returning home. Surely if the OP was worried about the child's welfare, he would have voiced his concerns to the mother as his first course of action.

It is possible that the child's father who is in Canada has no idea that his child is home alone. If necessary the OP could contact the father if he believes this child is at risk.

It appears that the OP is thinking about the child being home alone, but not concerned enough to actually deal with the core of the problem, the child's parents.

Edited June 6, 2008 by distortedlink

[HowardJohnson]

distortedlink:

We had already established that the mother would not be returning home or, indeed, any relative - that's why we offered a place to stay.

As you probably are aware, it does no good to confront a Thai person with accusations of any wrong doing, so we felt that, in this instance, this would be the best approach.

I have no way currently of contacting the father and am not sure what good this would do anyway.

If I was not concerned about the welfare of the child, I would not have posted this thread would I?

[nidhogg]

If I was not concerned about the welfare of the child, I would not have posted this thread would I?

First thing I would have thought is for you to decide if its your problem - or some one elses. If its someone elses, then do not get involved. If you do decide its your problem - a simple solution - offer to put the boy up in your home when there is no one in his home. Non-conforontational, and no finger pointing.

I can't help but wonder though, whether the father knows his wife is on an extended stay away without the boy while he is away. Wonder what she is up to.....