A Brief News Report

[kayo]

In the Emirate of Fujairah, sitting at a poolside bar.

During a trip taken in 2004

“This is BBC World. I am Peter G**** .

Here is an update on the main news headlines today.

Four die on each side of the conflict as another case of retribution and vengeance in the Gaza Strip shocks everyone, blah-di-blah..

And now for the Top story of the day:

The ** Government has announced it’s plans for a promotional peace plan in Iraq, in conjuction with some of their larger corporations.

The details have yet to be confirmed but Simon ****, who is on location, has further information. Simon, over to you:

‘Hi Peter, thank you. Yes, the details are being kept very hush-hush at the moment.

What the boys down in the journalists hotel are suggesting is that companies like the Hal-berryton Group, Oxaco, and the Department of Defense, will all be on hand for a complex discussions.

Again, though, details are very sketchy.

What we can be quite sure about is that a lot of big companies and a lot of important people are going to be in on this, and it’s never easy keeping everybody happy.”

I sat there, in a pool in the blazing sunshine, when the bartender changed the radio to a local station.

Yeah, he laughed. A marine was here a week ago. He left a dozen of these flyers lying here.

I picked one up.

** Promotional Peace Plan **

*A typical example of how Patriotic, Democratic Citizens can co-operate and corporations and government*

“For every man or woman who can prove to go one hundred days without a relative or friend being killed, the ** government is willing to offer you free ‘Joy-Meal’s’ with free soft drinks for their direct family

(Rules and regulations apply, as stated below).

Furthermore, The first hundred people to succeed ten times in a row, that is to say one thousand days, you and your family may eat ‘Joy Meal’s’ and drink soft drinks from the ** company any time you wish, for the rest of your lives, absolutely free!

Rules and regulations:

1. This contest is not open to:

a. non-immigrants, whatever letter they have on their type of visa.

b. Persons registered in any form whatsoever, in any of the countries listed overleaf.

c. Persons whom do not print their name clearly IN BLOCK CAPITAL LETTERS at all times.

d. Persons whom do not register the second form at the same time as they register the first form.

e. We provide the second form only upon receipt by registered mail of the first form

f. The terms and conditions are not negotiable and are subject to change at any time.

g. If you are a ** Military personnel, you can eat free anyway.

h. If you are unsure if you are an Iraqi or ** Military personel, try to speak spanish. That is how best we can determine if you are really from the ** .

i. If you are Osama.

j. If you have filled out items 17 through 21 (a-c) and 23 through 37 (a, c, e, and 4.1 and 5.2.) but have neglected the passages stated for Vietnam veterans (f – c) then you shall be disqualified regardless of previous eligibility, or of your race, nationality, ethnic creed, or any other factor determining you or who you pretend you might be.

k. Anybody actually mad enough to want to pay for, much less claim free food from us or any of our competitors.

l. If you are an Iraqi, direct descendant or have any indication of a connection with anybody of Asian, Africa, Latin American, French or Canadian.

and so on and so forth...

[alvino]

Huh?

[kayo]

yeah fair enough.. I was bored writing news excerpts for a story, so I scribbled that down... It sounded funnier in my head!