Developing Strong Feelings For A Person When You Are Already With Someone

[youngfarang]

i have only had this feeling 3 times in my life. the first time was in highschool and she moved away during the summer, unrealized love, never to be entirely forgotten. the second time was when i met my now wife, who i knew i was in love with and wanted to spend the rest of my life with 5 minutes after meeting her - that was five years ago and we have been together ever since.

obviously i go out into the world and feel lust for other women. that is easy to handle as it is brief and temporary. this is something more powerful. i feel like it is ripping my insides out. every inch of my body is aching and i have barely been able to eat. i cannot get her out of my mind.

what am i supposed to do? the last thing in the world i want is to hurt my wife. on the other hand, i am only a human being and to push away feelings like this, also feels wrong. we are only alive for so long, should we not embrace feelings like this? what kind of life philosophy is repression?

i dont feel comfortable confronting friends with this as its very personal, so please, many of you are older and more experienced than I am, give me advice.

Edited August 4, 2008 by youngfarang

[MonkeyHouse]

i have only had this feeling 3 times in my life. the first time was in highschool and she moved away during the summer, unrealized love, never to be entirely forgotten. the second time was when i met my now wife, who i knew i was in love with and wanted to spend the rest of my life with 5 minutes after meeting her - that was five years ago and we have been together ever since.

obviously i go out into the world and feel lust for other women. that is easy to handle as it is brief and temporary. this is something more powerful. i feel like it is ripping my insides out. every inch of my body is aching and i have barely been able to eat. i cannot get her out of my mind.

what am i supposed to do? the last thing in the world i want is to hurt my wife. on the other hand, i am only a human being and to push away feelings like this, also feels wrong. we are only alive for so long, should we not embrace feelings like this? what kind of life philosophy is repression?

i dont feel comfortable confronting friends with this as its very personal, so please, many of you are older and more experienced than I am, give me advice.

The monkey can offer you some advice.

Stop wasting your time writing crap like this!

[thomast]

It is neither love nor lust but simply inftuation. Love takes many years to deelop, through great friendship and having many interests, and dislikes, in common.

[mizzi39]

Look, this is a thai visa forum, not Dear Abby. You have been married for 5 years and stated in your post that she was the love of your life when you met 5 years ago. No sense even getting into the summer puppy love. It is true that people grow apart and you cannot force yourself to love someone, but at the same time I think you may be acting out of lust and are acting like a selfish bastard, so step back and reevaluate your feelings. How old are you by the way?

[JOHN2]

What is her number?

[kolasaab]

i have only had this feeling 3 times in my life. the first time was in highschool and she moved away during the summer, unrealized love, never to be entirely forgotten. the second time was when i met my now wife, who i knew i was in love with and wanted to spend the rest of my life with 5 minutes after meeting her - that was five years ago and we have been together ever since.

obviously i go out into the world and feel lust for other women. that is easy to handle as it is brief and temporary. this is something more powerful. i feel like it is ripping my insides out. every inch of my body is aching and i have barely been able to eat. i cannot get her out of my mind.

what am i supposed to do? the last thing in the world i want is to hurt my wife. on the other hand, i am only a human being and to push away feelings like this, also feels wrong. we are only alive for so long, should we not embrace feelings like this? what kind of life philosophy is repression?

i dont feel comfortable confronting friends with this as its very personal, so please, many of you are older and more experienced than I am, give me advice.

You cant help the way you feel but you can help what you do about it. Avoid this woman and and eventually these feelings will go away. If you carry on, temptation will get the better of you and the shit will hit the fan and everyone involved will get hurt, especially your wife ( the one you wanted to spend the rest of your life with????)

[Shotime]

Is this what you meant by more intelligent topics?

[girlx]

OP like it has already been noted, love and infatuation are very different things. Love grows slowly over time- it means you stick by someone despite their flaws, despite ups and downs, it is companionship and trust etc. Infatuation is the immediate "high" feeling that you are describing here, more sexual and passionate, and it fades the more you get to know someone. As you seem to think you love your wife, you have to decide whether or not it is real enough love to honor your commitment to her. If you don't want to do that, do her a favor and tell her, break it off or make some agreement together that you can see other people. Women almost always find out if you cheat.

[Plus]

Best advice is avoid getting involved like that, but it's too late now.

Infatuation is a nice way to describe it. It peaks out and then fades away, will happen a lot faster if you avoid the object of you temptation, and it would also be easier on your wife.

It's tough and painful, but doable.

Next time you'd know the early symptoms.

[apetley]

If you even consider two timing your wife then you don't really love her, simple as that.

[F1fanatic]

Look, I'm sorry, but I've just totally lost my sense of humour.

How dare you post on the LADIES forum to ask if you ought to dump your wife for some new girl! If you genuinely want advice just look through the General forum to find out about others experiences.

Otherwise, PLEASE don't troll on this forum.

[OlRedEyes]

Go Poly young man, go Poly.

[youngfarang]

i did not post this here the moderator moved the thread to this section

[F1fanatic]

In that case I apologise, but why the hel_l was it moved here?!

Kat, I'm sorry but I don't agree that you can love someone and be infatuated with someone else in the way the OP is describing.

IF it's not a troll, I stand by my original post, look through the General forum to find out what love in LOS is all about.

[poshthai]

f1fanatic,chill out and give the guy some rope.Maybe give advise if you are not too peeded or miserable.

[F1fanatic]

f1fanatic,chill out and give the guy some rope.Maybe give advise if you are not too peeded or miserable.

Advice? Thought I'd done that - look at the General forum - lots of info there about relationships in LOS! Personal comments about my own current state are interesting, but not very relevent.

[girlx]

If love takes so long to build up, how many marriages and love affairs are built around infatuation? I would say many, if they are lucky.

i think it is precisely because of that fact that there are so many divorces!

[sbk]

i did not post this here the moderator moved the thread to this section

This thread seems to be making the rounds of the forums, trying to find a place for it.... hopefully it will stay put here

[kat]

If love takes so long to build up, how many marriages and love affairs are built around infatuation? I would say many, if they are lucky.

i think it is precisely because of that fact that there are so many divorces!

The high rate of divorces are many, but the top reasons are either financial or marital stress concerning infidelity. You can marry/commit to an incompatible person whether infatuated or not, but I believe genuine attraction can start as infatuation and marriages/love relationships should be based on genuine attraction as a baseline to everything else. For me, attraction is the basis for staying passionately IN love, as opposed to loving someone. Infatuation is based on attraction. Dating or courtship should help a person sort out if they are compatible or not, not a marriage. By the time you enter a marriage, you should know whether or not you are compatible.

But, the question here is what to do with an infatuation if you are already married or involved with someone. I think the OP got advice from both men and women in that regard.

[ozzydom]

Look, I'm sorry, but I've just totally lost my sense of humour.

How dare you post on the LADIES forum to ask if you ought to dump your wife for some new girl! If you genuinely want advice just look through the General forum to find out about others experiences.

Otherwise, PLEASE don't troll on this forum.

I dared to move this thread from General to Ladies Forum.

It is what we in Oz call a Dorothy Dix post and along with Heartbalm and their ilk are always to be found in womens magazines such as Womans Weekly, Womans Day etc.

I also think its a thread that needs a womens point of view .

Perhaps in view of the many threads scattered around the forums pertaining to " love that went sour" we need a sub-forum as a home for them.

[wolfmanjack]

If you want to stay married then forget about the other girl. If you don't want to stay married then tell your wife or as some else suggested make an agreement that you both can date other people which will probably end in divorce anyway.

[toptuan]

... so please, many of you are older and more experienced than I am, give me advice.

My advice: Get a spine and grow up.

I can't believe we are still holding this troll by the hand.

I vote

[davethailand]

i have only had this feeling 3 times in my life. the first time was in highschool and she moved away during the summer, unrealized love, never to be entirely forgotten. the second time was when i met my now wife, who i knew i was in love with and wanted to spend the rest of my life with 5 minutes after meeting her - that was five years ago and we have been together ever since.

obviously i go out into the world and feel lust for other women. that is easy to handle as it is brief and temporary. this is something more powerful. i feel like it is ripping my insides out. every inch of my body is aching and i have barely been able to eat. i cannot get her out of my mind.

what am i supposed to do? the last thing in the world i want is to hurt my wife. on the other hand, i am only a human being and to push away feelings like this, also feels wrong. we are only alive for so long, should we not embrace feelings like this? what kind of life philosophy is repression?

i dont feel comfortable confronting friends with this as its very personal, so please, many of you are older and more experienced than I am, give me advice.

Take her to a hotel room and get it out of your system.

[tamsin]

i have only had this feeling 3 times in my life. the first time was in highschool and she moved away during the summer, unrealized love, never to be entirely forgotten. the second time was when i met my now wife, who i knew i was in love with and wanted to spend the rest of my life with 5 minutes after meeting her - that was five years ago and we have been together ever since.

obviously i go out into the world and feel lust for other women. that is easy to handle as it is brief and temporary. this is something more powerful. i feel like it is ripping my insides out. every inch of my body is aching and i have barely been able to eat. i cannot get her out of my mind.

what am i supposed to do? the last thing in the world i want is to hurt my wife. on the other hand, i am only a human being and to push away feelings like this, also feels wrong. we are only alive for so long, should we not embrace feelings like this? what kind of life philosophy is repression?

i dont feel comfortable confronting friends with this as its very personal, so please, many of you are older and more experienced than I am, give me advice.

Yeah. It'll wear off ...

[JohnGotti]

you only live once.

[DeathbyDurian]

This thread is 9 months old - 20 people posted - 5 of them are banned....ae you next Mr. Gotti?