A Small Rant About The Boyfriend!

[Steve2UK]

Never fuc_k with a ladyboy.

Only a perv would

[geriatrickid]

You're right - pawpcorn's advice is good - unfortunately it leads to a one way street (in other words, the OP is doing everything to understand his b/f, while the b/f has to do nothing). Personally, I refuse to bend over backwards for my partner when I get nothing in return. Multi-cultural relationships require that both partners understand (or try to understand) the other person's culture.

Knowledge is open to interpretation and it's up to us to use it in a manner appropriate for our situation. I can't speak for Pawpcorn, but I can say that I was able to take something away from his observations. In my case, it's not so much the culture card or my friend being a prat, but it's one of me not showing more understanding and a bit of adaptation. I am one of those stubborn farangs that is so used to being single that I can't think outside of my little box at times. I used to get p.o. at my girlfriend when she'd hang her bras and panties in the bathroom and I'd have to move everything if I wanted to shower. It's why I'd play tug of war with the dog and her bra. Really, why was I being such a grouch? Is it really such a biggie if my friend brings me some food or if I make a concession on some of these items? I don't think Pawpcorn was saying to take it as a one way street - just to understand why people would behave in this manner. In respect to tightasses like me, it wouldn't hurt to show some flexibility. That's what I'm taking away from this discussion. (See I'm like a hetero version of a twink - it's all about me, me and more me )

[Navalator]

This boy is a conniver. Go find another boyfriend! All of this stuff about cultural difference being the root cause is poppycock. Cultures may differ but human nature is universal. This boy uses this behavior as a means of controlling. He sounds like a spoiled brat, a bitch goddess and a victim junkie all combined. There is nothing that you can do to please him as his motivation to treat you this way has nothing to do with food. You do not have a nurturing even-keeled relationship here. Walking away was a great way to avoid public confrontation which he would love, so that he can show the world what a louse you are and how he is so victimized by you. Stick with this guy and you become the problem. Just keep walking! Adult relationships do not include petty control mechanisms. I am surrounded by Farang/Thai male couples. The Thais do not play the "culture" card as a form of manipulation of the Farangs. They influence the Farange through consideration, love, caring, kindness, sharing and mutual understanding, the hallmarks of a mature relationship, cultural differences notwithstanding!

Edited August 24, 2008 by Navalator

[wangsuda]

^Post of the Year!

[KED]

Wow, I've had 3 ltr with thai guys and never experienced this sort of behavior. I agree that while there are many cultural differences between farang and thai, you need to communicate with each other and BOTH need to try to understand the other.

However, if you ask the person two or three times if they are hungry and they say no but then pout and bitch about not getting them any food, this is beyond a cultural chasm. I would explain to the other half why i think his behavior was irrational, then listen to his idea about why he reacted this way. But, if this drama kept happening...i would seriously lose interest in him.

Love is about mutual respect.

[Screws]

Ok I thought, I will get what I want. We were walking past the various stalls and we stopped at "Wrap It" and I put my bag down to get a wrap. Right away he looks horrified and says "What about me?" Huh? I was so shocked I walked away and down to the garage and came home. Phone calls, sms back and forth. This is not the first time this has happened. I frequently ask what do you want for dinner and for him to say nothing as he is not hungry. But when I start to eat he is hungry. He said I should know him, but he is not a child and is educated and working. I said, I do know you, which is why I asked twice and which is why when cooking I cook for two and don't bother to ask anymore.

Ok, I was drama by walking away, but I did not want to shout and scream like I wanted to. I'm still amazed because of course I'm the one on the wrong here!

Help Dear Abby, How do I solve this problem!!

Controlling behaviour. piss him off. It is all downhill if you don't.

[Rionoir]

Some of you must be a real joy to date when you can "know" so much about a person based on one or two instances...

[flightcrew1]

Some of you must be a real joy to date when you can "know" so much about a person based on one or two instances...

Actually have been reading all replys and was just thinking what you were thinking Rionoir. Anyway, here is an update! We talked "it" through and he AGREED that he was unreasonable, this is after I told him I posted the situation on Thai Visa and had him read it and the responses! He laughed at several of the comments, especially the one about giving him a slap! He said he would have just slapped me back!

It has now become a joke with him using his catch phrase "What about me?" We can laugh at it now, but as I pointed out to him this has happened several times over the years. Yesterday at Paragon was uneventful and we ended up sharing a salad and sandwich and a delicious brownie at the Oriental Cafe! We also visited the new Modern Art Museum which is a great space but only one photographic exibit by the Princess at the moment.

[gymshark]

Slap him anyway

[Steve2UK]

Slap him anyway

Don't you have a barstool to polish?

[Krub]

Some of you must be a real joy to date when you can "know" so much about a person based on one or two instances...

Actually have been reading all replys and was just thinking what you were thinking Rionoir. Anyway, here is an update! We talked "it" through and he AGREED that he was unreasonable, this is after I told him I posted the situation on Thai Visa and had him read it and the responses! He laughed at several of the comments, especially the one about giving him a slap! He said he would have just slapped me back!

It has now become a joke with him using his catch phrase "What about me?" We can laugh at it now, but as I pointed out to him this has happened several times over the years. Yesterday at Paragon was uneventful and we ended up sharing a salad and sandwich and a delicious brownie at the Oriental Cafe! We also visited the new Modern Art Museum which is a great space but only one photographic exibit by the Princess at the moment.

Good to know all is well

Take care the both of you

Relationship is building with everyday events good and bad

[Steve2UK]

Some of you must be a real joy to date when you can "know" so much about a person based on one or two instances...

Actually have been reading all replys and was just thinking what you were thinking Rionoir. Anyway, here is an update! We talked "it" through and he AGREED that he was unreasonable, this is after I told him I posted the situation on Thai Visa and had him read it and the responses! He laughed at several of the comments, especially the one about giving him a slap! He said he would have just slapped me back!

It has now become a joke with him using his catch phrase "What about me?" We can laugh at it now, but as I pointed out to him this has happened several times over the years. Yesterday at Paragon was uneventful and we ended up sharing a salad and sandwich and a delicious brownie at the Oriental Cafe! We also visited the new Modern Art Museum which is a great space but only one photographic exibit by the Princess at the moment.

Great that the situation's resolved so well - happy for you both. Incidentally, by-products of his seeing some of the dumber responses on this thread may be that a] he's reminded that the world of a farang can be very different from the world of a Thai and b] that he has the good luck to have hooked up with one of the better examples of farang. Actually...... I think you're pretty lucky, too . Good luck and keep talking.

[gymshark]

Slap him anyway

Don't you have a barstool to polish?

What?

[Scott]

Flightcrew, you did the right thing. I've been through this many times over the years (slightly different scenarios). If I am hungry, I eat. The other 1/2 spends most of his time eating, so of course, he's never hungry when I want to eat!!

I frequently walk away from all this--then a half hour later pretend like absolutely nothing happened!! Usually because I know it's silly.

[matt268]

...been there, done that got the T shirt - as they say....Yes sorry we are wrong in walking away... I am suprised your boyfriend did not follow you (mine did) and only when we got home did it all blow out of proportion......Next time, if you buy a sandwich 'to go' choose one of his favourite ones and 'to go' that one also and just give it to him.....Now, go and buy lots of red roses and tell him sorry for running off........

Ok. I just want to vent! This happened this afternoon and it's not the first time it's happened. Was working the last couple of days and just back from flight. I agreed to come directly from the airport to Paragon to meet the boyfriend for late lunch and see the new Bangkok Modern Art Museum. (Yes, I know there is only one exhibit at the moment) As I had a morning flight from Hong Kong I had eaten little and did not eat the crew meal on the aircraft, (no loss there!) as i knew I would be having lunch. We frequently eat at Piri Piri, (kind of like Nando's) so was thinking that would be lunch.

I showed up at 2 and the bf was there, but he informed me he had eaten with his father just awhile ago and was not hungry. Fine I though I will get something quick to eat and head over to the museum. As we were passing one of the bakeries I pointed at some sandwiches and said...how about that? He said again, no I'm not hungry. We passed the super market and I said do you want anything from here? No, he said I don't want anything. Ok I thought, I will get what I want. We were walking past the various stalls and we stopped at "Wrap It" and I put my bag down to get a wrap. Right away he looks horrified and says "What about me?" Huh? I was so shocked I walked away and down to the garage and came home. Phone calls, sms back and forth. This is not the first time this has happened. I frequently ask what do you want for dinner and for him to say nothing as he is not hungry. But when I start to eat he is hungry. He said I should know him, but he is not a child and is educated and working. I said, I do know you, which is why I asked twice and which is why when cooking I cook for two and don't bother to ask anymore.

Ok, I was drama by walking away, but I did not want to shout and scream like I wanted to. I'm still amazed because of course I'm the one on the wrong here!

Help Dear Abby, How do I solve this problem!!

[anotheruser]

I would have just told him som nam na you weren't hungry. Sounds like he needs to be sent to bed without dinner anyway. The bf sounds manipulative to me. While it is true there are cultural differences that doesn't mean you have to take crap here that you wouldn't tolerate in elsewhere.

[onni4me]

I would have just told him som nam na you weren't hungry. Sounds like he needs to be sent to bed without dinner anyway. The bf sounds manipulative to me. While it is true there are cultural differences that doesn't mean you have to take crap here that you wouldn't tolerate in elsewhere.

Now when back in LOS I found my bf lost 10 kilos going gym and swimming. He stated that no food for him during evenings, although he carries the same amount to me alone (HELP!).

I have waited in vain 4 long years to finally see that day that Thais don't speak about MONEY or FOOD. Normally even connect these two matters asking where was the best Som Tam (or any other Thai kitchen product) and what did it cost. Their social behavior and things seem to revolve around eating and talking about eating. I think it also includes a lot of 'taking care' and showing respect towards each other. So, when ignored or whatever can it become an issue. I personally fear that our dog will die of heart attack when its meal size is doubled...