Unique/funny Phrases Not Often Heard Here

[phaethon]

Australian foreplay:

"Oi Sheila, wake up."

or

"Brace yerself Sheila."

[neverdie]

"She had a head on her like a deep sea racing tortoise".

[neverdie]

Bend over and touch your toes and I will show you where the wild goose goes!

[neverdie]

Flat out like a lizard drinking.

Too slow to keep worms in a tin.

Built like a brick shithouse.

He could talk under wet cement with a mouthful of marbles.

He had a head on him like a sucked mango.

Drier than a nuns nasty.

A good root and a fart would kill him.

Up at a sparrows fart.

I'm not pissing in your pocket mate!

She had more pricks than a second hand dartboard.

He's floggin the log/dog again!

You must be the world's only living brain donor.

Happy as a bastard on Father's Day.

About as useful as tits on a bull.

Dry as a dead dingo's donger.

May your ears turn into <deleted> and shit on your shoulders.

If I had a dog that looked like him, I'd shave it's arse and make it walk backwards.

He couldn't find his arse with both hands, even if his fingers were flashlights!

About as useful as a one-legged man in an arse kicking contest.

He must have 2 penises...he couldn't be that stupid from pulling one.

Couldn't drive a greasy stick up a dog's arse

Got a face like a bashed in shit can.

Couldn't organise a f#ck in a brothel with a fist full of fifties.

As ugly as a hat full of <deleted>.

Seen better heads in a piss trough.

She was so ugly that when she walked on the beach even the sewerage got up and left!

If I had a head like yours I'd circumcise it.

If brains where dynamite, you wouldn't have enough to blow your hat off!!!

He would root the hair on a barber shop floor.

She/He'd scare a dog out of a butcher's shop.

Doesn't know shit from clay.

[pampal]

"The turtle's head is touching cloth" - when one has left it a little close before visiting the cr@pper.

Which can lead to "the tigers face in ones underpants".

AKA skidmarks

AKA Hershey's kisses

[wileycoyote]

As daft as a brush !

[Lopburi99]

"When I born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother!" Rodney Dangerfield

"So stupid he couldn't find his dick if it glowed in the dark" (Can't remember the female author)

[Lopburi99]

"The turtle's head is touching cloth" - when one has left it a little close before visiting the cr@pper.

Which can lead to "the tigers face in ones underpants".

AKA skidmarks

AKA Hershey's kisses

Reminded me of "Hershey squirts" (diarrhea)

[Lopburi99]

"They sent him to the looney bin"

[Chaimai]

"The turtle's head is touching cloth" - when one has left it a little close before visiting the cr@pper.

Which can lead to "the tigers face in ones underpants".

AKA skidmarks

AKA Hershey's kisses

Reminded me of "Hershey squirts" (diarrhea)

Would these be on par with going into a bar in Boyztown and saying

"excuse me, can I push your stool in ?"

[dingdongrb]

Bend over and touch your toes and I will show you where the wild goose goes!

We always said, 'Bend over I think I know you.'

And then, 'She's smuggling a yo-yo.' (Referring to a gal wearing tight jeans.....aka 'camel toe')

How about, 'I have to piss like a race horse.'

[pampal]

my fave

she has an ass like a race horse

[phaethon]

If I had a dog that looked like him, I'd shave it's arse and make it walk backwards.

Lockheed, the world's ugliest dog 2003-2005.

Face like a bag of spanners.

[Lopburi99]

"Colder than a witch's wazoo"

"He's got a wild hair in his ass" (He is really mad)

"Weenie wacker"

Edited November 5, 2008 by Lopburi99

[Lopburi99]

"Driving the porcelain bus" (vomiting)

[LeungKen]

'

" I'm going to point Percy at the porcelain" (an old Barry Humphries line for Bazza McKenzie)

[dingdongrb]

"Driving the porcelain bus" (vomiting)

We had a few similar ones:

'Praying to the porcelain God' ......and

'Feeding the puppies'

[Lopburi99]

"Up your nose with a rubber hose"

"He can put it where the sun doesn't shine"

[phaethon]

Toodle pip!

[Lopburi99]

Like two peas in a pod

Scared shitless

Til the cows come home

raining cats and dogs

Higher than a kite

Happier than a pig in shit

You can blow it out your ass (somebody offended)

[cochran]

From my ex-wife's dad:

"If she had as many sticking out of her as she's had stuck in her, she'd look like a porcupine"

"If I had that, and she had a feather in her ass, we'd both be tickled"

[suiging]

Face like............. a Bull-Dog chewing a wasp

or a Rottweiler licking piss of a nettle

Edited November 21, 2008 by suiging

[DNPBC0]

"Box of fluffy ducks"

"Rattle your dags"

"Don't get your knickers in a twist"

"Two sammies short of a picnic"

"Wee cracker, mate."

"Couldn't see the road to the dunny if it had red flags on it."

"Two-thirds of five-eighths of fuc_k all."

"Wouldn't know shit from clay."

Edited November 25, 2008 by DNPBC0

[grandslam]

"Don't count your chickens before they're hatched"

[junki3korean]

Don`t hate, Participate

[StreetCowboy]

Raining Stairrods

My kids don't even know what stairrods are

http://www.stairrods.co.uk/

Just in case you need any

SC

[wileycoyote]

As mad as a Hatter !

[Lopburi99]

"flabbergasted"

[Mousehound]

I feel rougher than the bottom of a cockie's cage.

Don't come the raw prawn with me, mate!

Fair crack of the whip.

Beyond the black stump.

Back of Burke.

Strewth!

Cry Ruth!

To chuckle and chunder.

Cry Hughie!

[krading]

Busier than a one-armed bricklayer in Beirut

As useful as a hip pocket on a singlet

Funnier than a hat full of arseh0les

More fun than a trip through a sewer in a glass bottomed boat