Motives For Not Having Children

[Sakeopete]

I was having a chat with my wife while visiting here village about childless couples. I was asking about relative young Farangs who wanted kids but the wife refused or lied about a physical problem. She said some interesting things about why some Thai women refuse to have children with their spouses but also said that it included with Thai husbands as well not just a Thai + Falang union.

1: If she already has children from a previous marriage any new children will get everything leaving her children with no inheritance. (seen this happen myself with they lady's son being kicked out of the house)

2: She is waiting to meet a wealthier man then ditch her current husband.

3: If married to a falang she may have a Thai husband in the background and is waiting to bleed the falang dry.

4: She doesn't love her husband so will not have his children.

What was more interesting was how she knows this, she said the women chat openly about there reasons. I was surprised as loose lips sink ships, they don't seem to worry that their spouses might find out.

So is this an indication that Thai/falang and Thai/thai couples with children have wives who are in it for the long haul thus have a better chance at the relationship lasting?

Has anyone else experienced this or is it just a trend in our area?

[Beardog]

I guess I am lucky on this one.

Had a vasectomy at 30 years old & beat cancer & that killed the available 2-20 sperm cells left(not hardly enough to conceive)

My Girl & I both do not want a child. We do have a dog which is our son that we do love dearly. Other than that , it is as much responsibility that I care to handle.

[GuestHouse]

I think you will find there are as many self serving and sinister reasons for having children as there are for not having children.

The difference is that the former reasons lead to children being born into the midst of those reasons, while the latter only has implications for the adults concerned.

And if an adult is so easily manipulated then it's probably best that they don't have children.

[chickenslegs]

OP - are you sure these women are chatting openly about their own reasons for having no children? or could they be gossiping and speculating about the reasons why some other village couples are still childless.

In my experience the truth and the speculation often get confused.

Regarding the 'couples with kids have wives who are in it for the long haul' question - I think there are many couples for whom this is true, and just as many who have kids without a thought for their long-term future. (not just in Thailand)

Personally, my (Thai) wife and I have no kids together, but we have 2 each from previous marriages and now have grandchildren.

Having grandchildren together is a good indicator that a relationship will last.

[Sakeopete]

^^Good point Chicken it could be gossip, Thais in villages tend to take gossip as absolute truth.

[GuestHouse]

Keep in mind too that there may have been a certain 'occupational choice' in the past that has exposed individuals to a range of diseases and infections that have a proven link to fertility problems.

The reasons given the actual reasons may not be one and the same.

[Neeranam]

1: If she already has children from a previous marriage any new children will get everything leaving her children with no inheritance. (seen this happen myself with they lady's son being kicked out of the house)

2: She is waiting to meet a wealthier man then ditch her current husband.

3: If married to a falang she may have a Thai husband in the background and is waiting to bleed the falang dry.

4: She doesn't love her husband so will not have his children.

Wait a minute this is not normal Thai women - I think you're talking about Isarn women who went down to Pattaya to find their victim. Don't tar all Thai women with the same brush.

[dumball]

Should you re-read the original post , i think it says quite clearly ' Amongst the women in his wifes village ' , you can breath a sigh of relief , it lets you off the hook of generalisations , PHEW .

[farmerjo]

The exact opposite in our village.Having babies is like keeping up with the joneses,along with jewelry,cars,flash houses and brandname clothes.Every lady wants them.I only know one farang who actually planned birth and the rest have been caught out.My wife would like a baby but to make her understand you have to have them for the right reasons and not because all the neighbours have got one is hard to explain.

[Sakeopete]

1: If she already has children from a previous marriage any new children will get everything leaving her children with no inheritance. (seen this happen myself with they lady's son being kicked out of the house)

2: She is waiting to meet a wealthier man then ditch her current husband.

3: If married to a falang she may have a Thai husband in the background and is waiting to bleed the falang dry.

4: She doesn't love her husband so will not have his children.

Wait a minute this is not normal Thai women - I think you're talking about Isarn women who went down to Pattaya to find their victim. Don't tar all Thai women with the same brush.

For Neranaam's benefit my wife's village is in Sakeo, Sakeaw, Sake aw province or whatever sign you go by and isn't in Issarn. Also the above reasons were not restricted to foreigners (as I wrote) so these are not all Pattaya graduates.

[a2396]

Just another example of the shakey foundation of many marriages/relationships here. The primary motivator is money, usually. Love, if there is any, is secondary. However, there are exceptions, as I have seen a fair number of Farang men (young & old) around my city with a mixed baby in tow. If one has a solid marriage OK, if not, I would think children would only add to the nightmare.

[bkkjames]

Just another example of the shakey foundation of many marriages/relationships here. The primary motivator is money, usually. Love, if there is any, is secondary. However, there are exceptions, as I have seen a fair number of Farang men (young & old) around my city with a mixed baby in tow. If one has a solid marriage OK, if not, I would think children would only add to the nightmare.

And this would be different in the west with its 50+% divorce rate?

[kmart]

Conversely, I have also seen kids being used as emotional hostages, leverage, or bargaining chips. That, to me, is far worse.

[samuibeachcomber]

Just another example of the shakey foundation of many marriages/relationships here. The primary motivator is money, usually. Love, if there is any, is secondary. However, there are exceptions, as I have seen a fair number of Farang men (young & old) around my city with a mixed baby in tow. If one has a solid marriage OK, if not, I would think children would only add to the nightmare.

And this would be different in the west with its 50+% divorce rate?

same same the world over.often the reasons a couple have a child are selfish ones.

[bonobo]

On the other hand, I am somewhat surprised at the number of Thai women, mostly in their late 20's and well into their 30's, who just want a baby and don't care if they have a relationship with a man or not. I get the feeling that they think a relationship would be a nice bonus, but the key is to get a baby and get a baby quickly. (Some just want any baby, some specify that they want a "light-skinned" baby.)

This may be true in other countries as well. I just may not have heard this expressed in the US as I was married when I was there and didn't chat up single women, and in Thailand, I have the opportunity to talk more with women in that demographic.

[sbk]

On the other hand, I am somewhat surprised at the number of Thai women, mostly in their late 20's and well into their 30's, who just want a baby and don't care if they have a relationship with a man or not. I get the feeling that they think a relationship would be a nice bonus, but the key is to get a baby and get a baby quickly. (Some just want any baby, some specify that they want a "light-skinned" baby.)

This may be true in other countries as well. I just may not have heard this expressed in the US as I was married when I was there and didn't chat up single women, and in Thailand, I have the opportunity to talk more with women in that demographic.

Anyway, I agree, I think it far more sinister to bring a child into this world for selfish reasons than to not have a child.

[Sakeopete]

Call me old fashioned but to me having a baby is something you do in a stable loving relationship, if excuses like I mentioned in my OP come up that to me is a sign the relationship isn't real to begin with. My wife and I decided to have a baby after 3 wonderful years marriage because our relationship keeps getting better. BTW I'm not referring to decisions made as couple not to have children that is different.

[VTR1000]

Call me old fashioned but to me having a baby is something you do in a stable loving relationship

You might well be old fashioned but at the same time way out of touch. Married touching twenty years, very happily I might add and the times we've had the slightest arguement I can count on one hand. No kids, through choice as I have been married previously with kids and she not wanting any full stop. Suits us both fine .... through our own choice.

Who would want to bring a kid into this world now, the way it is going?

[jimmybkk]

Quite surprising that they dont want kids as typically, in most Asian societies, having a kid(s) = someone to take care of you in your old age. In my experience that's the underlying reason behind a lot of pregnancies.

[Sakeopete]

Call me old fashioned but to me having a baby is something you do in a stable loving relationship

You might well be old fashioned but at the same time way out of touch. Married touching twenty years, very happily I might add and the times we've had the slightest arguement I can count on one hand. No kids, through choice as I have been married previously with kids and she not wanting any full stop. Suits us both fine .... through our own choice.

Who would want to bring a kid into this world now, the way it is going?

^^Look at my post again "BTW I'm not referring to decisions made as couple not to have children that is different. "

[Sakeopete]

Quite surprising that they dont want kids as typically, in most Asian societies, having a kid(s) = someone to take care of you in your old age. In my experience that's the underlying reason behind a lot of pregnancies.

Can't blame them it has been a part of every developing country without a welfare system for the elderly. Our government and work pensions are the only reason we have the luxury not to have kids by choice in a developed country.

[MetroGirl]

Well I wouldn’t worry about someone else wants to have children or not, it's their choice and decision---not my problem of concern

God knows there are also plenty of ,thai/thai, thai/farang couples, having children…. that should have remained childless.

[keestha]

I have the impression that in Thailand, if a woman in the child bearing age marries or starts cohabiting, it is still expected that in not more than one year there will be at least a child on the way, especially if both she and the male partner are still childless. This might apply less among higher educated young people, who have to think about their careers.

Thai people are often surprised when I tell them the average Dutch woman gets her first child when she is 29, and that in the Netherlands nobody expects a 23 year old couple who just moved in together, to start breeding right away.

[a2396]

Just another example of the shakey foundation of many marriages/relationships here. The primary motivator is money, usually. Love, if there is any, is secondary. However, there are exceptions, as I have seen a fair number of Farang men (young & old) around my city with a mixed baby in tow. If one has a solid marriage OK, if not, I would think children would only add to the nightmare.

And this would be different in the west with its 50+% divorce rate?

I was not referring to the reasons for divorce so much, as the reasons for marriage. I would say that a higher percentage of western marriages start out based on love & mutual attraction. In LOS, I would say those reasons are less important, at least from the woman's motives. Marriages come unglued for many reasons and having children where the love & respect factor is not primary, is asking for problems.

[Scott]

Nearly all the women I have known reasonably well, wanted to have children. Their biological clock kicks in and that's about it. A few really and sincerely didn't want kids and few had made a decision not to because of genetic diseases etc.

[Mosha]

Sol 3 if no one has noticed, is over populated. Maybe infertility is nature's way of solving that problem.

[Livinginexile]

I was having a chat with my wife while visiting here village about childless couples. I was asking about relative young Farangs who wanted kids but the wife refused or lied about a physical problem. She said some interesting things about why some Thai women refuse to have children with their spouses but also said that it included with Thai husbands as well not just a Thai + Falang union.

1: If she already has children from a previous marriage any new children will get everything leaving her children with no inheritance. (seen this happen myself with they lady's son being kicked out of the house)

2: She is waiting to meet a wealthier man then ditch her current husband.

3: If married to a falang she may have a Thai husband in the background and is waiting to bleed the falang dry.

4: She doesn't love her husband so will not have his children.

What was more interesting was how she knows this, she said the women chat openly about there reasons. I was surprised as loose lips sink ships, they don't seem to worry that their spouses might find out.

So is this an indication that Thai/falang and Thai/thai couples with children have wives who are in it for the long haul thus have a better chance at the relationship lasting?

Has anyone else experienced this or is it just a trend in our area?

My wife says the same thing too!

In her town there is tremendous pressure for daughters to marry farangs.

When one of them drags a Farang back the whole town cheers her on.

When my wife (then g/f) took me back to her town, people would be at her family restaurant congratulating her because they thought she was now rich!

There is one lost Farang soul wandering around her town, I've seen him a few times and had a beer with him once when he called me over to a road side bar.

He is a Swiss guy in his mid 50s, married to a local woman, all he does is sit on the street and drink beer all day.

My wife told me he has spent a fortune on his wifes family...houses, a business that went sour, all depts paid...etc etc but the whole village knows he is been taken for a ride!

His wife openly brags about the whole deception, and again...she is admired by the whole town.

I can't help but feel sorry for him every time I see him.

[a2396]

I was having a chat with my wife while visiting here village about childless couples. I was asking about relative young Farangs who wanted kids but the wife refused or lied about a physical problem. She said some interesting things about why some Thai women refuse to have children with their spouses but also said that it included with Thai husbands as well not just a Thai + Falang union.

1: If she already has children from a previous marriage any new children will get everything leaving her children with no inheritance. (seen this happen myself with they lady's son being kicked out of the house)

2: She is waiting to meet a wealthier man then ditch her current husband.

3: If married to a falang she may have a Thai husband in the background and is waiting to bleed the falang dry.

4: She doesn't love her husband so will not have his children.

What was more interesting was how she knows this, she said the women chat openly about there reasons. I was surprised as loose lips sink ships, they don't seem to worry that their spouses might find out.

So is this an indication that Thai/falang and Thai/thai couples with children have wives who are in it for the long haul thus have a better chance at the relationship lasting?

Has anyone else experienced this or is it just a trend in our area?

My wife says the same thing too!

In her town there is tremendous pressure for daughters to marry farangs.

When one of them drags a Farang back the whole town cheers her on.

When my wife (then g/f) took me back to her town, people would be at her family restaurant congratulating her because they thought she was now rich!

There is one lost Farang soul wandering around her town, I've seen him a few times and had a beer with him once when he called me over to a road side bar.

He is a Swiss guy in his mid 50s, married to a local woman, all he does is sit on the street and drink beer all day.

My wife told me he has spent a fortune on his wifes family...houses, a business that went sour, all depts paid...etc etc but the whole village knows he is been taken for a ride!

His wife openly brags about the whole deception, and again...she is admired by the whole town.

I can't help but feel sorry for him every time I see him.

And some people call me paranoid? I have seen this "snag a Farang" mentality quite often and if you downplay the money aspect they quickly loose interest.

[girlx]

God knows there are also plenty of ,thai/thai, thai/farang couples, having children…. that should have remained childless.

seriously... if stupid people would stop having children i think a lot of the world's problems might be solved.

Who would want to bring a kid into this world now, the way it is going?

to be fair the state of the world has always been pretty dire no matter what point in history you are in, but this is true. as much as i love life, sometimes i wonder if some of the <deleted> people have to go through is even worth it.

i for one have no biological clock whatsoever. 32 now! but then, i might not be able to have kids without fertility treatments so it could be why. i also am the oldest of many siblings, whom i pretty much raised, so i feel like i have already been there and done that. i like my freedom.

[RakJungTorlae]

God knows there are also plenty of ,thai/thai, thai/farang couples, having children…. that should have remained childless.

seriously... if stupid people would stop having children i think a lot of the world's problems might be solved.

Edited November 4, 2008 by RakJungTorlae