The Nation

Bruce Willis Reportedly In Suvarnbhumi Vent System

‘Die Hard’ star was passing through terminal on connecting flight when it was taken over

BANGKOK – Police say they are ready to reclaim the Bangkok International Airport with the help of Hollywood actor Bruce Willis, who is currently crawling inside Terminal 2’s air conditioning system.

Police say the ‘Die Hard’ star immediately ducked into a maintenance room and then climbed through a vent when he saw that the airport was being taken over on Wednesday.

He is now in communication with Bangkok police via a walkie talkie he lifted from a PAD guard whom he strangled to death.

Willis will likely draw specifically upon Die Hard 2: Die Harder for inspiration in overcoming the PAD and returning normalcy to Thailand. In that film, his character John McClane thwarted terrorists who had taken over Washingtong-Dulles International Airport. Sources say Willis has asked permission from police to use similar tactics, including igniting a fuel trail to blow up a plane with all the PAD leaders in it.

“Bruce really can’t believe he is in this situation again but he is eager to help,” said police spokesman lieutenant Sombat Sreephathep. “We will see if he can infiltrate the PAD from inside the airport. On behalf of the entire Royal Bangkok Police force, I would like to say, ‘Yippee-ki-yay, Bruce.’”

After hearing that Willis was hiding inside Suvarnbhumi’s air ducts, a cocky Sonthi Limthongkul said it would be impossible for one man to single-handedly wreck his plans. But as a precautionary measure, he has reportedly tied used tampons to the grates of all vents inside Terminal 2.

“I see dead people,” he warned Willis.