Thai Kee Nok!

[simon43]

Sorry if this topic title offends people, but it sums up my feelings about various members of my Gf's family!

Recently, I went up to Issan to meet my GF's family for the 1st time. I had a few previous Issan GFs, so was quite used to the big difference in live/facilities etc between Issan and the big city

But this time was a bit of a shock. Although her immediate family were great, there seemed to be a large number of 'hangers-on', (cousins etc), who immediately latched onto me as the gullible farang. Unfortunately, (I think due to too family members procreating with direct family members over the years), many of these cousins were rather mentally slow.

We sat outside her parents' house and drank some beer, and I smiled at everyone. I continued to smile (although with difficulty), as cousin after cousin shouted 'buy beer, buy beer' into my ear. This went on almost continually for many hours from maybe 6 different cousins, all who were totally drunk! (I could not understand their very slurred Issan...)

To top it off, I discovered that it was my money being used to buy all the beer for them (my GF asked for some money from me, but then gave it to the cousins...)

The next day, at 7 in the morning, the whole process started again with these drunken guys shouting for beer!!

Afterwards, I told my GF that 'Thai kee nok' was absolutely the best description of these guys, and that no way was she to use my money to fund their beer-binges.

I have no problem with my GF and her parents, but I will have a problem in a month or so when we go for an Issan wedding (only the blessing, not signing the tabian since I'm still married in the UK!)

I don't want these family members at the wedding, or I want a wedding without alcohol (that would be a first for Issan!!).

Any advice how I can get this message across successfully? My ideal procedure would be to tell all these guys to F*** Off in a very loud voice, but I suspect this is not the best tactic!!

(BTW, this is the girl whom I previously was seeing as a 'Mia Noi'. When the last GF found this out, she offered me to stay with her and make the Mia Noi more legitimate! Nightmare thoughts about the last GF chopping off my assets whilst I slept caused me to move out....)

[chonabot]

Jesus Simon , I think we may be related........

[Boon Mee]

Jesus Simon , I think we may be related........

And promoting family values?

[Thetyim]

What you have described is a common situation, however you may be a bit hasty in condemning your new relations.

They probably think that the wedding celebrations have started already and MIGHT calm down a bit later on. Thats a big "might" thou.

My advice to you is to wait and see what happens in three months time.

If you have to change partners again then try finding someone a bit further up the social ladder, whose family will behave in a more responsible manner

[gburns57au]

Sorry if this topic title offends people, but it sums up my feelings about various members of my Gf's family!

Recently, I went up to Issan to meet my GF's family for the 1st time. I had a few previous Issan GFs, so was quite used to the big difference in live/facilities etc between Issan and the big city

But this time was a bit of a shock.  Although her immediate family were great, there seemed to be a large number of 'hangers-on', (cousins etc), who immediately latched onto me as the gullible farang.  Unfortunately, (I think due to too family members procreating with direct family members over the years), many of these cousins were rather mentally slow. 

We sat outside her parents' house and drank some beer, and I smiled at everyone.  I continued to smile (although with difficulty), as cousin after cousin shouted 'buy beer, buy beer' into my ear.  This went on almost continually for many hours from maybe 6 different cousins, all who were totally drunk!  (I could not understand their very slurred Issan...)

To top it off, I discovered that it was my money being used to buy all the beer for them (my GF asked for some money from me, but then gave it to the cousins...)

The next day, at 7 in the morning, the whole process started again with these drunken guys shouting for beer!!

Afterwards, I told my GF that 'Thai kee nok' was absolutely the best description of these guys, and that no way was she to use my money to fund their beer-binges.

I have no problem with my GF and her parents, but I will have a problem in a month or so when we go for an Issan wedding (only the blessing, not signing the tabian since I'm still married in the UK!)

I don't want these family members at the wedding, or I want a wedding without alcohol (that would be a first for Issan!!).

Any advice how I can get this message across successfully?  My ideal procedure would be to tell all these guys to F*** Off in a very loud voice, but I suspect this is not the best tactic!!

(BTW, this is the girl whom I previously was seeing as a 'Mia Noi'.  When the last GF found this out, she offered me to stay with her and make the Mia Noi more legitimate!  Nightmare thoughts about the last GF chopping off my assets whilst I slept caused me to move out....)

Had the same problem on my first trip to Isan.....most of them were not relatives anyway. A very emphatic "NO" did the trick usually...if they persisted I used to tell the GF to tell them to leave me alone. on subsequent trips they left me alone and on the odd occasion that someone did ask, I used to say " I not have money, gf have money" they never went and asked her. Her brothers were good and never pestered me, one who I nicknamed Smiley actually used to take me for a beer and wouldnt let me pay.

Why call them birdsiht though.....there are better names.....

Edited January 8, 2005 by gburns57au

[Gazza]

Best thing to do for your wedding day is to set yourself an amount that your willing to pay for food and beverages. If it's, i.e. 10,000 baht, then give it to your gf and let her deal with the purchasing.

If you pay out in dribs and drabs all the time you'll quickly get annoyed.

Ideally, buy the drinks (inc soft drinks for kids and women) if possible from the nearest town before the wedding and keep it stored out of sight in the house somewhere. Then just produce it when needed.

[cdnvic]

I have no problem with my GF and her parents, but I will have a problem in a month or so when we go for an Issan wedding (only the blessing, not signing the tabian since I'm still married in the UK!)

I totally sympathize with you on the kee-noks.. as I've had them in Canada and the US before (I got lucky here). However, if you are married to someone else, aren't the freeloaders the least of your worries?

Don't marry her for real until she learns not to feed her begger cousins your cash either.

cv

[simon43]

My 'real' wife is no problem! We have been separated for years and she knows all about my plans for an Issan wedding!

I also need to avoid the sin-sot issue. I've got no intention to pay out for a sin-sot which might well end up fuelling the family with more beer. I am very happy to help the immediate family where there is a proven need, and where any financial support from me is actually used to achieve a good purpose.

My GF also has a young daughter from a previous marriage, (whom I'm happy to regard as my own daughter). Sin-sot tradition might well dictate that, since I will be caring for her daughter AND my GF is (in effect), second-hand goods, then they should be paying ME to marry her!!

[cdnvic]

For our wedding my inlaws-to-be knew I found sin-sot unacceptable, so we (my wife and I) gave them a token 'gift' to represent it for tradition's sake.

They wound up giving us many multiples of that token amount back as a wedding present. (wasn't expecting that)

The Thai men who married her sisters didn't get off near as lucky.

Maybe giving her parents a real gift instead of money the cousins can drink will solve your problems?

cv

[gburns57au]

My 'real' wife is no problem! We have been separated for years and she knows all about my plans for an Issan wedding!

I also need to avoid the sin-sot issue. I've got no intention to pay out for a sin-sot which might well end up fuelling the family with more beer. I am very happy to help the immediate family where there is a proven need, and where any financial support from me is actually used to achieve a good purpose.

My GF also has a young daughter from a previous marriage, (whom I'm happy to regard as my own daughter). Sin-sot tradition might well dictate that, since I will be caring for her daughter AND my GF is (in effect), second-hand goods, then they should be paying ME to marry her!!

you will need to sort out the money side of things, you will be expected to show something financial at the ceremony, or you will cause her parents to lose face. in both my "engagement" and my eventual wedding with the monks, a show of money was required. I have heard some guys say that they have it pre-arranged that the money is for show only and returned at the end of the ceremony.

You could be heading for big problems unless you sort it out beforehand.

Sin sod will still apply even if she had 4 kids....obviously it will be reduced as compared to an 18 yo virgin University student, but it will still apply.

[Pablo H]

My GF also has a young daughter from a previous marriage, (whom I'm happy to regard as my own daughter). Sin-sot tradition might well dictate that, since I will be caring for her daughter AND my GF is (in effect), second-hand goods, then they should be paying ME to marry her!!

Im not sure about that Simon, but its worth giving it a go!

Freeloaders are abundant in Issan, am sure similar situations have arisen for a lot of members who have been to their tilac's home, although idiots shouting 'more beer' down ones ear is too much.

First time I went 'up north' a lot of people came to the house, I payed for the drink, I reckon I spent the same amount as I would on a decent night out back in my hometown so I wasn't worried and my g/f was happy.

Now when I go back I buy a few beers or a couple bottles of Lao Khao, its just a few quid, nothing to go crazy about. On one occassion her brother did ask me to buy beer, through my g/f, I said no and then asked him to buy me some beer, he just laughed and has never asked me again. If I buy something I buy it because I want to, not because people ask me to.

Just set a budget for your wedding, let the g/f handle it, once it has been spent say goodnight to everyone and get yourself and the g/f to bed.

Good Luck

[cdnvic]

Just set a budget for your wedding, let the g/f handle it, once it has been spent say goodnight to everyone and get yourself and the g/f to bed.

Good Luck 

You should be a wedding planner

cv

[mbkudu]

I have a nephew who when younger used to always pester me for beer money and steal beer from my fridge when I stayed home with my wife. It came to a point where I would just drink red wine instead; he wouldn't touch it. Now he's grown up with a wife and daughter of his own and has nearly pickled his liver and the age of 28. Two years ago he stopped drinking because it was getting bad and his wife threatened to leave him for good.

Now when I go home I tell him how nice my cold beer tastes and would he like one? .

[jackr]

Run!!

[Doctor John]

What a load of crap.

[Doctor John]

Now when I go back I buy a few beers or a couple bottles of Lao Khao, its just a few quid, nothing to go crazy about. On one occassion her brother did ask me to buy beer, through my g/f, I said no and then asked him to buy me some beer, he just laughed and has never asked me again.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Oh wow, you saved 50 Baht,............... what a star you are.

Yea, you sure showed those Thai guys that Farangs will not be used as money machines, I bet they where really impressed with you.

Still, I expect that you work for 4000 Baht a month and are expected to row the boat out when you visit the family, life is hard sometimes.

She should dump you immediately and get a guy with some compassion.

Edited January 8, 2005 by Doctor John

[Doctor John]

I don't want these family members at the wedding, or I want a wedding without alcohol (that would be a first for Issan!!).

Any advice how I can get this message across successfully? 

You are totally pathetic and she is making a grave mistake marrying you. Pls advise her that she is doing a wrong un, you will be a burden to the family.

[chuchok]

I don't want these family members at the wedding, or I want a wedding without alcohol (that would be a first for Issan!!).

Any advice how I can get this message across successfully? 

You are totally pathetic and she is making a grave mistake marrying you. Pls advise her that she is doing a wrong un, you will be a burden to the family.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Have you been drinking Doctor John, or are you normally a prick?

[Doctor John]

I don't want these family members at the wedding, or I want a wedding without alcohol (that would be a first for Issan!!).

Any advice how I can get this message across successfully? 

You are totally pathetic and she is making a grave mistake marrying you. Pls advise her that she is doing a wrong un, you will be a burden to the family.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Have you been drinking Doctor John, or are you normally a prick?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Drinking!

[cdnvic]

What a load of crap.

My apologies to anyone who came here looking for wisdom, or even something that made sense.

cv

[Kathe]

What you have described is a common situation, however you may be a bit hasty in condemning your new relations.

They probably think that  the wedding celebrations have started already and MIGHT calm down a bit later on.  Thats a big "might" thou. 

My advice to you is to wait and see what happens in three months time.

If you have to change partners again then try finding someone a bit further up the social ladder, whose family will behave in a more responsible manner

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Yes, if you finding one with a bit further up the social ladder, they will behave different. You havent devorced yet but shall celebrate a wedding, it means for her family, the real wedding and many responsibilities, many problems coming along with her big relations. They think you are an ATM ...Farang earns 100 times more than Esaan ppl...they will always think your pocket will never empty.

Talk with you GF, what you like and dislike about her relations. Esaan gal wants to show how she gets a rich Farang BF too and like to show off with ppl in that area or the whole province. And as long as you cant afford buying things, very soon she will have eyes for other new one. I have seen so many cases like this..sorry..but it's true.

The same old stories that I always used to hear ( I had to translate their love letters and letters begging for money as any member of the family is sick , or need some operation...and she gave up the Bar job and stay at home taking care her parents etc...) later if her bf hesitated to pay what she wanted, she shall made him crazy...later she found a new one very soon. And he lost lots of money for helping her whole family, or repair house or what ever. They have the same story..;-)

I'm a thai gal too, but I do feel ashame if gals trying to cheat Farang.

Next time, buy her cousin a cheap Lao Khao or Mae Kong....and tell them next time it's his turn. Or tell them ..wait till you won the lottery...then you shall buy them Drunk tills drop

[Boon Mee]

What you have described is a common situation, however you may be a bit hasty in condemning your new relations.

They probably think that  the wedding celebrations have started already and MIGHT calm down a bit later on.  Thats a big "might" thou. 

My advice to you is to wait and see what happens in three months time.

If you have to change partners again then try finding someone a bit further up the social ladder, whose family will behave in a more responsible manner

Yes, if you finding one with a bit further up the social ladder, they will behave different. You havent devorced yet but shall celebrate a wedding, it means for her family, the real wedding and many responsibilities, many problems coming along with her big relations. They think you are an ATM ...Farang earns 100 times more than Esaan ppl...they will always think your pocket will never empty.

Talk with you GF, what you like and dislike about her relations. Esaan gal wants to show how she gets a rich Farang BF too and like to show off with ppl in that area or the whole province. And as long as you cant afford buying things, very soon she will have eyes for other new one. I have seen so many cases like this..sorry..but it's true.

The same old stories that I always used to hear ( I had to translate their love letters and letters begging for money as any member of the family is sick , or need some operation...and she gave up the Bar job and stay at home taking care her parents etc...) later if her bf hesitated to pay what she wanted, she shall made him crazy...later she found a new one very soon. And he lost lots of money for helping her whole family, or repair house or what ever. They have the same story..;-)

I'm a thai gal too, but I do feel ashame if gals trying to cheat Farang.

Next time, buy her cousin a cheap Lao Khao or Mae Kong....and tell them next time it's his turn. Or tell them ..wait till you won the lottery...then you shall buy them Drunk tills drop

Best common-sense advice here. Well done, Saothai.

[meemiathai]

I'm a thai gal too, but I do feel ashame if gals trying to cheat Farang.

No need to feel ashame. Farangs cheat thai girls as well. Fair game.

[Harmonica]

I'm a thai gal too, but I do feel ashame if gals trying to cheat Farang.

No need to feel ashame. Farangs cheat thai girls as well. Fair game.

Ain't that the truth! It takes two .... ; good stuff, Saothai, but perhaps you should really check out some (or many) of these farang cats -- ATM machines with banners clearly stating, "I can be easily had, come and get it! "

[cdnvic]

I'm a thai gal too, but I do feel ashame if gals trying to cheat Farang.

No need to feel ashame. Farangs cheat thai girls as well. Fair game.

I think both should be ashamed. That one screws the other over is not an excuse.

cv

[lopburi3]

Sin sod will still apply even if she had 4 kids....obviously it will be reduced as compared to an 18 yo virgin University student, but it will still apply.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Getting off topic here but can not let that go unchallenged. There should not even be a mention of sinsot for a woman with children but if we are so gullable to accept it as required guess who is to blame? Many girls just leave to live with boyfriend these days so if they can get something from the farang guess it is not too unreasonable to try.

If you want to help your wife gain face then you might consider it. But remember that very few if any Thai would provide sinsot in this condition and it is not a requirement by custom. But for many the western husband is the dream come true and this will be extra proof that she succeeded.

In my view it is much more important that you take care of the wife and children and provide whatever you can to the parents than to make a false show - but of course I will never the Thai.

Edited January 9, 2005 by lopburi3

[TizMe]

I must be the luckiest Farang in Thailand. None of my wife's family drink. I only have to buy beer for me.

[otherstuff1957]

I didn't realize how lucky I had it . I didn't meet my brothers in law until after I was already married. While they do like to drink, I can't imagine them shouting "buy beer" , in fact, one of them was asking me if I would like to play golf with him !

[cdnvic]

My inlaws bring bottles of JW to every dinner where we get together, then I feel obligated to drink it.

Oh well.... sometimes you gotta do things for family.

cv

[billd766]

I had known my wife for 7 years before we married in England nearly 5 years ago and I only met her family a couple of times. Since I came back here to work and live I see her family a lot and the only one who asks for anything is her younger brother and he is a little bit simple but OK when on his medication. While I was working and now while I am not I am giving her parents some money every month (sin sod?) even though I don't have to.

When we are at their house we drink whisky which I buy from her dad and we share that with her brothers and cousins and quite often if I have to drop stuff off I am offered a beer or something.

Her Mum and Dad have helped us out a lot when we moved house and her middle brother and his wife and son are living with us up country while he recovers afte a car crash.

Though most of her family don't speak English and my Thai is not so good we get on well together and I have no problems with them at all.

Her family are welcome at our house any time and for as long as they wish to stay.

I guess that means that I am lucky not to have any Kee Nok in the family and I don't think I would change anything except to improve my Thai.

Pasaa Thai Yaak Maak for me.