Some Unqualified Advice

[cdnvic]

I don't pretend to be an expert on anything, and if I do just ignore it, because I'm not. However I do have some common sense kicking around, and I'm pretty good at spotting patterns.

One such pattern is that there are alot of people who complain about Thai women being jealous, or unfaithful. The are also alot of people who refuse to learn to speak Thai, and ridicule anyone who wais, wears local clothing, or tries to "look and act Thai".

Nothing makes you paranoid more than someone talking near or about you and you don't know what they are saying. If you have been burned before, or are the cynical type then you will always wonder what your significant other is talking about on her mobile, or writing in emails in Thai script.

Now you say she left you for a Thai guy? Or was fooling around on the side with one? This girl has twenty, thirty, or more years of culture and language ingrained in her. How is she supposed to express her innermost thoughts to someone when she doesn't know how to translate them, and you haven't even tried to learn the words she can express them in? How is she supposed to feel there's someone who understands her when you can't understand the basic manners of her country? No kidding she's gonna find someone she has things in common with... the guy she's with won't even make the effort.

None of us like to be made to feel that our cultures and personalities aren't worth understanding.

cv

[snoophound]

All very valid points

I am not sure but also age may have something to do with it

I dont know how to set up a poll but it would be interesting to have one which shows age ranges for the male along with age ranges for the female partner.

I would be their would be some whopping differences.

Why would a beautiful young thai woman marry a 50 year old gargolye??

Also the assimilation aspect is very true,I cant believe people could be so insensitive as to ridicule a countries culture when living there....they should be sent home!!!!!

When in ROME

I don't pretend to be an expert on anything, and if I do just ignore it, because I'm not. However I do have some common sense kicking around, and I'm pretty good at spotting patterns.

One such pattern is that there are alot of people who complain about Thai women being jealous, or unfaithful. The are also alot of people who refuse to learn to speak Thai, and ridicule anyone who wais, wears local clothing, or tries to "look and act Thai".

Nothing makes you paranoid more than someone talking near or about you and you don't know what they are saying. If you have been burned before, or are the cynical type then you will always wonder what your significant other is talking about on her mobile, or writing in emails in Thai script.

Now you say she left you for a Thai guy? Or was fooling around on the side with one? This girl has twenty, thirty, or more years of culture and language ingrained in her. How is she supposed to express her innermost thoughts to someone when she doesn't know how to translate them, and you haven't even tried to learn the words she can express them in? How is she supposed to feel there's someone who understands her when you can't understand the basic manners of her country? No kidding she's gonna find someone she has things in common with... the guy she's with won't even make the effort.

None of us like to be made to feel that our cultures and personalities aren't worth understanding.

cv

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[Sarpedon]

My first Thai gf cheated on me and lied to me from the start of us going out...she even lied out things like having no money where in fact she had far more money that i had, lied about the ring worn on her wedding finger that she 'bought for herself' (yes she was engaged to some Thai guy at the time) Her English was reasonable and my Thai was ok...

Ok I was a bit naive in believing her but i dont think her cheating had anything to do with my Thai not being perfect or not fully understading the culture. There are just women around who will cheat regardless...

[chico]

I don't pretend to be an expert on anything, and if I do just ignore it, because I'm not. However I do have some common sense kicking around, and I'm pretty good at spotting patterns.

One such pattern is that there are alot of people who complain about Thai women being jealous, or unfaithful. The are also alot of people who refuse to learn to speak Thai, and ridicule anyone who wais, wears local clothing, or tries to "look and act Thai".

Nothing makes you paranoid more than someone talking near or about you and you don't know what they are saying. If you have been burned before, or are the cynical type then you will always wonder what your significant other is talking about on her mobile, or writing in emails in Thai script.

Now you say she left you for a Thai guy? Or was fooling around on the side with one? This girl has twenty, thirty, or more years of culture and language ingrained in her. How is she supposed to express her innermost thoughts to someone when she doesn't know how to translate them, and you haven't even tried to learn the words she can express them in? How is she supposed to feel there's someone who understands her when you can't understand the basic manners of her country? No kidding she's gonna find someone she has things in common with... the guy she's with won't even make the effort.

None of us like to be made to feel that our cultures and personalities aren't worth understanding.

cv

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

you are right " unqualified advice" since THERE IS NO ADVICE!

[Mango-Guy]

SNOOPHOUND, here's a poll on age differences...

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=17240&hl=

(not sure if the link works, I just pasted it).

[chico]

SNOOPHOUND, here's a poll on age differences...

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=17240&hl=

(not sure if the link works, I just pasted it).

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

as a very wise seventy year old jew once said, confronted with his 25 year young beautiful wife cheating him with three young guys :

i prefer to have 25% in a good business than 100% in a bad one!

[sua yai]

Communication is definitely the key.

Most Thais, particularly if they're your partner, are extremely keen to learn, or improve, their English. I've always felt that if a Thai person is not willing to help me with my Thai, then there's an ulterior motive. Keep me in the dark.

Went through a 9 year relationship with one girl. The result was her being able to speak English as well as any Thai person I've met. My understanding of Thai? Improved just one iota.

The current gf is helpful with language and I'm never paranoid about what she's speaking. If I don't understand, I just ask.

Agree with op. If you live here, you've got to make the effort. To ###### with mistakes. You'll always be pointed in the right direction if you get it wrong.

[Lotnoy]

I agree with that, I think its vital to learn your partners language. I used to make the mistake of speaking what I call " thinglish", pigeon English because I thought it would help Thai people to understand. It just makes communication worse , now I either speak English or Thai ( badly) I don't mix the two together !

Edited January 16, 2005 by Lotnoy

[Jai Dee]

I agree with that, I think its vital to learn your partners language. I used to make the mistake of speaking what I call " thinglish", pigeon English because I thought it would help Thai people to understand. It just makes communication worse , now I either speak English or Thai ( badly) I don't mix the two together !

My Thai fiance and I converse for hours every day in a mixture of Thai and English. We used to have a couple of dictionaries that we often referred to, but now it seems that we can communicate much better without them.

I do think it's important to learn some of your partner's language as it helps to clear up some of the cultural differences, as well as of course making yourself completely understood.

As an example, my fiance always asks me which caddy I had at golf after my regular Saturday rounds... and I always tell her the truth. Why would she ask? Well, I used to have a regular caddy at a particular course and she would always call me on Friday night to confirm the following day's tee-off time. My fiance knew this, but would still be a bit peeved that this caddy was calling me. There's all sorts of jealousy/faithfulness issues tied up in that, and it always used to annoy me as there was nothing going on. In the end, it was easier to change caddy every week rather than going through the BS.

Putting aside the cultural thing and getting back to the language issue, my fiance also helps me with my Thai, correcting pronunciation and grammar, and I also help her with her English. It's a lot of fun (frustrating too sometimes), and we have a lot of laughs. She is however very particular about me learning too much Isarn, as although she comes from Korat, she feels that I should be learning and speaking "high Thai" and not Isarn. Another cultural "face" thing I think.

[mbkudu]

You would have to 'ask' some of the 'young' women... not just Thais. At 50 I married a stunning Greek girl/woman of 20. At 48 my live-in g/f was Turkish and 18 and now at 60 married to a Thai 37. My present wife is the oldest woman I have ever been with... I just seem to attract young women and not always when I had money.

I do agree with when in Rome.

Ravisher, you are starting to sound like a broken record .

[JemJem]

I live in Greece and do not speak the Greek language either and have lived here almost 10 years without language problems. I have even had situations where it is better not to speak 'some' of the language... better to calm 'aggravated' situations down where a translator is needed... The person aggravated must wait for the translation... and this gives time for the person to calm down, because he soon realises that shouting or ranting is going to serve no purpose...

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I am not criticising you or anything like that Ravisher.....but how come you were not interested in learning Greek language in those 10 years ? As far as I know, it is not really the hardest of languages to learn (well...for instance, for Europeans, Greek would be much much easier to learn than, say, Thai or Chinese.....one important thing, it is not a 'tonal language').

Having at least an 'intermediate-level' knowledge of Greek language would surely have helped you a lot in many aspects.

Cheers,

Jem