Wife Wants To Go Back To Thailand To Have Baby

[Yager]

My wife is almost 3 months pregnant. She is feeling incredibly homesick and wants to return to Thailand to have the baby with her family. She wants to stay around 6 months (3 before and 3 after birth) I would have to stay in the USA to work and pay the bills. Finances are a little tight and because of the nature of my work it's possible that I would not be able to make it for the birth. This does not seem to bother her. Does anyone else have experience with this? Is this a normal urge for a pregnant woman? On one hand I understand her feelings but on the other hand I miss out on the experience as a father.

[coventry]

My wife is almost 3 months pregnant. She is feeling incredibly homesick and wants to return to Thailand to have the baby with her family. She wants to stay around 6 months (3 before and 3 after birth) I would have to stay in the USA to work and pay the bills. Finances are a little tight and because of the nature of my work it's possible that I would not be able to make it for the birth. This does not seem to bother her. Does anyone else have experience with this? Is this a normal urge for a pregnant woman? On one hand I understand her feelings but on the other hand I miss out on the experience as a father.

Get her to find a doctor that will permit a female family member into the theatre and video it, would be my suggestion.

[MJo]

Fly her mother to US. Everybody happy and propably cheaper as well.

[francois]

Fly her mother to US. Everybody happy and propably cheaper as well.

hi'

+1 for the late solution

the best ... in case she wouldn't fancy to go back to states ...

F

[g00dgirl]

Help her to be wherever she wants to be and with whomever she wants to be for the birth. It's most important for her to be able to be where she feels most comfortable.

[TexasRanger]

Let her do what makes her the most comfortable. As for the father experiences you will have many to look forward to. Look after your finances, that will be most important. The wives of military men all over the world give birtth without Dad, it's no big deal.

[Orac]

I went through the same a few months back - my wife was fairly settled in the UK but, when she became pregnant she started to worry. We made the decision for her to move back to Thailand 3 months before the birth (there would have been problems with her flying after 6 months) however I did manage to make it over for the birth 2 weeks ago.

In hindsight this was clearly the right decision to have made as the support provided by the family in Thailand is unlike anything I have ever seen in the UK and it removed a great deal of stress for my wife being in familiar surroundings.

A word of warning though as I have found, and others judging from some recent post I have seen here, is that the family will take over and your role as a father may not be what you expected. Some on here have suggested you have to put your foot down with the family and show them who is boss however I am unsure this is the right approach. Since our baby was born two months ago my wife has been taken care of by the family - her mother and sister have moved in with us and sleep with my wife in either the front room or the kitchen and all her food is cooked for her. Every morning I wake up to find the whole house has been cleaned and there are various members of the family inside and sat outside the house - as far as the family is concerned nothing is too much trouble for my wife but I on the other hand feel like just an observer at times.

I am in no doubt that the current situation is in the best interests of both my wife and daughter but it is just a bit frustrating at times!

[notasexpat]

just let her do it. Personally her mom moved in 2months after birth and her sister came 4days a week 3 months before and still now.

You dont have to clean the house, cook, clean the diapers. All you get to do is play with your kid when you feel like it. and since you have an actual life and usualy those relatives dont, they can take care of the night feedings or cries for you.

Cant have it any better, only quality time, discard the rest to them. (in return they get white blood, good house and no worry for food and shelter) I consider them watching tv on my 55" their payment

[thaitot]

Be carefull on the visa thing she may have a problem staying in Thailand more than 6 months.

She could lose her status in the USA and you would need to re apply.

I doubt the mother in law could get a visa to the USA

I would keep it under 6 months to be safe.

But check.

Good luck.

I would say ok provided you have a solid relationship and if you do not. I would still say ok.

[lost_in_space]

I'd let her return to Thailand. then I'd move heaven and earth to be there for the birth. It was a big deal for me, too. Then I'd go back to work. The first 9 months of of my daughter's life didn't involve me much as a father, mostly I just cooed at her. After that tho' things really changed. Prior to that, let her be as comfortable as she can be. One issue I see if she stays in Thailand for long after the birth is that Thais sometimes have outdated ideas about child-rearing, especially breast feeding. Google Bambi Bangkok for links to progressive Thai nurses. My wife had some weird ideas that only another Thai could talk her out of.

BTW Congrats!

[Yager]

Thanks a lot for everyone's feedback. It's reassuring to know that others have had simliar experiences, and that's a good point about military dads. I will help her to be where she feels the most comfortable and have the most support. She just got her two year green card so I will have to check and see if there are any travel limits on how long she can be out of country. There's also some talk of having her mom come back with her to help our for a while, if we can get the visa.

[Brigante7]

My wife is almost 3 months pregnant. She is feeling incredibly homesick and wants to return to Thailand to have the baby with her family. She wants to stay around 6 months (3 before and 3 after birth) I would have to stay in the USA to work and pay the bills. Finances are a little tight and because of the nature of my work it's possible that I would not be able to make it for the birth. This does not seem to bother her. Does anyone else have experience with this? Is this a normal urge for a pregnant woman? On one hand I understand her feelings but on the other hand I miss out on the experience as a father.

Hi Yager, sorry to say but the fact that you might not make it for the birth does not seem to bother her would give me cause for concern, and to the poster who said it's no big deal if the dad isn't at the birth is either a woman or a man who has no children or a man who hasn't witnessed the birth of his child and to say it's no big deal if the dad isn't there is offensive to me as a dad.

Brigante7.

[473geo]

Many species return to their area of birth to give birth....so I guess being homesick is very normal. Orac has summed this up well.......you really are not required at the birth.....thai women and new borns are well looked after by their families......you can try and push in.......but like Orac I viewed from a safe non intrusive distance.....not really being into dirty nappies all day every day!!!! Do not read anything into the fact that your wife will not be disappointed if you are not at the birth....I was at the hospital and was asked if I would like to go home to get some sleep about an hour before the birth!!......Thai women are just a very relaxed when everything is under control. Great attitude.

[rolypie]

Does it not concern you that your child will be born of thai nationality and will therefore have difficulty in later life traveling the world needing visas to so much as cough! My wife and i are flying back to England so the child will be born English even tho the child will have a dual passport this is going to be benificial later in life.

[think_too_mut]

Does it not concern you that your child will be born of thai nationality and will therefore have difficulty in later life traveling the world needing visas to so much as cough!

Why would it be of any concern?

My baby was born in Thai and has both Thai and Australian passports. How does it make anything difficult later in her life?

Are there any restrictions on Australian citizens born in places outside of Australia?

It is more likely to be beneficial: she is a clean and 100% Thai citizen (as she is Australian) and that will make her sail easy throught Thai property and other laws. May even work well for me.

[Crossy]

Does it not concern you that your child will be born of thai nationality and will therefore have difficulty in later life traveling the world needing visas to so much as cough! My wife and i are flying back to England so the child will be born English even tho the child will have a dual passport this is going to be benificial later in life.

I can't comment on US law, but YOUR child will be British and Thai wherever it's born (no need to be actually born in the UK)

I suspect US rules on nationality will be similar.

[Lost in LOS]

i would do anything i could to have the kid born in the US so assured of citizenship and with dual citizenship the future might be much better. sure wish i had dual citizenship

[samran]

Does it not concern you that your child will be born of thai nationality and will therefore have difficulty in later life traveling the world needing visas to so much as cough! My wife and i are flying back to England so the child will be born English even tho the child will have a dual passport this is going to be benificial later in life.

unless you yourself were born outside of the UK to British parents then you are wasting your money on the airline ticket.

Child will automatically be a UK citizen so long as you were born in the UK. Child will automatically acquire Thai nationality by virtue of being born to a Thai parent (whether inside or outside of thailand).

[samran]

Does it not concern you that your child will be born of thai nationality and will therefore have difficulty in later life traveling the world needing visas to so much as cough!

Why would it be of any concern?

My baby was born in Thai and has both Thai and Australian passports. How does it make anything difficult later in her life?

Are there any restrictions on Australian citizens born in places outside of Australia?

It is more likely to be beneficial: she is a clean and 100% Thai citizen (as she is Australian) and that will make her sail easy throught Thai property and other laws. May even work well for me.

Australia requires that if you were born OS, you need to be present in Australia for at least 2 years of your life to be able to pass down Australian citizenship if you subsequently have your kids outside of Australia too. Note, if you go back to OZ to have a child, then your child is automatically an OZ citizen, regarless of how long you have spent there.

My kids are in the same position. To show they have a link to OZ, we keep all the stubs from the trips we make there, so they tally up to 2 years. Although we intend to go back there for senior schooling, we are being safe.

Our kids also have kiwi citizenship. They require 5 years living in NZ before our daughters can pass that down to any kids they may have outside of NZ.

Last but not least, Thai nationality is passed down by blood. So long as there are no changes in the law, despite both my daughters being blong haired and blue eyed, and as white as the Irish, they can pass down Thai nationality anywhere in the world, and their decendants can continue to claim it, even if they have no physical link or bond to Thailand. In this way, Thai nationality law is very liberal.....

note: edited for clairty.

Edited April 3, 2009 by samran

[think_too_mut]

Australia requires that if you were born OS, you need to be present in Australia for at least 2 years of your life to be able to pass down Australian citizenship if you subsequently have your kids outside of Australia too.

I forgot about that. I own a premier property at Sydney's Potts Point there and we intended to move back in 3 years.

However, after returning from Thailand last Sunday, my wife, unexpectedly, asked me: "Why don't we stay in Japan until University time?".

It means 13 years from now.

Small wonder: as much as men in Japan get battered at work, women have great life here. She must be enjoying it even more than normal.

[Geekfreaklover]

Make sure you keep in close contact with the mother and child if she decides to go back to Thailand she will probably want to stay for a year or two as the average Thai family normally like to help out with the child care.

Not ideal to be introduced as a stranger to your child after a period of months. If you do decide to have the baby in Thaialand make sure you use a good private hospital and establish a reltionship with the child as soon as you can.

[473geo]

The private hospital vs public has, if you care to look, been aired on another thread........ having the baby in Thailand will allow your wife to be supported by her family, her family doctor, who will have used local hospitals and will know which is the best.....if you are looking for the inexpensive route which you have implied....well returning to Thailand allowing your wife to use a public hospital of her own choosing could well be the way to go.

[dieter1]

Ok, it seems , that you wife performs a bit like a little child(in the western definition of mature behaviour) , "incredible homesick". She seems not to accept (or is not able) to live in your country- to integrate in that life, to have friends and to have enough social support.

It seems to be a "Thai" think. I can not imagine- f. e. a woman from the fillippines , who was willing to migrate to your country, would act in this way. We have many people from all over the world living in my country, and I have never heard of such a behavior.

What, if she will be pregnant again, lets say one year later. Will she again stay in Thailand to give birth ? So, within about 2 years, she would stay half of this time in Thailand ! That´s nice. Or she will ask, to stay in Thailand. Why come back ? That will be a really nice family life ! Yes, for her Thai family! Not for you!

To have a good and stable relationship, it is very important that man and woman stay together most of the time, - and especially in very important times like giving birth.

second:

To get a really deep relationship with you child, it is very important to stay with the child from the beginning.

I say this from my own experience ! And do not think, it´s a good that women take care of all the dirty things. (feeding, cleaning etc. ) If you dont do it, you will always feel secondary; if you are not able to do all these things , which are necessary to keep a baby alive.

(do you know, that the "shit" from young babies doesnt smell that bad, especially as long as they get only the breast?

The bad smelling starts, mostly when they start to eat meat !)

Sad thing is, that many (most) men will never know, what they have lost, by not having a real close relationship to their baby (child), I mean a close relationship like acting like a mother. And most man will for ever be in the believe, that woman must have a special ability (gene) to care for babies that man dont have.

I have to say, thank you, because you remind me of telling my future wife, that I expect her to stay with me most of the time, and I am not willing to let her go for half a year or more and I have to stay alone, just working and sending money...

And be the totally unknown clown for my child for a long time!

And if she thinks, this is ok, she should search for someone else.

It seems, Thais still have a concept of living and many men in the west have already lost it !

Last not least:

I think, medical care in my country is much better, better for the wife and better for the child.

Do "google" just for the fact, in how many cases they do Caesarean section in Thailand.

It´s nearly unbelievable.This alone shows, that they are just plain stupid (the doctors!),or just bad professional, or that they only are interested in making money (for the surgery). This alone is reason enough to insist to have my wife in my country for giving birth.

[notasexpat]

the problem with ceasarians come from uneducated thais which is ok AND idiots who keep forking money over to bangkok hospitals and similar hospitals.

any 1baht u give to that hospital, you help the idiotic movement of overpricing and dangerous procedures.

I could afford private hospital but i personally chose to have the delivery in a christian hospital(im not christian) They're cheap, Doctors are way more qualifed than at any hospital i have visited and they enjoy their jobs.

Phuket has mission, Bangkok has st-louis both top notch hospitals.

[Orac]

We went to the local government hospital so as to be close to my wifes family. The doctor was very keen on a natural birth but, part way into labour, there were some complications so she was given an emergency c-section. We then paid 1300 per night for four nights in the hospitals VIP suite for recovery.

[dixonbm]

My wife is 4 months pregnant. We live in the US. Recently she has been asking me to go home to Thailand to give birth. We initially discussed this option when she first became pregnant, but decided against it becaue of the uncertainty that I would make it for the birth. However, after a few months of pregnancy she is practically begging me to go home because she knows her mother and sister will TAKE CARE OF HER and wait on her, hand and foot.

It has been very difficult for me to resist her. However, this is our first child and I really want to be there for the birth. If I take off work and wait around a week or two in Thailand for my baby to be born, then that is a week or two of vacation time I will lose spending with my baby. She also wants to stay 2 months after the baby's birth for the extra help. And I will have to return home shortly after the birth to go back to work. So, there will be another few months that I will miss out on of my child's life.

I feel much better about her having the baby here and then going to Thailand a month after the birth. I can go with her for a few weeks and let her stay for an additional month after I come home. This will give her and the baby time to spend with her family but won't deprive me of my right to be a father. I don't want to be selfish, but this is my child too.

I'm not concerned about where the baby is born. As others have said the child will be both Thai and American simply by being born to a Thai mother (who is also a naturalized US citizen) and an American father. We'll just have to go to the applicable embassy, Thai embassy if born in US or US embassy if born in Thailand, to apply for a Thai birth certificate or American Consular Report of Birth Abroad. Then we can apply for the applicable passport.

So, do you think I am being selfish or simply enforcing my rights as the father? Should I let her go and maybe miss the birth? Or do you agree with me?

[Orac]

It could be the way I am reading this but, if your main concern is losing a week or two of vacation time if you have to come to Thailand, how were you intending to look after your wife if she had the baby in the US - surely you would have taken time off work to look after her and, if not, no wonder she wants to go back home.

As I have pointed out in previous posts in this topic, we decided that my wife should retun to Thailand to have our baby and, in hindsight, I am very glad we did decide to do this.

[venturalaw]

Help her to be wherever she wants to be and with whomever she wants to be for the birth. It's most important for her to be able to be where she feels most comfortable.

It's every bit as important for you to be part of the whole process. My wife's mother joined us after the birth and was extremely helpful. The suggestion of bringing mom-in-law out to the states is the best. Your wife needs her mother to be with her. You need to be there for the birth. It is not selfish of you to welcome your new son or daughter into this world. It's ignorant for anyone to suggest otherwise.

[venturalaw]

My wife is almost 3 months pregnant. She is feeling incredibly homesick and wants to return to Thailand to have the baby with her family. She wants to stay around 6 months (3 before and 3 after birth) I would have to stay in the USA to work and pay the bills. Finances are a little tight and because of the nature of my work it's possible that I would not be able to make it for the birth. This does not seem to bother her. Does anyone else have experience with this? Is this a normal urge for a pregnant woman? On one hand I understand her feelings but on the other hand I miss out on the experience as a father.

Hi Yager, sorry to say but the fact that you might not make it for the birth does not seem to bother her would give me cause for concern, and to the poster who said it's no big deal if the dad isn't at the birth is either a woman or a man who has no children or a man who hasn't witnessed the birth of his child and to say it's no big deal if the dad isn't there is offensive to me as a dad.

Brigante7.

It would be cause for concern if she grew up with western values. Thai men are often not involved or as involved in the process of the birth or taking care afterwards, and therefore it would be normal for your wife not to realize the importance for a western man to be present for the birth.

Another post that is pertinent is where men have experienced basically being shut out with the wife's family taking over. This is also normal for the Thai, but for me it was upper most that I bond with my newborn. So, I was there, insisted that my wife sleep with me and of course that our baby be with us in our room. This was odd to my wife's mother, but SHE adjusted. Her help was tremendous.

It's similar to most situations when one is blending cultures. There is compromise.

[venturalaw]

Be carefull on the visa thing she may have a problem staying in Thailand more than 6 months.

She could lose her status in the USA and you would need to re apply.

I doubt the mother in law could get a visa to the USA

I would keep it under 6 months to be safe.

But check.

Good luck.

I would say ok provided you have a solid relationship and if you do not. I would still say ok.

It would not be easy to get the visa for mom, but worth it. It can be done.

Edited July 2, 2009 by venturalaw