Svenn Posted April 27, 2009 Share Posted April 27, 2009 My Thai gf (a new convert to thaivisa) actually asked me to post this - like 3 of her friends, within the last couple years, have gotten pregnant with a farang who is already married, not interested in taking care of her, etc. She and I are both shocked by the advice other friends seems to give to these pregnant girls- "have the baby to force him (the farang) take care of you, if you get an abortion it will only make him happy". . I only hear vauge hearsay about what these farangs are doing about the situation- other than they seem to be really angry. I can't imagine being in that situation but I bet some people hear have? What could a farang possibly do in this situation? I guess I'm most suprised by how lightheartedly having a baby seems to be for them... I wonder if anyone has been able to talk such a girl out of having the baby? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WinnieTheKhwai Posted April 27, 2009 Share Posted April 27, 2009 (edited) What could a farang possibly do in this situation? They could walk. That would be a risk those women take by having the baby against the expressed wishes of the presumed father. Note that this scenario isn't exactly a rarity among, erm, lower income groups in this country. I wonder if anyone has been able to talk such a girl out of having the baby? Some options: 1. Use reason and common sense. (unlikely to work, but doesn't hurt to try) or 2. Make promises ("we're not ready yet, but we will be in the future") or 3. Leave. Faced with having to raise a baby alone without a good income, some will opt not to have the baby. At that point it's possible to gravitate back together again, but no guarantees of course. or 4. Pro-actively move the decision along, such as by making a hospital/clinic appointment and taking her there. Having an abortion is very much considered 'wrong' in Thai culture/religion, so by having someone else "make the decision for them", they might just go along with it as it would be less of a 'sin' (baab') for the woman, resulting in losing relatively fewer points on their karmic score cards. ------- NB: I'm no big fan of abortion in general, to put it mildly, and I do believe the guy is as much to blame as the woman in any such case. But since you asked, these are the answers and I realize they're not pretty. Consider that many Thai women genuinely feel that abortion is the murder of a baby; it's not entirely unreasonable to allow an expectant mother to not kill their baby. Even if you do manage to force an abortion it can cause severe distress, psychological issues and severe strains on the relationship. Having a kid can be a good thing; keep in mind that in this culture the father is not really expected to be overly involved in anything baby related other than at conception. Don't turn it into a bigger thing than it really is. Having babies is as natural as lusting after women is. Edited April 27, 2009 by WinnieTheKhwai Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
torrenova Posted April 27, 2009 Share Posted April 27, 2009 Most will not be taking care of the baby 24/7 or even 1/24 because it will be dumped on an older generation who does not work to look after. Thus, it initially becomes only a minor inconvenience to the mother. More than 20 years ago when I could have barely found Thailand on the map, a friend of mine worked with a guy who had been to Thailand and had a baby with a girl there. now I knew nothing and where I grew up, Spain was an adventure almost beyond belief and if you had been to the USA, then you could talk about your 2 weeks there for months. I remember asking about how he was a father in the UK with a mother and baby in Thailand and whether he supported her. No, was the answer. He did, but afterwards did not. Not much has changed in 20+ years. I did not guess for one second that she was probably some hooker from a bar. Life is cheap here. Cheap in death and cheap in life also. Very little consideration, if any, is given to the prospective baby and the fact that without support, it's chances in life are not good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Svenn Posted April 27, 2009 Author Share Posted April 27, 2009 Life is cheap here. Cheap in death and cheap in life also. Very little consideration, if any, is given to the prospective baby and the fact that without support, it's chances in life are not good. That is very well said... I remember an old Cambodian guy back home saying something to the same effect when describing how killing was executed so lightheartedly in the khmer rouge era. In all these collectivist asian societies where life is pretty much predetermined at birth, i think it's a natural consequence. anyway, if i was in this situation, the option i would seriously consider taking is hiring someone to slip some sort of abortion pill into her drink. immoral on many levels i know, but... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Royk Posted April 27, 2009 Share Posted April 27, 2009 My Thai gf (a new convert to thaivisa) actually asked me to post this - like 3 of her friends, within the last couple years, have gotten pregnant with a farang who is already married, not interested in taking care of her, etc. She and I are both shocked by the advice other friends seems to give to these pregnant girls- "have the baby to force him (the farang) take care of you, if you get an abortion it will only make him happy". . I only hear vauge hearsay about what these farangs are doing about the situation- other than they seem to be really angry. I can't imagine being in that situation but I bet some people hear have? What could a farang possibly do in this situation? I guess I'm most suprised by how lightheartedly having a baby seems to be for them... I wonder if anyone has been able to talk such a girl out of having the baby? I may sound cruel here but why did they let themselves get pregnant in the first place? There are protections they can use. Why did they get pregnant with a married man? If they were not aware of the fact at the time, then I'm sorry but one solution is obvious. Get an abortion. Think about it. A married man irresponsible enough not to use any protection while sleeping around is a health risk for all parties. God knows how many he's been sleeping with. That kind of person is not likely to take any responsibility for the baby anyway. If she forces the person to take the responsibility, she's going to have a miserable life because I don't think the guy is going to give up his old habit. He didn't give it up when he got married. I think he would simply shrug and bugger off. Try telling them this, it may help change their mind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
torrenova Posted April 27, 2009 Share Posted April 27, 2009 Come on, even western women where they are the mistress sometimes "accidentally" get pregnant to force the issue of him leaving his wife. For them the motive is not necessarily purely financial but for a poor Thai, an income stream based on the western guy's guilt is a pay day better than any job they could reasonably get. Remember, for many people here, work is an interruption to the preferred ritual of sleep, eat, sleep, eat, ad infinitum. Personal advancement through one's own work and effort is lost on the vast majority and any and I mean any quick fix solution to gaining cash for nil effort is highly desirable. The fact that such a shitty attitude involves human life does not worry them. Do they love kids ? Sure, like you love your pension. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wasabi Posted April 27, 2009 Share Posted April 27, 2009 (edited) This is not surprising at all. Morality is not very high on the list of importance here but finding some loot is. This is why back door entry was invented. Edited April 27, 2009 by wasabi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cognos Posted April 27, 2009 Share Posted April 27, 2009 My Thai gf (a new convert to thaivisa) actually asked me to post this - like 3 of her friends, within the last couple years, have gotten pregnant with a farang who is already married, not interested in taking care of her, etc. She and I are both shocked by the advice other friends seems to give to these pregnant girls- "have the baby to force him (the farang) take care of you, if you get an abortion it will only make him happy". . I only hear vauge hearsay about what these farangs are doing about the situation- other than they seem to be really angry. I can't imagine being in that situation but I bet some people hear have? What could a farang possibly do in this situation? I guess I'm most suprised by how lightheartedly having a baby seems to be for them... I wonder if anyone has been able to talk such a girl out of having the baby?The farang should have some moral and ethical fortitude and not have sex with anyone else but their wife.Reality is different,so there are untold poor young Thai women that have been knocked up by unscrupulous farangs who can only think with their "little heads".There are many good farangs in Thailand,but like eveything else in this life,the lowest common denominator often rules the day from car drivers to farang sex tourists prooving their self worth by fornicating often and with deluded young women hoping for a way out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
torrenova Posted April 27, 2009 Share Posted April 27, 2009 My Thai gf (a new convert to thaivisa) actually asked me to post this - like 3 of her friends, within the last couple years, have gotten pregnant with a farang who is already married, not interested in taking care of her, etc. She and I are both shocked by the advice other friends seems to give to these pregnant girls- "have the baby to force him (the farang) take care of you, if you get an abortion it will only make him happy". . I only hear vauge hearsay about what these farangs are doing about the situation- other than they seem to be really angry. I can't imagine being in that situation but I bet some people hear have? What could a farang possibly do in this situation? I guess I'm most suprised by how lightheartedly having a baby seems to be for them... I wonder if anyone has been able to talk such a girl out of having the baby?The farang should have some moral and ethical fortitude and not have sex with anyone else but their wife.Reality is different,so there are untold poor young Thai women that have been knocked up by unscrupulous farangs who can only think with their "little heads".There are many good farangs in Thailand,but like eveything else in this life,the lowest common denominator often rules the day from car drivers to farang sex tourists prooving their self worth by fornicating often and with deluded young women hoping for a way out. Fully paid up member of the god squad are we ? You'll be telling us there is an afterlife next and all us wrong doers will spend eternity in hel_l ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snuggzzz Posted April 27, 2009 Share Posted April 27, 2009 There is no easy answer to this, as since time immemorial the prospect of unwanted pregnancies has always brought a mixture of feelings to the fore, dependant on individual circumstances. Many books, stories and History have been writen on the subject, Kingdoms lost and fortunes found. As for this given situation, Thai ladies like western girls are concious of situations and pregnancy, the cultural tolerances are a judgement for someone else to comment upon. The only call I'll make is that the no-one knows what's in someone else's mind............. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thaiwanderer Posted April 27, 2009 Share Posted April 27, 2009 Am i the only one who feels uncomfortable with the frequent use of the word 'girls' rather than 'women'? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snuggzzz Posted April 27, 2009 Share Posted April 27, 2009 the comments I made included Ladies and Girls, this a form of relating to younger women as opposed to older or elderly women Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yabaaaa Posted April 27, 2009 Share Posted April 27, 2009 Abort it early, do Thais worry when they drive down a road killing an maiming?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pierrot Posted April 27, 2009 Share Posted April 27, 2009 My Thai gf (a new convert to thaivisa) actually asked me to post this - like 3 of her friends, within the last couple years, have gotten pregnant with a farang who is already married, not interested in taking care of her, etc. She and I are both shocked by the advice other friends seems to give to these pregnant girls- "have the baby to force him (the farang) take care of you, if you get an abortion it will only make him happy". . I only hear vauge hearsay about what these farangs are doing about the situation- other than they seem to be really angry. I can't imagine being in that situation but I bet some people hear have? What could a farang possibly do in this situation? I guess I'm most suprised by how lightheartedly having a baby seems to be for them... I wonder if anyone has been able to talk such a girl out of having the baby? I'm surprised nobody has disccussed the meaning of "taking care". Marrying the lady or sending a fat cheque everymonth ? Some situations are more related to extortion and blackmail than to a loving relationship. The OP is surprised of "how lightheartedly having a baby seems to be for them... ". Maybe because it was never their intention in the first place. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GuestHouse Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 (edited) Some dumb guy rolls up in Thailand looking for cheap/easy or perhaps available sex and is then surprised because he's suddenly become a father. Perhaps he forgot sex is about making babies - Nature did not forget. ..... and it's not like there are no means to beat nature at this game. And so what, some woman who thinks getting pregnant is going to trap her guy - Wasn't he out for something too? Thailand where the worst of the West meets the Worst of the East .... and they breed. ---- Did the OP's girlfriend really sugest he post this, or is he perhaps expressing his own fears? If you don't want to be a father - Keep the wee fella covered! Edited April 28, 2009 by GuestHouse Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tuky Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 I have seen it go the other way too. A friend of my ex-wife had two kids to a Thai bloke, she ended up married to a Japanese guy. She fell pregnant to the Jap guy several times and each time aborted the child without the Jap guys knowledge. Her reasoning was that if she had the Jap dudes kid, he might stop loving his step kids as much. Deceit, either way it works will only end in tears. According to a phone call from my ex the Jap dude ended up raping the step daughter when she turned 12, would he have done this if he had his own kids with the wife? step sisters and brothers may have helped him to see the 12 yr old as a family member rather than a piece of meat, who knows, but that particular situation turned out poorly for all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dakhar Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 This is not surprising at all. Morality is not very high on the list of importance here but finding some loot is. This is why back door entry was invented. rump ranger.... but much respect Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john b good Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 If my circumstances were different than they currently are (have a GF who would kill both me and the child if I even suggested that I would take it over) If the present GF and myself part company, I would be (at least I think I would be) willing to take on a pregnant girl / woman (providing she didn't look like Frankenstiens sister) Her (the womens) background would have to be taken into consideration as well. I would not want someone who has been around the clock a couple of thousand horizontal miles. That said anyone in that category would be unlikely to find herself with a swelling tummy would she Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WinnieTheKhwai Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 Thailand: where the worst of the West meets the Worst of the East .... and they breed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WinnieTheKhwai Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 Am i the only one who feels uncomfortable with the frequent use of the word 'girls' rather than 'women'? Probably. Look it up in a dictionary if you must. They're available online, check all the usages. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paperwerks Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 <<"have the baby to force him (the farang) take care of you,>> This is true thinking amoung the lower educated. It has now become Urban Legend in BKK that if you have baby with Falang (especialy from Europe) all you have to do is go to their Embassy and the European government will start sending big cash checks every month for the girl and another check for the baby. Another variation on the get rich quick scheme by fleecing a falang. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wasabi Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 Some dumb guy rolls up in Thailand looking for cheap/easy or perhaps available sex and is then surprised because he's suddenly become a father.Perhaps he forgot sex is about making babies - Nature did not forget. ..... and it's not like there are no means to beat nature at this game. I was thinking about this too. Was the guy riding bareback? What did he expect? Whether or not the girl intentionally got pregnant if he intentionally went in uncovered than it's his responsibility. Maybe he doesn't know how babies are made. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goodheartman Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 Am i the only one who feels uncomfortable with the frequent use of the word 'girls' rather than 'women'? yes you are the only one. they are known the world over as thai girls. even if they are old thai girls Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
canuckamuck Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 One would expect that the career whore mongers would go for the big V. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
t.s Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 mistakes happen, i have had surprises with a farang girlfriend and a thai girlfriend, not for lack of caution. in the latter case it is very safe to say my daughter was unplanned, she is certainly not unwanted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crocodilexp Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 What could a farang possibly do in this situation? They could walk. That would be a risk those women take by having the baby against the expressed wishes of the presumed father. Note that this scenario isn't exactly a rarity among, erm, lower income groups in this country. I wonder if anyone has been able to talk such a girl out of having the baby? Some options: 1. Use reason and common sense. (unlikely to work, but doesn't hurt to try) 2. Make promises ("we're not ready yet, but we will be in the future") 3. Leave. Faced with having to raise a baby alone without a good income, some will opt not to have the baby. At that point it's possible to gravitate back together again, but no guarantees of course. 4. Pro-actively move the decision along, such as by making a hospital/clinic appointment and taking her there. Having an abortion is very much considered 'wrong' in Thai culture/religion, so by having someone else "make the decision for them", they might just go along with it as it would be less of a 'sin' (baab') for the woman, resulting in losing relatively fewer points on their karmic score cards. This is the most useful, if not the only truly useful comment on the board, especially point #4. I think #3 (leaving) is risky, since they'll probably decide to have a baby anyway (just look at how many single moms are around with Thai guys that knocked them up and left). Most half-decent blokes would be horrified at a prospect of not knowing their child and the possibility that it is being raised by illiterate peasants in some end-of-the world village of Issan, with no real opportunities in life. Certainly, the option should not be taken off the table in negotiations (GF should think it's almost certain if she doesn't comply). Therefore, it's good either commit to supporting the baby or to make every effort to get a proper safe abortion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goodheartman Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 (edited) yes, getting good scores on cosmic karma card is the way to go! and can some resident of issan stand up for your people. im offended at the way previous poster portrayed you . Edited April 28, 2009 by goodheartman Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
khaowong1 Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 Come on, even western women where they are the mistress sometimes "accidentally" get pregnant to force the issue of him leaving his wife. For them the motive is not necessarily purely financial but for a poor Thai, an income stream based on the western guy's guilt is a pay day better than any job they could reasonably get.Remember, for many people here, work is an interruption to the preferred ritual of sleep, eat, sleep, eat, ad infinitum. Personal advancement through one's own work and effort is lost on the vast majority and any and I mean any quick fix solution to gaining cash for nil effort is highly desirable. The fact that such a shitty attitude involves human life does not worry them. Do they love kids ? Sure, like you love your pension. Torrenova, you pulled no punches and I can find no fault in your answer... good job... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
khaowong1 Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 What could a farang possibly do in this situation? They could walk. That would be a risk those women take by having the baby against the expressed wishes of the presumed father. Note that this scenario isn't exactly a rarity among, erm, lower income groups in this country. I wonder if anyone has been able to talk such a girl out of having the baby? Some options: 1. Use reason and common sense. (unlikely to work, but doesn't hurt to try) or 2. Make promises ("we're not ready yet, but we will be in the future") or 3. Leave. Faced with having to raise a baby alone without a good income, some will opt not to have the baby. At that point it's possible to gravitate back together again, but no guarantees of course. or 4. Pro-actively move the decision along, such as by making a hospital/clinic appointment and taking her there. Having an abortion is very much considered 'wrong' in Thai culture/religion, so by having someone else "make the decision for them", they might just go along with it as it would be less of a 'sin' (baab') for the woman, resulting in losing relatively fewer points on their karmic score cards. ------- NB: I'm no big fan of abortion in general, to put it mildly, and I do believe the guy is as much to blame as the woman in any such case. But since you asked, these are the answers and I realize they're not pretty. Consider that many Thai women genuinely feel that abortion is the murder of a baby; it's not entirely unreasonable to allow an expectant mother to not kill their baby. Even if you do manage to force an abortion it can cause severe distress, psychological issues and severe strains on the relationship. Having a kid can be a good thing; keep in mind that in this culture the father is not really expected to be overly involved in anything baby related other than at conception. Don't turn it into a bigger thing than it really is. Having babies is as natural as lusting after women is. You lost me right at #1 - use reason and common sense - this is Thailand... or did you forget... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
khaowong1 Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 Am i the only one who feels uncomfortable with the frequent use of the word 'girls' rather than 'women'? Yes..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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