Worst Joke Ever

[anon21]

Sister to brother, after sex... "Hey, you're better than dad!"

Brother... "I know, mom told me"

don't think that one can be beaten!

Did anyone else notice that "Mom" was spelt the "American way"?

If you mean, warfie, that very funny brother and sister incest joke on page 10 of this thread, then it just shows that the events must have taken place in a log cabin somewhere in the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia rather than out in the Fens of Norfolk!

.... talking of which ....

A man is driving through a remote part of the Fens. It's a hot summer's day (obviously not this year!) and he's beginning to feel thirsty. He sees ahead of him a pub down near the river. He parks his car and enters the pub.

As he shuts the door behind him, the locals inside all stop their talking and stare at him. He takes a deep breath and walks up to the bar and orders his beer. The barman simply stares at him. There is total silence.

Then a man standing at the bar turns to him and says: "What are you doing in these here parts?"

"I'm a taxidermist, and I'm heading up to King's Lynn on business."

The local looks confused: "What's a taxidermist when it's at home then?"

"It means that I mount and stuff animals."

The local roars with laughter and turns to the others and says: "It's alright lads, he's one of us!"

Greetings from over the Silver Sea

Edited July 20, 2012 by Silver sea

[David48]

A train hits a bus filled with Catholic schoolgirls and they all perish.

They are in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates when St. Peter asks the first girl 'Tiffany, have you ever had any contact with a male organ?' She giggles and shyly replies, 'Well, I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger.' St. Peter says, 'Okay, dip the tip of your finger in the Holy Water and pass through the gate.'

St. Peter asks the next girl the same question, 'Jennifer, have you ever had any contact with a male organ?' The girl is a little reluctant but replies, 'Well, once I fondled and stroked one.' St. Peter says, ' Okay, dip your whole hand in the Holy Water and pass through the gate.'

All of a sudden, there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls. One girl is pushing her way to the front of the line.

When she reaches the front, St. Peter says, 'Nicola, What seems to be the rush?'

The girl replies, 'If I'm going to have to gargle that Holy Water, I want to do it before Sharon sticks her arse in it.'

[Thaddeus]

Numbers 7,9,11,13,15,16 and 18.

Which is the odd one out and why?

[nurofiend]

i met a man last night who reminded me of my dad

he said "Don't forget about your dad"

[nurofiend]

i can hear music coming out of the photocopier

the paper must be jammin' again

Edited July 20, 2012 by nurofiend

[nurofiend]

i recently got dumped by a girl who works in the local petrol station.

now every time i go past there i cant help but fill up.

[nurofiend]

what goes " ooooo "?

a cow with no lips

[nurofiend]

i always try to warn people about the dangers of phone sex.

you might get hearing aids

Edited July 20, 2012 by nurofiend

[nurofiend]

a man went to the hospital after a serious accident.

he shouted, "doctor, doctor, i can't feel my legs!"

the doctor replied, "i know you can't, i've cut your arms off".

[nurofiend]

i had a crazy dream last night that i weighed less than a thousandth of a gram.

i was like, 0mg!

[nurofiend]

i got a sat nav the other day and decided to try the celebrity voices.

currently I'm going with Bono.

not bad at all except the streets have no names.

[nurofiend]

Numbers 7,9,11,13,15,16 and 18.

Which is the odd one out and why?

and?

cos it's not a number.

i'm guessing i'm wrong!

or the one in 11?

it's hardly 16 is it? that wouldn't be really much of a riddle.

screw this

Edited July 21, 2012 by nurofiend

[warfie]

Numbers 7,9,11,13,15,16 and 18.

Which is the odd one out and why?

Assuming it's not a trick question as Nurofiend suggests,

fcuked if I know... maybe 16, because it's the only number neatly divisible by 4? or because it's the only one which can be neatly converted to hexadecimal? or binary (2^4)?

What's your answer Thaddeus?

Sent from my... ahhh who gives a s#1t

Edited July 21, 2012 by warfie

[Ron19]

How can you tell if a politician is lying ?

Thier lips are moving.

[anon21]

Q: Who is the most popular man in a nudist camp?

A: The one who can carry two cups of coffee and 12 donuts.

Greetings from over the Silver Sea

[Thaddeus]

Numbers 7,9,11,13,15,16 and 18.

Which is the odd one out and why?

Assuming it's not a trick question as Nurofiend suggests,

fcuked if I know... maybe 16, because it's the only number neatly divisible by 4? or because it's the only one which can be neatly converted to hexadecimal? or binary (2^4)?

What's your answer Thaddeus?

Sent from my... ahhh who gives a s#1t

It's 18, all the others come with fried rice.

[bino]

Q: Who is the most popular man in a nudist camp?

A: The one who can carry two cups of coffee and 12 donuts.

Greetings from over the Silver Sea

Who's the most popular girl?

The one that can eat the last doughnut.

[warfie]

Numbers 7,9,11,13,15,16 and 18.

Which is the odd one out and why?

Assuming it's not a trick question as Nurofiend suggests,

fcuked if I know... maybe 16, because it's the only number neatly divisible by 4? or because it's the only one which can be neatly converted to hexadecimal? or binary (2^4)?

What's your answer Thaddeus?

Sent from my... ahhh who gives a s#1t

It's 18, all the others come with fried rice.

You'd best avoid TV parties in Chiang Mai! (where's the 'kicking the crap out of someone' emo?)

Sent from my... ahhh who gives a s#1t

Edited July 21, 2012 by warfie

[anon21]

Q: How do you get a fat bird into bed?

A: Piece of cake

Greetings from over the Silver Sea

[warfie]

i always try to warn people about the dangers of phone sex.

you might get hearing aids

You should aslo warn them about the dangers of wiping their arse with newspaper.

They might get ads.

(where's my coat?)

[MrMuddle]

A man goes to the Doctors, complaining about an itch and pains in his genital area.

The Doctor tells him to drop his trousers, and underwear, and then examines the affected area.

"Oh dear", says the Doctor, "I'm sorry to tell you that you've got GASH".

"I should explain, GASH is short for Gonorrhea, Aids, Syphillis, and Herpes, I'm afraid you've got them all"

"Oh my God", says the patient, "is there a cure?"

"Well", says the Doctor, "We'll have to put you in quarantine, and feed you Ryvita,and Kraft cheese slices"

"That's the cure?" says the astonished patient.

"No, it's the only food that will slide under the door".

[anon21]

Two flies on Kojak's head.

1st fly: "Smile!"

2nd fly: "Why?"

1st fly: "We're on Telly."

[warfie]

Two flies on Kojak's head.

1st fly: "Smile!"

2nd fly: "Why?"

1st fly: "We're on Telly."

oh dear...

[Robby nz]

Took my sick horse to the horsepitle yesterday.

They called today and said it was in a stable condition.

[overherebc]

Dear Mum,

You will be happy to know that I have broken up with John, I know you weren't happy about him being 28 years older than me and you were not happy about his background.

I have met a nice guy, John, who is also english and the same age as me.

We will be flying back to UK next week and we can all meet.

Photo att

Amy

[anon21]

A cowboy goes into a car showroom in Germany, and says: "Audi."

[Ron19]

[Ron19]

[Ron19]

[Ron19]