Once upon a time, in the Kingdom of Heaven , God went missing for six days.

Eventually, Archangel Michael found him on the seventh day resting..

He enquired of God, 'Where have you been?'

God pointed downwards through the clouds. Archangel Michael looked

puzzled and said, 'What is it?'

'It's a planet,' replied God, 'and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to

call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance.'

'Balance?' inquired Michael, still confused.

God explained, pointing down to different parts of the Earth.

'For example, North America will be a place of great opportunity and

wealth, while South America is going to be poor; the Middle East over

there will be a hot spot, and Russia will be a cold spot. Over there

I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent

of black people.'

God continued, pointing to the different countries.

This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very

cold and covered in ice.'

The Archangel , impressed by God's work, then pointed to another area

of land and asked, 'What's that?'

'Ah,' said God. That's the North of England, the most glorious place

on earth. There are beautiful people, seven Premiership football teams

in the North West alone, and many impressive cities; it is the home of

the world's finest artists, musicians, writers, thinkers, explorers

and politicians. The people from the North of England are going to be

modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found

travelling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hard-working and

high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as

speakers of truth.'

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, 'What

about balance God, you said there will be BALANCE!'

God replied very wisely,

'Wait till you see the bunch of tossers I'm putting down South !'

I read this one already but the place of perfection was Scotland in that joke

You missed the lastpart.

As peter observed gods creation, he discovered 2 sacks in a corner,

he did tippeth them both out at gods feet,

and ye there were a pile of <deleted> and a pile of ears,

What will you do with these Oh Lord asked peter??

easily solved my son Spake god,

Sow 2 ears on each Arse from hence on they will be known as Gooners!!