kaosoi Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 Hello, been living with my Thai gf here in bangkok for a few months although we have dated for over a year. Today went to her parents house because her mother wanted to speak to us. Should point out that she is from a poor family. They told us today they want 100,000 or 200,000 bhat plus gold because we are now "something".....this was all in Thai..but gf explained it as "kind of engaged". I quietly thought ...<deleted>?.... we are not engaged and are still at early stages of living together in a full on relationship. I have read that dowrys still exist here for marriage but has anyone heard of a custom of giving alot of money to the parents just to date the daughter. my gf could not explain it well. Also a little bit flustered because her family has not been especially friendly so far but today were all smiles. hmmm. Thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wefearourdespot Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 Dump her, double quick. If she stalks you, change address. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garry9999 Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 Run Awaaaaay! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lopburi3 Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 You are not dating here if you are living together - that is marriage in there eyes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ukrules Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 You are not dating here if you are living together - that is marriage in there eyes. ... and now you have the invoice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
apetley Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 What does your girlfriend think of the demand for money? Hopefully she is embarrassed by it as it's a try on for sure. Sinsod is paid over when your married, not as an advance because they are hard up this week. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Birdman Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 Up to you , but if I were you I would try to go out of the parents way. And later in this office a so called "run rabbit run brigade" will come marching up. erg...while I was writing they are here already Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meg_2003 Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 RUN! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trogers Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 Move to India. There, the girl's parents will pay you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jtp Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 If you are a 60 year old bald fat man with a stunning young Issan lady,then pay the money,and enjoy life with some little hotty...However,if it's a normal relationship,then maybe you should negotiate a settlement.. http://www.yourfilehost.com/media.php?cat=...at_exercise.flv But if she looks like that video,then you RUN! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chiang mai Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 For goodness sake, try to understand the culture here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saintofsilence Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jtp Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 DINGDONGRB???? What you doing there? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
britmaveric Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 Ignore them - if gf has issues with that then she knows where the door is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kaosoi Posted July 19, 2009 Author Share Posted July 19, 2009 troll? lots of arrogant jerks here...you do not know me or anything about me or my gf...get lost if you have nothing useful to say, otherwise this is a forum for free discussion...thanks to antone who answers maturely. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kaosoi Posted July 19, 2009 Author Share Posted July 19, 2009 (edited) troll? so this forum has its resident seen it all, tiresome thought police? lots of arrogant jerks here...you do not know me or anything about me or my gf...get lost if you have nothing useful to say - nobody is forcing you to comment, otherwise this is a forum for free discussion...thanks to anyone who answers maturely. Edited July 19, 2009 by kaosoi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neeranam Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 has anyone heard of a custom of giving alot of money to the parents just to date the daughter. Poor girl and foreigner - happens alll the time. Simple answer - NO it's not right. Tell them where to go. If you get married, give them some cash - about 100,000 is more than enough for a poor family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neeranam Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 Gived the guy a break - why would he make it up? This forum is for exactly this type of question - if you are not interested stay away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imaneggspurt Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 has anyone heard of a custom of giving alot of money to the parents just to date the daughter. Poor girl and foreigner - happens alll the time. Simple answer - NO it's not right. Tell them where to go. If you get married, give them some cash - about 100,000 is more than enough for a poor family. Very true, thats plenty, girls marrying thai men in the country IF in love have been known to give 10000 baht, my sister in law for one, and shes a diamond, he had a bargain ! ,the parents are just happy that shes happy,.and they are,. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garry9999 Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 (edited) troll?lots of arrogant jerks here...you do not know me or anything about me or my gf...get lost if you have nothing useful to say, otherwise this is a forum for free discussion...thanks to antone who answers maturely. Do a search on this topic of paying in-laws. Edited July 19, 2009 by Garry9999 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kaosoi Posted July 19, 2009 Author Share Posted July 19, 2009 thanks Neeranam...someone who understands what a forum is...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steelepulse Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 I'd say something to the parents along these lines " if we do decide to get married and make a life together, I'll be more than happy to pay the sinsod, but for now we are seeing if we are compatible". Your gf should also be on your side and telling the parents that this is not a normal thing to ask for a huge amount of money because you are living together. Sounds to me like they want to milk you, but that's just an outside opinion from someone that doesn't know any of the parties involved. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Livinginexile Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 thanks Neeranam...someone who understands what a forum is...... Did you ask your g/f WHY they want money? Ask her what part of Thai tradition requires a man to pay for a g/f. Then get back to us with the answer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Livinginexile Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 I'd say something to the parents along these lines " if we do decide to get married and make a life together, I'll be more than happy to pay the sinsod, but for now we are seeing if we are compatible". Your gf should also be on your side and telling the parents that this is not a normal thing to ask for a huge amount of money because you are living together. Sounds to me like they want to milk you, but that's just an outside opinion from someone that doesn't know any of the parties involved. Why say that? "more than happy to pay the sinsod" Only fat/ugly/old farang men need to pay sinsot. The rest of us get love for free! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
venturalaw Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 Hello, been living with my Thai gf here in bangkok for a few months although we have dated for over a year. Today went to her parents house because her mother wanted to speak to us. Should point out that she is from a poor family. They told us today they want 100,000 or 200,000 bhat plus gold because we are now "something".....this was all in Thai..but gf explained it as "kind of engaged". I quietly thought ...<deleted>?.... we are not engaged and are still at early stages of living together in a full on relationship. I have read that dowrys still exist here for marriage but has anyone heard of a custom of giving alot of money to the parents just to date the daughter. my gf could not explain it well. Also a little bit flustered because her family has not been especially friendly so far but today were all smiles. hmmm. Thanks. As stated several times the custom of payment is for marriage, not dating. However, that being said, there is no law against breaking with tradition. I never paid anything to my wife's parents prior to marriage or after. It was simple - my wife had lived on her own for many years and believed that OUR money be saved for OUR family. Therefore no dowry. She was the only young Thai that I found that shared my beliefs. For me it would have been a deal breaker. That being said, it's really what your gf's position is in all of this. If she is encouraging you to pay, I would tell her it's not your way and that if that is what she believes is correct, then it's good that you found out now, and have a good life. You don't want her to live with guilt by not following through with what she believes in and thereby complying with her parent's wishes, and you don't want to live with resentment should you cave in and pay. So best to part amicably at this point in time if no resolution. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mario2008 Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 Unless we have proof someone is a troll it is best to regard the question as a sincere one, who needs answering. if you don't want to answer it, that is also fine. But start shouting troll at every newbie is not going to help. So please refrain from that and consider if the question is worth answering. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
venturalaw Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 I'd say something to the parents along these lines " if we do decide to get married and make a life together, I'll be more than happy to pay the sinsod, but for now we are seeing if we are compatible". Your gf should also be on your side and telling the parents that this is not a normal thing to ask for a huge amount of money because you are living together. Sounds to me like they want to milk you, but that's just an outside opinion from someone that doesn't know any of the parties involved. Why be happy to pay sinsod? Not necessary if you find a Thai lady that is truly compatible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Datsun240Z Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 Move to India. There, the girl's parents will pay you. Wow, really? To the OP: seems mommy trowed out the bait, now she's in for a catch. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
endure Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 I'd say something to the parents along these lines " if we do decide to get married and make a life together, I'll be more than happy to pay the sinsod, but for now we are seeing if we are compatible". Your gf should also be on your side and telling the parents that this is not a normal thing to ask for a huge amount of money because you are living together. Sounds to me like they want to milk you, but that's just an outside opinion from someone that doesn't know any of the parties involved. Why say that? "more than happy to pay the sinsod" Only fat/ugly/old farang men need to pay sinsot. My middle class respectable Thai friend's Thai son is planning on getting married to his Thai girlfriend next year. The parents have just started discussing how much the sinsod should be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaiyenyen Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 Living together, is not dating in my eyes, but then again I'm not 21 anymore. If you have moved in together, then you should show some sort of commitment to the family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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