Thai Gf Parents Want Money Cos We Are "engaged" - We Are Not

[cdnvic]

Run, don't walk. And surely don't look back.

For goodness sake, try to understand the culture here.

If you mean the give me your money and leave culture, then you sir must be quite a pushover or clearly your girlfriend/wife is out of your league.

If that's all you see Thai culture as being then I believe it's you who is over his head.

[givenall]

What does your girlfriend think of the demand for money?

Hopefully she is embarrassed by it as it's a try on for sure.

Sinsod is paid over when your married, not as an advance because they are hard up this week.

I doubt if she (GF) was embarrassed by the whole fiasco. Be careful she may also be part of this

I would do nothing and let her decide to leave or stay. And never visit her parents again till you are sure she is the one. Two years from now at minimum

Oh yeah, heir a private investigator to check her out

[samuibeachcomber]

John B Goode - you think me paying 150,000 baht is fortunate???? maybe so...

but please dont tell that to the OP... he might just give her the GDaRned money and think he's getting a deal!!!

It is fortunate. I lost 30 million. And nearly two years later she still calls every payday telling me she needs more. When I say NO WAY GEt F'ed, out come the death threats.

Expensive lesson.

how is it possible to lose so much? you have to be kidding.

[scorecard]

There are many experts on this forum who seem quite single minded and unable to open themselves to the idiosyncrasies, opinions, traditions and social expectations that don’t fit their own or the circles in which they socialise.

Just because other peoples experience is not the same as another’s it doesn’t make it right or wrong.

There is a whole spectrum of tradition and hoops that couples have to jump through which dramatically differ throughout the ranging demographic groups in Thailand. These differences in education, social status, modernisation, westernisation, culture and tradition all have a strong result on the expectations of a prospective son in law.

So, If you are living with your girlfriend its quite likely that the parents disapprove and would prefer to ‘believe’ that you are married. It’s even possible that your girlfriend, in order to ‘protect the face’ of her parents has told them you will get married and that this money request was nothing more than the sin-sod they expect.

It might help to double check and triple check with your girlfriend about exactly what this money is for and why. Sometimes in theses circumstances an oversimplified answer is given which can be unintentionally misleading and discussion may help you understand the reasons behind their request.

Whether the sin-sod request is fair or right is something which has been discussed many times on this forum and only something you can answer yourself.

But briefly, I don’t know of any of my Thai friends in Bangkok who have not paid sin-sod. Some received it all back, some only half. Of the Western-Thai couples I am friends with about ¾ have paid sin-sod and for those who did, it was returned. The amounts of sin-sod in the Western-Thai relationships matches that of the Thai couples and is in accordance to the status of the lady and their family.

The point of previous posts on point is that people do not 'have to' do anything regarding tradition. You chose whether to participate, or not participate. It's up to the individual. Furthermore, if the parents truly 'disapprove' of the couple's living situation, then why would the payment of money make it acceptable? Hypocrisy. Sinsod is for marriage by tradition. I have no problem with those who respect it and follow said tradition. That is their choice. I expect that people also respect the rights of others who chose not to participate.

My comments:

- Quote from above "Sinsod is for marriage by tradition". Ok, but don't forget that 'marriage in Thailand is not the exact same meaning as in a typical western country. Many Thais will introduce their wife or their husband but in fact they have never officially recorded a marriage at the local government office. Plus many Thai 'married' couples (as I've just described) have children but Thais don't see these children as illegitimate. In fact I'm pretty sure the concept of illegitimate doesn't even exist in Thai culture.

- Don't forget that the parents may be losing face by the fact that their relatives and neighbors know their daughter is living with a man and no 'sin sod' has been paid.

- Don't forget that the family may be privately putting a lot of presure on your gf for the sin sod money, and this is very normal.

- As already mentioned, ultimately It's up to you.

[thaibeachlovers]

Interesting post for me as just got engaged.

However, before I let her answer my proposal, I explained that I would not pay any money to her family to "buy" her, as all my money would be for the two of us only, and if she wanted to pay sin sod, or family support, it would be her money, not mine.

[wolfmanjack]

In hind sight i really don't know what advice to give. I did not pay sin sod and was not asked by the MIL or wife. My MIL said to use the money to make our new life. I wish TV would have been around or someone would have thought of putting the money up for show because other people in the village made comments about it and they looked down on my wife because of it. Until i built our factory and hired a few people from her village then they all started calling her Khun Nai. According to her she did not like either situation.

As far as living together is concerned we do not know and details about the gf to give an honest answer about that.

[ozzieovaseas]

Well mate,as usual theres no shortage of replies on the subject!!

I presume the bulk of advice has come from older guys who have real life experience,so in that regard it could be handy to take heed of everything, even the negative stuff.

I guess some are exagerations but whats interesting to note is the general vibe in which they write....do these guys sound satisfied with their lot in life and courses of action taken?...do the majority sound generally happy and free of regrets?

I cannot offer any such advice from experience but since i could possibly face the same dilemna as you in the future i thought i would throw in my 2 bob.

In my own thoughts the upfront payment (us unfair as i think it is) seems a little irrelevant when you look at what some have had to endure afterwards...its just all the more ironic to think that some of these guys have paid a very large admission fee to be in what ended being a very crappy real-life horror movie.

The issues i ask myself about:

1.If this practice of sinsod is condoned by my G.F then what does it say about her? Does she have any ideas about my lifestyle and the culture of westerners?..and what will the future hold if i send the early message of being a money messiah sent from the land of milk and money trees to bail out all and sundry of inlaws?

2.Even though i love the girl now, having looked at all the horror stories on these threads,can i assume that my case might end up any differently in the future?..These guys were not silly originally (or maybe they were!) but we can see how some cunning thais have pecked away at them gradually over the years and they've basically wound up being played like a cheap walmart fiddle..making some more than a little bitter.

3.Husband being provider means i will be responsible for putting a roof over our heads and possibly extended family...BUT i cant even own land here SO im automatically behind the eight ball and stand to loose everything ive invested if things go sour.Bye bye 100,000 bye bye house,car ect...not to mention the heartbreak if kiddies are involved.

I think the best advice given on here was never invest in anything you cant take home in your suitcase, and thai girls might be petite but ive never been able to fit one in my suitcase.

Also when i think of the huge divorce rate in my own country i wonder if my marriage to a thai would have any better chance given the lack of real communication..ie if i cant speak thai and my girl is not great with english.

And of course the girl would have to put up with my antics and uncouth ways.

Anyway, i dont mean to sound overly pessimistic, of course these are negatives in the extreme.

Many others on here no doubt have great wives,great relationships,great lives and have never looked back, and i hope it works out that way for you.

At the end of the day i guess we all have to remain positive...just that in my case i also like to be aware of the worst case scenario as well as the best..

good luck

[arnoldjr]

What does your girlfriend think of the demand for money?

Hopefully she is embarrassed by it as it's a try on for sure.

Sinsod is paid over when your married, not as an advance because they are hard up this week.

I doubt if she (GF) was embarrassed by the whole fiasco. Be careful she may also be part of this

I would do nothing and let her decide to leave or stay. And never visit her parents again till you are sure she is the one. Two years from now at minimum

Oh yeah, heir a private investigator to check her out

If you even have to think about getting a PI to check out your girlfriend let her go. That obviously means she has done something o make you distrust her. Secondly, if your girlfriend finds out you got a PI she will no longer trust you. Do you really want a relationship where someone has to monitor your partner's activities? That sounds like bad news from the start, IMHO. Any time I didn't trust my gf anymore I ended it. Sadly, the only ones I have had that problem with were Thai therefore, I only date Thais a short time.(Pun intended) Don't start bashing me just yet, there are plenty of good Thai girls out there i just haven't found one yet that is long-term relationship material.

[Cobrabiker]

I think to give 100,000 or 200,000 plus gold is a customarily practice for thai marriage, even thai man do that. But it is not the end of the story especially you are a foreigner, as there is a saying, when you marry a thai, you marry her whole family, so do your homework and check out how many brothers and sisters she has. If she has 5 or 6 brothers and sisters whom are not working, it is time to reconsider the marriage, as they will very soon be on monthly welfare, drawing from your bank account.

[skettios]

I'd say something to the parents along these lines " if we do decide to get married and make a life together, I'll be more than happy to pay the sinsod, but for now we are seeing if we are compatible". Your gf should also be on your side and telling the parents that this is not a normal thing to ask for a huge amount of money because you are living together. Sounds to me like they want to milk you, but that's just an outside opinion from someone that doesn't know any of the parties involved.

Why say that?

"more than happy to pay the sinsod"

Only fat/ugly/old farang men need to pay sinsot.

The rest of us get love for free!

Here here! I'm fat and ugly and I still didn't have to pay. Guess my fiance is definitely a keeper.

Listening to people gripe about having to pay their spouses to get married always brightens even the cloudiest days.

[473geo]

In hind sight i really don't know what advice to give. I did not pay sin sod and was not asked by the MIL or wife. My MIL said to use the money to make our new life. I wish TV would have been around or someone would have thought of putting the money up for show because other people in the village made comments about it and they looked down on my wife because of it. Until i built our factory and hired a few people from her village then they all started calling her Khun Nai. According to her she did not like either situation.

As far as living together is concerned we do not know and details about the gf to give an honest answer about that.

An informative interesting reply showing a little of the experiences of the other side...village gossips can be very hurtful and you will not always be aware of the criticism your girlfriend or wife might be facing on a regular basis....this will undoubtedly put pressure on to 'show' how well she is doing....hence the requests for money......I have witnessed both the zero to hero....and hero to zero...reclassifications by the villagers.......perhaps you are only as good as your last party...

[Norrad]

I have to relay my own experience regarding this very topic.

My wife and I were forbidden from living together when we were just dating. We always had to have a relative of hers with us when we went out on dates, usually her sister. After a year of doing that I thought it would be time to pop the question and she mentioned that we would have to do it traditionally for her parents to accept our engagement.

Using her help and some research online about traditional Thai engagements, I found that it was a complex process. First our parents would have to meet (Not possible for me as my dad was on contract on the other side of the world). Second I would have to present her with some gold in multiples of two, 2 baht of gold or 4, 6, 8... etc. And lastly we would have a small party and a visit from some monks.

On the eve of our engagement, we were preparing to leave for her hometown when her parents called her and told her that she must also bring 100,000 Baht to give to them. I completely flipped and told her that it was not mentioned before, that I refuse to pay it and that I was calling our "traditional" engagement off. The next day I went out and bought a proper western engagement ring and proposed while on a dinner cruise. I know her parents never really accepted that but she did and we have been happy ever since.

[richard_smith237]

I have to relay my own experience regarding this very topic.

My wife and I were forbidden from living together when we were just dating. We always had to have a relative of hers with us when we went out on dates, usually her sister. After a year of doing that I thought it would be time to pop the question and she mentioned that we would have to do it traditionally for her parents to accept our engagement.

Using her help and some research online about traditional Thai engagements, I found that it was a complex process. First our parents would have to meet (Not possible for me as my dad was on contract on the other side of the world). Second I would have to present her with some gold in multiples of two, 2 baht of gold or 4, 6, 8... etc. And lastly we would have a small party and a visit from some monks.

On the eve of our engagement, we were preparing to leave for her hometown when her parents called her and told her that she must also bring 100,000 Baht to give to them. I completely flipped and told her that it was not mentioned before, that I refuse to pay it and that I was calling our "traditional" engagement off. The next day I went out and bought a proper western engagement ring and proposed while on a dinner cruise. I know her parents never really accepted that but she did and we have been happy ever since.

Good story - It seems in this case that they crossed the line and were indeed attempting to stretch a little more out of their prospective Son in Law. Also, it must have put a lot of pressure on your fiancee at the time, so congratulations to her for sticking to your side.

It's my understanding that according to tradition the girls parents (if they can afford it) should pay for the engagement ceremony and that the SIL is responsible for the wedding and sin-sod. Usually the cost of the wedding would be recovered from the guests 'donations'...

I'll be getting married with 12 months and am reading these threads on appropriate behavior and stretching the limits with interest.

In my case we'll be given a healthy chunk of land on Bangkok on which to build our house - so I can't say that I'd be too upset is the sin-sot (which is a fairly significant sum in-itself) is kept. But I have learned that asking money for engagement is stretching tradition a little too far !

[tuky]

John B Goode - you think me paying 150,000 baht is fortunate???? maybe so...

but please dont tell that to the OP... he might just give her the GDaRned money and think he's getting a deal!!!

It is fortunate. I lost 30 million. And nearly two years later she still calls every payday telling me she needs more. When I say NO WAY GEt F'ed, out come the death threats.

Expensive lesson.

how is it possible to lose so much? you have to be kidding.

3 houses and a bank account cleaned out.

Although I have to admit she does tell me the houses are for the kids...

30 Mill was cheap IMHO to get rid of her whilst staying within the law my moral compass.

It would be possible for me to fight her for half of the houses, but I am 34 and in a well paying job. Easy for me to start again, wheras she has nothing going for her so being the mother of my kids I have let it all slide.

[mikehock]

For goodness sake, try to understand the culture here.

what culture is that?? GREED LOL

[kaosoi]

When you test drive a car, do you take it around the block a few times or do you take it home for an unspecified amount of time. If I was the girls dad I would by now be expecting that you are just a tire kicker taking advantage of their good nature. This isn't the west, and by now the dad has had a hundred conversations with family and friends about the status of his daughter, and day by day he is losing face. He is also being convinced that you are a typical westerner, just here to satisfy yourself and then move on.

You have created a problem here because you have implemented your western idea that living together is standard practice and is nothing more than an extended date. In the west you have a culture that supports that concept, but you might have noticed Thailand his different.

If you are serious about this girl and have genuine good intentions, you should make a show of good faith. Buy the old man a new Honda Wave or something he needs, take it up there and have a conversation about your plans, your culture, and how you see things turning out.

Of course if you haven't got a clue about the future then the old man is right and you should be moving on.

Thanks for the comment....

what is a tire kicker? If you were to add "maybe" to what you say then maybe I could take it more seriously - your insight into her father and what his neighbours are saying comes from what familiarity you have with him?

I have not "created a problem"...me and my gf chose to live together...together. Her Dad is actually her stepfather - I do not know him well, but more than you. I seriously doubt that he is concerned with losing face but, at the danger of sending this thread off into a thousand different directions, he is a drunk who my gf cannot stand (she does love her mother though).

Anyway, there are many contrasting opinions here and thanks to all. I will have to keep reading over them. I have talked to my gf and she said the money is "xyz" and not sin sod (i forget the word she used and she is not here at the moment...sin sod was also a new word to me when I read it last night so I could not do a search on that word before then).

Is this even about sin sod? it wasnt when i first posted..they seemed to be just asking me for money for being with their daughter.

The most common"benefit of the doubt" interpretation (from the posts here) seems to be that they are interpreting our living together as some sort of engagement /marriage and want a quasi-dowry (this sin sod thing). The suspicious interpretation is that they are trying to cash in on the perceived wealth of a farang too soon and without knowing me well and it has nothing to do with sin sod.

anyway...still trying to digest all the info.

Edited July 20, 2009 by kaosoi

[Datsun240Z]

Hello,

been living with my Thai gf here in bangkok for a few months although we have dated for over a year. Today went to her parents house because her mother wanted to speak to us. Should point out that she is from a poor family.

They told us today they want 100,000 or 200,000 bhat plus gold because we are now "something".....this was all in Thai..but gf explained it as "kind of engaged".

I quietly thought ...<deleted>?.... we are not engaged and are still at early stages of living together in a full on relationship.

I have read that dowrys still exist here for marriage but has anyone heard of a custom of giving alot of money to the parents just to date the daughter. my gf could not explain it well. Also a little bit flustered because her family has not been especially friendly so far but today were all smiles. hmmm.

Thanks.

As stated several times the custom of payment is for marriage, not dating. However, that being said, there is no law against breaking with tradition. I never paid anything to my wife's parents prior to marriage or after. It was simple - my wife had lived on her own for many years and believed that OUR money be saved for OUR family. Therefore no dowry. She was the only young Thai that I found that shared my beliefs. For me it would have been a deal breaker.

That being said, it's really what your gf's position is in all of this. If she is encouraging you to pay, I would tell her it's not your way and that if that is what she believes is correct, then it's good that you found out now, and have a good life. You don't want her to live with guilt by not following through with what she believes in and thereby complying with her parent's wishes, and you don't want to live with resentment should you cave in and pay. So best to part amicably at this point in time if no resolution.

what u r experiencing is quite normal,many men from all over the world come to thailand and fall into the trap of paying the relatives for the thai girl ,the bar girls quite often send most of their money home ,my wife is finished with her mother who demands all her money and would pressure her enormously to get money off me to give to her beloved son who would and still does drink and fight with his other spoilt by their mothers mates and wont work ,i had to get involved in a brawl to protect this little weasal which he and his mates started ,and he paid me back by beating up my woman with his mate ,the mother sides with him regardless ,now i dont know if i can control myself if i see the dog again ,i ll be back in thailand in a week to finalise my girls visa ,who i have told dont worry i am your family now you me and her 9 year old daughter ,and forbiden her to give any money to any relative who supports her mother or brother ,but o.k.d it for those who do good ,you cannot buy love and respect my girl works 12hours a day for a lousy 6bucks aud i have seen guys build new homes for their thai girlfriends mothers new cars new motorbikes thick gold chains ,seen the girls go out hitting the piss at clubs ,not only old fat bald blokes paying for it but also young good looking blokes paying for it too ,my girl finished with her mother who only saw her as an atm ,and for that i ll happily take care of her ,maybe you might find your answer in my little story

Your a good guy, and that girl is smart.

[Datsun240Z]

For goodness sake, try to understand the culture here.

what culture is that?? GREED LOL

Agreed, paying loads of cash, isn't called a culture, it's called scam.

[hhgz]

"I quietly thought ...<deleted>?."

Really? Personally, in front of mom, I'd speak with my gf and calmly state "we are not engaged". I'm not sure standing there with a blank face thinking "<deleted>" did anything constructive. I'm not sure what you want us to do for you. It's your relationship, you are an adult, and the ball is in your court.

[samuibeachcomber]

John B Goode - you think me paying 150,000 baht is fortunate???? maybe so...

but please dont tell that to the OP... he might just give her the GDaRned money and think he's getting a deal!!!

It is fortunate. I lost 30 million. And nearly two years later she still calls every payday telling me she needs more. When I say NO WAY GEt F'ed, out come the death threats.

Expensive lesson.

how is it possible to lose so much? you have to be kidding.

3 houses and a bank account cleaned out.

Although I have to admit she does tell me the houses are for the kids...

30 Mill was cheap IMHO to get rid of her whilst staying within the law my moral compass.

It would be possible for me to fight her for half of the houses, but I am 34 and in a well paying job. Easy for me to start again, wheras she has nothing going for her so being the mother of my kids I have let it all slide.

wow 555000 pounds,but as you say your young enough to start again,all the best and good luck in the future.

[bangla]

Really? Personally, in front of mom, I'd speak with my gf and calmly state "we are not engaged".

when you stand there infront of mom then you are engaged

sinsot isn't for engagements tho'

save it for when you get married for buddha.

mae leh poh will use it to pay for the party.

your wife's family will have big face, your wife will have big face and you will have a very cheap wedding compared to western standards.

[tuky]

Thanks mate. Lessons learnt and all that.

6 years of marriage but I only have myself to blame.

Onwards and upwards.

As for the OP, a lot of advice has been given and in the end the decision is totally his.

If I may give some advice from experience...

Dont set a precedence . If you do fork out the loot make it known that this is all that you are going to give. Make it known that if you were to marry this would be the sinsod. Make it known that in your culture this is bordering on illegal and immoral not to mention an insult to the young lady, let it be known you are not happy about it but in the interests of love/respect and commitment you will follow the suposed Thai custom one time only.

Good luck Pal. I was stuck with a MiL that sounds just like the one you are going to get stuck with. Read my earlier post to see how much it cost me to get myself out from their clutches.

[canuckamuck]

Thanks for the comment....

what is a tire kicker? If you were to add "maybe" to what you say then maybe I could take it more seriously - your insight into her father and what his neighbours are saying comes from what familiarity you have with him?

I have not "created a problem"...me and my gf chose to live together...together. Her Dad is actually her stepfather - I do not know him well, but more than you. I seriously doubt that he is concerned with losing face but, at the danger of sending this thread off into a thousand different directions, he is a drunk who my gf cannot stand (she does love her mother though).

Anyway, there are many contrasting opinions here and thanks to all. I will have to keep reading over them. I have talked to my gf and she said the money is "xyz" and not sin sod (i forget the word she used and she is not here at the moment...sin sod was also a new word to me when I read it last night so I could not do a search on that word before then).

Is this even about sin sod? it wasnt when i first posted..they seemed to be just asking me for money for being with their daughter.

The most common"benefit of the doubt" interpretation (from the posts here) seems to be that they are interpreting our living together as some sort of engagement /marriage and want a quasi-dowry (this sin sod thing). The suspicious interpretation is that they are trying to cash in on the perceived wealth of a farang too soon and without knowing me well and it has nothing to do with sin sod.

anyway...still trying to digest all the info.

A tire kicker is someone who test drives the car, or many cars, but never buys any.

The additional info you provided now changes how the picture is painted. If he is a drunk, then I am sorry that you will have to put up with that.

But some of what I said still holds true.

While your potential father in law is sitting around with his buddies and their big Leos every night, they are discussing you at length, and you being a farang are considered to be either potentially stupid, potentially bad news, or potentially a golden goose. The longer you let them wonder, the more they are going to try and find out what you are made of. I have sat around enough Thai family conversations to know what personal issues keep coming up. An unmarried daughter living with a farang is one of those hot issues.

Now if your girlfriend doesn't pay this guy any heed, then none of what he thinks matters. But if she still bends to his will, despite how much she doesn't like him, you are going to have to figure out if this is worth the hassle. If you think it is, then take a drive up there, be a man and tell him what you intend to do with his daughter. Bring a gift (maybe some tools) talk nice, go home and life will move a little smoother for a while.

[samuibeachcomber]

kao soi,i have read through all these posts,and my advice to you is simple....................do not give her mother the money,as you understand it she is asking not for sin sod but is just asking to see if she can get away with it.forget about losing face and all that crap,hold on to your money until you are ready to give some in your own good time,someone else said in this topic that you need to be with your girl a good two years at least to see how the boat sails.

[kaosoi]

troll? so this forum has its resident seen it all, tiresome thought police?

lots of arrogant jerks here...you do not know me or anything about me or my gf...get lost if you have nothing useful to say - nobody is forcing you to comment, otherwise this is a forum for free discussion...thanks to anyone who answers maturely.

And you my friend being the biggest jerk. You asked this forum for advice? Did you search the forum for perhaps a similar or indeed same question? Just because some people think you are trolling there is no need or you as a newbie to brand the whole membership as arrogant jerks. If I had my way you'd be banned from membership.

I think the guy just wanted advice and with many people saying he was a troll, well he probably got upset. He did state thanks to anyone who answered sensibly.

As a senior member of the forum, you shoul be experienced at answering or giving advice. The point is he stated some arrogant jerks, not the whole membership.

Banning him from the forum is a knee-jerk reaction, which at the end of the day, stiffles free speech and still doesn't answer his question fully. Please don't attack a newbie, as he is exactly that, new and doesn't know what sinsod is.

Thank you for your time in this matter.

Bedu

Thanks Bedu.

[stumonster]

how much did her last boyfriend pay ?

[mrukman]

Hi kaosoi and welcome to TV. yes sin sod is paid when you marry and not before. If the girl has never married expect to pay a lot more, but normally you will get most of it back after the wedding. It is just to show everyone that you have the financial clout to support her. As for them asking for cash and gold now like you have heare'd they are simply trying to see if you will part with your cash for them nothing more nothing less. They will see you as a walking atm for them. If g/f doesn't support your idea of giving them f / all simply move on otherwise you will be exploited for your money. Most of the comments you will here on tv is worth listening too dont let the little head control the big head.

Edited July 20, 2009 by mrukman

[kaosoi]

Well mate,as usual theres no shortage of replies on the subject!!

I presume the bulk of advice has come from older guys who have real life experience,so in that regard it could be handy to take heed of everything, even the negative stuff.

I guess some are exagerations but whats interesting to note is the general vibe in which they write....do these guys sound satisfied with their lot in life and courses of action taken?...do the majority sound generally happy and free of regrets?

I cannot offer any such advice from experience but since i could possibly face the same dilemna as you in the future i thought i would throw in my 2 bob.

In my own thoughts the upfront payment (us unfair as i think it is) seems a little irrelevant when you look at what some have had to endure afterwards...its just all the more ironic to think that some of these guys have paid a very large admission fee to be in what ended being a very crappy real-life horror movie.

The issues i ask myself about:

1.If this practice of sinsod is condoned by my G.F then what does it say about her? Does she have any ideas about my lifestyle and the culture of westerners?..and what will the future hold if i send the early message of being a money messiah sent from the land of milk and money trees to bail out all and sundry of inlaws?

2.Even though i love the girl now, having looked at all the horror stories on these threads,can i assume that my case might end up any differently in the future?..These guys were not silly originally (or maybe they were!) but we can see how some cunning thais have pecked away at them gradually over the years and they've basically wound up being played like a cheap walmart fiddle..making some more than a little bitter.

3.Husband being provider means i will be responsible for putting a roof over our heads and possibly extended family...BUT i cant even own land here SO im automatically behind the eight ball and stand to loose everything ive invested if things go sour.Bye bye 100,000 bye bye house,car ect...not to mention the heartbreak if kiddies are involved.

I think the best advice given on here was never invest in anything you cant take home in your suitcase, and thai girls might be petite but ive never been able to fit one in my suitcase.

Also when i think of the huge divorce rate in my own country i wonder if my marriage to a thai would have any better chance given the lack of real communication..ie if i cant speak thai and my girl is not great with english.

And of course the girl would have to put up with my antics and uncouth ways.

Anyway, i dont mean to sound overly pessimistic, of course these are negatives in the extreme.

Many others on here no doubt have great wives,great relationships,great lives and have never looked back, and i hope it works out that way for you.

At the end of the day i guess we all have to remain positive...just that in my case i also like to be aware of the worst case scenario as well as the best..

good luck

interesting post..thanks.

[kaosoi]

Thanks for the comment....

what is a tire kicker? If you were to add "maybe" to what you say then maybe I could take it more seriously - your insight into her father and what his neighbours are saying comes from what familiarity you have with him?

I have not "created a problem"...me and my gf chose to live together...together. Her Dad is actually her stepfather - I do not know him well, but more than you. I seriously doubt that he is concerned with losing face but, at the danger of sending this thread off into a thousand different directions, he is a drunk who my gf cannot stand (she does love her mother though).

Anyway, there are many contrasting opinions here and thanks to all. I will have to keep reading over them. I have talked to my gf and she said the money is "xyz" and not sin sod (i forget the word she used and she is not here at the moment...sin sod was also a new word to me when I read it last night so I could not do a search on that word before then).

Is this even about sin sod? it wasnt when i first posted..they seemed to be just asking me for money for being with their daughter.

The most common"benefit of the doubt" interpretation (from the posts here) seems to be that they are interpreting our living together as some sort of engagement /marriage and want a quasi-dowry (this sin sod thing). The suspicious interpretation is that they are trying to cash in on the perceived wealth of a farang too soon and without knowing me well and it has nothing to do with sin sod.

anyway...still trying to digest all the info.

A tire kicker is someone who test drives the car, or many cars, but never buys any.

The additional info you provided now changes how the picture is painted. If he is a drunk, then I am sorry that you will have to put up with that.

But some of what I said still holds true.

While your potential father in law is sitting around with his buddies and their big Leos every night, they are discussing you at length, and you being a farang are considered to be either potentially stupid, potentially bad news, or potentially a golden goose. The longer you let them wonder, the more they are going to try and find out what you are made of. I have sat around enough Thai family conversations to know what personal issues keep coming up. An unmarried daughter living with a farang is one of those hot issues.

Now if your girlfriend doesn't pay this guy any heed, then none of what he thinks matters. But if she still bends to his will, despite how much she doesn't like him, you are going to have to figure out if this is worth the hassle. If you think it is, then take a drive up there, be a man and tell him what you intend to do with his daughter. Bring a gift (maybe some tools) talk nice, go home and life will move a little smoother for a while.

ok, thanks for this. would point out though that she and her family are from Bkk. I get the impression (perhaps you have read a few posts here where people refer to their own stories) that you think she comes from a village up North - she does not, nor do her family.

[imaneggspurt]

"Guys talk about women like they're disposable then wonder why the ones that will actually give them the time of day all seem to be out to get something. If you act with no class, don't expect to attract anything better."

I have a disposable woman in addition to my Thai wife/gf. Dont knock it till you try it. She is plastic, costs $39.95 brand new, and never needs to eat, drink or go to the pottie. And the best thing is that she never asks for money like my Thai woman does. It was worth the $39.95 just to avoid hearing the whining about money all the time.

I had one, got a puncture, and went down on me, i took it back to the shop and the man said " if id have known it would go down on you id have charged you double ! ( im just trying to lighten the situation here )