My Gf Wants A Salary!

[Ferwert]

How come I am so dam_n contrary to many on this board.

There is nothing wrong with giving her a monthly stipend, with some stringent conditions:

#1. The bargirl thing is over. You cannot control this, so foh-get about all of this, until you stop commuting back to your home country. But if you have any misgivings about her 'activties', a monthly stipend would be the first thing that would need to be considered. A private investigator would be the next thing. But the hel_l with it, get yourself a professional, salaried lady. Dont underestimate your market value so much. They are available everywhere. Break out of that dam_n bargirl syndrome.

# 2. Should this lady be the dream of your life however, at the very least separate yourself from the famdamily. This stipend is one way of doing that. Use the stipend as the 'firewall' between yourself and the famdamily. Whatever stipend you give her, any moneys flowing to the family comes from that stipend. The more she gives, the less she has for herself. This rule must be rigidly enforced and adhered to. Dont give the famdamily access to Farang pockets - ever and forever! No matter wot you do financially, they dont appreciate it anyway. The daughter owes it to them, regardless where it comes from.

# 3. How much should the stipend be. Let me put on my professional salary administration hat from a previous life. Her use of bargirl salary as a measuring stick is actually quite good - from the perspective of using employment to determine her earning power (EP). Her EP should determine stipend size....But not bargirl EP. bargirl EP has nothing to do with a normal life that she would presumably be living with you. With her quals., could she get a job at Big C, or Tesco? I think they earn about 5,000 baht a month. That should be your measuring stick. Perhaps with a little sweetener for being the love of your life. But rule #2 applies unquestionably.

# 4. I have much other tried 'n true advice about living happilly with a Thai lady in Thailand, in a balanced way. Where there are checks and balances between Farang and Thai lady, ensuring that one can never take advantage of the other. This is just the stipend part. For example my money is not our money, buying land from mama and papa is a fraud, back-end load any financials to the Thai lady to encourage a lifetime of good behavior, ie house purchase only by mortage or by rent, leave an inheritance, etc., etc.

X

Thanks for some very good advice here. I have been using #4 as a way to plan for the future with her and #2 sounds like a smart move.

Thanks.

It is difficult because the 2 cultures are sometimes a bit far apart. She speaks good English, but sometimes not well enough for me to convey fully what I mean and not well enough for her to clearly state what she really wants, although it seems quite apparent what she does. If I use the Asian (round-about way of expressing oneself for reference, she seems to ask for quite a bit, which might mean she wants much more. Direct communication is bliss, but they have not understood that yet! )

Dont overcommunicate on financial matters. Decide for yourself what is fair and balanced. After all, it is your money, not our money!

Develop your plan incorporating some of the things I said, such as I mentioned in my 4 points, and then convey your position in a non-negotiable way, but lovingly. An Australian friend harped away at me about a concept that when applied, has worked wonders for me......Be loving, but firm......be loving but firm.

As long as you are reasonable and not bombastic.....The firm but loving approach of a well-thought out, balanced financial plan gets you nothing but respect

Above all, no exceptions to rule #2...never, ever.

Edited August 9, 2009 by Ferwert

[Pooklook]

I think I remember reading somewhere that the formula

for computing the stipend is 1000 baht per month

for each years difference in yours and her age.

[lazygourmet]

Cast your line into the waters and catch another girl

It surprises me how many farang have GF over here for themselves when they come here for only couple a week here and then. I can grantee that 99% of these GF have more than one BF.

Ask her how many BF she has and then divide the salary by that. Or just get a new GF when you come over here. It is a lot more fun and cost efffffffffffffffffffffffffffective too

Or a membership @ Eden Club, it's cheaper, valid one year and you've got two for the price of one

[Ferwert]

I think I remember reading somewhere that the formula

for computing the stipend is 1000 baht per month

for each years difference in yours and her age.

That may have some validity Pooklook. I prefer to use the "earning power' rule. Under your idea, an uneducated simpleton would receive the same as a highly functioning, educated professional.

As part of my previous life, I decided on salaries in organizations. We used comparators to decide salary levels. We compared secretaries to other secretaries with similar duties and responsibilities to arrive at a salary structure for that class. Same as more professional classes, we would compare engineers to other engineers with similar duties and functions and arrive at a salary for them.

It doesn't make sense to offer equal funds to bar girls who have no education for example, to professional schoolteachers who worked hard to improve themselves.

So I use the earning power of schoolteachers to arrive at a fair monthly stipend for them, and what an ex-bargirl could earn, as her monthly stipend. In the case of the latter, she could maybe qualify for a job AT Big C or Tesco, and earn 5,000 a month. Why would I pay her over 20,000 a month....doesn't make sense to me.

Edited August 9, 2009 by Ferwert

[toptuan]

Every western boyfriend or husband is expected to support the Thai partner's entire extended family.

It's the culture.

Get used to it or stay single/unattached.

[Beardog]

Tell her you will accept a salary from her of 30,000 baht a month - if she balks at your proposition tell her to hit the bricks baby. Keep your day job(or night job) Another fishing expedition

[mrtoad]

For 6 months of the year and for the last 3 years, she does work in the tourism industry and is licensed. It is not as if I come here every 2 months or so. Even though she did talk about BG's salary, I don't think she indicated that she wants 30,000 B/month per say, but she hinted it. But, I think you are right about the rest. It looks very suspicious. WOW! I never thought after this amount of time I would not have been able to smell the rat!

Genius.

[Birdman]

Every western boyfriend or husband is expected to support the Thai partner's entire extended family.

It's the culture.

Get used to it or stay single/unattached.

This time I beg to disagree.

...many, but certainly not every. The entire huge Chinese Thai family of my wife for instance really likes/loves me without that. Everyone is honest and sincere. They all have good jobs, properties and nice work. Not once they ask me for money and I never gave some. Money issues were NEVER discussed in all the years.

That's true

[Paddleshifter]

Thais are lazy if they can afford to be.

Thais are raised to put importance of money on top of the list.

Thais doesnt have a welfare system

Combine this with,

Thais are low educated people

Thais are easy to adapt bad behaviour and ideas

80% of Thais are fine with corruption if it gives themself a better life

Thais in general have little understanding of things

Stir this into a big bowl and you should all see what you are up against and why money issues sooner or later will face the earth.

Edited August 9, 2009 by Paddleshifter

[G54]

Some ladies are on good money every month.

They work in pubs and clubs serving drinks, are often quite beautiful too and in their early 20's. Many go to college.

The way a lot of these women work is to earn 5000 a month in a club and have several older Thai men in tow. Each man is paying her a set amount each month to retain her 'services'. Working in the clubs as they do you will often see them accepting and giving out phone numbers to different men, usually older Thai men.

As these men are already married and simply looking for a bit on the side they do not make great demands on the woman so she has plenty of time to 'service' several men.

If she has 3 men all paying her a 5K retainer, her income has now risen to 20K per month. For exclusive rights to her services then a man would be expected to pay a premium for that. Add to that the men are often paying for restaurant bills and giving the woman the odd gift, the woman is on a good thing.

[Geekfreaklover]

Thais are lazy if they can afford to be.

Thais are raised to put importance of money on top of the list.

Thais doesnt have a welfare system

Combine this with,

Thais are low educated people

Thais are easy to adapt bad behaviour and ideas

80% of Thais are fine with corruption if it gives themself a better life

Thais in general have little understanding of things

Stir this into a big bowl and you should all see what you are up against and why money issues sooner or later will face the earth.

I hath to agree in general with paddleshifter here. I like the list apart the penulitimate item in the list - 'Thais in general have little understang of things.' - What 'things' are you reffering to?

[pavlovsdog]

From my experience of living in Pattaya i would say that 99.9999% of the guys i see out and about are paying for their girlfriends. Otherwise why would so many pretty girls allow themselfs to be mauled by old, fat, bald, nutty older men. I personally think 30k sounds cheap to rent a girlfriend

[Pooklook]

I think I remember reading somewhere that the formula

for computing the stipend is 1000 baht per month

for each years difference in yours and her age.

That may have some validity Pooklook. I prefer to use the "earning power' rule. Under your idea, an uneducated simpleton would receive the same as a highly functioning, educated professional.

As part of my previous life, I decided on salaries in organizations. We used comparators to decide salary levels. We compared secretaries to other secretaries with similar duties and responsibilities to arrive at a salary structure for that class. Same as more professional classes, we would compare engineers to other engineers with similar duties and functions and arrive at a salary for them.

It doesn't make sense to offer equal funds to bar girls who have no education for example, to professional schoolteachers who worked hard to improve themselves.

So I use the earning power of schoolteachers to arrive at a fair monthly stipend for them, and what an ex-bargirl could earn, as her monthly stipend. In the case of the latter, she could maybe qualify for a job AT Big C or Tesco, and earn 5,000 a month. Why would I pay her over 20,000 a month....doesn't make sense to me.

Yes Ferwert my formula was meant to be a starting point to broach a very

sensitive subject so out of an abundance of caution I believe a dual pronged

approach is in order. If you can get the parties involved to agree to online binding arbitration,

we might be able to arrive at an acceptable level of compensation. Additionally relationship

counseling may be in order. I’ve indentified some initial areas of concern below.

•Culture shock – that somehow love and money are linked

•Inhibitions – that shyness caused the young lady to wait for years to ask for the 30K

•Expat denial – the willingness to redefine love, sex and money

•Finances – the stream of consciousness and the income stream are one in the same

•Reparations – as only half the rent and gas was paid restitution for past years

using the Big C model may be in order.

I’m sure subsequent posters will be of great help in exploring these and other critical areas.

[sammysung]

Some ladies are on good money every month.

They work in pubs and clubs serving drinks, are often quite beautiful too and in their early 20's. Many go to college.

The way a lot of these women work is to earn 5000 a month in a club and have several older Thai men in tow. Each man is paying her a set amount each month to retain her 'services'. Working in the clubs as they do you will often see them accepting and giving out phone numbers to different men, usually older Thai men.

As these men are already married and simply looking for a bit on the side they do not make great demands on the woman so she has plenty of time to 'service' several men.

If she has 3 men all paying her a 5K retainer, her income has now risen to 20K per month. For exclusive rights to her services then a man would be expected to pay a premium for that. Add to that the men are often paying for restaurant bills and giving the woman the odd gift, the woman is on a good thing.

NAME THESE CLUBS. i wanna go see how beautiful they are .

i really dont see beauties wasting their time serving drinks!

[nick123]

run!

[purplehaze]

Go get a frontal lobotomy then ask yourself the same question.

[hhgz]

"my formula was meant to be a starting point to broach a very sensitive subject so out of an abundance of caution I believe a dual pronged approach is in order. If you can get the parties involved to agree to online binding arbitration, we might be able to arrive at an acceptable level of compensation. Additionally relationship counseling may be in order."

I believe that you have spent too much time considering this entire situation. The woman is a prostitute. If she wants a salary, the OP should tell her to get a job that doesn't require to act like a dog, or has positions of employment that include "on her knees", or "on her back"

[G54]

Some ladies are on good money every month.

They work in pubs and clubs serving drinks, are often quite beautiful too and in their early 20's. Many go to college.

The way a lot of these women work is to earn 5000 a month in a club and have several older Thai men in tow. Each man is paying her a set amount each month to retain her 'services'. Working in the clubs as they do you will often see them accepting and giving out phone numbers to different men, usually older Thai men.

As these men are already married and simply looking for a bit on the side they do not make great demands on the woman so she has plenty of time to 'service' several men.

If she has 3 men all paying her a 5K retainer, her income has now risen to 20K per month. For exclusive rights to her services then a man would be expected to pay a premium for that. Add to that the men are often paying for restaurant bills and giving the woman the odd gift, the woman is on a good thing.

NAME THESE CLUBS. i wanna go see how beautiful they are .

i really dont see beauties wasting their time serving drinks!

No !! I enjoy being served by these lovely ladies and am not having you drag them off to some tent in the desert to be in your Harem. OK??

[Abrak]

From my experience of living in Pattaya i would say that 99.9999% of the guys i see out and about are paying for their girlfriends. Otherwise why would so many pretty girls allow themselves to be mauled by old, fat, bald, nutty older men. I personally think 30k sounds cheap to rent a girlfriend

Any sentence starting along the lines 'From my experience of living in Pattaya' doesnt have much credibility. I have lived in Thailand 15 years and have never been asked to pay a girl a salary. I mean I do pay = every meal (and pizza hut is not a great choice), I do realize that my b'day present to her will be worth 5x what she gives me, that when we go away I usually pay the flight and the hotel - so maybe it does all add to Bt30k a month but my guess is that she will want Bt30k and you to pay for everything.

If a girl finds you so objectionable that if she isnt compensated as much as a whore she would rather be a whore then she is not worth letting in the house. That is taking a very harsh view though. It maybe because she sees you with your friends and gfs and think you may feel embarrassed that her clothes, shoes, watch are so inferior to your friends GFs. Still if that were true she wouldnt be comparing her life choices to a whore.

BTW I do think there is a good reason to subsidize a GF. After a few months a 'GF' usually comes up with something along the lines of 'the girl I am living with is getting married, can I move in with you at least for a while' (meaning forever). If you explain this isnt possible (your condo doesnt allow pets) and offer to subsidize some alternative accomodation, she feels well looked after while you dont lose your freedom.

[Zstarx]

With Thais, money and love go together, most board members look at you question from a western point of view, if you ask the average Thai, paying a salery would be considered normal, especially to a reasonably attractive Thai lady. If the women is older and doesn't have many choiices then you don't won't hav to pay much at all, which is why most board members have told you to run a mile, because that is their experience!!

[OxfordWill]

After having spent many years together (on and off, as I go back to my home country to work), my GF is asking for a salary, but she tells this is not about business, it is about love! I ask her how much? She tells me bar girls can get about 30,000 B, so maybe my salary should be about the same. Of course, she was shy about talking about this at the beginning, because "it is not polite"! I am supposed to be a gentleman! I also must help her parents! I must also help my parents. Is she helping my parents? Is she going to? Nope! I am confused! Should I run?

Welcome to Thailand this is not like your culture. Love and money go hand in hand. If you love her, you should support her. IF this seems odd to you, you dont understand Thailand.

Its a good sign she was shy to talk about it. Do you want to marry her? If not after "many years" then ask yourself if this relationship is fair to the poor girl.

p.s. am disapointed to see some long term posters still apparantly know fuc_k all about Thai culture.

Edited August 9, 2009 by OxfordWill

[Geekfreaklover]

After having spent many years together (on and off, as I go back to my home country to work), my GF is asking for a salary, but she tells this is not about business, it is about love! I ask her how much? She tells me bar girls can get about 30,000 B, so maybe my salary should be about the same. Of course, she was shy about talking about this at the beginning, because "it is not polite"! I am supposed to be a gentleman! I also must help her parents! I must also help my parents. Is she helping my parents? Is she going to? Nope! I am confused! Should I run?

Welcome to Thailand this is not like your culture. Love and money go hand in hand. If you love her, you should support her. IF this seems odd to you, you dont understand Thailand.

Its a good sign she was shy to talk about it. Do you want to marry her? If not after "many years" then ask yourself if this relationship is fair to the poor girl.

p.s. am disapointed to see some long term posters still apparantly know fuc_k all about Thai culture.

I am also disapointed to see long term posters that know nothing about Thai culture.

[TopDogger]

From my experience of living in Pattaya i would say that 99.9999% of the guys i see out and about are paying for their girlfriends. Otherwise why would so many pretty girls allow themselfs to be mauled by old, fat, bald, nutty older men. I personally think 30k sounds cheap to rent a girlfriend

lol.. Pattaya, pretty girls???

[wefearourdespot]

After having spent many years together (on and off, as I go back to my home country to work), my GF is asking for a salary, but she tells this is not about business, it is about love! I ask her how much? She tells me bar girls can get about 30,000 B, so maybe my salary should be about the same. Of course, she was shy about talking about this at the beginning, because "it is not polite"! I am supposed to be a gentleman! I also must help her parents! I must also help my parents. Is she helping my parents? Is she going to? Nope! I am confused! Should I run?

30,000 baht is clearly a rip-off, yet many of the posters who claimed they give nothing to their wives/gf actually end up spending much more than that once they lose the house the car the business and compute all the handouts for her family they made during the relationship.

So do your math

[wefearourdespot]

" my GF is asking for a salary"

GFs don't want a salary, prostitutes do. It's your choice.

Of course.

They want marriage, so they can get everything.

That's way more than a petty salary.

[TopDogger]

After having spent many years together (on and off, as I go back to my home country to work), my GF is asking for a salary, but she tells this is not about business, it is about love! I ask her how much? She tells me bar girls can get about 30,000 B, so maybe my salary should be about the same. Of course, she was shy about talking about this at the beginning, because "it is not polite"! I am supposed to be a gentleman! I also must help her parents! I must also help my parents. Is she helping my parents? Is she going to? Nope! I am confused! Should I run?

Welcome to Thailand this is not like your culture. Love and money go hand in hand. If you love her, you should support her. IF this seems odd to you, you dont understand Thailand.

Its a good sign she was shy to talk about it. Do you want to marry her? If not after "many years" then ask yourself if this relationship is fair to the poor girl.

p.s. am disapointed to see some long term posters still apparantly know fuc_k all about Thai culture.

I am also disapointed to see long term posters that know nothing about Thai culture.

I'll 2nd that.... The girls that pull this kind of crap are specifically targeting foreigners / or Thai guys with cash to get an easy financial ride, although there not hookers I think the Thai guys call them "money girls"??

[Geekfreaklover]

After having spent many years together (on and off, as I go back to my home country to work), my GF is asking for a salary, but she tells this is not about business, it is about love! I ask her how much? She tells me bar girls can get about 30,000 B, so maybe my salary should be about the same. Of course, she was shy about talking about this at the beginning, because "it is not polite"! I am supposed to be a gentleman! I also must help her parents! I must also help my parents. Is she helping my parents? Is she going to? Nope! I am confused! Should I run?

Welcome to Thailand this is not like your culture. Love and money go hand in hand. If you love her, you should support her. IF this seems odd to you, you dont understand Thailand.

Its a good sign she was shy to talk about it. Do you want to marry her? If not after "many years" then ask yourself if this relationship is fair to the poor girl.

p.s. am disapointed to see some long term posters still apparantly know fuc_k all about Thai culture.

I am also disapointed to see long term posters that know nothing about Thai culture.

I'll 2nd that.... The girls that pull this kind of crap are specifically targeting foreigners / or Thai guys with cash to get an easy financial ride, although there not hookers I think the Thai guys call them "money girls"??

Thanks, there are some people out there with a brain.

The clue is to look at how Thai on Thai relationships work, and figure it out from there.

Money should not be an issue.

Edited August 9, 2009 by Geekfreaklover

[OxfordWill]

I tend to err on the side of showing benefit of the doubt to the Thai girl in these situations. Of course its impossible as only the OP knows the individuals involved, and maybe if we also knew them, we would be in stronger positions to advise. But given a "hypothetical" situation in which an "average" thai girl and an "average" western man have this scenario, on "average" we would be able to assume certain things about the girl and the guy, which in my opinion lead me to the general advice that the girl is not "gold digging" (infact this concept doesnt really exist in Thailand, not in the way we mean it- it exists in different ways, mainly only two which I have come across, which I wont go on about here are not relevant) but rather bringing up the subject of money in a shy way in order to give her boyfriend the opportunity to demonstrate the most important (arguably, ok, definitely top 3) quality of "generosity". In such a hypothetical situation, a Thai man in the same situation would most likely jump at the chance to, if he could afford it, support his girlfriend with a monthly stippend. Western and Thai culture, on this particular issue are almost exactly opposite. Most people I grew up with in England were taught that money and love do not mix well, but the exact opposite is true in Thai culture. Hearing, believing and finally *understanding* this, is probably the most important part of successful relationships between western and thai lovers. Of course its not enough to just think ok, if I love I must provide, one must also learn the whys and wherefores- the underlying cultural concepts which drive this reality- but its a good enough start to let go of the western ideal that money somehow pollutes "true love". Try to see it rather as a way to show your love- money merely being the most powerful vehicle.

Of course it could be that your girlfriend is a bad egg and will take you for a wild run while disrespecting you all the time, but you havent suggested anything to indicate she is within that minority group of women in this country.

/waffle

[TopDogger]

Welcome to Thailand this is not like your culture. Love and money go hand in hand. If you love her, you should support her. IF this seems odd to you, you dont understand Thailand.

In what part of the OP was it mentioned that she was a paraplegic and unable to work and support herself?

I'm all for making life a little easier for them and helping out here and there... Buy em some silicone's / get em a nose job before putting them back in the pond, then at least they'll have a fighting chance.. And at least the money won't be frittered away.. A salary can only mean one thing imo... Guy's that fall for this kinda thing are mug's.

[wefearourdespot]

Cuba sounds better and better.

My friend, you are really hopeless.