My Gf Wants A Salary!

[Soutpeel]

I am in the process of buying a car, but she wants me to put it on her name and, when I tell her, I want to put it in on my name, she does not want the car anymore. This makes me VERY suspicious.

No sh*t sherlock...

Now with this further information lets analyse the situation again:

1. She wants THB 30k/month "salary"

2. She wants the car in her name, but you refuse, so doesnt want it anymore (female tactic to put someone on a guilt trip)

3. You are not in country all the time

4. "In her line of work, she sometimes frequents BGs"

5. Just because she has a tourism license, doesnt mean she isnt a part time BG, when you are not around

Ding Ding Ding..alarm bell ringing on this one....

So will stand by my previous advice:

Run Rabbit.Run Rabbit...Run..Run..Run

I would be going out and purchasing the most expensive pair of Nikes I could find...

[rethaired]

How come I am so dam_n contrary to many on this board.

There is nothing wrong with giving her a monthly stipend, with some stringent conditions:

#1. The bargirl thing is over. You cannot control this, so foh-get about all of this, until you stop commuting back to your home country. But if you have any misgivings about her 'activties', a monthly stipend would be the first thing that would need to be considered. A private investigator would be the next thing. But the hel_l with it, get yourself a professional, salaried lady. Dont underestimate your market value so much. They are available everywhere. Break out of that dam_n bargirl syndrome.

# 2. Should this lady be the dream of your life however, at the very least separate yourself from the famdamily. This stipend is one way of doing that. Use the stipend as the 'firewall' between yourself and the famdamily. Whatever stipend you give her, any moneys flowing to the family comes from that stipend. The more she gives, the less she has for herself. This rule must be rigidly enforced and adhered to. Dont give the famdamily access to Farang pockets - ever and forever! No matter wot you do financially, they dont appreciate it anyway. The daughter owes it to them, regardless where it comes from.

# 3. How much should the stipend be. Let me put on my professional salary administration hat from a previous life. Her use of bargirl salary as a measuring stick is actually quite good - from the perspective of using employment to determine her earning power (EP). Her EP should determine stipend size....But not bargirl EP. bargirl EP has nothing to do with a normal life that she would presumably be living with you. With her quals., could she get a job at Big C, or Tesco? I think they earn about 5,000 baht a month. That should be your measuring stick. Perhaps with a little sweetener for being the love of your life. But rule #2 applies unquestionably.

# 4. I have much other tried 'n true advice about living happilly with a Thai lady in Thailand, in a balanced way. Where there are checks and balances between Farang and Thai lady, ensuring that one can never take advantage of the other. This is just the stipend part. For example my money is not our money, buying land from mama and papa is a fraud, back-end load any financials to the Thai lady to encourage a lifetime of good behavior, ie house purchase only by mortage or by rent, leave an inheritance, etc., etc.

X

Thanks for some very good advice here. I have been using #4 as a way to plan for the future with her and #2 sounds like a smart move.

Thanks.

It is difficult because the 2 cultures are sometimes a bit far apart. She speaks good English, but sometimes not well enough for me to convey fully what I mean and not well enough for her to clearly state what she really wants, although it seems quite apparent what she does. If I use the Asian (round-about way of expressing oneself for reference, she seems to ask for quite a bit, which might mean she wants much more. Direct communication is bliss, but they have not understood that yet! )

[rethaired]

I am in the process of buying a car, but she wants me to put it on her name and, when I tell her, I want to put it in on my name, she does not want the car anymore. This makes me VERY suspicious.

No sh*t sherlock...

Now with this further information lets analyse the situation again:

1. She wants THB 30k/month "salary"

2. She wants the car in her name, but you refuse, so doesnt want it anymore (female tactic to put someone on a guilt trip)

3. You are not in country all the time

4. "In her line of work, she sometimes frequents BGs"

5. Just because she has a tourism license, doesnt mean she isnt a part time BG, when you are not around

Ding Ding Ding..alarm bell ringing on this one....

So will stand by my previous advice:

Run Rabbit.Run Rabbit...Run..Run..Run

I would be going out and purchasing the most expensive pair of Nikes I could find...

For 6 months of the year and for the last 3 years, she does work in the tourism industry and is licensed. It is not as if I come here every 2 months or so. Even though she did talk about BG's salary, I don't think she indicated that she wants 30,000 B/month per say, but she hinted it. But, I think you are right about the rest. It looks very suspicious. WOW! I never thought after this amount of time I would not have been able to smell the rat!

Edited August 8, 2009 by rethaired

[RAZZELL]

That's a reasonable graduate salary.

RAZZ

I think not. I normally pay employee graduates between 10-12k. Which is reasonable.

Well, maybe you start on 12-15k. I meant 30k after a few years in a job.

RAZZ

Edited August 8, 2009 by RAZZELL

[nigelandjan]

Where did you meet this creature ?? in a bar ???? if you did serves you right !!! and any other numpties reading this post if you think you are gonna go into a bar to find anything different take a reality check , rub both brain cells together sober up get as far away from that scene get out in the sticks do your homework , then do it again ! and with the wind blowing in the right direction and a bit of luck you will find yourself a wonderfull loving caring wife , that will stand beside you through the good and the bad times , yes I agree because of the Thai culture you will be asked as I am for a ( little ) nid noi for the family back home , but in the real world we are only talking peanuts here .

Drop her like the last bloke did no doubt when she asked for the money

[Moonrakers]

WOW! I never thought after this amount of time I would not have smelled the rat!

I suspect the the rat is a 'friend' who has been pissing in her ear.

[zorro1]

How come I am so dam_n contrary to many on this board.

There is nothing wrong with giving her a monthly stipend, with some stringent conditions:

#1. The bargirl thing is over. You cannot control this, so foh-get about all of this, until you stop commuting back to your home country. But if you have any misgivings about her 'activties', a monthly stipend would be the first thing that would need to be considered. A private investigator would be the next thing. But the hel_l with it, get yourself a professional, salaried lady. Dont underestimate your market value so much. They are available everywhere. Break out of that dam_n bargirl syndrome.

# 2. Should this lady be the dream of your life however, at the very least separate yourself from the famdamily. This stipend is one way of doing that. Use the stipend as the 'firewall' between yourself and the famdamily. Whatever stipend you give her, any moneys flowing to the family comes from that stipend. The more she gives, the less she has for herself. This rule must be rigidly enforced and adhered to. Dont give the famdamily access to Farang pockets - ever and forever! No matter wot you do financially, they dont appreciate it anyway. The daughter owes it to them, regardless where it comes from.

# 3. How much should the stipend be. Let me put on my professional salary administration hat from a previous life. Her use of bargirl salary as a measuring stick is actually quite good - from the perspective of using employment to determine her earning power (EP). Her EP should determine stipend size....But not bargirl EP. bargirl EP has nothing to do with a normal life that she would presumably be living with you. With her quals., could she get a job at Big C, or Tesco? I think they earn about 5,000 baht a month. That should be your measuring stick. Perhaps with a little sweetener for being the love of your life. But rule #2 applies unquestionably.

# 4. I have much other tried 'n true advice about living happilly with a Thai lady in Thailand, in a balanced way. Where there are checks and balances between Farang and Thai lady, ensuring that one can never take advantage of the other. This is just the stipend part. For example my money is not our money, buying land from mama and papa is a fraud, back-end load any financials to the Thai lady to encourage a lifetime of good behavior, ie house purchase only by mortage or by rent, leave an inheritance, etc., etc.

X

Thanks for some very good advice here. I have been using #4 as a way to plan for the future with her and #2 sounds like a smart move.

Thanks.

It is difficult because the 2 cultures are sometimes a bit far apart. She speaks good English, but sometimes not well enough for me to convey fully what I mean and not well enough for her to clearly state what she really wants, although it seems quite apparent what she does. If I use the Asian (round-about way of expressing oneself for reference, she seems to ask for quite a bit, which might mean she wants much more. Direct communication is bliss, but they have not understood that yet! )

What? LOL maybe you really don't understand her but think you do? maybe she wants to give YOU 30000bht to stay and wants to buy you a car in your name so you can get around whilst she doing her real 140k job?

[RAZZELL]

WOW! I never thought after this amount of time I would not have smelled the rat!

I suspect the the rat is a 'friend' who has been pissing in her ear.

Yep. Had it happen. There's always one friend like that.

Whatever you do...her bf gives more money, treats her better, is better-looking, younger etc etc...Although in my case it could be true!

RAZZ

[Soutpeel]

She speaks good English, but sometimes not well enough for me to convey fully what I mean and not well enough for her to clearly state what she really wants

....she seems to have clearly stated what she really wants upto now....THB 30k/m and a car in her name...no mis-communication there, just wait till the subject of a house comes up...

OP its pretty obvious to me that you have already decided what you are going do....So write back in a few months/year and let us know if we were right or wrong...

[Geekfreaklover]

I am in the process of buying a car, but she wants me to put it on her name and, when I tell her, I want to put it in on my name, she does not want the car anymore. This makes me VERY suspicious.

No sh*t sherlock...

Now with this further information lets analyse the situation again:

1. She wants THB 30k/month "salary"

2. She wants the car in her name, but you refuse, so doesnt want it anymore (female tactic to put someone on a guilt trip)

3. You are not in country all the time

4. "In her line of work, she sometimes frequents BGs"

5. Just because she has a tourism license, doesnt mean she isnt a part time BG, when you are not around

Ding Ding Ding..alarm bell ringing on this one....

So will stand by my previous advice:

Run Rabbit.Run Rabbit...Run..Run..Run

I would be going out and purchasing the most expensive pair of Nikes I could find...

For 6 months of the year and for the last 3 years, she does work in the tourism industry and is licensed. It is not as if I come here every 2 months or so. Even though she did talk about BG's salary, I don't think she indicated that she wants 30,000 B/month per say, but she hinted it. But, I think you are right about the rest. It looks very suspicious. WOW! I never thought after this amount of time I would not have been able to smell the rat!

So you have seen the light. Thaivisa is always a good source for words of warning.

Run, baby, run.

[BEENTHEREDONETHAT]

30,000Baht and support for her family. Do you get to sleep with the mother and sisters for that?

One thing to consider is how much fun it can be in LOS finding a new GF, take it slow test drive a bunch and you will know when you find the one best suited for you. In the mean time don't worry about her if she is making 150,000 she should not have any trouble getting along and finding a new BF.

[rethaired]

The answer is in your question.

Preferable choices are to

1 Do not renew the relationship on your next visit and do not send her money while you are in your own country. She will find somebody else before you get back.

2 Encourage her to leave by reducing her income.

Very few bargirls get 30,000 Bt per month - only A league players. Most are very happy to break 15k per month. Most bar girls are happy to take a job as a cashier or mamasan which pays 10k per month to compensate them for not being allowed to take customers during normal working hours.

BTW your name suggests ''retired'' with ''thai'' inserted in place of ''ti'', but you mention returning to work in your own country. Please do not bring more confusion to a land which is awash with confused people.

Good advice.

By the way, I never send her money while away. I felt like paying half the rent as I was getting the benefit of having a place call home and as I actually asked her to get a more expensive place that she could afford. I think that was only the right thing to do.

You are right about the name. Semi-retired would have been more appropriate, but then I did not really want to take a new name in a few years, should I decide to retire. These sorts of issues might make find another name: not-rethaired!

Cuba sounds better and better.

[Artisi]

For 6 months of the year and for the last 3 years, she does work in the tourism industry and is licensed. It is not as if I come here every 2 months or so. Even though she did talk about BG's salary, I don't think she indicated that she wants 30,000 B/month per say, but she hinted it. But, I think you are right about the rest. It looks very suspicious. WOW! I never thought after this amount of time I would not have been able to smell the rat!

Smell a rat - seems to me it's been dead for a long while and really on-the-nose.

[Maverell]

The car in her name did it for me. Did the OP ask her why it had to be in her name ? In my experience the wrong girls do not like being asked 'why' about anything. End Game.

Edited August 8, 2009 by Maverell

[Soutpeel]

WOW! I never thought after this amount of time I would not have been able to smell the rat!

Because you have been thinking with Mr little head, and not with Mr big head....

Now if you wish....test the theory...cut her off completely from all the cash and see how long she hangs around, tell her you need some time on your own...etc etc

You will of course get all kinds of sob stories...etc etc, but be strong man...stiff upper lip and all that Great British rubbish...

And dont forget the Nikes...

[neverdie]

Yeah kick her to the kerb dude! Put it down to experience and move on....

[Maizefarmer]

rethaired

You realise that 30K puts her in the top 10% or so of income earners in Thailand?

If this was a European girl asking you for a similar monthly stipend back home, and/or getting upset when you offered to buy a car for her to use, but then got upset when you expressed releuctance to put it in her name - how would you re-act?

You'd be pretty taken aback wouldn't - you'd think she had a bloody cheek - chances are its not the sort of partner you'd want.

Well, hel_l - just why should it be any more "acceptable" for a Thai girl to behave like that. It's not and don't for one moment think it is because it isn't - it's as much an "abuse" happening in Thailand, as it would be if it happened back home.

Thai girls/partners are no different to partners elswhere in the world - she understands for well that what she is asking of you is no more proper or acceptable than a European partner asking the same of you in similar circumstances back home - what she is relieing on, is a practise that small group of Thai girls in the so-called "bright lights" industry become expert at, and that is getting their ex-pat partner to think and accept that their relationship revolves around a set of values associated with "money". It's abusive and they know it.

Don't get sucked into belieiving that managing a successfull long term relationship here in Thailand is any different to how you'd manage it back home. If its not something you'd be comfortable doing back home with a European partner, why be any more comfortable with it, or think it any more acceptable here in Thailand?

[Moonrakers]

Don't get sucked

This could be the underlying problem.

[slapout]

Before you run, why not go into the old bargaining/ question mode over dinner at the apt? This should make for a entertaining evening, theatrical activity, tears, pouting, etc ( her part), strong, silent type, (your part) If by the time the evening is finished she has not threatened to kill you/herself, thrown anything, laid on floor and kicked/screamed, slammed at least 2 doors(excluding bathroom), gone silent and tears, stomped foot and swore you need to take to doctor as its broken, kicked you, the dog, and motorbike but agrees 2,000 baht a month would be adequate, then tell her your going out to buy a bottle of champagne and keep going. Why she gives up too easily.

[rethaired]

WOW! I never thought after this amount of time I would not have been able to smell the rat!

Because you have been thinking with Mr little head, and not with Mr big head....

Now if you wish....test the theory...cut her off completely from all the cash and see how long she hangs around, tell her you need some time on your own...etc etc

You will of course get all kinds of sob stories...etc etc, but be strong man...stiff upper lip and all that Great British rubbish...

And dont forget the Nikes...

As if no man and no woman ever want sex now! Come on! stop the feminist stuff, will you!

I have been thinking with my own head for the last 3 years (on and off ) since I have not sank too much money in this baby!

Will see if you are right! I would not be surprised! But, hey, it is nto because I have not thought about it!

[CDNinKS]

Well guys, I have to agree with Ferwert.

I live here full time and a monthly allowance is the way I deal with my GF (she was never a BG) and I do it for all the reasons Ferwert mentioned. The big one is the whole supporting a multitude of family members. I give her 12,000/month for her to do with as she pleases, if she wants to give it all to the Grandmother, mother, auntie, nephew, etc, etc, then that is her business. But then she goes without trips to the hair saloon, manicures, creams and lotions, etc, etc.

I pay all the rent, food, bills and she looks after the house, laundry, cleaning, cooking etc.

This arrangement works well for both of us and I don't feel I'm being taken advantage of and she is happy with her lot in life.

In my previous life with western women it was the joint bank account deal........that didn't work out so well

[spongeman]

Tell her the 30k is gross.

then deduct :

tax

social security

pension

rent

other

otherwise its the pink slip..........

[rethaired]

WOW! I never thought after this amount of time I would not have been able to smell the rat!

Because you have been thinking with Mr little head, and not with Mr big head....

Now if you wish....test the theory...cut her off completely from all the cash and see how long she hangs around, tell her you need some time on your own...etc etc

You will of course get all kinds of sob stories...etc etc, but be strong man...stiff upper lip and all that Great British rubbish...

And dont forget the Nikes...

Repost ... due to bad connection! Sorry!

Edited August 8, 2009 by rethaired

[Soutpeel]

I pay all the rent, food, bills and she looks after the house, laundry, cleaning, cooking etc.

This arrangement works well for both of us and I don't feel I'm being taken advantage of and she is happy with her lot in life.

So you have employed a maid with benefits...

[MSingh]

OP, the answer is in the Title of this Post, read it again, over & over if you have to, & you will find your answer...

[CDNinKS]

So you have employed a maid with benefits...

Ass, gas or grass......nobody rides for free

Every man, everywhere in the world, pays for it.......one way or the other

[Soutpeel]

So you have employed a maid with benefits...

Ass, gas or grass......nobody rides for free

Every man, everywhere in the world, pays for it.......one way or the other

....and with this post you have dispelled another myth...My friends have always told me, Canadians dont have a sense of humour...

[Lancelot]

I was talking to a guy the other day and somehow we broached the subject of "retainers" for girl friends. I opined that I could not under stand why some guys paid their wife or gf a salary. He raises his eyebrows and says "I give my gf xxxx baht per month salary...

Amazing Thailand or should we say "Amazing Expats." How many guys would pay their gf back home?

Or look at it another way, how many Thai guys give their "GFs" a salary to stay with them?!?! In truth, its the other way around, the bar girls pay all the expenses for their hard body thai bfs

Edited August 8, 2009 by Lancelot

[Abrak]

If your 'GF' believes she should be treated as a hooker then pay her short/long time and treat her as such.

Meanwhile look for a real GF who doesnt really wish to be compensated for selling her body to you.

I mean you really have to wonder what sort of girl thinks about when she compares your relationship with prostitution. Ultimately all she is saying is that she will go out with you as long as you fully compensate her for the rewards or hookering.

Incidentally I dont care much what you do or pay her but dont refer to her as your 'GF' when you are merely a client.

Edited August 8, 2009 by Abrak

[sanmiguellight]

I love the way such a subject gets so many Thai experts typing away to give advice ..... many have first hand experience i think!