actual AP headline

KILLER BISCUITS WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (the actual AP headline)

Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws and

while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries.

Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up

and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head.

One customer, who had been at the store for a while, became concerned and

walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open, and

she looked very strange.

He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she'd been shot in

the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for over an hour.

The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors

were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head. When

they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the

back of her head.

A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud

noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the

back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt

the dough and thought it was her brains.

She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her

brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid.

Linda is a blonde, but I'm certain that's not relevant.