Why Do They Never Say Goodbye?

[true blue]

I haven't experienced the no goodbye thing, at least it isn't normal around my place. In fact I had to point out to a few family members that all that wai'ng in my own house gets a bit tedious. So if they are in my house to just treat like it was theirs, no need to be formal. There are still plenty of hello's and goodbyes and good nights and good mornings.

If guests are leaving and they don't know where I am, they come find me and say goodbye.

my missus says radi swot,fun de nar, everynight, before go sleep.and when i leave her village i get mak mak wais.my satang worth,lol

[Heng]

Typically many folks only feel the need to express proper greetings with those equal to or more important than them hierarchy wise. If you didn't happen to see some of your distant cousins or nieces/nephews towards the end of a western style family reunion, how much effort would you put in to track them down? But you'd probably say goodbye to the host/home owners. Same thing, only here, it's probably you who's the cousin from Bumblefudge.

That's just a generalization though, there may be other issues at play as well.

[Meridian007]

I also had to train my girlfriend into saying goodbye before hanging up the phone, now she won't hang up until I have, because she doesn't want me to accuse her of hanging up on me!

I remember getting told early on here that I shouldn't say "goodbye" because it is bad luck in that you think you won't see them again. Saying "bye" seems to be okay however.

I think it is changing, in Bangkok I always see the young girls, (the ones who love Korean boy bands, and spend all their time ab baeuw-ing into their camera-phones), being overly dramatic with their goodbyes to their friends. It almost seems like parody...

[WaiWai]

think it is changing, in Bangkok I always see the young girls, (the ones who love Korean boy bands, and spend all their time ab baeuw-ing into their camera-phones), being overly dramatic with their goodbyes to their friends. It almost seems like parody...

Yes.

Saying something in a language that is not your first language can be liberating. It allows expressions and displays that your own culture may not find acceptable.

And of course, at least in Bangkok, globalization is an ever more pressing reality.

[anchan42]

I am just trying to think what I normally do.

I think language barrier might be in the play here.

ลาก่อน สวัสดี ราตรีสวัส these were actually invented back in WW2 era so Thai people could have equivalent words for goodbye, hello, and goodnight. Most Thais find them too formal to be used with the ones closed to you.

I don't think I have ever used ลาก่อน or ราตรีสวัส. สวัสดี is reserved for formal occasion only. Unfortunately many farangs have learned those words in Thai and some expect it to be used in the same way as their equivalent in English

I usually use ไปก่อนนะ, ไปดีกว่า or some things similar which friends and relatives who are about the same age as I am. They mean "I am leaving", "I'd better go" that kind of lines.

ไปนอนดีกว่า, ไปนอนละนะ are for good night. Those cannot be used when you are on the same bed with your wife and both are about to go to sleep. หวัดดี usually replace สวัสดี event with older relatives and parent.

They might be a bit difficult for Farangs to pick up in normal speech. Not to mention that some Thais are afraid to talk to Farangs and probably just said them to the wives.

I think the Buddhist explanation is a bit over analyzing.

Edited January 9, 2010 by anchan42

[KhaoNiaw]

I usually use ไปก่อนนะ, ไปดีกว่า or some things similar which friends and relatives who are about the same age as I am. They mean "I am leaving", "I'd better go" that kind of lines.

Those are the ones I usually hear and use informally. Maybe ไปแล้วนะ too.

[BusyB]

My Thai advisor says that your customary goodbye and goodnight are perceived to be words which excuse you from prayers or from later thoughtfulness for those you depart. To pay respects to mother and father with a goodnight is perceived as a gesture of gratitude and beholding. Thai feeling for this is simple: You convey gratitude with actions, and this will be enough. To say thanks is to cheapen the gift for which you hold gratitude. To repay in turn is more right. To make farewell is uncomfortably close to stating that you have premonition you will not meet again. If you believe you will see each other again tomorrow, it is not necessary to say this. It creates good karma to keep these people in your thoughts and include them in your wishes or prayers while you are away, and to anticipate what good may come from this when you next see them.

I don't know about all of that, but the vibe I get, is Thai people do not feel like they are leaving you if you are close with them. Just leaving the room for whatever is next. They feel connected to each other even when they are not in each others sight. Goodbye serves to break that connectedness, and Thank You is a poor substitute fot the acts of kindness we share every day to express how we feel. That I see, and understand. Do what you will with the rest of the mojo there. Him being a retired monk, I try to mull it over when he looks at me and talks about something. I try.

2satg,

SPQR

lucky person to have an advisor like that 

[upinthesky]

If you are a Thai, they will treat you more friendly and attentively. It does make you feel like an alien or someone from outer space who reside in a country that doesn't know the 'goodbye' custom.

[Stricken]

You can also say leeo phop gan mai meaning see you later

Edited January 9, 2010 by Stricken

[kikoman]

My Thai advisor says that your customary goodbye and goodnight are perceived to be words which excuse you from prayers or from later thoughtfulness for those you depart. To pay respects to mother and father with a goodnight is perceived as a gesture of gratitude and beholding. Thai feeling for this is simple: You convey gratitude with actions, and this will be enough. To say thanks is to cheapen the gift for which you hold gratitude. To repay in turn is more right. To make farewell is uncomfortably close to stating that you have premonition you will not meet again. If you believe you will see each other again tomorrow, it is not necessary to say this. It creates good karma to keep these people in your thoughts and include them in your wishes or prayers while you are away, and to anticipate what good may come from this when you next see them.

I don't know about all of that, but the vibe I get, is Thai people do not feel like they are leaving you if you are close with them. Just leaving the room for whatever is next. They feel connected to each other even when they are not in each others sight. Goodbye serves to break that connectedness, and Thank You is a poor substitute fot the acts of kindness we share every day to express how we feel. That I see, and understand. Do what you will with the rest of the mojo there. Him being a retired monk, I try to mull it over when he looks at me and talks about something. I try.

2satg,

SPQR

Very well written, a good background into the Thai culture!

In the village all people "Wai" upon arriving and leaving my house. I see this done all over our part of rural Thailand. There is not a lot of the emotions as associated with Western cultures.

Cheers:

[ArthurPewty]

Interesting! I noticed it when I visited some villages, but just thought I had missed something. In contrast, I notice that here in Bangkok it goes to another extreme. When parting ways, say at a BTS stop, I notice people standing very close and saying "bye bye" and waving at each other. I find it rather charming, and yes I have done it. Without thinking I have waved at people I know....

[anchan42]

You can also say leeo phop gan mai meaning see you later

To me that is also formal and sounds like writing language. I don't think I have ever used it or heard it use to me. I think the most frequent one I use is แล้วเจอกัน or it's variants like แล้วเดี๋ยวเจอกัน, เจอกันที่ทำงาน (you expect to see each other again in the office), แล้วยังไงเจอกันใหม่ (You expect to meet again in future but time is uncertain) or เจอกันพรุ่งนี้ which means "see you tomorrow"

[Briggsy]

I think you'll find "pai laeo na" ไปแล้วนะ is far more common than the very formal "la gorn" ลาก่อน

[billd766]

because culturally, thais don't make it beyond their village... so why bother to say "good bye" as if u wont see them for a long while. Like a wart, they will be there come rain or shine laying in the same hammock swatting at the same fly....

And culturaly, I never go to their village, not even for a vist. Everything north of Bangkok, is for Thai people, and nobody else.

What nonsense you talk! If that's your view then the North of LOS is better off without you.

Here in my opinion we have the real Thailand, and the frendliest most hospitable folk.

I take a small exception to that as I live 1/2 way between Chiang Mai and BKK and the real country Thailand is here, the locals are friendly and the smiles are real as well.

However in BKK it is not so nice which is why whenever I am in BKK I can't wait to get back home.

And for bellste information my wifes village is actually Bang Na in BKK and they love coming up to "her" village.

[sendbaht]

My Thai advisor says that your customary goodbye and goodnight are perceived to be words which excuse you from prayers or from later thoughtfulness for those you depart. To pay respects to mother and father with a goodnight is perceived as a gesture of gratitude and beholding. Thai feeling for this is simple: You convey gratitude with actions, and this will be enough. To say thanks is to cheapen the gift for which you hold gratitude. To repay in turn is more right. To make farewell is uncomfortably close to stating that you have premonition you will not meet again. If you believe you will see each other again tomorrow, it is not necessary to say this. It creates good karma to keep these people in your thoughts and include them in your wishes or prayers while you are away, and to anticipate what good may come from this when you next see them.

I don't know about all of that, but the vibe I get, is Thai people do not feel like they are leaving you if you are close with them. Just leaving the room for whatever is next. They feel connected to each other even when they are not in each others sight. Goodbye serves to break that connectedness, and Thank You is a poor substitute fot the acts of kindness we share every day to express how we feel. That I see, and understand. Do what you will with the rest of the mojo there. Him being a retired monk, I try to mull it over when he looks at me and talks about something. I try.

2satg,

SPQR

All I can say about this post is one big THANK YOU. One of the coolest posts I have read in a long while. Now I do not mean to "cheapen the gift for which I hold gratitude" of this post but in the case a Thanks is in line. More posts form you is fine with me.

[PeaceBlondie]

It's gotten so bad here, that I accidentally locked my partner out of the house and rode to town when he was watering the back yard. He never says hi, I'm home; or see you later. I give up.

[Birdman]

A general habit here. But there are also some Thais who kiss and hug the partner every time they depart and see each other again every day for years! Yes, that's true.

[OxfordWill]

Thais are like the internet- each one a node connected to all the others in some way. They value dependence NOT independence. We value independence NOT dependence. We valuer independece very strongly and thais value dependence just as strongly. Think about this for a second or two and cultural oddities like this make sense suddenly.

[tropo]

What I find surprising is that as soon as Thais act in some way different to Farang, suddenly it becomes unique Thai behaviour.

Well, I've got news for you. It's exactly the same in my gf's Philippine community. Nobody says "good morning", "good night", "hello", "bye" to each other when going about normal daily activities. I also found it a bit difficult at first.

When they want to sleep, they just go to sleep. When they go to school, they just go to school. When they come home there's no fanfare, they just come home.

I've got a feeling that there's a lot more of this behaviour in other countries too.

[bina]

i find that when u doing something NOT ordinary for a thai person, u do get a very 'mindful' thank you/wei. over and over again ive been thanked /wei'd after helping out guys with visa/employer stuff here; and it is never a quick thanx, but a very specific, intent thank you with a wei. however, when during normal course of the day stuff of going in and out , people dont seem to say bye , or thank u... it s just understood.

recently had to return someone to his old employer while he waits for his visa approval ; when we left him, he seemed rather bereft, and his friends, when leaving, all made a point to say chok dee, byebye, and he even got a hug or two. but this seems to happen only in intense/emotional/unknown situations where u arent really sure that the person will be where u left him/her.

as for the filipinas, at least here in israel they are vocal and physical in expressing their goodbyes. maybe our temperment has rubbed off on all of them?

bina

israel

[dutchguest]

You can see it when someone is leaving. No use to spill much words or formalities.

[thithi]

we use sawadee instead of lagorn.

As a Thai, I don't say Lagorn. It sounds too formal, and I'll say it when I'll never see someone again.

[mahtin]

It's been a while since I last bid someone adieu too.

[OxfordWill]

surprised the old phone issue hasnt come up. The amount of times I have found myself talking to a dialing tone after a conversation with thai friends.. but you get used to it