10 Step Path To Becoming A Self Righteous Model Expat

[Cujobytes]

I thought I would post a few helpful hints for people to fit in here.

1. Always find ways to mention how long you've been in Thailand for, the more the better.

2. Actively seek white skin chicks to impress the Thais. Equally, regard all dark skin chicks as ugly, scoff at them and call them whores.

3. Take great pride in that fact that your wife is not an ex-prostitute.

4. Prance around like a big shot because you have a normal / semi-decent job / business in Thailand by western standards.

5. Make sure to play down your Thai language skills in a way that comes across as humble but fluent, even if you can't speak shit compared to time spent.

6. Be sure to use your most impressive memorized Thai phrases as often as possible with complete disregard for context.

7. Make as many chicks as uncomfortable as possible with your poorly pronounced pidgin Thai that is only understood by other up standing expats that you smugly speak (bad) Thai with. Combine this with your overbearing body language that you still thinks flys here after all this time.

8. Apply the Thai sadika system to the expat / tourist community - look down on all who backpack, TELF etc. whilst prostrating before your wealthier, longer in Thailand expat mates.

9. Whenever someone informs you of a purchase, be sure to tell them that they could have got a better deal if they had your expertise.

10. Most important, be condescending, cynical and patronizingly accepting of Thailand and the Thais. Like you understand everything but are way above it all.

[H2oDunc]

You seriously need to get out a little more!

[OxfordWill]

1. Always find ways to mention how long you've been in Thailand for, the more the better.

- Check, I gain great satisfaction of telling people far older than me that I have been here longer than them.

2. Actively seek white skin chicks to impress the Thais. Equally, regard all dark skin chicks as ugly.

- Check, having been here so long (did I mention Id been here a long time?) I dont find dark skinned girls attractive anymore.

3. Take great pride in that fact that your wife is not an ex-prostitute.

- Hm, not married.

4. Prance around like a big shot because you have a normal / semi-decent job / business in Thailand by western standards.

- Check, it makes me feel so fuc_king good to tell people in pubs that not only do I own/partner in my own business but I make more money than most stock brokers in London! I rule! Nothing beats telling it to teachers who ooze that all too familiar sense of "I wish I could do anything other than teaching". Sometimes you meet a teacher who is actually a professional in attitude, and my god do I respect those types. But mostly, they are all people I just love to make feel small, stupid and insignificant.

5. Make sure to play down your Thai language skills in a way that comes across as humble but fluent, even if you can't speak shit compared to time spent.

- Nah, I already talk loudly in Thai on the phone to a dial tone as soon as any other westerner sits within earshot of me. I need him to be impressed immediately- makes me feel awesome since I am yet to meet more than a handful of guys who speak it better than me. I win again. I rule!

6. Be sure to use your most impressive memorized Thai phrases as often as possible with complete disregard for context.

- Nah this is too easy to spot for real awesome expats like myself.

7. Make as many chicks as uncomfortable as possible with your poorly pronounced pidgin Thai that is only understood by other up standing expats that you smugly speak (bad) Thai with. Combine this with your overbearing body language that you still thinks flys here after all this time.

- Nah amateur stuff.

8. Apply the Thai sadika system to the expat / tourist community - look down on all who backpack, TELF etc. whilst prostrating before your wealthier, longer in Thailand expat mates.

- Check- if you have more money or power than me it doesnt matter if youre Thai or Western, since we're in Thailand, I will literally worship you (but only long enough to overtake you).

9. Whenever someone informs you of a purchase, be sure to tell them that they could have got a better deal if they had your expertise.

- Nah, thats crass. Just smile knowingly, and wait for them to say "oh jesus, I knew it was a bad deal." Then confirm your higher wisdom with "No, no, I'm sure its pretty normal." as if the item purchased is not something you would even bother to think about.

10. Most important, be condescending, cynical and patronizingly accepting of Thailand and the Thais. Like you understand everything but are way above it all.

- Check- I do understand everything and I am above it all, and can manipulate it to serve my will as and when I require it to.

[powderpuff]

You just defined stickman. Congrats.

[bkkjames]

My two satang...

I thought I would post a few helpful hints for people to fit in here.

1. Always find ways to mention how long you've been in Thailand for, the more the better. 10 years, check

2. Actively seek white skin chicks to impress the Thais. Equally, regard all dark skin chicks as ugly, scoff at them and call them whores.

Check

3. Take great pride in that fact that your wife is not an ex-prostitute.

Check

4. Prance around like a big shot because you have a normal / semi-decent job / business in Thailand by western standards.

No prancing but I do walk slowly - semi check

5. Make sure to play down your Thai language skills in a way that comes across as humble but fluent, even if you can't speak shit compared to time spent.

Check

6. Be sure to use your most impressive memorized Thai phrases as often as possible with complete disregard for context.

Mai Ko Jai? Check

7. Make as many chicks as uncomfortable as possible with your poorly pronounced pidgin Thai that is only understood by other up standing expats that you smugly speak (bad) Thai with. Combine this with your overbearing body language that you still thinks flys here after all this time.

No pigeon Thai but my Issan is pretty bad - Check

8. Apply the Thai sadika system to the expat / tourist community - look down on all who backpack, TELF etc. whilst prostrating before your wealthier, longer in Thailand expat mates.

Check - backpackers ruin my image.

9. Whenever someone informs you of a purchase, be sure to tell them that they could have got a better deal if they had your expertise.

Half Check - Ignorance isn't all it's cracked up to be.

10. Most important, be condescending, cynical and patronizingly accepting of Thailand and the Thais. Like you understand everything but are way above it all.

First part - no check, second part - double check.

[powderpuff]

11. Bash Thailand at every opportunity.

[bkkjames]

11. Bash Thailand at every opportunity.

Partial Check- Tod-Daniels has the patent on this that I borrow from time to time when convenient.

[jdinasia]

I thought I would post a few helpful hints for people to fit in here.

Where is your "here"?

1. Always find ways to mention how long you've been in Thailand for, the more the better.

Yes, because obviously those FOB are entitled to spout off and make lists

2. Actively seek white skin chicks to impress the Thais. Equally, regard all dark skin chicks as ugly, scoff at them and call them whores.

Make sweeping generalizations about your fellow farang and have no clear understanding that people have different tastes in partners As if likin light or dark skin has much bearing on anything!

3. Take great pride in that fact that your wife is not an ex-prostitute.

Huh? No need for pride in the fact that a spouse didn't sleep with men for money is there? I mean really ...... Nobody in my social circle needs to take any pride in that since nobody in that group would have ever dated a prostitute much less married one!

4. Prance around like a big shot because you have a normal / semi-decent job / business in Thailand by western standards.

Wait --- let me guess ... nah ...

5. Make sure to play down your Thai language skills in a way that comes across as humble but fluent, even if you can't speak shit compared to time spent.

The alternative being ....? Oh, making lists ...

6. Be sure to use your most impressive memorized Thai phrases as often as possible with complete disregard for context.

Are there impressive Thai phrases?

7. Make as many chicks as uncomfortable as possible with your poorly pronounced pidgin Thai that is only understood by other up standing expats that you smugly speak (bad) Thai with. Combine this with your overbearing body language that you still thinks flys here after all this time.

You used "here" again .. where is here? But hey, there is an almost unavoidable fact. You can tell a lot about someone by how they speak Thai

8. Apply the Thai sadika system to the expat / tourist community - look down on all who backpack, TELF etc. whilst prostrating before your wealthier, longer in Thailand expat mates.

See rules 5, 6, and 7.

9. Whenever someone informs you of a purchase, be sure to tell them that they could have got a better deal if they had your expertise.

It is a truly Thai trait .. and fun

10. Most important, be condescending, cynical and patronizingly accepting of Thailand and the Thais. Like you understand everything but are way above it all.

Or better yet be bitter about all those fellow foreigners that have been here longer, have good jobs, didn't marry prostitutes, and have some fluency in Thai including knowing sakdina : sadika

[coolerking]

1. Always find ways to mention how long you've been in Thailand for, the more the better.

Fail

2. Actively seek white skin chicks to impress the Thais. Equally, regard all dark skin chicks as ugly, scoff at them and call them whores.

Fail

3. Take great pride in that fact that your wife is not an ex-prostitute.

Fail

4. Prance around like a big shot because you have a normal / semi-decent job / business in Thailand by western standards.

Fail

5. Make sure to play down your Thai language skills in a way that comes across as humble but fluent, even if you can't speak shit compared to time spent.

Fail

6. Be sure to use your most impressive memorized Thai phrases as often as possible with complete disregard for context.

Fail

7. Make as many chicks as uncomfortable as possible with your poorly pronounced pidgin Thai that is only understood by other up standing expats that you smugly speak (bad) Thai with. Combine this with your overbearing body language that you still thinks flys here after all this time.

Fail

8. Apply the Thai sadika system to the expat / tourist community - look down on all who backpack, TELF etc. whilst prostrating before your wealthier, longer in Thailand expat mates.

Partial Fail

9. Whenever someone informs you of a purchase, be sure to tell them that they could have got a better deal if they had your expertise.

Epic Fail

10. Most important, be condescending, cynical and patronizingly accepting of Thailand and the Thais. Like you understand everything but are way above it all.

Fail

...I'll get my coat

[zzaa09]

12. Always wai fellow Farang.

[canuckamuck]

13. Act like your posts on Thai Visa actually have value.

[YanTree]

I'm sorry that you married a bar girl and make 30,000 baht a month at your job - don't take it out on the rest of us.

[BLUEEYEDTHAI]

I thought I would post a few helpful hints for people to fit in here.

Where is your "here"?

1. Always find ways to mention how long you've been in Thailand for, the more the better.

Yes, because obviously those FOB are entitled to spout off and make lists

2. Actively seek white skin chicks to impress the Thais. Equally, regard all dark skin chicks as ugly, scoff at them and call them whores.

Make sweeping generalizations about your fellow farang and have no clear understanding that people have different tastes in partners As if likin light or dark skin has much bearing on anything!

3. Take great pride in that fact that your wife is not an ex-prostitute.

Huh? No need for pride in the fact that a spouse didn't sleep with men for money is there? I mean really ...... Nobody in my social circle needs to take any pride in that since nobody in that group would have ever dated a prostitute much less married one!

4. Prance around like a big shot because you have a normal / semi-decent job / business in Thailand by western standards.

Wait --- let me guess ... nah ...

5. Make sure to play down your Thai language skills in a way that comes across as humble but fluent, even if you can't speak shit compared to time spent.

The alternative being ....? Oh, making lists ...

6. Be sure to use your most impressive memorized Thai phrases as often as possible with complete disregard for context.

Are there impressive Thai phrases?

7. Make as many chicks as uncomfortable as possible with your poorly pronounced pidgin Thai that is only understood by other up standing expats that you smugly speak (bad) Thai with. Combine this with your overbearing body language that you still thinks flys here after all this time.

You used "here" again .. where is here? But hey, there is an almost unavoidable fact. You can tell a lot about someone by how they speak Thai

8. Apply the Thai sadika system to the expat / tourist community - look down on all who backpack, TELF etc. whilst prostrating before your wealthier, longer in Thailand expat mates.

See rules 5, 6, and 7.

9. Whenever someone informs you of a purchase, be sure to tell them that they could have got a better deal if they had your expertise.

It is a truly Thai trait .. and fun

10. Most important, be condescending, cynical and patronizingly accepting of Thailand and the Thais. Like you understand everything but are way above it all.

Or better yet be bitter about all those fellow foreigners that have been here longer, have good jobs, didn't marry prostitutes, and have some fluency in Thai including knowing sakdina : sadika

mmmmm,social circle.I'll have to get one of those,sounds so impressive

[PeaceBlondie]

1. Always find ways to mention how long you've been in Thailand for, the more the better.

7 years keeps me humble

2. Actively seek white skin chicks to impress the Thais. Equally, regard all dark skin chicks as ugly, scoff at them and call them whores.

Shacked up with a dark-skinned guy

3. Take great pride in that fact that your wife is not an ex-prostitute.

Ex hotel manager

4. Prance around like a big shot because you have a normal / semi-decent job / business in Thailand by western standards.

I don't prance well at all

5. Make sure to play down your Thai language skills in a way that comes across as humble but fluent, even if you can't speak shit compared to time spent.

Illiterate in Thai

6. Be sure to use your most impressive memorized Thai phrases as often as possible with complete disregard for context.

Mai bpen rai is always in context.

7. Make as many chicks as uncomfortable as possible with your poorly pronounced pidgin Thai that is only understood by other up standing expats that you smugly speak (bad) Thai with. Combine this with your overbearing body language that you still thinks flys here after all this time.

When you're illiterate and not trying to impress chicks - my pen writes.

8. Apply the Thai sadika system to the expat / tourist community - look down on all who backpack, TELF etc. whilst prostrating before your wealthier, longer in Thailand expat mates.

You misspelt TEFL and I misspelt misspelt

9. Whenever someone informs you of a purchase, be sure to tell them that they could have got a better deal if they had your expertise.

Yes, they could have bargained in batsi-kop.

10. Most important, be condescending, cynical and patronizingly accepting of Thailand and the Thais. Like you understand everything but are way above it all.

Mai kojai. My pen writes.

[seank]

You just defined stickman. Congrats.

After reading this weeks moral article, I aggree

[Tonto21]

13. Take time out on TV to correct ALL Thai and Falang (sorry that should read farang with an R not L) spelling mistakes no matter how irrelevant to the topic, and launch personal attacks, all from the safety of a computer terminal.

[PhilHarries]

I know my place and it's not Thailand at present.

11/1. Bash Thailand at every opportunity.

11/1 (alternative). Tell anyone who even so much as hints that all is not well in Thailand "If you don't like it <deleted> off".

11/2. Bash your home country more viciously than anybody else to prove what a battle hardened expat you are.

12. Always wai fellow Farang.

and bar girls/gogo dancers.