Maintaining Pattaya's Image

[Wanraya]

Taken from the Farang affairs page in today's Nation newspaper:-

To maintain Pattaya's image people should-

Die mysteriously - with plastic bags over their heads and hands tied - in condo units that show no signs of a struggle.

Get depressed and drunk after girlfriend leaves and leap from the high floors of a condominium

Snatch gold necklace/habdbag from tourist/local while riding past on the back of a motorcycle.

Buy a beer bar and go broke.

Get involved in a shonky business arrangement, then hire hitmen to shoot your business partner.

Unashamedly leer at young women on the street.

Drink copious amounts of beer at breakfast.

Feel and act like a complete tw2t when the urge hits.

Does anyone have anything to add to the list?

[britmaveric]

[SEAtramp]

[DJ Pat]

Get into the bar scene and take it soooo seriously that you would kill a fellow farang over a bargirl without thinking about it, even if she is the one cheating behind your back.

[colinj]

ummmm na.

[davethailand]

[medicinebox]

Well I suppose you wouldn't appreciate the good threads, but for the not so good ones.

[Hobgoblin]

Walk around town with unbuttoned shirt, no shirt or speedo

[DJ Pat]

Start a conversation with yours truely at Gatwick Airport on Xmas eve, and IMMEDIETLY tell me your intimate bedroom secrets..

[The_Moog]

1) Visitors and residents should be given a list of quotations from 'Private Dancer' from which they should quote at any occasion.

2) Say, 'after living here awhile, you start to find that Ladyboys become quite appealing and start to grow on you. In some ways they're better than girls'

3) Call every person whom you want to do something for you, your 'Business Partner', then deceive them at the first opportunity, or preferably sooner.

4) Turn long term friends into lifelong enemies over your unwillingness to repay a THB5000 debt.

5) Become obsessed with not paying more than THB1000 for a sexual episode and become phenomenally sanctimonious when someone pays more and 'ruins the market for the rest of us'.

Edited May 2, 2005 by The_Moog

[devildog683]

just add to one.....

Unashamedly leer at young women on the street, even if they are accompanied by a man and wearing a wedding ring.

[kasi]

Was there a point to this.

Hey some of us party a little harder than others.

[lovethailandlongtime]

you might be fat and bald but you start to believe you are a 'sexy man' and when your drunk you can stare at other farangs and their gf's and compare.

[ticklemyfancy]

5) Become obsessed with not paying more than THB1000 for a sexual episode and become phenomenally sanctimonious when someone pays more and 'ruins the market for the rest of us'.

THB1000 so it's you who ruined the market for the rest of us

[ticklemyfancy]

you might be fat and bald but you start to believe you are a 'sexy man'

you talking about me or the bloke from pattaya city news?

[DJ Pat]

Act exactly like you do back in Preston/Basildon/Worthing/Cardiff on a saturday night and brawl with Germans at 2am on Walking Street

(no offense to anyone from those cities)

OR ALTERNATIVELY,

Ride your motosai up Central Pattaya Road the wrong way whilst not looking ahead and crash head on into a motorsai taxi with yours truely sitting on the back.

Whilst you don't have the balls to start on the Thai guy who was driving the motorsai, instead start on me and despite me trying to administer first aid as you lose two pints of blood per second from a gaping leg wound, continue to call me a "British ######" as I then give up on you, leaving a group of other motorsai taxi drivers armed with a bog roll to look after you.

Edited May 3, 2005 by DJ Pat

[WernerS]

One more:

PattayaliveCam and TipTop Pattaya, the two most notorious SCAMS in Pattaya are back.

Peter Geister has cheated and fraud hundred of tourists and investors and now is back in town.

[The_Moog]

1) If English, learn lyrics to "Engerland, Engerland, Engerland", or "ere we go, ere we go, ere we go" (same melody- to make tune easier to remember)

2) If American, devise new moronic three-part chants like....

"Show your tits, Show your tits, Show your tits"

"U S A, U S A , U S A"

"we want bush, we want bush, we want bush"

(Not George W Bush obviously).

[DJ Pat]

Or get busted for drugs after buying a wrap of grass from an undercover police officer on Walking Street

[sateef]

Start banging the table as soon as "Winds of Change"by The Scorpions start playing, if you're German, Hotel California, if you're American

[p414]

Pattaya's image?..easy...

Start drinking at daybreak wearing the same sleeveless vest that you bought for 250 baht on arriving in thailand[still unwashed]3 weeks ago...At closing time find you do not have enough to cover the bill..Eventually,after being barred from every bar find the ugliest 'female' -of either category-on the beach and take her to a restaurant where you can pretend she is a high class lady...After she has moved into-and then moved you out of-the apartment you rent and emptied your bank account,jump of the roof...This ,unfortunately,will not result in your demise,but will entail extensive ,prolonged treatment at BP hospital..The fact that you have no money to pay the bill will not be any cause for concern to the dilligent practitioners there...SOMEONE will pay...

Enjoy your hols.

Edited May 4, 2005 by p414

[davethailand]

Pattaya's image?..easy...

Start drinking at daybreak wearing the same sleeveless vest that you bought for 250 baht on arriving in thailand[still unwashed]3 weeks ago...At closing time find you do not have enough to cover the bill..Eventually,after being barred from every bar find the ugliest 'female' -of either category-on the beach and take her to a restaurant where you can pretend she is a high class lady...After she has moved into-and then moved you out of-the apartment you rent and emptied your bank account,jump of the roof...This ,unfortunately,will not result in your demise,but will entail extensive ,prolonged treatment at BP hospital..The fact that you have no money to pay the bill will not be any cause for concern to the dilligent practitioners there...SOMEONE will pay...

Enjoy your hols.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[Merlin]

arrive at Beach Rd at 06:30 for the bus ride to Arunyaprathet for the visa run with 30 or so other unfortunates - already [still???] drunk with no shirt on and carrying an open large bottle of Leo beer.

Extra points for being fat, bald and tattoos on face...

Edited May 4, 2005 by Merlin

[DJ Pat]

Extra points for being fat, bald and tattoos on face...

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I think you mean extra points for having NONE of the above.

[Hobgoblin]

Pattaya's image?..easy...

Start drinking at daybreak wearing the same sleeveless vest that you bought for 250 baht on arriving in thailand[still unwashed]3 weeks ago...At closing time find you do not have enough to cover the bill..Eventually,after being barred from every bar find the ugliest 'female' -of either category-on the beach and take her to a restaurant where you can pretend she is a high class lady...After she has moved into-and then moved you out of-the apartment you rent and emptied your bank account,jump of the roof...This ,unfortunately,will not result in your demise,but will entail extensive ,prolonged treatment at BP hospital..The fact that you have no money to pay the bill will not be any cause for concern to the dilligent practitioners there...SOMEONE will pay...

Enjoy your hols.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

And Pattaya People News, Pattaya Mail and Pattaya City News will be there covering your story, showing your mutilated body on TV, and the tubes going in an out of every hole in your body while the voice-over reporter gives his "analysis" of what exactly happened. And of course, they will let everyone know your nationality AND age because this is apparently vital information to the viewing audience.