Unhinged Ex-wife

[Beanster1]

I am having serious trouble with my ex-wife who just found out I have a new girlfriend. A few details: we were together 9 years, married 6, but have been separated for 1 year 3 months and divorced for 3 months. I told her I had a new girlfriend and she went ballistic. Threatening first to kill herself, then my new girlfriend. She is insisting I have to leave Thailand as she can't be in the same country as me if I have another Thai woman. She's threatening to have a P.I. hunt down my new girlfriend and making hints that she has stolen her happiness and if she can't be happy, my girlfriend shouldn't live.

We split up because she was continually dishonest about money and I couldn't put up with it. I was on my own for a year without anybody. My Ex keeps saying I tricked her into getting a divorce and she is so stupid for doing that and myself and my new girl concocted the whole think to make her look silly and laugh at her (all of which is untrue).

I almost went to the police station today to report the threats she has been making, but changed my mind. She rings me continuously to make sure I am not with my girlfriend, especially at all hours of the night. I have been speaking to her nicely and trying to calm her down, but I'm losing patience.

She is trying to make me choose between her and my new girlfriend and keeps asking questions and comparing herself with my girlfriend.She says if she does anything bad it will all be down to me.

She didn't show any signs of this when we were married and I fear she is having a mental breakdown.

My girlfriend has been quite understanding but it's starting to take it's toll on our relationship.

Anyone been through this kind of thing?

Any advice?

Cheers.

[Spoonman]

Sounds like a terrible situation, if i was in your boots I'd change my phone number and then tell her to go fuc_k herself.

[Moonrakers]

Do you have children together?

[Farma]

Forget her, don't contact her, change phone numbers. Afterall she is your EX wife.

[BEENTHEREDONETHAT]

Tell her you are leaving the country. Change your phone number and town if possible. Don't contact her or let her

know where you are.Before you do the above introduce her to a few guys, maybe one will work out. Good Luck

[chiang mai]

If you are divorced, walk away from the relationship and stay that way and that includes not having the occasional friendly chat on the phone, as you have now realised. You really have to think about relationships very differently here.

[tigerfish]

have a friend going through the same short of thing. write it all down, record the phone calls if you have to, take pictures if anything gets ugly and out of hand. make sure you go to the police(it is a definite must) and put in a complaint.be the first to do so, dont let her beat you to it. by the way you describe her she will be thinking of anything to put you in a bad light. take the plug out the phone socket or turn off your mobile

one question, do you have children, if so make sure all the relevant paper work is in order. thai law is not like our foreign laws and works in mysterious ways.

good luck, my thoughts are with you.

[tigerfish]

have a friend going through the same short of thing. write it all down, record the phone calls if you have to, take pictures if anything gets ugly and out of hand. make sure you go to the police(it is a definite must) and put in a complaint.be the first to do so, dont let her beat you to it. by the way you describe her she will be thinking of anything to put you in a bad light. take the plug out the phone socket or turn off your mobile

one question, do you have children, if so make sure all the relevant paper work is in order. thai law is not like our foreign laws and works in mysterious ways.

good luck, my thoughts are with you.

p.s do not loose your cool, just be firm with her and stay positive.

[Beanster1]

We have no children, thankfully. She is also 10 years older than me if that makes any difference.

It's pretty stressful.

[sharecropper]

Can you go away for a few weeks to let it all cool down? Otherwise I would change my number, refuse to talk to her and cut her off completely. What she does to herself is up to her, not you. You have to look after your own best interests now.

Good luck.

[Loz]

Can't imagine why you would want to stay in touch with that wingnut!

cut her off. She is using your guilt (justifiable or otherwise) to screw with your happiness. Either let her, or don't.

Next...

[Soutpeel]

Quack Quack.....

Best of luck all the same.....Ex-wives irrespective of where they come from are generally vicious anyway, but in Thailand appears to even more nasty.....one would assume you have "paid" her off...next step would be making a visit to the local cop shop..let them know about her threats...so its on the record and maybe your embassy as well...just in case you get involved in a spot of balcony diving...if you dont want to do it....maybe the new GF will talk to the BiB for you

Also if she calmy invites you round for a meal and duck is on the menu...run for the hills my friend

[simon43]

I have had some experience of this type of situation

Your ex no doubt telephones you in the middle of the night so that she can specifically disturb your time with your girlfriend....

Does your ex know where you live?

As others have advised, if there is no good reason for your ex to be able to contact you (ie - no kids etc), then change your phone number, email address, accomodation address etc. Her threats will just fall upon the wind if you do this and you will have a much more peaceful life. Do not contact her in the future because you think she may have changed her ways - Think of leopards!

Simon

[DP25]

She is also 10 years older than me if that makes any difference.

Could make a difference. If she's feels she's too old to get anyone new she might do something really crazy

[Atmos]

"Threatening first to kill herself, then my new girlfriend"

tell her that her first idea was best.

[Benjie]

Why do you bother still talking to her? If there aren't any kids involved and you are now divorced don't put up with it, move away if need be.

[chiangmaikelly]

It happened to me in Pattaya. I went to my lawyer and together we went to the police station and filed a report. This is a little dangerous because she will be informed of the report. Then the lawyer gave me a phone number to call 24/7 and he and two of his police friends would show up at my house on 20 minutes notice if the ex came over. It was 3 years ago so I don’t remember exactly but I think I paid 10,000 baht out front to the lawyer.  

She never showed up.  

[Beanster1]

I have had some experience of this type of situation

Your ex no doubt telephones you in the middle of the night so that she can specifically disturb your time with your girlfriend....

Does your ex know where you live?

As others have advised, if there is no good reason for your ex to be able to contact you (ie - no kids etc), then change your phone number, email address, accomodation address etc. Her threats will just fall upon the wind if you do this and you will have a much more peaceful life. Do not contact her in the future because you think she may have changed her ways - Think of leopards!

Simon

She doesn't know where I live, but if she really wanted to find out, she could!

[moe666]

he can't turn her loose he married his mom. Good advice from above take some of it. When you have children with someone you are never done with them, thank god you didn't have children with her.

This woman is a stalker. Take approiate steps to protect youself

[Tonto21]

Stop being a big blouse Beanster 1. Come on Man! Think. Stop Talking to her! No mater how much you think you’re calming her down, and being a caring X. She will not move on till you do……I think you are your own worst enemy here. Move on, as it stands now she has you where she wants you, miserable, Its the same old story, different country. Additional problem in Thailand, you are not just her x hubby, your also her x gravy train. Time to start thinking of the g/f, and yourself. Good luck mate!

[WeeGB]

If she doesn't know where you live, change your mobile / home phone number.

I'm not very educated about mobile phones, but is it possible to store / copy the number of times she phones you? Also the content of the calls, threats, abuse etc. Might be useful as evidence, should you need it. Can't imagine any court, anywhere in the world would think phone calls at 3a.m. is reasonable behaviour.

If you follow chiangmaikellys advice, re the police report, make sure that your address won't be on any papers she receives.

Had a similar experience with English ex-wife. She dumped me for a younger man, told everyone that the kids we had together weren't mine, then when he left her, (when the divorce money was all gone), she started a similar situation to yours. Threatening to kill herself, (which I had no problem with ), any woman I was with etc. I sold my house, moved out of the area, and eventually found my way to LOS. I still get emails from friends, who tell me she wants me back, some 16 years later. Why on earth people do this, instead of moving on with their lives, is beyond my comprehension. No matter what she threatens, never go back, it's her problem, not yours.

Good luck.

[Thongkorn]

Just send a picture message of you and your new girl in compromising position , that should do it .. or her.

[ozzieovaseas]

Tell her you are leaving the country. Change your phone number and town if possible. Don't contact her or let her

know where you are.Before you do the above introduce her to a few guys, maybe one will work out. Good Luck

Sheez, im glad im not one of your mates

Or the OP's for that matter

[BEENTHEREDONETHAT]

Tell her you are leaving the country. Change your phone number and town if possible. Don't contact her or let her

know where you are.Before you do the above introduce her to a few guys, maybe one will work out. Good Luck

Sheez, im glad im not one of your mates

Or the OP's for that matter

So I assume you feel that if one guy can't get along with someone, no one can?

[WeeGB]

Tell her you are leaving the country. Change your phone number and town if possible. Don't contact her or let her

know where you are.Before you do the above introduce her to a few guys, maybe one will work out. Good Luck

Sheez, im glad im not one of your mates

Or the OP's for that matter

Same same here.

[a2396]

We have no children, thankfully. She is also 10 years older than me if that makes any difference.

It's pretty stressful.

You married a woman 10 years OLDER than you? That's got to be a rare case here. Sorry to say, but from all I have seen here, I would not touch marriage with ANY of these women. Unless you want to take them back home and you have no other options, I can see why some guys do. To live in Thailand with one? Not necessary.

[ozzieovaseas]

Tell her you are leaving the country. Change your phone number and town if possible. Don't contact her or let her

know where you are.Before you do the above introduce her to a few guys, maybe one will work out. Good Luck

Sheez, im glad im not one of your mates

Or the OP's for that matter

So I assume you feel that if one guy can't get along with someone, no one can?

Well of course i cant speak for everybody here but im pretty confident there wouldnt be to many who would WANT to get along with this one

And from what the OP has to say i wouldnt wish her on my WORST mate

[jackr]

Can't imagine why you would want to stay in touch with that wingnut!

Bit of a no brainer really. Stop being polite and get her out of your life totally. That's what divorce means, right.

[Semper]

We have no children, thankfully. She is also 10 years older than me if that makes any difference.

It's pretty stressful.

You married a woman 10 years OLDER than you? That's got to be a rare case here. Sorry to say, but from all I have seen here, I would not touch marriage with ANY of these women. Unless you want to take them back home and you have no other options, I can see why some guys do. To live in Thailand with one? Not necessary.

Can help you get a long term visa

[samuibeachcomber]

some of these ex's can be viscious,to do with face,jealousy,and of course the cash cow drying up.As others have said the only way to move forward is to move,change email and phone no.then there's no need to involve anyone else like the police,lawyers etc.A problem if you own and live in your own house,but what price do you put on some peace and quiet.

I am going through a similar situation now,although not as bad as you seem to be,they just wont leave "you alone"The guilt factor is often played too although that's not just thai ladies that pull that one out of the hat,from memory all mothers are pretty good at that one.

Good luck,you owe it to your new g/f to see the ex off by cutting all communication.