What's The Worst Thing You've Had To Wipe Your Arse With?

[steffi]

Serious question. Have to be prepared for when the time comes when I'm out of tissue but in general what's the worst thing you've had to make use of when there's no tissue around? Something that will inevitably happen to you when you are in Thailand.

[SeanMoran]

Tissue paper.

Edited February 10, 2010 by SeanMoran

[mca]

Not particularly bad but the only option at the time due to consuming copious amounts of goy dip and not a tissue nor drop of water in sight. Pair of socks and my underwear.

[tonititan]

A pantyliner! Really, it's perfect. You "carry" it around all day but don't have to worry about losing it, and you can rip it off whenever you're in a pinch.

[trevorg]

Your pants (cacks) that you've already had an accident in!

[Spoonman]

A handful of gum leaves.

[Monkeypants]

The missus kids !

[Birdman]

A banana pancake.

[basjke]

This topic stinks.

[Donnyboy]

[SeanMoran]

This topic stinks.

Imagine you take your family and friends to a nice restaurant for a celebration, but it's a busy night, so you have to wait for a table to become available. While you're waiting, you see a parent at one occupied table change an infant's nappy on that dining table, with tissue paper, which gets discarded as that party gets up to leave the table.

After they leave, a staffmember clears up the emptyh plates and glasses onto a trolley and gives the table a wipe over with a paper towel, and then you are invited to enter the restaurant to sit and eat at the newly available table.

Considering the hygienic standards of paper towels, would you take that invitation?

[churchill]

A ROBOT ?

http://www.warrenellis.com/?p=1985

[basjke]

This topic stinks.

Imagine you take your family and friends to a nice restaurant for a celebration, but it's a busy night, so you have to wait for a table to become available. While you're waiting, you see a parent at one occupied table change an infant's nappy on that dining table, with tissue paper, which gets discarded as that party gets up to leave the table.

After they leave, a staffmember clears up the emptyh plates and glasses onto a trolley and gives the table a wipe over with a paper towel, and then you are invited to enter the restaurant to sit and eat at the newly available table.

Considering the hygienic standards of paper towels, would you take that invitation?

If I saw this happen I'm sure they would never get my business again even not at another table.There are other places then a dining table to change a nappy.

[SeanMoran]

This topic stinks.

Imagine you take your family and friends to a nice restaurant for a celebration, but it's a busy night, so you have to wait for a table to become available. While you're waiting, you see a parent at one occupied table change an infant's nappy on that dining table, with tissue paper, which gets discarded as that party gets up to leave the table.

After they leave, a staffmember clears up the emptyh plates and glasses onto a trolley and gives the table a wipe over with a paper towel, and then you are invited to enter the restaurant to sit and eat at the newly available table.

Considering the hygienic standards of paper towels, would you take that invitation?

If I saw this happen I'm sure they would never get my business again even not at another table.There are other places then a dining table to change a nappy.

Sadly, it remains a non-custodial offense throughout most of the world that I've ever dined in. Imagine the pong if you ever went home with something like that!

[Sisaketmike]

A banana pancake.

ผู้หญิง Panty

[goldfinger]

a 90 years lease contract

[Sisaketmike]

Tissue paper.

Can't you smell that smell, the smell is around you...

[Geekfreaklover]

Stinging nettles.

[SeanMoran]

Tissue paper.

Can't you smell that smell, the smell is around you...

All you have to do is close your eyes, hold your breath ...

... and think of Australia and all her lovely long-haired citizens down at the local woolie's mall.

Bon appetit'!

[Lite Beer]

Moved to the pub

[SeanMoran]

Moved to the pub

Well golly gosh that's a clever idea!

[Ulysses G.]

My Underwear

[kurnell]

A rabbit??

[steffi]

This topic stinks.

Imagine you take your family and friends to a nice restaurant for a celebration, but it's a busy night, so you have to wait for a table to become available. While you're waiting, you see a parent at one occupied table change an infant's nappy on that dining table, with tissue paper, which gets discarded as that party gets up to leave the table.

After they leave, a staffmember clears up the emptyh plates and glasses onto a trolley and gives the table a wipe over with a paper towel, and then you are invited to enter the restaurant to sit and eat at the newly available table.

Considering the hygienic standards of paper towels, would you take that invitation?

If I saw this happen I'm sure they would never get my business again even not at another table.There are other places then a dining table to change a nappy.

Sadly, it remains a non-custodial offense throughout most of the world that I've ever dined in. Imagine the pong if you ever went home with something like that!

I was riding home on an aircon bus the other day fully crowded standing with little room to move and some stupid lady brings on a bag with a used diaper in it.

Another time I've seen a kid have to shit on the seat because they didn't have any money for diapers.

Edited February 10, 2010 by steffi

[bangon04]

Vietnamese Dong banknotes. Not as absorbent as Turkish Lire, and more likely to crumble from overuse.

Hope to try Laos Kip one day.......

[ozzieovaseas]

Well ive just spent two months in Oz whingeing about the very act of arse wiping

Even bought my little nephew a super soaker for christmas hoping to make use of it myself

Fricken dam_n thing, cant aim it, cant pull the trigger and darn well cant hit the target for all money

[Thongkorn]

Another mind numbing intellectual post

[Jingthing]

Wonder bread. (Without any intention to offend the fanciers of the darker breads, pastas, or rice products.)

Edited February 10, 2010 by Jingthing

[tigerfish]

got talking to a guy out in turkey while on holiday, a para in the british army. he told me that while on a tour of duty out in hong kong, his unit were given a refresher course in basic survival technics.

one of the topics was "how to use a single peice of tissue paper to wipe your arse"

these were the instructions that followed.

1. take a single sheet of tissue paper.

2. fold it in half, and then fold it in half again.

3. now take the square shaped tissue and fold it corner to corner, to make a triangle, making sure that one corner of the triangle is still fully intact and the other two side if opened up would form a cone. so to speak.

(with me so far)

4. now from the corner that is still intact fold over and over.

5. tear out a small peice of tissue from the pointed end and put to one side.

6. proceed to take a crap.

7. take the large peice of tissue, spit on it and whipe ones backside, ensuring all dingle berries, particles and so forth, are removed whilst cleaning, making sure all cracks, hole and crevasses are accounted for.(reason being do not want to draw attention to the area, any creepy crawlys, bugs, ants, flys etc... whislt out in the bush tropics)

8. now take the small peice of tissue paper put to one side and proceed to clean ones finger nails, finger tips and hand.

9. take the two peices of tissue and dispose of, on top of the shit.

10. proceed to cover the area with dirt, twigs, and leaves. so not to leave any trace of human movements, that the enemy may be able to pick up on.

the guy swore that it was basic british army proceedure!

hey jingthing youre back, where you been man. starting to get a bit worried there.

Edited February 10, 2010 by tigerfish

[ozzieovaseas]

yeh,where have you been JT?

A fella could assume you've had a little holiday considering your abscence from the Takko files of late.

but yeh, good to see the resident rambunctious red shirt slayer back in town

someones gotta keep the country bumpkins honest