Marriage Agency

[Neeranam]

I live up-country in Isaan. Since I have lived in my present house, I have had many requests to find farang husbands for neighbours.

Many of these girls/women can not speak a word of English and have little or no money. Some say that if I can find a farang, they will give me 20% of the marriage dowry, which could be up to 100,000 baht if the right guy comes along.

I would like to help these girls, and also help the foreign guy get a beautiful wife.

At the same time, I wouldn't want to cheat anyone.

Some of these girls want to form a group and for me to teach them basic English, and more importantly cultural differences. Not the typical bargirl English, but stuff to do with looking after a farang, household vocabulary etc. Then help them to find their husband. They really have a dream - to marry a farang. Why? Well, one look at the normal Thai guy around here I live is enough to see why.

I have never seen anywhere in the world that has a higher rate of alcoholism than Isaan. They look at the few farang around her that have a nice house, family etc and are not down the pub every night. They see their friends visiting far off places that they will never see, unless marrying a rich guy. Their only way out of their farming life is to marry a "whitey". Some would do anything to fulfill this dream.

I know that their are marriage agencies around, and internet dating services. The women around here can't speak English or let alone afford a computer.

Has anyone ever done this kind of business?

What do all you guys reading this think?

Edited June 24, 2005 by Neeranam

[Dragonman]

Sounds like a good idea in theory, but I personally don't like to get involved in personal relationships that much. You don't know what the guy will be like, lots of drunken farangs as well as thai. You also don't know what the girl will be like on being taken from Isaan. Whatever happens you are unlikely to get much thanks if the relationship successful, lots of grief if it's not. Just look at all the complainers on this and other forums when their relationships don't work out. Blah, blah, blah

[Jai Dee]

I just typed out a novel of a reply to you Neeranam then posted and the server dropped out so I lost everything...

So I'll be brief... don't do it!

Not if you respect yourself and your reputation, as both are at risk with this type of venture.

Wanting to help the locals in your village is admirable, but this road has way too many landmines to be successfully navigable.

Edit: It would be good to get other views on this issue too... where's IsaanAlex and cdnvic? They would be sure to provide some interesting ideas.

Edited June 24, 2005 by Jai Dee

[Rags]

I wrote a long response to this one, but the chuffing server crashed

Anyway, you are right that there is generally a lot of interest from up-country girls in finding a Farang husband. My wife has been given a number of photos over the years from girls in her family's village, all of whom know that she has a Farang husband and want her to "get them one too"...

As you mentioned the language will be the first problem, closely followed by the cultural differences, which although an issue for any Thai/Farang relationship, will be heightened by their lack of experience and interaction with Westerners.

If you are not careful you will also get blamed for any subsequent fall-out within these relationships, and this could well effect your standing within the community. You could even be seen by some as being the local pimp

Of course if it all works out, you will soon find yourself with a load more Farang neighbours in the village....is that a positive or negative.....?

Rags

Edited June 24, 2005 by Rags

[mrbojangles]

I agree with JaiDee and Dragonman's statements. However, if you want to do something to help them, i don't see how helping them to learn to speak a little English would do any harm. The rest is upto them.

Mr BoJ

[RamdomChances]

Neeranam I'm in a simular situation, always being asked "do I know any good falangs" ect, It does'nt seem quite as desperate around here and there is not much alcoholism. I'st not something I'd like to get involved in as I would just feel far too responsible and appart from that I dont know that many falangs that I would be comfertable introducing these girls to. I've been offered 150,000 bhat by one family to find a husband for their daughter, regardless of the sin sot. Not really interested

[Kerryd]

Most people here seem to agree (for once). Try not to get personally involved.

Too much potential grief, and there are too many losers out there looking for love slaves (happens a lot to Phillippino's, they tend to be able to speak english better, and there seem to be more of them online. They go to those online dating/marriage services, and end up meeting some loser and marrying him (quick way to a green card), then getting divorced when they realize what a loser the guy really is).

Happened to a friend of mine's brother. Guy couldn't get a date in Canada (most girls would drop him less than an hour after meeting him). He "ordered" one of those mail-order brides. He was supposed to send an engagement ring as proof of commitment, then she could apply for a visa.

She gets the ring and has it appraised (smart girl). Turns out it's worth, get this, $25.00 US !! He told her it had been a $2,500 ring, and that someone in the post-office must have switched it. Yeah, right.

She decided to believe him (dumb girl). Comes to Canada and marries the guy. He tries to keep her cooped up at home, won't take her anywhere or let her do anything. Wants his LBFM chained up so she can't get away.

Fortunately, his neighbours were able to meet her, and started teaching her better english and clued her in on her rights. She dumped him real quick (he didn't have much, but she got it all).

Any ways. My suggestion is, do the english instruction, and maybe a little computer/internet instruction as well, and then let them do their own thing.

That way it won't be able to come back on you if things don't work out.

(in the meantime, you could send me some pics and email address's ! Only 100,000 baht for a dowry !?!?!?! I could afford a couple of wives ! )

[Tarragona]

I'd typed out a long response too and then the power went down here.

So, I'll just add my agreement to most of the points made above, especially that if you're dealing with people from your own community you will probably have to carry the can if things go wrong. Lesson 1 in the culture class should be that marrying a farang certainly does not guarantee a "happily ever after" ending.

Even doing things casually, like RandomChances I don't know that many farangs I'd want to introduce as potential husbands and, to balance things up, I wouldn't want to inflict some of those sweet country girls on unsuspecting bachelor friends. They may not be bargirls but that doesn't make them angels.

Edited June 24, 2005 by Tarragona

[HarryHacker]

As I mentioned on another topic recently, one has to be very careful, especially if you are living here as you are. It would be very hard to keep it lawful in my view.

I'm hoping some of you guys can remember a certain Mr Bob N####son from the US who was running a internet dating agency, it turned into a nightmare for him, oh yes he was deported and Blacklisted. He pissed off some mover and it was deemed he was really a pimp. All of this happened about 10 years ago I thinks.

In saying all of that, for sure it would be a money earner

[Bentley 7]

Dont disrupt your life with such activities.

It all sounds so good when you are presented with this type of arrangement. Like a win-win situation -she gets a husband, the guy gets a good wife and you get some cash,

but its not the case if you have any understanding of this arrangement surely you will realise that by accepting a portion of the dowry you are being held responsible for not only the payment of a large dowry but also the vouching of the credibility of the man, the success of the marrige and the safety of the girl plus aswell the expected regular monthly payments sent to family by the girl.

One part of this equation falls over and its on your neck and they wont be pleased and you'll destroy your little bit of paradise and get run out of town.

Find a better way to improve these girls circumstances, empower them through knowledge and skill sets to change their lives for the better

Edited June 24, 2005 by Bentley 7

[The Nemi]

I totally agree with Jaidee.....

One thing you can do is....why dont you find a few Thai men n women who are educated enough to work out this plan of yours. There will be some of them in Issan who are literate enough to help you. As people in here have said there are many landmines in the way of success.

Try to get a few thais together and explain them the whole idea and why are you planning to do this. They will surely understand you and might help you as well. Dont get personally involved in this.

I must say this is a great thing you are doing for the well beiong of Thai people. Great going mate. Best of Luck.

[Jai Dee]

I totally agree with Jaidee.....

<snip>

I must say this is a great thing you are doing for the well beiong of Thai people. Great going mate. Best of Luck.

I think you missed my point The Nemi...

I tried to say that on one hand Neeranam's thoughts and concerns for these people are to be commended, such a venture should not be taken too lightly, and I recommended against it.

As just about everyone here has pointed out, Neeranam would be held personally responsible for the successes as well as the failures... not a nice predicament.

[TokyoT]

Well there seems to be quite a census here - don’t do it.

Members of my TW’s family have asked me to introduce them to some farang men. I feel too uncomfortable to do anything like this. Marriage/ relationships are taken far too lightly some times. In addition to that it take special people (both husband and wife) to make a cross-cultural relationship work in the long term.

The risks in doing something like this are too high. It appears that you live or spend a great deal of time in the village. In which case you also have to consider your standing or face as well. One really bad fix-up and you may find yourself in a very difficult situation – not worth it.

[Tarragona]

I must say this is a great thing you are doing for the well beiong of Thai people.

I know the good intentions are there but it's not really "for the well being of the Thai people," is it? It's trying to make the dreams of some Thai women come true - and they may have totally unrealistic expectations anyway. That's as much about economic conditions as the poor quality of the local men.

Edited June 24, 2005 by Tarragona

[dr_strangelove]

Do it and you will end up like a football in between an Isaaan team and a farang team... You will loose all your name and will soon change your id in tv forum... can u imagine that situation??? I come from a place where marriage agencies are very common... they take commission from the dowry and will spend double of the money to settle hospital bills...

[Khutan]

My wife and I agree on this:

Don't bring a problem into your family or your village.

If he has any problems, or does not live up to a high expectation, you will wear it.

[mpdkorat]

I live up-country in Isaan. Since I have lived in my present house, I have had many requests to find farang husbands for neighbours.

<snipped>

I know that their are marriage agencies around, and internet dating services. The women around here  can't speak English or let alone afford a computer.

Has anyone ever done this kind of business?

What do all you guys reading this think?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Do not do it, if you value your peace and quiet. If you do you will have hassle for years to come. A friend of mine visited me and I introduced him to the local tart. 3 years later I'm still being askled if he is coming back.

Edited June 24, 2005 by mpdkorat

[LaoPo]

My wife and I agree on this:

Don't bring a problem into your family or your village.

If he has any problems, or does not live up to a high expectation, you will wear it.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I agree Mattnich; but if the OP wants to go on I would suggest:

1. start in another village 'next door'

2. find yourself a highly educated, intelligent an clever Thai lady who runs the business; give her a share (!); obvious she has to be fluent in English too.

3. just 'finance' the office; OP beiing on the sideline.

4. start English courses for the ladies; it's a MUST for them to speak at least some English; it will benefit them enormously.

5. also courses in dressing-'etiquette', behaviour, education about 'what's going on in the 'West'; etc. etc.

6. if he's 6 months on the road, only contact Westerners who have little knowledge about Thailand and aren't 'spoiled yet by the bar-scene.

BUT....I don't know if the OP realizes that nowadays it's extremely difficult for (European) Westerners to get a visa for their spouses!!! The 'walls' around Europe are getting higher and higher.

Maybe it's 'easier in Australia/NZ or the USA, I don't know, but the latter is difficult too I heard.

Not impossible...but a long and painfull road to happiness.

So, OP.....think before you start.

wish you luck

LaoPo

[Ajarn]

As I mentioned on another topic recently, one has to be very careful, especially if you are living here as you are.  It would be very hard to keep it lawful in my view.

I'm hoping some of you guys can remember a certain Mr Bob N####son from the US who was running a internet dating agency, it turned into a nightmare for him, oh yes he was deported and Blacklisted. He pissed off some mover and it was deemed he was really a pimp. All of this happened about 10 years ago I thinks.

In saying all of that, for sure it would be a money earner 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

That sleaze was/is a pimp, and he still is around, running a number of websites similar to his original website. Spammer and scammer, too.

[Neeranam]

Thanks all for those replies

Advice has been noted and I don't think I will get involved. Teaching a bit of English and cultural differences might be as far as I go.

One idea is to let my wife get involved, but as some of you say, there could be problems, and she/I held to blame. She has shown interest in starting cookery classes, as she knows how to cook farang food, also some basic English classes. She would be able to tell other girls how to "catch" the farang, ouch she just hit me for saying that

My wife isn't actually from Isaan, but some family members are here and have some businesses.

We are not in a village either, rather on the outskirts of Khon Kaen city. Relocation would not be a problem at all.

Do not do it, if you value your peace and quiet

Yes, my "peace of mind" is very important to me, above everything else in fact, so maybe it is a plain bad idea.

[Totster]

I wouldn't get involved.... if you set one of them up with a Farang and turns out to be a nasty wife beater or something... YOU will get the blame.. you have to live there also..

When I get asked, I usually make a joke, something like all the farang know are ugly, or married ... something like that...

I've also been given photo's ... which I didn't want to accept, but my wife said best to accept then forget..!

totster

EDIT - oops, I see you have already replied about the blame thing..

Edited June 24, 2005 by Totster

[richardb]

[

Do not do it, if you value your peace and quiet. If you do you will have hassle for years to come. A friend of mine visited me and I introduced him to the local tart. 3 years later I'm still being askled if he is coming back.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Do you still have her number

[Khun Larry]

If you are not careful you will also get blamed for any subsequent fall-out within these relationships, and this could well effect your standing within the community.  You could even be seen by some as being the local pimp   

Of course if it all works out, you will soon find yourself with a load more Farang neighbours in the village....is that a positive or negative.....?

Rags

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

You might want to consider how neighborly those Farang neighbors will be in the future knowing 20% of the dowry was pinched.

If this agency is successful you may get run out of town.

[jef]

Some say that if I can find a farang, they will give me 20% of the marriage dowry, which could be  up to 100,000 baht if the right guy comes along.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Sounds bribery to me

[Neeranam]

When I get asked, I usually make a joke, something like all the farang know are ugly, or married

I bet they would say that that doesn't matter!

[Totster]

When I get asked, I usually make a joke, something like all the farang know are ugly, or married

I bet they would say that that doesn't matter!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Truth is.. it probably doesn't... but I find the joking part helps put them off without being direct..

totster

[Kringle]

Some say that if I can find a farang, they will give me 20% of the marriage dowry, which could be  up to 100,000 baht if the right guy comes along.

Sounds bribery to me

I would agree that it sounds like bribery for you to get and even sounds like finding a money maker for the families. You must of paid a large amount for the dowery and this has them thinking of how much they can make. Sad really to think the girl isn't good unless she can get some farang to pay for them. It's fine if you can help the family but not support them on a daily, monthly or whatever type basis. It's slmost like supporting this attitude of "buy the girl" for x amount.

[sua yai]

My ex Thai gf was doing exactly this, particularly to Germany. I can't remember the exact financial details, but she disappeared leaving debt behind.

Guess who was quizzed about the outstanding?

I never had anything to do with it and fortunately the families believed me.

Don't get involved. I know the idea came from the OP's wife, but I bet, if followed through, that the whole situation will end up in tears.

[Bilko]

I also have been asked if I know any Good Farangs that I could recommend, and to be honest, I can't think of any.

[mpdkorat]

I also have been asked if I know any Good Farangs that I could recommend, and to be honest, I can't think of any. 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

When I'm asked if I know any good farangs I say yes me