Top 3 Embarrassing Moments

[Bentley 7]

A competition was recently held to find out the most embarrassing moments in people's lives. The following are the final three place getters:

Third Place

It was the day before my eighteenth birthday. I was living at home, but my parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my girlfriend over for a romantic night alone. As we lay in bed after making love, we heard the telephone ringing downstairs. I suggested to my girlfriend that I give her piggyback ride to the phone. Since we didn't want to miss the call, we didn't have time to get dressed. When we got to the bottom of the stairs, the lights suddenly came on and a whole crowd of people yelled "SURPRISE!". My entire family, aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins and all of my friends were standing there. My girlfriend and I were frozen to the spot in a state of shock and embarrassment for what seemed like an eternity.

Since then, no one in my family has planned a surprise party again.

Second Place

While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and started to run amuck. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she didn't start behaving herself right now, she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I Saw you kissing Daddy's Pee-pee last night!"

The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing! I mustered the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing that I heard, as the door closed behind me was the screams of laughter.

And the Winner Is....

This one actually happened at Harvard University. In a biology class, the professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen. A young female (freshman), raised her hand and asked, "If I understand what you are saying, there is a lot of glucose in male semen, as in sugar?" "That's correct," responded the professor, going on to add much statistical data.

Raising her hand again, the sweet young thing asked, "Then why doesn't it taste sweet?".

After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing, the poor girl turned bright red and as she realized exactly what she had inadvertently said (or rather implied), she picked up her books without a word and walked out of the class. However, as she was going out of the door, the professor's reply was a classic. Totally straight-faced, he answered her question, "It doesn't, taste sweet because the taste-buds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue and not in the back of your throat!

[penzman]

Not so embarrassing as these ones but I had one not long ago at Tesco's.

My wife and I were at the meat counter. I looked to the left for a moment, I then saw her bend over and pick up a pack of ground pork. I grabbed her by the shoulder and said "Yuck, not that stuff. It looks like they ran over a pig with a car a few times in order to make ground meat out of it."

I looked farther down the counter and there was my wife standing at the other end. I was holding an older Thai woman who was looking at me with eyes wide open, pulling her neck back.

I'll never forget the time I walked out of a pub with a bunch of friends and we were headed to one of the guys appartment for a few more beers. We were right next door to the pub and as we walked past a window, I took a look inside and said " Holy sh*t! Take a look at that pigsty! What kind of a person lives like that? One of the guys pulls out a key ring and unlocks the door to the appartment. Needless to say I went back to the pub where a few joined me some minutes later, still gagging.

[kayo]

One of my sisters friends apparently was having a quite night in on her birthday. Watching tv, alone with her dog in her parental home she was devouring a tub of ice cream... The dog liked the stuff too, once it had melted a bit...

One thing led to another and the girl was pouring the ice cream over different parts of her body, ALL parts of her body, letting the dog lick it off...

Upon climaxing once or twice, she promptly fell asleep, naked in her living room with her dog gently snoozing inbetween her legs.

Meanwhile, sneaking in silently throught the back door, needless to say parents and various friends were somewhat more surprised than the birthday girl...