Stupid Or Just Ignorant?

[sillyman99]

sounds like your wife just thinks of you as a buffalo and would prefer that you do not speak?

I doubt there are many Farangs that can compare with a Buffalo, Buffalo are hard working and faithful, and Farangs are....................................

[IanForbes]

You should have learned by now that many/most Thais do not plan their time very well. Stupid or ignorant you ask? I'd have to go with ignorant. What westerners consider normal and reasonable is not even on the radar of poorer Thai people. Blood family comes first and nothing else matters... not you or your work or anything you might have planned. Poor Thais live in the immediate time zone and can't visualize two minutes into the future. From a westerners viewpoint it is difficult to deal with.

My best guess is this situation with the father-in-law is a cumulative affect situation, amongst many others you've had to deal with, and it was the final straw that caused you to post here. It comes across as a bit hard hearted, but I understand where you are coming from. There was a similar thread about Thai wives not appreciating what farang husband do for them. It's a huge grey area that can't be explained in words on a forum.

My only advice is do what you can, when you can and be firm. Don't let it bother you what others think. Would you care what evil people think? It's the same thing. Try not to be manipulated as it will never stop. Only you can stop it. Understand that no matter how hard you try to help it will never be considered enough by some people. Let them stew in their own juice.

[elliss]

What we cannot figure out, is are they just stupid or do they think we are? 

yep , kindness and generousity by farang

can be looked upon as stupidity/ weekness.

my situation , i am about to pull the pin,

enough is enough .

fortunately ,, no children , and no house bought.

best of luck ..

[sirineou]

I started to write my reply, and then I thought that: no, I must have missed something, perhaps I Misunderstood,so I went back and read the post again.

are you for real?????

The Man is in danger of loosing his life, or maybe loosing his voice , has to go through the suffering of cancer treatment , the family has to go through the anguish of seeing a love one suffer and possible die.

and you want as to feel sorry for you because you had to wait a little bit , and because your contribution was not appreciated?

did you ever stop and consider that they might be otherwise distracted??

[billaaa777]

What are you joking? Talk about a self-centered egotistical maniac and you certainly fit the bill.

Let me see if I got this right. Your father in law has cancer and was hoping to get out of the hospital today. Instead, his condition took a turn for the worse. And you are upset because you wasted your time waiting for him. Is that the picture you are attempting to paint?

You are exactly the type of person I hope I have to NEVER deal with the rest of my life. A person who only thinks about himself and nobody else.

[MAJIC]

Sounds as if you are overreacting here, but I suspect what you have posted comes after a lengthy list of other things that have happened where you feel unappreciated and taken advantage of.  All I can suggest is to set your boundaries and stick to them.  Communicate your feelings with your wife. Take time for yourself.  And hope for the best.

Yes, indeed it is not a single run in with stupidity...even my 9 year old son agrees on these subjects.

What we cannot figure out, is are they just stupid or do they think we are? 

IMO their thinking process is not the same as westerners,plans and timetables of events have no meaning to Thais,everything is spur of the moment,and no focus whatsoever.

Many times I have been on a trip with my wife and her Thai Friends to go to the Market and arrived at a Temple,and lots of other variations.

Decisions are usually made on the hoof,and subject to change at any time.

I presume you have had other instances of this kind of thing happening,and this may have been the final straw,and more about being taken for granted than being put out helping an old man with Cancer?

[cardholder]

I started to write my reply, and then I thought that: no, I must have missed something, perhaps I Misunderstood,so I went back and read the post again.

are you for real?????

The Man is in danger of loosing his life, or maybe loosing his voice , has to go through the suffering of cancer treatment , the family has to go through the anguish of seeing a love one suffer and possible die.

and you want as to feel sorry for you because you had to wait a little bit , and because your contribution was not appreciated?

did you ever stop and consider that they might be otherwise distracted??

Reality check for you, Sir..

Have you ever been to Thailand ? You clearly have no concept of how a Thai family operates.

Have you ever experienced what the OP has tried to describe ?

This is not a bleeding hearts club, it is about how Thais can often taken things for granted and how a Falang can feel used.

[harrypatterson]

This is the question I am wondering myself. Stupid or just ignorant. However the family is not who I am wondering about. How dare this old man get cancer and inconvenience you, llardeglob, or whatever that name is. The story if how you had to wait a whole hour in the car has brought tears to my eyes. Most people who know where they are at here understand that waiting for people is part of life here. Thai people have a different concept of time than western people. Most of us here understand and accept this. If you cannot accept it, go home to where people are on time. Perhaps the reason these people seem ungrateful is because for most of the world this is what families do for each other. My wife's father back in America got cancer and I am sure this caused me inconvenience sometime but so what. The guy had cancer. What you don't understand is that most likely if it were you that were sick the family would inconvenience themselves greatly for you too. Well maybe not you. But regular people. Your disgusting cancer man crap is sickening but the worst part is that there seem to be many of your ilk here who see nothing wrong with your attitude. I d ont know if Thais are anti-farang, which seems to be a big topic, but I now understand if they are. I would be ashamed and embarrassed to be associated with you. I hope your wife and her family wiill rid themselves of both of their miserable afflictions. I do not know if there really is such a thing as karma, but you better hope there isn't.

[billaaa777]

Reality check for you, Sir..

Have you ever been to Thailand ? You clearly have no concept of how a Thai family operates.

Have you ever experienced what the OP has tried to describe ?

This is not a bleeding hearts club, it is about how Thais can often taken things for granted and how a Falang can feel used.

Yes, I have lived in Thailand for 7 years. This guy would be considered idiot in Thailand, US, Europe or the North Poll for that matter.

And anybody that has sympathy for him, I would suggest you go back read his original post. And if you still feel the same way, well I guess you now know what I think of you.

Edited September 1, 2010 by billaaa777

[electau]

The problem lies with the Thai culture. It appears to be ignorant and selfish to the foreigner.

Thai culture versus Western European/ English Anglo -Saxon culture.

[seanocasey]

iv read what you said and I am perplexed we live in a country where our culture is out the door,

yes out the door,

it is not to be taken easy,this culture

on the contrary it is intolerable to except,

how can they drag us down to this stage, "ups"

well we live here we suffer to achieve a life that we can have a life worth living,

at times this is hard insurmountable but achievable if we believe that we are guest here,

yes a guest here

OK we are married ,that is not to say we can and do what we as farangs except as an normal,

what is normal to say it is to except a moralistic exception to life and except this, then this is what you except in this country.

what do you except in your own country

we all suffer, yes for what what we love and want

"typed on phone"

[canuckamuck]

I don't have any doubt that the details of the OP's story are close to the truth, the part most people are having a problem with is the OP's attitude.

Most of us who live here in this culture do so because we enjoy it; and like all things in life people enjoy, there is a cost attached. In the case of living with a rural Thai family, the cost is dealing with the daily frustration of the nonsensical lives they lead, and the lack of logic, organization, and forethought. And it is true that the westerner will probably not be treated as family but like something else: the wife's pet, some long time visitor... but not blood. If you can't afford the frustration then perhaps the cost is too high for you. But I say learn from it and adapt, eventually you can learn to make the most of your foreignness.

Of course posting when your mad is a sure what to make you look like a tool. Ranters rarely get sympathy particularly when they mock the sick and dying.

Edited September 1, 2010 by canuckamuck

[prakhonchai nick]

Never mind the names the OP uses to refer to his Father in Law. The issue is that he, like so many farangs, is taken for granted by their Thai families.

A Thank-you now and again for services rendered would be great but rarely obtained.

Where were all the family when the car was needed. The farang was the easiest option. Sure he is frustrated when travelling a long way only to find upon arrival that plans have changed. Why did nobody call him? Thais use their phones nearly all day long! But the farang doesn't matter!

A great post from Guest House. I would have done the same. Never mind embarrasing the family. He probably saved the old ladies life, which because of greng-jai , face etc a Thai would never contemplate!

Stupid or Ignorant. Probably BOTH!

[sbk]

I started to write my reply, and then I thought that: no, I must have missed something, perhaps I Misunderstood,so I went back and read the post again.

are you for real?????

The Man is in danger of loosing his life, or maybe loosing his voice , has to go through the suffering of cancer treatment , the family has to go through the anguish of seeing a love one suffer and possible die.

and you want as to feel sorry for you because you had to wait a little bit , and because your contribution was not appreciated?

did you ever stop and consider that they might be otherwise distracted??

Several close family members of my own have had cancer as well as other potentially fatal health issues, I would have to say that sirineou is most likely right here and that perhaps their minds are concerned with matters of more import than someone waiting in a car for an hour. For most Thai people, cancer is considered a death sentence. A little human empathy trying to grasp how these people may be feeling and how that might account for a distracted attitude would probably be a good thing.

I'd prefer to think that the OP was simply a troll rather than something less flattering.

[MSingh]

I started to write my reply, and then I thought that: no, I must have missed something, perhaps I Misunderstood,so I went back and read the post again.

are you for real?????

The Man is in danger of loosing his life, or maybe loosing his voice , has to go through the suffering of cancer treatment , the family has to go through the anguish of seeing a love one suffer and possible die.

and you want as to feel sorry for you because you had to wait a little bit , and because your contribution was not appreciated?

did you ever stop and consider that they might be otherwise distracted??

Several close family members of my own have had cancer as well as other potentially fatal health issues, I would have to say that sirineou is most likely right here and that perhaps their minds are concerned with matters of more import than someone waiting in a car for an hour. For most Thai people, cancer is considered a death sentence. A little human empathy trying to grasp how these people may be feeling and how that might account for a distracted attitude would probably be a good thing.

I'd prefer to think that the OP was simply a troll rather than something less flattering.

I would say otherwise personally, that is if you're referring to what we're talkign about here of course.....

[dave111223]

Put the shoe on the foot. If your mother was is hospital dying of cancer and felt to sick to even come home; your wife is in the car complaining that she's wasting a couple of hours and some gas money on "cancer mum" would you:

A ) Apologize profusely that you've wasted your poor wife's time

B ) Tell the b*tch to stick it where the sun don't shine

[H2oDunc]

If you are on about your actions in the title then I would say BOTH. And totally inconsiderate but that is just how I see it.

[Chunky1]

Did you miss the part where OP said that he hates having to wait at airports and hospitals? He had important business waiting back home.

[Chunky1]

Totally agree, and there are those farangs that are there just as a useful convenience to the family, nothing else, and upsetting you doesn't come into there equation. I have learned to drift along, go with the flow UNTIL something financial comes up and the family ALL disappear.

My pals wife sister just passed away, who payed for the funeral, yes your right, why, family has no money, but if my chum wasn't around, how would they have dealt with it. They would have dealt with it. My point is the farang convenience.

So these families should sell their daughters, I mean, send them to Pattaya so that they can find a farang husband who won't provide for the family financially? I think this is where so many farang who do the younger rice farming wife go wrong. They are looking at the relationship from some kind of Western perspective of "We are equal! You love me!" whereas the Thai girl and her family just view the farang as a buffalo who can be treated like a pig (Thais are actually warm and loving to their buffaloes!)

I'm not implying that this is the case in all of these relationships, but certainly, for many of them, the precepts of the structure of their relationship was premeditated.

Edited September 1, 2010 by Chunky1

[orchis]

For Thai people these things make sense, different appreciation of time for rice farmers, respect for elders,finding merit in doing something for others, giving others a chance to make merit. You don't have to accept this but then living here becomes one big frustration and who wants that. No need to show yourself as a heartless uncaring idiot though, your father-in-law is dying of cancer.

Edited September 1, 2010 by orchis

[Berkshire]

Llareggub, you're a real humanitarian (note heavy sarcasm).

Imagine if the tables were turned and it was your father dying. And your wife is doing the complaining. "I can't believe the old fart inconvenienced me to the tune of a whole hour. I wasted all this time and money on the diesel, when I could have drove to the mall and been shopping. And on top of that, his worthless family—who can't even afford a freakin car—had to rely on me to drive his "old Cancerous Daddy" and didn't even bother to kiss my ass…eh, thank me for the effort. What a bunch of ingrates! Don't they realize that I'm talking about important stuff here, not just life and death! Are they just stupid or ignorant? dam_n hopeless farangs!"

On second thought, I doubt if your wife could be such a heartless b**ch.

[carmine]

Folks,

This is a troll.

Who on earth refers to their father in law as "cancer man" and the like?! Thats just been thrown in to spice things up a bit. Ignore the #$&%$#.

[astral]

Take a deep breath.

The "laser treatment" I guess you mean radiotherapy(?) will only last 33 days.

It will have been tough on the old guy, I know!!

So go with the flow.

[taninthai]

i see op has now been banned he only joined 1 month ago hopefully he was only on holiday and none of this is true...........................

[IanForbes]

i see op has now been banned he only joined 1 month ago hopefully he was only on holiday and none of this is true...........................

Considering all the insults he received I imagine he reacted negatively to the criticism.

[Lumumba]

banned for expressing sincerely how he felt? I believe his story and can understand his feelings, but he was notbeing PC about it all.

If you have never been in such situations, then you cant really judge him, and all of take heat at different levels with different reactions.

Some of the families that farang marry into might make some go berserk.

[barsie]

Thing is charity is when you offer to do something- running around after your wife and their family because they tell you to is another.

I'd guess this sort of thing is happening almost daily to the OP- that's where he's got to the point he's cracked.

Thai's do whatever they are told by their thai boyfriends- who's the mug if you are a farang running round like an idiot at someone else's beck and call?

[prakhonchai nick]

Running around and helping people is fine as long as you get thanked for it.

Unfortunately this rarely happens in Thailand.

So much so that you just don't help in the future!

[Moonrakers]

Culture?

Your having a laugh aren't you? For those who are trying defend people who leave each other waiting around, without consideration for them, by suggesting it is just the 'culture' are misguided. It is just plain rude and ignorant, no matter where you might come from.

HOWEVER

There are certain circumstances under which one could be excused for a little ignorance, surely tending to a terminally ill relative is one of them. Troll or not, such a reaction from the OP is even more ignorant than him being made to wait.

Edited September 1, 2010 by Moonrakers

[MeesterSheene]

I think a lot of people seem to have missed the O/P's real POINT, it has nothing to do with the fact, sad as it is that the father in law has cancer - (I know the OP) it is the fact that he was asked to go to the hospital and pick up the family, after paying for their tax and insurance on THEIR car, which now they will not use as they have spent all their money every day on whisky instead of Diesel.

He asked the family what time they wanted to go, they told him 3pm, he asked "ARE YOU SURE THEY ARE READY?" and the reply was YES!

When they got there, they weren't ready, they did not even have the courtesy to make a quick call to say they would not be coming home!

The old man was not alone, he has family staying at the hospital 24/7, he didn't go in for cancer treatment, he went for blood tests.

Llareggub was trying to do them a favour, instead, they wasted his time and money, when a 3 Baht phone call would have sufficed - it has nothing to do with compassion for the father, as I say, I know the OP and yes, his comments sometimes are a bit rough, but none of this was directed towards the father, who is almost 80 anyway.

He spoke to me earlier today and it appears he has already been banned so that is the end of that.

The whole point was about how the poor Thais will remain poor, but is it about ignorance or stupidity? They were unable / unwilling to use their own car, which he had taxed and insured for them for the very reason that it was likely that they would need to make long term use of it due to the fathers cancer, but when they had spent all their money on drink, they expected another bailout!

Believe me I have a number of friends in similar situations, and what is even more annoying is the lack of courtesy in saying simple things like PLEASE and THANK YOU!