Nursery To Nursing Home

[Blackandwhite]

We live here in the Uk and over the last few years I have noticed a few things that shock surprise and disappoint me, they are as follows

Family have new child, this newborn is of course loved but at six months old is packed off to nursery to people they don't know, the parents rich or poor as it may be, the family miss the following

First words

First crawl

Bonding

First giggles

Learning how to generally take care of the needs of the child

And lots more

Family has an older relative, relative packed off to nursing home as soon as they start to become demanding on the family,the following happens

Old person misses family and ages 10 years

Old person feel lonely and let down

Old person feel confused

Old person misses lots of family events and family does not have time to collect them for family visits

Children learn this as an acceptable way of life

Family has easy life not having to worry about caring for old person

Nursing home owners get rich treating old people as an income and so the circle will start again

I am not wishing to start a battle here but making an observation, is it like this in Thailand, personally I do not want to work hard all my life to be put into a nursing home when I get a bit doddery.

Thoughts please

[g00dgirl]

Congratulations to this realization.

There are some interest groups worldwide who are trying to raise awareness and work against this development (attachment parenting, natural living, religious groups living traditional lifestyles, unschoolers, probably many more) but they naturally do not have close to the same budgets for advertising and lobbying as big corporations.

Industrialization and governments/politics are factors contributing. Governments need income tax, not only from men, they also push women to work outside of the home. (Advertisement for women to get into male dominated jobs, quotas for required percentages of employed women, in the name of emancipation) This leads to lower birth rates (career first, babies later) and also to the big problem of giving babies into the care of institutions and 'professionals'. Too many parents don't even seem to realize the damage this does. They let themselves convince by advertising that 'early education' is good for their children.

The lower birth rates also lead to smaller families in general. Young children often can not observe and learn how elderly are cared for in the home because they are isolated from real life, away in schools all day, their parents at work, the family is hardly together. When their parents age, they lack the imagination and experience to believe this is possible to care for them at home. As the sons and daughters often work outside of the home, they would not have time to care for their parents at home. Nursing home is the answer.

Children without young siblings again do not know enough about caring for babies and toddlers, if they become parents they are again more likely to be insecure and not raise children themselves.

Here in Thailand we are lucky and we can still observe a more natural approach to child care and the care for the elderly.

Last week I was in rural Surat in a rubber tapping community. The 95 year old mother of my father in law was being cared for at home by her daughter and grandson, this year she can't get out of bed anymore, yet she is still at home close to her loved ones all day long and not alone in some hospital. They work at home cutting rubber and growing their own fruit and vegetables, raising chicken. They are less dependent of the government regulated prices of food and fuel. The women still have several children, there are enough family members and siblings to help watch and care for babies so women are more supported to have more than one child. Children are still loved and not seen as a burden and people don't constantly feel disturbed by young children, they engage and play with them.

When you realize what is going on in the world and it upsets you, what can you do? Start to lead your own life according to what you believe is healthier and better, set the right example for your children, surround yourself with like-minded people if possible. Watching old movies where rural people lead traditional lifestyles is also interesting and it is possible to learn from them.

If you are still worried, you can get some rest knowing that those people who end up having fewer children or remain childless simply do not reproduce a lot, so their ways might eventually become extinct.

Some people look at it as a New World Order or big conspiracy by powerful leaders, reading about it just helps me to see the causes and how one thing leads to another. Who benefits, who is rich who is poor, what do the big corporations make money with and what developments are in their interest? As an example, big pharma companies benefit a lot from babies who are separated from their working mothers, they sell the powder milk at very expensive prices, same as the medications to treat the emotionally and physically sick children and adults later.

[gregb]

This is the normal result of the disintegration of the extended family. The fact is, it is simply impossible for the nuclear family to raise children, or care for the elderly, by themselves. As we move away from an extended tribe filled with many relatives to share the load of day to day life, we need to rely more and more on paid services to get by.

Thus, we now have nurseries and nursing homes, where once we had grandma and cousins. These modern replacements for the extended family teach us that money is more important than relationships. This continues into every other aspect of our lives. Of course, a modern industrial economy is incompatible with the idea of an extended family. It is almost impossible to find jobs for a large number of disparate people in a single location, and the entry of women into the official workforce in order to make ends meet has further eroded the unofficial economy that used to be the home.

What you are pointing out is simply the obvious and undeniable result of industrial society. People were much poorer hundreds of years ago. They didn't have the luxuries that we have today. But they did have families. I am not so naive as to believe anyone would willingly give up their wealth to return to a harsher existence that was the norm before industrialization, but it comes as a package deal. 2 people in the modern world can not adequately take care of children or the elderly, even if one of them quits the workplace and stays home full time. That job is meant to be shared among a tribe.

Nurseries and nursing homes are the modern, officially sanctioned and taxed tribe replacement industries.

They go hand in hand.

[bina]

well, not thai related, however, different ideas...

i live on a kibbutz. the kids no longer sleep in the childrens houses but women do go back to work after 3 month maternity leave; however, most of us work/ed on kibbutz so we would get a fone call to come and nurse/bottle feed/bathe the baby/child. all parents are encouraged to come to the children/baby houses /kindergartens during the breaks for lunch (not during all the day as it disrupts the child's day with the whole leavetaking thing in middle of the day); we are (sometimes unforutnatley) a child oriented society in general even not on kibbutz. children are everywhere, in the salon, in the bedrooms, in restaraunts, in places that traditionally in other western countries children are not encouraged to be.

families with less then three kids are seen as 'sub normal' (u will then get asked ifu have problems getting pregnant; why only two, if u have all boys, why dont u do more until u get a girl, vice versa...) ; pregnant women are everyhwere, and get fussed over.

old people unforutunately here are going the way of the rest of the west. previously, in traditonal morrocccan/yemen 'north african /arab /oriental ' countries, the oldest matriarch is the decision maker, the sons and daughters' in law are under her. most holidays still are very family oriented and multigenerational to the point that if u dont have a family, u will be pitied and invited to someone's house for holidays-- people vacation as multigenerational famiies from elderly to baby (we get that in the hotel all the time).. however, the more 'western' (re: american/anglo/german etc) families that cant afford in home nursing care move the old folks to homes. here on kibbutz, the oldest members (89+!) still work an hour or so a day in a 'job' with others of all ages, they are still in their own homes albeit with nursing help; all events are geared to be multigenerational. in general, because of that, our old folks are still fairly healthy, active and alive.

it is still acceptable for famiies to live together; to have mother or mother in law do the childcare at home; friday dinners are still held at the grandparents' house... as an american it used to grate on me but i do have to thank my ex mom in law as ive discoverd extended family, even ex extended family is a good thing also when there is illness or something.

i think that that kibbutz model is actually a good one for small communities to follow; but we are a cooperative. the cities here are similar, depending on their ethnic makeup. generally, the higher up the social ladder, and the more western, the more likely that children are not with family members,, and old people are in homes...

its one of the only things that my husband likes about what he sees on the kibbutz.

bina

israel

[Blackandwhite]

I am glad this has raised at last a serious reply to issues most of the developing world is ignoring, thank you for your feedback

[g00dgirl]

I think the thread is Thai related. The OP observed this development in the UK and asked if he should expect the same to happen in Thai society.

In my reply I described some aspects relating to the topic that I observed in rural Thailand compared to the west.

I think the nursery to nursing home lifestyle is more advanced in cities, if the OP decides to settle in a rural area close to family he would be more likely to still benefit from the traditional lifestyle and be accepted in the familiar surroundings of his home when he is old.

How well he would be cared for by family would probably also depend on how well he is liked and loved, how much love, time, knowledge and resources he invests in the younger generations and in his own children before he gets old.

In general I feel that family values are still stronger in Thailand than in the west and it is one reason why I prefer to be in Thailand.