She Took Everything..

[frankyj]

I am sure a version of this story has been told a million times.

Expat moves to Pattaya to retire with money - enough to retire on at least if he were sensible!

3 years later he gets married to a Thai lady and buys a house and a bar. Bar starts to lose money so is closed down, sales of the assets are handled by the Thai wife who is by now in charge of the majority of the finances.

Expat and wife can see that finances are becoming tight so a move back to the wifes village is in order to build a house, with proceeds from the sale of the house in Pattaya and then set up a shop and farm.

Most of the money goes on building the new house - money eventually runs out. Thai wife asks expat husband to ask for money from back home (expat has family from a previous marriage).

Expat finally realizes he and now his original family are being drained and wants out but is left with sweet FA!

Can the man in this scenario get a divorce and get anything back. I'm thinking no but if there is any way I would like to know!

Even if he can't get anything back how easy is it to get a divorce and how much does it cost?

[thequietman]

thai law says he is entitled to half the estate. however getting a buyer for home and property in a rural village is next to impossible. and even if it managed to get sold, wifey would lie about what it went for and gave him even less or nothing. failing that she could have him killed for 5000 baht and keep everything. either way its going to be fun. i have thought through this scenario in my head many times and if it comes to it i will just walk away. might take my chopper with me though

[thequietman]

sorry forgot to mention. if she agrees to a divorce it is a very straight forward thing to end. just go into the amphur office where the marriage took place or was registered and tell them you want to get divorced. some id and a few signatures here and there and thats it. family member of mine got one and we waited for them only 15 minutes to completion.

[Semper]

thai law says he is entitled to half the estate. however getting a buyer for home and property in a rural village is next to impossible. and even if it managed to get sold, wifey would lie about what it went for and gave him even less or nothing. failing that she could have him killed for 5000 baht and keep everything. either way its going to be fun. i have thought through this scenario in my head many times and if it comes to it i will just walk away. might take my chopper with me though

Or vice versa.

[Merlin]

sorry forgot to mention. if she agrees to a divorce it is a very straight forward thing to end. just go into the amphur office where the marriage took place or was registered and tell them you want to get divorced. some id and a few signatures here and there and thats it. family member of mine got one and we waited for them only 15 minutes to completion.

+1.

just been through it recently.

[Superfly]

sorry forgot to mention. if she agrees to a divorce it is a very straight forward thing to end. just go into the amphur office where the marriage took place or was registered and tell them you want to get divorced. some id and a few signatures here and there and thats it. family member of mine got one and we waited for them only 15 minutes to completion.

You will also need two witnesses to sign the divorce papers. Or at least I did 4 years ago.

[lopburi3]

As Thai married to foreigner can not buy land without husband signing that money used was not his do not believe there would be much chance of split in such a case. Everything would be in her name and not joint marriage property.

[Heng]

Not to mention (just from what I've seen anyway), the local side of the 'partnership' is typically extremely adept at reducing the value of any 'estate' through natural (it seems) mismanagement. The time it takes most courts to do anything is plenty of time to make an X million estate have a negative value with interest due.

[frankyj]

Its going to have to be a walk away affair I think. Potentially a divorce if its going to be as easy as just signing some papers if they are both in Bangkok.

I was wondering do the British embassy offer any help to British expats who have been taken for everything they have got and physically cannot afford to renew their visa and/or leave the country? Do they offer repatriation in such circumstances?

[gregb]

As Thai married to foreigner can not buy land without husband signing that money used was not his do not believe there would be much chance of split in such a case. Everything would be in her name and not joint marriage property.

Paper doesn't have any standing in a divorce action. That paper is so that the land officer can comply with the law that he verified the source of the funds were sin suan tua of the Thai partner. If the farang lies on that form, well, then the farang has technically committed fraud. But the family court in a divorce case doesn't care about fraud. That's outside of its scope. In the end, the actual source of the funds will be used to determine who owns the asset, and the paper will be ignored.

[NanLaew]

thai law says he is entitled to half the estate. however getting a buyer for home and property in a rural village is next to impossible. and even if it managed to get sold, wifey would lie about what it went for and gave him even less or nothing. failing that she could have him killed for 5000 baht and keep everything. either way its going to be fun. i have thought through this scenario in my head many times and if it comes to it i will just walk away. might take my chopper with me though

Or vice versa.

Almost, but then he would have to pay 'farang price'.

[NanLaew]

I was wondering do the British embassy offer any help to British expats who have been taken for everything they have got and physically cannot afford to renew their visa and/or leave the country? Do they offer repatriation in such circumstances?

No.

[Beetlejuice]

Being a behind the scene using a Thai upfront name bar owner is illegal, owning land in most cases, not all, is illegal, running a shop in most cases is illegal, owning and running a farm is illegal and house ownership is in the grey area of the law,

So then it all goes pear shaped for the farang. He has left himself right in the do dos for plying money into things that he cannot legally own and has virtually no claims on after which he gasps, I wonder what hit me? What did I do wrong?

Answers to your questions:

To get a divorce and try to obtain most or all of your money back, is going to take a considerable time and cost you a truckload of cash. Even then, the chances of success with your claim are not only slim but positively anorexic.

Many farangs take the same gambles as yourself. Some win, but mostly they become losers.

What actually do you expect to get out of this?

Edited April 24, 2011 by Beetlejuice

[frankyj]

I thought if he could get some of the money back he "invested" it would be a bonus, as it looks unlikely, will probably just walk away from it.

I want to know about the divorce situation because if he leaves Thailand and goes back to the UK after a couple of years he may come back to Thailand (a little wiser) to re-retire (if that's a word) after an inheritance and the last thing I would want is for his wife to come at him requesting a divorce when he all of a sudden he has money, and then she takes half of it! You never know what could happen!

Just inquiring about whether the British embassy offer any assistance to British citizens because the person in mention has nothing so getting home is going to be tricky and other than me paying for it I was stuck ideas.

Not looking for sympathy, not looking to blame anyone, simply looking for advice.

[maprao]

I thought if he could get some of the money back he "invested" it would be a bonus, as it looks unlikely, will probably just walk away from it.

I want to know about the divorce situation because if he leaves Thailand and goes back to the UK after a couple of years he may come back to Thailand (a little wiser) to re-retire (if that's a word) after an inheritance and the last thing I would want is for his wife to come at him requesting a divorce when he all of a sudden he has money, and then she takes half of it! You never know what could happen!

Just inquiring about whether the British embassy offer any assistance to British citizens because the person in mention has nothing so getting home is going to be tricky and other than me paying for it I was stuck ideas.

Not looking for sympathy, not looking to blame anyone, simply looking for advice.

If this concerns you it should not. Assets that are acquired while married should be split 50/50 excluding land. However the PI is also a retirement friendly place. Everyone speaks English also.

Edited April 24, 2011 by maprao

[Beetlejuice]

I thought if he could get some of the money back he "invested" it would be a bonus, as it looks unlikely, will probably just walk away from it.

I want to know about the divorce situation because if he leaves Thailand and goes back to the UK after a couple of years he may come back to Thailand (a little wiser) to re-retire (if that's a word) after an inheritance and the last thing I would want is for his wife to come at him requesting a divorce when he all of a sudden he has money, and then she takes half of it! You never know what could happen!

Just inquiring about whether the British embassy offer any assistance to British citizens because the person in mention has nothing so getting home is going to be tricky and other than me paying for it I was stuck ideas.

Not looking for sympathy, not looking to blame anyone, simply looking for advice.

I doubt if the British embassy would be interested, they do not have any legal obligation to assist in cases like these.

They may offer help by contacting someone the guy knows in UK, informing of the problem and then waiting to see if they will help or not.

If this really is not you and just a friend, then the old saying pertains; a friend in need is too be avoided, because if you back this guy by giving him money, then you will be backing a loser, but of course that is up to you.

If it is you, then the best of British luck.

[nam-thip]

How many times have we heard this same story and when will foreigners learn that Thai females are a bunch of scammers as has been proven so many times.

Would i marry one?

Never.

Would i pour my money down a Thai toilet, ie: land, house, bars, cars, motorbikes, buffaloes, and financially support the wife's out-laws?

Never.

It baffles me why so many do and then scream for help when it goes tits up.

The law is designed in such a way that 99.9% of the time farang's loose so cut your losses and buy a plane ticket out of the place.

[honkytonklagoon]

Why dont you retire to a sleepy town on the south coast like Bournemouth or Eastbourne? The woman there a less cut-throat. In the summer you can sit on a deckchair by the beach and lick an ice cream with a Hankercheif over your head.

Maybe in the evening you could go to the Bingo hall, then a cup of Horlicks, a read, then bed.

[Who, me ?]

How many times have we heard this same story and when will foreigners learn that Thai females are a bunch of scammers as has been proven so many times.

Would i marry one?

Never.

Would i pour my money down a Thai toilet, ie: land, house, bars, cars, motorbikes, buffaloes, and financially support the wife's out-laws?

Never.

It baffles me why so many do and then scream for help when it goes tits up.

The law is designed in such a way that 99.9% of the time farang's loose so cut your losses and buy a plane ticket out of the place.

I am veryt happily married to a Thai lady and I am 1,000% sure she is not a scammer , and I am convinced that the immense majority of Thai women are the same.

In my opinion, it really all depends of how and where you meet your wife, in Thailand or elsewhere.

[crazygreg44]

Not all Thai women are scammers, and not all Farangs are fools.

It takes the two of both , to join the myth of Thai ladies milking farangs while they think that demise can be avoided with running illegal businesses.

Bought a bar, ruined it ? Sounds familar ! House in the village ? Why, the family can live in the chicken shacks more comfortably ! Shop in the Moo Baan ? What will you sell that makes a profit, Tom Yam Instant soup for 8 Baht ?

Wasn't it proclaimed in this forum, every year , from the very start : " never invest any more in Thailand that you are willing to loose" ?

I have no mercy with these soldiers of fortune. Som Nam Na !

To the OP I can give only one advice : RUN and never come back. Go to Costa Rica or the Phillipines for retirement !

[cdnvic]

I think the OP understands the mistakes very clearly and is now asking for advice rather than finger wagging and lectures, so try keeping replies focused on advice please.

[pauljones]

I have a friend doing the same thing against the advice of his friends...... Met the girl in a bar, married, the house, the money, everything in her name and suddenly....they are not getting along so well.....

Going to be broke in Thailand in his senior years.

[Forethat]

How many times have we heard this same story and when will foreigners learn that Thai females are a bunch of scammers as has been proven so many times.

Would i marry one?

Never.

Would i pour my money down a Thai toilet, ie: land, house, bars, cars, motorbikes, buffaloes, and financially support the wife's out-laws?

Never.

It baffles me why so many do and then scream for help when it goes tits up.

The law is designed in such a way that 99.9% of the time farang's loose so cut your losses and buy a plane ticket out of the place.

I remember Ian wrote a couple of threads ago that "All humans want love". I disagreed, my opinion is that there is a part of the gene pool who frankly doesn't care about love.

But I have no problems understanding why some men end up in situations like the one you and OP describe, especially when you combine this with exactly what I tried to put through to Ian (I suspect it didn't take, based on the embarrassing fact that he falsified my post with "yada, yada, yada") - there are people out there who doesn't give a flying fig about love or emotions, they're simple in it for the money.

Trouble is, most emotional love-seekers fail to understand that others think and operate differently (which could be why Ian believes young girls spends time with him because they enjoy his company rather than because they get paid), hence the many disasters - they desperately WANT the woman to be emotionally connected at the same level as themselves, and in many cases they're not.

I would get professional (legal) help. Mind you, this will generate additional costs. There are times when one simply have to accept a loss, and this could be such case. I have heard so many stories like this, not in a single case has there been a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

Edited April 24, 2011 by Forethat

[tartempion]

How many times have we heard this same story and when will foreigners learn that Thai females are a bunch of scammers as has been proven so many times.

Would i marry one?

Never.

Would i pour my money down a Thai toilet, ie: land, house, bars, cars, motorbikes, buffaloes, and financially support the wife's out-laws?

Never.

It baffles me why so many do and then scream for help when it goes tits up.

The law is designed in such a way that 99.9% of the time farang's loose so cut your losses and buy a plane ticket out of the place.

So in Farangland you WOULD, buy land, house, bar, car, motorbike, buffaloes, support wife's out-laws????

I did buy a car to go shopping town 40kms away.

I did buy a motorbike just to drive around here, even a samlor to take the dogs for a walk around the village sandtracks.

I did buy land and built a house in name of GF because I want to live in a house to my liking, investment over 20 years 11k/month, 10 years to go, if I live that long. Do I care for money spent? No, money was not flushed through a toilet since I use all of it (and share with my GF)

Marrying?? Not an option here or elsewhere.

Out-laws? Not my problem.

If you divorce in Farangland she will not run with your money????

If GF throws me out of the house I paid for where will she be living???

Who is she going to sell the house to???

From what income will she live???

I fear nothing, money is spent, not invested.

If Thais need to learn to use their brains, so do farangs, that includes you Mr nam-thip

[IanForbes]

I remember Ian wrote a couple of threads ago that "All humans want love". I disagreed, my opinion is that there is a part of the gene pool who frankly doesn't care about love.

But I have no problems understanding why some men end up in situations like the one you and OP describe, especially when you combine this with exactly what I tried to put through to Ian (I suspect it didn't take, based on the embarrassing fact that he falsified my post with "yada, yada, yada") - there are people out there who doesn't give a flying fig about love or emotions, they're simple in it for the money.

Trouble is, most emotional love-seekers fail to understand that others think and operate differently (which could be why Ian believes young girls spends time with him because they enjoy his company rather than because they get paid), hence the many disasters - they desperately WANT the woman to be emotionally connected at the same level as themselves, and in many cases they're not.

I would get professional (legal) help. Mind you, this will generate additional costs. There are times when one simply have to accept a loss, and this could be such case. I have heard so many stories like this, not in a single case has there been a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

You've made a whole lot of false assumptions.

Whether you like to believe it or not, all humans want love and companionship from birth. If they don't get it then they grow up with problems. It is the same with dogs. A dog that doesn't get love will have problems. Dogs are always seeking to belong to a pack or make friends with a human.. The ones that don't get it turn nasty.

You are mixing up love and companionship with sex. Everyone is different. Some men want a mommy to look after them. Others, like myself, only want a bit of companionship and sex. We no longer need a long term relationship. But, we will certainly narrow our lady friends down to those that enjoy our company also. There is any number of pure sexual relationships. Whether the woman is only in it for the money does not mean the woman doesn't enjoy the sex as well.

You can certainly build a mountain of false assumptions on very few facts. What you basically have written is that young people can not enjoy the company of older people. That is a flat out falsehood. If it was true then it would have to include someone's children and grand children as well. I know many grand children who love their grampa and nanna. I know many nurse attendents who look after elderly people, and they have a mutual love for each other... just not in a sexual way.

But, that is drifing off the OP's topic.

Going blindly into a long term relationship with a young Thai woman, and with no understanding about the culture, is a bit foolish. It is compounded when there is a wide gap in ages. That doesn't mean it won't work, but it certainly throws up some road blocks. Then, add into the mix a total lack of future planning when it comes to finances and property and you have a recipe for a disaster.

However, if a man in love with a pretty lady uses a little brain power and uses a little caution then he might have a wonderful future with only minimal risks. Don't throw all your eggs in one basket and take your lumps as they arrive. If the whole thing collapses then just accept the loss and remember the good times. It was worth the ride.

I married a woman in Canada who I was madly in love with. We were together for 7 years of which 5 were great. But her son got into drugs and screwed our marriage. It cost me a lot emotionally and financially, but in the end she actually did me a favour by leaving. If were to compare that marriage to ones I see in Thailand that fail I think the financial losses would be similar.

[Forethat]

I remember Ian wrote a couple of threads ago that "All humans want love". I disagreed, my opinion is that there is a part of the gene pool who frankly doesn't care about love.

But I have no problems understanding why some men end up in situations like the one you and OP describe, especially when you combine this with exactly what I tried to put through to Ian (I suspect it didn't take, based on the embarrassing fact that he falsified my post with "yada, yada, yada") - there are people out there who doesn't give a flying fig about love or emotions, they're simple in it for the money.

Trouble is, most emotional love-seekers fail to understand that others think and operate differently (which could be why Ian believes young girls spends time with him because they enjoy his company rather than because they get paid), hence the many disasters - they desperately WANT the woman to be emotionally connected at the same level as themselves, and in many cases they're not.

I would get professional (legal) help. Mind you, this will generate additional costs. There are times when one simply have to accept a loss, and this could be such case. I have heard so many stories like this, not in a single case has there been a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

You've made a whole lot of false assumptions.

Whether you like to believe it or not, all humans want love and companionship from birth. If they don't get it then they grow up with problems. It is the same with dogs. A dog that doesn't get love will have problems. Dogs are always seeking to belong to a pack or make friends with a human.. The ones that don't get it turn nasty.

Ehhh...Ian, that's the SECOND time you've changed your mind and claim this is what you initially wrote. First time you claimed ALL humans want love - I disagreed. You then claimed that what you really said was MOST people want love (that's not what you wrote at all). Now you've apparently changed your mind AGAIN and claim that all humans want love FROM BIRTH, and that some of them get wrecked on the way of growing up.

Isn't that exactly what I said Ian, haven't I claimed a number of times that there are people out there who doesn't want love?? But now you're claiming that I'm wrong due to the process of at which that usually happens? Jeezuz, why is it so hard for some people to admit being wrong!!??? Is it a disease or something?

With the above in mind (and in particular the tragic fact that you have a childish behaviour of altering other members posts (I can prove this one with fact if you want)) I wonder if the real problem here is not that some people are damaged during the course of growing up - but the sad reality that some people doesn't grow up at all...

So, the conclusion here is that you have finally decided to agree that I was right, that not everybody wants love. Thanks for pointing that out, Ian.

[barrybankruad]

I remember Ian wrote a couple of threads ago that "All humans want love". I disagreed, my opinion is that there is a part of the gene pool who frankly doesn't care about love.

But I have no problems understanding why some men end up in situations like the one you and OP describe, especially when you combine this with exactly what I tried to put through to Ian (I suspect it didn't take, based on the embarrassing fact that he falsified my post with "yada, yada, yada") - there are people out there who doesn't give a flying fig about love or emotions, they're simple in it for the money.

Trouble is, most emotional love-seekers fail to understand that others think and operate differently (which could be why Ian believes young girls spends time with him because they enjoy his company rather than because they get paid), hence the many disasters - they desperately WANT the woman to be emotionally connected at the same level as themselves, and in many cases they're not.

I would get professional (legal) help. Mind you, this will generate additional costs. There are times when one simply have to accept a loss, and this could be such case. I have heard so many stories like this, not in a single case has there been a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

You've made a whole lot of false assumptions.

Whether you like to believe it or not, all humans want love and companionship from birth. If they don't get it then they grow up with problems. It is the same with dogs. A dog that doesn't get love will have problems. Dogs are always seeking to belong to a pack or make friends with a human.. The ones that don't get it turn nasty.

You are mixing up love and companionship with sex. Everyone is different. Some men want a mommy to look after them. Others, like myself, only want a bit of companionship and sex. We no longer need a long term relationship. But, we will certainly narrow our lady friends down to those that enjoy our company also. There is any number of pure sexual relationships. Whether the woman is only in it for the money does not mean the woman doesn't enjoy the sex as well.

You can certainly build a mountain of false assumptions on very few facts. What you basically have written is that young people can not enjoy the company of older people. That is a flat out falsehood. If it was true then it would have to include someone's children and grand children as well. I know many grand children who love their grampa and nanna. I know many nurse attendents who look after elderly people, and they have a mutual love for each other... just not in a sexual way.

But, that is drifing off the OP's topic.

Going blindly into a long term relationship with a young Thai woman, and with no understanding about the culture, is a bit foolish. It is compounded when there is a wide gap in ages. That doesn't mean it won't work, but it certainly throws up some road blocks. Then, add into the mix a total lack of future planning when it comes to finances and property and you have a recipe for a disaster.

However, if a man in love with a pretty lady uses a little brain power and uses a little caution then he might have a wonderful future with only minimal risks. Don't throw all your eggs in one basket and take your lumps as they arrive. If the whole thing collapses then just accept the loss and remember the good times. It was worth the ride.

I married a woman in Canada who I was madly in love with. We were together for 7 years of which 5 were great. But her son got into drugs and screwed our marriage. It cost me a lot emotionally and financially, but in the end she actually did me a favour by leaving. If were to compare that marriage to ones I see in Thailand that fail I think the financial losses would be similar.

Good post Ian

[theoldgit]

As Thai married to foreigner can not buy land without husband signing that money used was not his do not believe there would be much chance of split in such a case. Everything would be in her name and not joint marriage property.

It can be done though, I took my ex to court in an attempt to at least get half of what I invested in "my" house before our marriage. The upshot is that she has to sell the house and land and give me 50% of the proceeds. The problem is that the house isn't selling, and it's not in a rural village up north, it's in a popular coastal town south of Bangkok. I personally think she is playing the long game and waiting for my demise, so she can keep the lot.

[Schooner]

She didn't take everything, your still alive and she gave you exactly what you asked for. Your challange is to figure what it was that you were asking for. Sure you made some mistakes, we have all made similar mistakes to varying degrees. My recomendation is to just walk away and use this experence to examine the reasons that brought you to this point.

Being here and experencing this untamed wonderland with all it's ups and downs is a test. It involves risk and some underestimate the danger. My observation is that most navagate it pretty well and come through with what they were seeking unscathed.

I've been a life long sailor and have observed many people who retired and bought a boat after seeing a pretty picture and with little preperation. They spent a fortune making it perfect then left to sail off into the wild blue. Over half didn't get very far before being overwhelmed by the challange. Some wrecked and died, others just paid a huge financial cost. I've seen this same thing with people and motorhomes and building the dream house.

Risk taking is a young mans. For many older guys their money would be better spent hiring a good therapist who has experence helping men analyze what they want to learn and how to learn it without a wreck.

[scorecard]

How many times have we heard this same story and when will foreigners learn that Thai females are a bunch of scammers as has been proven so many times.

Would i marry one?

Never.

Would i pour my money down a Thai toilet, ie: land, house, bars, cars, motorbikes, buffaloes, and financially support the wife's out-laws?

Never.

It baffles me why so many do and then scream for help when it goes tits up.

The law is designed in such a way that 99.9% of the time farang's loose so cut your losses and buy a plane ticket out of the place.

I am veryt happily married to a Thai lady and I am 1,000% sure she is not a scammer , and I am convinced that the immense majority of Thai women are the same.

In my opinion, it really all depends of how and where you meet your wife, in Thailand or elsewhere.

And let's not forget the farang who do illegal, immoral, stupid things, the farang who hit their wives, the farang who father children then ignore them / never support them fainancially or emotionally, the farang who get married then have affairs / many affairs outside of the marriage, etc.