Comical Lies

[rusty1976]

I guess I persisted with this to see how far it would go, probably because I am bored and need to meet a real lady.

I haven't really been a forum person, but since I posted my first topic a few weeks ago on Thai-visa, I have learnt alot from others advice and have also found the story telling alot of fun.

This post is more about how I find the compulsive lying of a bar girl comical...god there are some good one's....

Last night I was out with some mates drinking up the club at received a text from my regular 'love' in Thailand, 2 days had past and I hadn't heard from her, its moving into peak season so im sure she is getting busier with her clients.

Anyway here is the sms from her:

Hi mylove how r u? Sorry I no time to tell u about my grandmom she dai. I take care her in hospital 1 night and after her dai 2 days now.

I busy no time sleeping becos my dad him sick too now im hart. i wont to go samui with xmus miss u. Sory is not tell u and not call u. Xxxxx

end sms.......

This is one of the best i have had to date... Of course over the last few weeks, there have been other phone issues, a broken motorcycle etc, etc.

I can only reply to this in a nice manner, there is no point trying to prove its a lie,....

I am not after advice, just curious what's the best one you have received. I understand the whole saving face thing in thailand...at the end of the day business is business and money is number 1.

If you have any to share please do.

Cheers

Edited October 15, 2011 by rusty1976

[IanForbes]

I get them all the time from the mother of the kids I look after in Kanchanaburi. I divide what I hear by about 3 and usually come close to the right answer. It hasn't stopped me from helping because I am aware of it and have set limitations on my charity. I don't mind helping people help themselves and I chip in a little extra just because I'm a big softie.

One thing I know for certain... If all of the wealthy people gave all of their money to all of the poor people then the money would all get spent quickly and just disappear with little to show for it later. Few jobs would be created and the formerly wealthy would have to start all over again creating an economy.

[MEGALITHIC]

Laugh, have another beer, go to another bar/club and find another girl. Plenty of them about.

Send back a very short message: okay, no problems. C u next time. Then leave it at that and don't contact them any more.

Make them come looking for you and not the other way around.

Simple.

Edited October 15, 2011 by MEGALITHIC

[rusty1976]

A recent update, she knows its pay day for me,.. around the 15th of every month is when im cashed up.

Funny how the communication gates are now open up again.

last night I got another sms asking how I was... I didnt reply instead I called but the phone did not answer... then about an hour later my phone rang.

She said she was in the hospital because her pappa was in there... So I asked if I could speak to him.. she said he did not want to talk...

So I asked if mamma was there, she said yes and all I could hear was a faint hello, didnt sound like her mamma. She recons she was at Surin hospital...

I reckon she is in pattaya in her room, with her friends playing doctors and nurses...

Its like nearly even word out there mouths is a lie..l. Its highly compulsive.

I like the one where you get a phone call at about 11am Sydney time, so thats 8am Thai time (no bar girl is up an about at that time), she said she was just going to the temple... yeh yeh, she is just coming back from getting her back doors kicked in.

Regards

[Traxster]

I'm always amused when they ask me for 30,000 Baht

and I say 'sorry I only 5,000 baht on me'

and they say,'Ok, that'll do'.....

and I'm like.........<deleted> ??

[cgphuket]

Funny, I have been here 2 years. Dated about 7 women, slept with 67 so far and never been asked for money (outside st fees). Is it that I am a miracle and the only one? More likely I told them what my fiances were from the go, no lies, no games, and didn't try to impress them. In my experience most people here get what they deserve. If you use money for attention, you become an ATM. If you treat girls with respect and demand the same, you become a person. I know there are sharks and gold diggers here but there are also girls as moral and honest as some farangs, (more honest than most actually). If "every girl I shag is a bullshitter and a con artist" look at the common denominator; you. YMMV

Edited October 16, 2011 by cgphuket

[rusty1976]

Funny, I have been here 2 years. Dated about 7 women, slept with 67 so far and never been asked for money (outside st fees). Is it that I am a miracle and the only one? More likely I told them what my fiances were from the go, no lies, no games, and didn't try to impress them. In my experience most people here get what they deserve. If you use money for attention, you become an ATM. If you treat girls with respect and demand the same, you become a person. I know there are sharks and gold diggers here but there are also girls as moral and honest as some farangs, (more honest than most actually). If "every girl I shag is a bullshitter and a con artist" look at the common denominator; you. YMMV

Save the im better than you bullshit for another post, I have lived in thailand for long stays as well. Yes I have also been with girls that did not want any money at all. So what,.. this post is about the bullshit bargirls dribble.

[IanForbes]

I like the ones that say they are pregnant, but when you visit them 5 months later there is no sign of a swollen tummy.

[ExpatOilWorker]

Just say that the money is in the bed room, you want to come?

[rusty1976]

I like the ones that say they are pregnant, but when you visit them 5 months later there is no sign of a swollen tummy.

Misscarriage perhaps...

[IanForbes]

I like the ones that say they are pregnant, but when you visit them 5 months later there is no sign of a swollen tummy.

Misscarriage perhaps...

Doubtful. More likely BS. I've never got an honest answer from her in over 8 years. I don't mind though, because I'm not emotionally involved. I just want to help her children. It was a concious decision I made before I ever met the woman and her kids. I just went looking for someone to help in Thailand.

[lyne55]

A recent update, she knows its pay day for me,.. around the 15th of every month is when im cashed up.

Funny how the communication gates are now open up again.

last night I got another sms asking how I was... I didnt reply instead I called but the phone did not answer... then about an hour later my phone rang.

She said she was in the hospital because her pappa was in there... So I asked if I could speak to him.. she said he did not want to talk...

So I asked if mamma was there, she said yes and all I could hear was a faint hello, didnt sound like her mamma. She recons she was at Surin hospital...

I reckon she is in pattaya in her room, with her friends playing doctors and nurses...

Its like nearly even word out there mouths is a lie..l. Its highly compulsive.

I like the one where you get a phone call at about 11am Sydney time, so thats 8am Thai time (no bar girl is up an about at that time), she said she was just going to the temple... yeh yeh, she is just coming back from getting her back doors kicked in.

Regards

Like like like :lol::lol::D

[outofoz]

My very first Thai GF , early on in our relationship, told me she taking a 10 day trip back to her home town because of a family emergency situation. This was to be her first trip back in 4 years. Of course she couldn't get mobile phone reception at the family farm. 6 months after we broke up, we were chatting and she again told me she was visiting her hometown for the first time in 4 years...

Also lost count of the amount of Thai girls whose parents seem to be in hospital or very sick at home...

[outofoz]

One thing I know for certain... If all of the wealthy people gave all of their money to all of the poor people then the money would all get spent quickly and just disappear with little to show for it later. Few jobs would be created and the formerly wealthy would have to start all over again creating an economy.

+1

[goldcountry]

"I'm going to the temple to clear my mind because I thinking too much so I no have phone and cannot contact to anybody for a month"

TRANSLATION: My other foreign bf is coming to town and I'll staying with him for a month.

[Moonrakers]

One of the best lies = 'hansum man'

[Jajazazajaja]

I have always been more amused by the bullcrap that comes out of Falangs mouths in bars like Chequers, Finnegans etc.

Tourists pretending to live here, blokes claiming to be in the CIA / MI5 etc.

All time fav has to be the young chap who told me he made his living doing the "visa run" for Nana girls..... He went into great details about how much money he makes taking the girls to the Cambodian border every 30 days.

I agreed, its a disgrace that Thai people are forced to leave their own country every 30 days to get a Visa stamp to stay in Thailand....

"well, it made me a rich man!" he exclaimed.

Later, his girlfriend confirmed that they were there on a 2 week package holiday.

[Jajazazajaja]

"my girlfriend has never once asked me for money" is a good one.

"im a freelance *fill your own job in here*"

Etc

[loveulongtime]

Im trying to remember how many times a certain girls Grandma died when i was in communication with her... from count she died 3 times in 6 months... lol

Some other classic one's from the bars are:

I have period.... usually means she is waiting for another client

I go Bangkok.... usually means she is waiting for another client

[Gers1873]

I'm quite sure for every Thai female telling lies we could dig up some great lies these ladies have heard from farangs.

I'm in the CIA but I cant talk about it.

I'm a millionaire - can you buy me a beer

Someone stole my belongings - lend me some cash and I'll pay you back.......

I'm not married and have no kids

and so on and so forth........mind you never met a farang who needed money for a sick cow...

[loveulongtime]

I want make Visa...

If you fall for this one you are well and truely F*&ked!!!

Fly home send her money every month to keep her out of the bar, so you believe...

Then when its time to fly back to thailand her number has changed, and she doesnt meet you at the airport..

Hasn't happend to me, but I know of it occuring to at least half a dozen stupid farang...

Edited November 18, 2011 by loveulongtime

[StreetCowboy]

I want make Visa...

If you fall for this one you are well and truely F*&ked!!!

Fly home send her money every month to keep her out of the bar, so you believe...

Then when its time to fly back to thailand her number has changed, and she doesnt meet you at the airport..

Hasn't happend to me, but I know of it occuring to at least half a dozen stupid farang...

I hate that, when they change numbers.

"No, she number 21. Always number 21. You take her"

"Sorry, wrong number...."

SC

[smokie36]

I want make Visa...

If you fall for this one you are well and truely F*&ked!!!

Fly home send her money every month to keep her out of the bar, so you believe...

Then when its time to fly back to thailand her number has changed, and she doesnt meet you at the airport..

Hasn't happend to me, but I know of it occuring to at least half a dozen stupid farang...

I keep seaching for the bargirl handbook without success...I really want to see the chapter on fleecing Thai Visa members.....I bet that's entertaining.....

[MaiChai]

My best advice in Thailand: if you have any money, don't let anyone know. Better to say you have no money. Once people know you have money it leads to all sort of problems.

My other advise is don't believe anything unless you saw it with your own eyes.

After a while you strug your shoulders and say 'whatever'. What does it matter what they tell you as long as it doesn't cause any inconvenience for you? Its just like water off a ducks back. Give them a knowing smile if you know they are lieing. 'Its not my problem' is a phrase often used. Don't show too much interest in the problem and shrug your shoulders again?

What amazes me is the BS some guys believe, and the money they fork out to fix the BS they hear.

As a Welshman once said to me: There is plenty of fish in the sea and I am going trawling...'.

[loveulongtime]

My best advice in Thailand: if you have any money, don't let anyone know. Better to say you have no money. Once people know you have money it leads to all sort of problems.

My other advise is don't believe anything unless you saw it with your own eyes.

After a while you strug your shoulders and say 'whatever'. What does it matter what they tell you as long as it doesn't cause any inconvenience for you? Its just like water off a ducks back. Give them a knowing smile if you know they are lieing. 'Its not my problem' is a phrase often used. Don't show too much interest in the problem and shrug your shoulders again?

What amazes me is the BS some guys believe, and the money they fork out to fix the BS they hear.

As a Welshman once said to me: There is plenty of fish in the sea and I am going trawling...'.

Answer the lie with a lie that way it all balances out..

There is no point trying to prove a bar lady is lying to you as they try to bulls*&t their way out of any situation...

What rymes with Thai ? Lie.

If you google thai bar ladies there is a download available where they have hooked up a working girl to a lie detector test, its worth a laugh...

There is not point continually fishing for bar ladies, they are only good for fun and sex.

Edited November 21, 2011 by loveulongtime

[David48]

Bar girl stories Reminds me of an episode from MASH … Series 2 ‘Mail Call’

The quote goes like this...

Henry (pulling out Klinger's file): Here we go. Father dying, right?

Klinger: Yes, sir.

Henry (going through letters in Klinger's file):

Father dying, last year.

Mother dying, last year.

Mother and father dying.

Mother, father and older sister dying.

Mother dying and older sister pregnant.

Older sister dying and mother pregnant.

Younger sister pregnant and older sister dying.

... Here's an oldie but a goodie: half of the family dying, other half pregnant.

(puts file down) Klinger aren't you ashamed of yourself?

Klinger: Yes sir. I don't deserve to be in the Army.

Just add the sick / dying / dead buffalo !

[kellbell]

Not bar girl related but when I bought a car through a friends sister in law I paid for sat nav option. When I picked the car up there was not sat nav. I was told " Toyota not do sat nav as option now and if they do it cost 100,000 baht " This on a new Yaris. After a wasted day I got the money back I had paid for the sat nav, drove back to Samui and had an all singing all dancing unit fitted for less than they had charged me for just the sat nav.

Go figure !

[jumbo]

Funny, I have been here 2 years. Dated about 7 women, slept with 67 so far and never been asked for money (outside st fees). Is it that I am a miracle and the only one? More likely I told them what my fiances were from the go, no lies, no games, and didn't try to impress them. In my experience most people here get what they deserve. If you use money for attention, you become an ATM. If you treat girls with respect and demand the same, you become a person. I know there are sharks and gold diggers here but there are also girls as moral and honest as some farangs, (more honest than most actually). If "every girl I shag is a bullshitter and a con artist" look at the common denominator; you. YMMV

So you told 60 one nighters about your finances??

Now really who's lying here??? :lol:

[jumbo]

"my girlfriend has never once asked me for money" is a good one.

"im a freelance *fill your own job in here*"

Etc

Mine only asked me once but expects monthly payments...

[Travel2003]

When question about why he/she is late for the meeting, the reply is "big traffic jam", when they in fact don't really bother to meet up at exact time agreed upon.