Raising Thai Stepchildren

[Denise2112]

Do you have any experience with this? At what age did you come into their lives? Do they treat you like a parent? Have any made a negative or positive attitude adjustment at a later phase? Any issues with your spouse's family and/or your stepchild's boy/girlfriend? Has your step child impressed you? Have you ever split with anyone due to your relationship and/or the behavior of the stepchild? Do you feel there will be a point where the stepchild will long for their genetic parent?

[zzaa09]

What are their ages?

[joe84330]

certainly going to be tricky. my gf of the last 6 years has a boy who turns 11 in a few days. he's been living with us full time for perhaps 4 of the last 6 years. the difference over those last 4 years is amazing. he's becoming the best big brother to his new 3yr old and 6 month old sister and brother that we could ever hope for.

while he possesses most of the common 11 yr old boy characteristics (would prefer playing video games to mowing the lawn etc.) it is evident that he is beginning to understand and accept the responsibilities that come with being an adult. he sees his biological father once or twice each year and has a facebook account to keep in touch with the extended family in the north, but he doesn't seem to accept the north as his home anymore. he sees the limitations and the lack of nearly everything that are evident there (money, thought, ambition, responsibility etc) and sees the opportunities here in his new home and school with us. he knows that he may go back and stay with his father and/or family in the north at any time and will still be welcome here, he just chooses to stay here with us and we are all very happy with that. he's a great kid. the father's day card he spent a week designing and drawing in english to give to me will be kept and treasured forever.

nothing is ever easy with stepchildren but i suppose that can be said about anything really.

[NaMah]

I was married to a thai woman from Korat for 4 years. She had two kids from her previous marriage to a thai guy.

I really loved the kids. Both boys, 10 and 8 years old they were just like Americans kids but had a certain gentleness and they were particularly polite. There were terrified of their mother and she had only to make a little sound at them or say "katope na" and they jumped.

Loved taking them out with me for a meal etc. I gave them their first bicycles at Christmas and will never forget the look in their eyes. Their mother was wonderful, beautiful and intelligent 364 days per year but about once per year she would lose her mind, binge drink and then become violent attacking me with a knife or whatever was at hand. After the 4th ocurrence I simply had to leave.

But the kids were great. I miss them. They've grown into men now and I hope they remember me. Gotta watch out for irrationally jealous women. I was completely faithful for our entire marriage. We remained friends and she once bailed me out of some trouble years after our divorce.

Na Mah

[Kwasaki]

Do you have any experience with this? Yes and adoption as well.

At what age did you come into their lives? Thai son 10 daughter 12

Do they treat you like a parent? Son no, more like a friend, daughter yes like a dad.

Have any made a negative or positive attitude adjustment at a later phase? No more than my own just in different ways as my own did.

Any issues with your spouse's family and/or your stepchild's boy/girlfriend? No why would there be.

Has your step child impressed you? They don't have to impress me, I love em in my way.

Have you ever split with anyone due to your relationship and/or the behavior of the stepchild? No.

Do you feel there will be a point where the stepchild will long for their genetic parent? My son still see's his father, my daughters parent's are both dead.

What's your problem.

Edited January 17, 2012 by Kwasaki

[Gers1873]

Do you have any experience with this? Yes and adoption as well.

At what age did you come into their lives? Thai son 10 daughter 12

Do they treat you like a parent? Son no, more like a friend, daughter yes like a dad.

Have any made a negative or positive attitude adjustment at a later phase? No more than my own just in different ways as my own did.

Any issues with your spouse's family and/or your stepchild's boy/girlfriend? No why would there be.

Has your step child impressed you? They don't have to impress me, I love em in my way.

Have you ever split with anyone due to your relationship and/or the behavior of the stepchild? No.

Do you feel there will be a point where the stepchild will long for their genetic parent? My son still see's his father, my daughters parent's are both dead.

What's your problem.

Strikes me as a typical biker type response. Positive, straight to the point no-nonsense and logical. It also seems to have been written from the heart --- full of good advice --- good post --- well done.

[Kwasaki]

Do you have any experience with this? Yes and adoption as well.

At what age did you come into their lives? Thai son 10 daughter 12

Do they treat you like a parent? Son no, more like a friend, daughter yes like a dad.

Have any made a negative or positive attitude adjustment at a later phase? No more than my own just in different ways as my own did.

Any issues with your spouse's family and/or your stepchild's boy/girlfriend? No why would there be.

Has your step child impressed you? They don't have to impress me, I love em in my way.

Have you ever split with anyone due to your relationship and/or the behavior of the stepchild? No.

Do you feel there will be a point where the stepchild will long for their genetic parent? My son still see's his father, my daughters parent's are both dead.

What's your problem.

Strikes me as a typical biker type response. Positive, straight to the point no-nonsense and logical. It also seems to have been written from the heart --- full of good advice --- good post --- well done.

Ta bud, got to die hard biker stage now but your right about bikers they have been some of the nicest people in society and life I have ever known.

[trevorg]

Here's my experience:

Do you have any experience with this? Met my wife nearly 4 years ago and moved to Thailand nearly 3 years ago.

At what age did you come into their lives? I was 41, the son was 18, daughter was 9, niece (who my wife has brought up since birth) was 6.

Do they treat you like a parent? Son, initially treated me as a victim of robbery to feed his Yaba habit and stole a phone, PS3 and cash, after a severe beating from his genetic father and grandad, fortunately he has now kicked the habit and settled down, though hasn't grown-up, but him and his girlfriend/ wife have given us a grandson (I'm too young to be a grandad -44). He's still not allowed in the house and they stay across the yard at grandma & grandad's. Daughter and niece do treat me as a parent, though communication is still fairly limited (my fault for not learning Thai and they are 'shy' to speak English - though occasionally they let slip that they know more than they let on)!

Have any made a negative or positive attitude adjustment at a later phase? Yes, the son now respects me (maybe not as a father). The daughter and niece know that if they want something, to ask me when I've had a couple of beers and my wife isn't around.

Any issues with your spouse's family and/or your stepchild's boy/girlfriend? The daughter in law has made the son calm down and completely respects us as parents. The others are too young for boyfriends, but it won't be long!

Has your step child impressed you? My step-daughter is exceptional at her government primary school both in education, sport, dancing and singing - she just came back from a national competition (dancing, singing & gardening - of all things)in Kanchanaburi where her school were representing the whole of Sa Kaew province - her school came 22nd overall - there must be 25,000(est) primary schools in Thailand - so impressed - Yes! niece is average, but tries hard. Son - see above.

Have you ever split with anyone due to your relationship and/or the behavior of the stepchild? No

Do you feel there will be a point where the stepchild will long for their genetic parent? My wife's ex-husband (the kids dad) still lives in the same village with his new wife and baby (now toddler). Both the kids can and do see him, he occasionally finds his son work but is generally not very supportive (emotionally or financially) but I'm reliably informed that this is down to his new wife (I think my wife refers to her as the selfish b*tch). The nieces father (my brother in law) works away and initially didn't appear to be very supportive but in the last year has also started contributing to the family by paying off my father in laws pick-up truck payments (which I put a 50% deposit down when I first moved here - Sin-Sot I suppose).

And just to add, I'm also referred to as Papa by the dozen or so other various cousins, nephews & nieces who live round our yard and I don't have any other children, although I was previously married in the UK!

Hope I've given you some insight and may I ask why you have asked these questions, are you having problems that you'd like to share?

[Johnniey]

If the woman has a son, run a mile. A daughter, fine.

I could write a book about the Thai stepson and the farang - I've known a few marriages that have split up because of them. Thai woman and sons are a classic case of co-dependency - their sons are never wrong. A couple of guys been physically abused, and most of them robbed constantly.

One mate paid the army to take his brat.

But, known many happy long-lasting relationships with girls.

[Kwasaki]

If the woman has a son, run a mile. A daughter, fine.

I could write a book about the Thai stepson and the farang - I've known a few marriages that have split up because of them. Thai woman and sons are a classic case of co-dependency - their sons are never wrong. A couple of guys been physically abused, and most of them robbed constantly.

One mate paid the army to take his brat.

But, known many happy long-lasting relationships with girls.

Such a sad narrow view and a load of rubbish.

Edited January 17, 2012 by Kwasaki

[trevorg]

If the woman has a son, run a mile. A daughter, fine.

I could write a book about the Thai stepson and the farang - I've known a few marriages that have split up because of them. Thai woman and sons are a classic case of co-dependency - their sons are never wrong. A couple of guys been physically abused, and most of them robbed constantly.

One mate paid the army to take his brat.

But, known many happy long-lasting relationships with girls.

Such a sad narrow view and a load of rubbish.

Kwasaki - thank you,

JohnieeY - don't generalise, I look forward to your book on Thai stepsons and the Farang and the marriages that you have known! In future read the OP and answer the questions/ add your experience and opinion.

[Roadman]

Do you have any experience with this?

Yes I have an 18 year old thai (step) daughter. We live in NZ so she has to adjust to a life away from Thailand although we or her gets to go back there yearly.

At what age did you come into their lives?

Four years ago when she was 14.

Do they treat you like a parent?

Completely. She arrived here as her mothers daughter and I was not overly interested in being a permanent person in her life. So hence there was no pressure on either of us to be anything to each other. But we just bonded as she was at that age where she needed a Dad and I never realised it at that time but I had closed up certain parts of my heart after the tragic loss of my own daughter.

Any issues with your spouse's family and/or your stepchild's boy/girlfriend?

Spouses family no as we all get on very well. That is helped by having oceans parting us but when in Thailand we are all full family. Daughter's boyfriend - no issues - that also helps as he is in Thailand but he is a nice guy.

Has your step child impressed you?

She has impressed me far beyond what I could ever have thought possible. She arrived here as a medium grade thai school student with little to no English speaking/ reading/writing ability. She is heading to Auckland university this year to undertake a Bussiness Studies course. She helps around the home and all through high school has worked part time in local resturants which she saves rather than blowing it. She listens to good advice from us her parents over her peer group and is an absolutly wonderful daughter. She is highly thought of by all her meet her. We (her parents and het aunts and cousins) are very proud of her and love her to bits.

Have you ever split with anyone due to your relationship and/or the behavior of the stepchild?

No.

Do you feel there will be a point where the stepchild will long for their genetic parent?

Her father walked on her and her mum when she was a little girl and has never had any further contact with her even though he did not live that far away when she was a lille girl. I am her Dad now and that gets tested believe you me with teenage daughters and has stood strong. I would not have an issue if her birth father did come back into her life. It would not worry me as I know that the very beautiful (heart and physically) young woman that she has become has been shaped by the parents (her mother and I) that she has had through the most important part of her life - her teenage years.

[Johnniey]

If the woman has a son, run a mile. A daughter, fine.

I could write a book about the Thai stepson and the farang - I've known a few marriages that have split up because of them. Thai woman and sons are a classic case of co-dependency - their sons are never wrong. A couple of guys been physically abused, and most of them robbed constantly.

One mate paid the army to take his brat.

But, known many happy long-lasting relationships with girls.

Such a sad narrow view and a load of rubbish.

Kwasaki - thank you,

JohnieeY - don't generalise, I look forward to your book on Thai stepsons and the Farang and the marriages that you have known! In future read the OP and answer the questions/ add your experience and opinion.

Living here for over 20 years,I've known many many relationships. This is my experience and opinion(based on my experience).

Man, take a look at your own experience - can you see any difference between your step-son and step-daughter? Been robbed by a ya ba addicted step son! This is a story I've heard often.

My advice to a newbie - don't marry a Thai woman with previous baggage,ie kids,and especially if she has a son. This is the same advice many long -term residents will give.

[zzaa09]

My advice to a newbie - don't marry a Thai woman with previous baggage,ie kids,and especially if she has a son. This is the same advice many long -term residents will give.

Sound and reasonable suggestion.

Yet, remember, every situation will differ.

[trevorg]

If the woman has a son, run a mile. A daughter, fine.

I could write a book about the Thai stepson and the farang - I've known a few marriages that have split up because of them. Thai woman and sons are a classic case of co-dependency - their sons are never wrong. A couple of guys been physically abused, and most of them robbed constantly.

One mate paid the army to take his brat.

But, known many happy long-lasting relationships with girls.

Such a sad narrow view and a load of rubbish.

Kwasaki - thank you,

JohnieeY - don't generalise, I look forward to your book on Thai stepsons and the Farang and the marriages that you have known! In future read the OP and answer the questions/ add your experience and opinion.

Living here for over 20 years,I've known many many relationships. This is my experience and opinion(based on my experience).

Man, take a look at your own experience - can you see any difference between your step-son and step-daughter? Been robbed by a ya ba addicted step son! This is a story I've heard often.

My advice to a newbie - don't marry a Thai woman with previous baggage,ie kids,and especially if she has a son. This is the same advice many long -term residents will give.

Thank you for sharing your experience and advice! newbie, baggage, many long-term residents........(You're not an Arsenal supporter are you?)

[trevorg]

Roadman

Thank you for sharing, answering the OP's questions!

JohnieY, 20 years experience of being a c*nt , just makes you a bigger w*nker!

I'm sure that you are really nice in real life!

Trevor

[Kwasaki]

If the woman has a son, run a mile. A daughter, fine.

I could write a book about the Thai stepson and the farang - I've known a few marriages that have split up because of them. Thai woman and sons are a classic case of co-dependency - their sons are never wrong. A couple of guys been physically abused, and most of them robbed constantly.

One mate paid the army to take his brat.

But, known many happy long-lasting relationships with girls.

Such a sad narrow view and a load of rubbish.

Kwasaki - thank you,

JohnieeY - don't generalise, I look forward to your book on Thai stepsons and the Farang and the marriages that you have known! In future read the OP and answer the questions/ add your experience and opinion.

Living here for over 20 years,I've known many many relationships. This is my experience and opinion(based on my experience).

Man, take a look at your own experience - can you see any difference between your step-son and step-daughter? Been robbed by a ya ba addicted step son! This is a story I've heard often.

My advice to a newbie - don't marry a Thai woman with previous baggage,ie kids,and especially if she has a son. This is the same advice many long -term residents will give.

20 yrs and still a severe harded lack of understanding, amazing.

Edited January 18, 2012 by Kwasaki

[Semper]

My advice to a newbie - don't marry a Thai woman with previous baggage,ie kids

There would't be many Thai-Farang marriages if people would follow this suggestion. We always have to do with the second hands.

[Johnniey]

Roadman

Thank you for sharing, answering the OP's questions!

JohnieY, 20 years experience of being a c*nt , just makes you a bigger w*nker!

I'm sure that you are really nice in real life!

Trevor

You sound like a real man of integrity! Wow, the truth hurts .

I'm tired of seeing all the mugs everywhere I go these days. Let me guess, you got married to a woman when you had no experience of Thai culture?

You'd visited Pattaya couple of times? Every time I got to Tesco, I see a handful of these guys in their vests(showing off their cheap Pattaya tattoo

), They've come all the way around the world to marry a second hand wife. Do you actually think a Thai man would marry such a woman? Not in a million years.

The clueless farang, straight off the boat is ideal. Some even are tricked into paying a dowry, believe it or not.

I apologize to the OP for being maybe off topic but rude ignorant posts need to be answered.

There are millions of Thai single woman, don't fall prey to the desperate dumped ones.

[zzaa09]

My advice to a newbie - don't marry a Thai woman with previous baggage,ie kids

There would't be many Thai-Farang marriages if people would follow this suggestion. We always have to do with the second hands.

This would have to do with the expected company and circles one keeps...many know nothing else.

Getting past the myths, there is a greater percentage of the single female population that have acquired the baggage.

[thaibeachlovers]

If the woman has a son, run a mile. A daughter, fine.

I could write a book about the Thai stepson and the farang - I've known a few marriages that have split up because of them. Thai woman and sons are a classic case of co-dependency - their sons are never wrong. A couple of guys been physically abused, and most of them robbed constantly.

One mate paid the army to take his brat.

But, known many happy long-lasting relationships with girls.

Such a sad narrow view and a load of rubbish.

Kwasaki - thank you,

JohnieeY - don't generalise, I look forward to your book on Thai stepsons and the Farang and the marriages that you have known! In future read the OP and answer the questions/ add your experience and opinion.

Living here for over 20 years,I've known many many relationships. This is my experience and opinion(based on my experience).

Man, take a look at your own experience - can you see any difference between your step-son and step-daughter? Been robbed by a ya ba addicted step son! This is a story I've heard often.

My advice to a newbie - don't marry a Thai woman with previous baggage,ie kids,and especially if she has a son. This is the same advice many long -term residents will give.

Hmmmm. When I was looking for a Thai wife, I wanted one without the "baggage" ie children, but if I'd met the perfect woman with a daughter I'd have married her. However nothing would have made me marry a woman with a son.

I did marry a childless woman, but my experience with her nephews has made it clear that my previous preference was correct. Indeed, had she insisted in staying with her mother and the nephews, it would have seen us living in different towns now.

[thaibeachlovers]

Do you have any experience with this?

Not with a Thai woman, but I "inherited" 2 kids with my first partner, and some things are universal

Do they treat you like a parent? Big mistake to try and be a parent, as I tried. Better to try and be a "friend", as much as possible.

Have any made a negative or positive attitude adjustment at a later phase? Started OK and went downhill.

Any issues with your spouse's family and/or your stepchild's boy/girlfriend? That would depend on the individuals. In my case it was hell when the daughter discovered boys. Luckily I left before the son discovered girls.

Has your step child impressed you? Again it would depend on the individuals involved. Mine didn't.

Have you ever split with anyone due to your relationship and/or the behavior of the stepchild? Yes, I left my partner because of them after 5 years.

Do you feel there will be a point where the stepchild will long for their genetic parent? Mine did, but it was not a good move for them to have actually met him, as he was not a good person.

.........................

I made a big mistake when my partner and I got together, as I thought ( I was young and ignorant ) that her children would not interfere much in our relationship. However, they occupied the entire relationship, with very little space for "us". They were a bottomless pit as regards money. Our entire life was organised around "them". Now I realise that that is how it is with children, but I wouldn't have got involved had I known that then. You can forget any idea of an exclusive relationship with your partner, so long as the children live with you. They are 24/7 till they leave home, and even then they won't be "forgotten".

Edited January 18, 2012 by thaibeachlovers

[ross163103]

If the woman has a son, run a mile. A daughter, fine.

I could write a book about the Thai stepson and the farang - I've known a few marriages that have split up because of them. Thai woman and sons are a classic case of co-dependency - their sons are never wrong. A couple of guys been physically abused, and most of them robbed constantly.

One mate paid the army to take his brat.

But, known many happy long-lasting relationships with girls.

Sounds exactly like my relationship--can I call it that(?), with my wife's son. The term co-dependency is right on the money and we almost split up because of him. A lot of Thai women will take care of Thai males forever, be it a son, a brother, cousin, nephew, whatever!

I love my wife with all my heart but the son has definetly tested our relationship. If something happened to her or we split up I would never ever ever have another Thai woman with kids, there's too much of a cultural gap to overcome.

We've been together going on 20 years now and she also has a daughter that turned out great, no problems, masters degree works at Kasikorn bank.

My advice to someone getting ready to enter in to a situation like this is to seriously think about what you're getting into. I thought my wife's kids--son, would assimilate into a normal family life I was providing for them but didn't happen. Oh well, live and learn.

[anon7867763]

My step daughter started to call me dad after about 3 years , I came into the picture when she was about 13 , now she's 17.she's a wonderfull person and I'm very proud to be her step dad.Now my basic Thai is coming a long , things are getting good.patience is the key , don't push it.They soon realize that you are more of a dad then their so called father who abandoned them.

[anon7867763]

Do you have any experience with this?

Yes I have an 18 year old thai (step) daughter. We live in NZ so she has to adjust to a life away from Thailand although we or her gets to go back there yearly.

At what age did you come into their lives?

Four years ago when she was 14.

Do they treat you like a parent?

Completely. She arrived here as her mothers daughter and I was not overly interested in being a permanent person in her life. So hence there was no pressure on either of us to be anything to each other. But we just bonded as she was at that age where she needed a Dad and I never realised it at that time but I had closed up certain parts of my heart after the tragic loss of my own daughter.

Any issues with your spouse's family and/or your stepchild's boy/girlfriend?

Spouses family no as we all get on very well. That is helped by having oceans parting us but when in Thailand we are all full family. Daughter's boyfriend - no issues - that also helps as he is in Thailand but he is a nice guy.

Has your step child impressed you?

She has impressed me far beyond what I could ever have thought possible. She arrived here as a medium grade thai school student with little to no English speaking/ reading/writing ability. She is heading to Auckland university this year to undertake a Bussiness Studies course. She helps around the home and all through high school has worked part time in local resturants which she saves rather than blowing it. She listens to good advice from us her parents over her peer group and is an absolutly wonderful daughter. She is highly thought of by all her meet her. We (her parents and het aunts and cousins) are very proud of her and love her to bits.

Have you ever split with anyone due to your relationship and/or the behavior of the stepchild?

No.

Do you feel there will be a point where the stepchild will long for their genetic parent?

Her father walked on her and her mum when she was a little girl and has never had any further contact with her even though he did not live that far away when she was a lille girl. I am her Dad now and that gets tested believe you me with teenage daughters and has stood strong. I would not have an issue if her birth father did come back into her life. It would not worry me as I know that the very beautiful (heart and physically) young woman that she has become has been shaped by the parents (her mother and I) that she has had through the most important part of her life - her teenage years.

Great to hear all that , I am very happy for you , for sure a big part of the outcome is because you are a very positive person.Nice one mate !

[Roadman]

My step daughter started to call me dad after about 3 years , I came into the picture when she was about 13 , now she's 17.she's a wonderfull person and I'm very proud to be her step dad.Now my basic Thai is coming a long , things are getting good.patience is the key , don't push it.They soon realize that you are more of a dad then their so called father who abandoned them.

I am pleased to hear that for you to.

I took a long time hunting through Thailand to find her mum, and thought I was the luckiest guy in the world to finally find what I was looking for and marry. Then after a few more years her daughter came to live with us. I now occassionally sit and look at the beautiful young thai girl going onto woman thats lovingly calls me Dad with a huge grin on my face. I was not only the luckiest guy in the world to marry my wife but the most luckiest guy in the world to have such an awesome daughter gifted to me as well.

But I know I am not telling you anything new, because the "I am very proud of her" from you after having accepted that role that the birth dad gave away tells me that.