A Thai Mother Bringing Up A Baby/child.

[Eastender]

My Thai wife will be joining me here in the UK soon to live. We hope to start a family soon and it led me to wonder how differently Thais bring up a baby/child.

So how do you think a Thai mother's way of looking after a baby differes from that in the west? Are there any fundamental or obvious differences, or maybe none at all?

[Jeff1]

Other than putting hot peppers in their baby formula ........Kidding .

We have a 7 month old and I do not see any differance , so far .

Good luck with your future family . OH , one differance your wife will go crazy over all the toys and gadgets that are in your country for babys . Start saving now .

[leisurely]

I think the main difference I have noticed is that Thai people don't appear to use nappies! I have held several Thai children and there is no tell tale bulk around the bottom. Also, the dicipline is almost non existant. I expect our girls to behave themselves but it is difficult with the Thai people being so indulgent.

Good luck your life will change enormously (for the better)

[leisurely]

Also, as I understand it, the family are VERY involved in raising a child. Supporting the mother physically and financially.

[Dakhar]

I am not sure if is a "Thai thing" or not. But when I met my wife, I knew that out of all the women I have dated, cared for etc. she would be the best mother of the lot.

I dated everything from Pakistanians, Mexicans, American Indian, African American, Japanese, Taiwanese, basically every flavor out there....

And I think I was right. We have a 7 month of boy now, and he is lucky kid to have her as a mother. Something I will tell you that I have often seen with Asian women. I would see women in pouring rain hold an umbrella for their child, as the rain fell on them rather than their child. Now in the west, the woman would pick up their child, and hold the umbrella for both.

My point is, I think (just my humble opinion) Asian women give their children to priority, thinking lastly of themselves.

Again, it is just my opionion, but I think your child will be lucky.

[Mighty Mouse]

If for some reason the mother is unable to look after the child 24/7 in Thailand, they always manage to find a family member who can.

In the West, because of work commitments, this is not always possible, hence the number of baby sitters and overflowing child care centres.

I'm not suggesting that child care centres harm a child's development but I feel a child who grows from nappy stage to school age within a close knit family environment, carries and that bond for life and passes it onto the next family generation.

I admire Thai families for this reason.

[sierra01]

Something I will tell you that I have often seen with Asian women. I would see women in pouring rain hold an umbrella for their child, as the rain fell on them rather than their child. Now in the west, the woman would pick up their child, and hold the umbrella for both.

My point is, I think (just my humble opinion) Asian women give their children to priority, thinking lastly of themselves.

This bit tickled me, could it be the Asian/Thai logic?

[naka]

Something I will tell you that I have often seen with Asian women. I would see women in pouring rain hold an umbrella for their child, as the rain fell on them rather than their child. Now in the west, the woman would pick up their child, and hold the umbrella for both.

My point is, I think (just my humble opinion) Asian women give their children to priority, thinking lastly of themselves.

This bit tickled me, could it be the Asian/Thai logic? 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Yea ... Err ... Well ... But ... Just make sure she understands that she is not allowed to

use the kid as an airbag whilst riding her Honda Wave to the market !

[Nickerelastic]

When your wife becomes a mother her instincts will come in to play.

Support her in every way you can.

I fought hard with all my family because I breastfed both of my kids. Until they decided not to suckle.

.

[COBBER]

One big differance. In the West ,once the baby is able to sleep right through the night without needing to be fed (roughly around 3 months old) it goes into its own bedroom.

Thai style is to keep the child sleeping in the parents room for much longer . Its not unusual for the child to sleep with the parents untill they are 6 or 7 years old.

If you dont want the child sleeping with you for an eternity , move the child into their own room as soon as its able to sleep right through without needing a feed. If you leave it untill later the child becomes very attatched to the parents and its a much more difficult task.

[Boo]

I would see women in pouring rain hold an umbrella for their child, as the rain fell on them rather than their child. Now in the west, the woman would pick up their child, and hold the umbrella for both.

LOL, that doesn't make a good mother it makes a stupid person IMO. How on earth does a women getting herself wet whilst covering her child make her a better mother than one who does the sensible thing & picks up her child & protects them both from the rain? Mind boggling

[sbk]

My point is, I think (just my humble opinion) Asian women give their children to priority, thinking lastly of themselves.

Again, it is just my opionion, but I think your child will be lucky.

As always, it depends on the person, doesn't it? I know several Thai women who are terrible mothers, gambling addicts, alcoholics etc. Broad generalizations of this sort are always easily refutable. Also one must consider that financial circumstances also play a big part in how much a mother can be involved in her childs life.

[skylar]

Thai babies don't crawl on the ground - they are always held. Also, you may find that as soon as a Thai baby's feet are big enough, they will be encased in squeaky plastic shoes.

[billd766]

Thai babies don't crawl on the ground - they are always held. Also, you may find that as soon as a Thai baby's feet are big enough, they will be encased in squeaky plastic shoes.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Our 16 month old son also has silver anklets with bells on. I had no idea why until I realised any time he moved I knew where he was.

He knows now that to go outside he has to wear shoes and he goes to get them himself, maybe not a pair, but at least 2 and sometimes more.

He rolls around a lot at night so he sleeps on a big Thai matress on the floor with my wife acting as one side of the square with 2 walls and a rolled up quilt to complete the box.

We have some of my wifes family and some people who work for us so he is never without a (temporary) mum or dad around.

I am the big bad dad that says NO but he is generally very good.

We have had him in Pampers since he could wear them and sometimes he helps to put them on and off and sometimes he fights them.

[seonai]

Watch out for little quirky differences like:

Wrap them up in blankets when they have a fever,

Pull their nose while they are small so it gets bigger,

The introduction of chilli very young,

Playing with a male child's penis is a laugh,

etc etc etc......

Seonai

[Neeranam]

I've never seen Thais with reins for their toddlers. We got some strange looks from them when our daughter was younger. The Thai way is to hold the baby - skin contact and all that. Prams/strollers are not often used, for a similar reason - well maybe the cost and state of the pavements has something to do with it.

One thing that I'v noticed is Thai toddlers - 2 year old+ having a lot of freedom to run around as they please - even when next to a busy road in Bangkok. Something you'd never see in my home country. Upcountry it's not unusual to see a 4 year old and a 2 year old walking to the shops themselves and again playing near a busy road.

Thais go up to babies and say, " mun keiow" which translates as it's chewable. Also older Thai women often say the baby is (na gliat)ugly - something to do with the ghosts. tell the missus not to say this to UK babies and their mothers or they might not understand.

Tell your wife not to expect people on a bus to stand up for the kid when he/she is 5 years old.

Good luck mate, it's the beginning of a great adventure!

[Gappui]

I've never seen Thais with reins for their toddlers. We got some strange looks from them when our daughter was younger. The Thai way is to hold the baby - skin contact and all that. Prams/strollers are not often used, for a similar reason - well maybe the cost and state of the pavements has something to do with it.

One thing that I'v noticed is Thai toddlers - 2 year old+ having a lot of freedom to run around as they please - even when next to a busy road in Bangkok. Something you'd never see in my home country. Upcountry it's not unusual to see a 4 year old and a 2 year old walking to the shops themselves and again playing near a busy road.

Thais go up to babies and say, " mun keiow" which translates as it's chewable. Also older Thai women often say the baby is (na gliat)ugly - something to do with the ghosts. tell the missus not to say this to UK babies and their mothers or they might not understand.

Tell your wife not to expect people on a bus to stand up for the kid when he/she is 5 years old.

Good luck mate, it's the beginning of a great adventure!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I cringe every time I see a baby/babies or toddler/s held unsafely on a motocycle.

I also see a lot more strollers at malls and supermarkets now than say 5 years ago. Some malls have rental strollers.

As a father of a toddler who was born in the US, I'd say I agree with what everybody's said. Another issue might be co-sleeping and attachment to mother/father. Many Western households have a room just for the baby, and all but ridicule co-sleeping. But this is not the case in Thailand, where many children co-sleep with parents since they were born until they're 4-5 years old (or teenager!). Many Thai children, boys or girls, are very attached to their parents, who are basically their servants -- dad is the cheuffer and mom's the maid.

Also, Thai parents usually don't encourage their children to work while in school, unless it's family business, or they're poor. Children are expected to obey parents, not necessarily be independent.

[leisurely]

Sorry wetting my pants laughing at this. From what I have obsevered since we arrived in Thailand Children are the be all and end all of life. They are number one (sorry Johnny not you). They dictate where and what peopel eat, how they travel and what people spend their money on. Our daughter is four years old and has every one, and I mean everyone in our soi twisted around her fingers. She is very cute for sure, but equally cute Thai children do the same. The child raiesed in the UK will not be given the only seat on the skytrain (before the 93 year old granny) will not have it's tantrums indulged, will not be carried everywhere (where are the prams?) will not be carried on the petrol tank of a motor bike with a 7.11 bag acting as a crash helmet (I've seen it). In short, if a child wants paradise and indulgence. Live in LOS!

[Greer]

Yes my kids used to get whatever they wanted, but I have modified that a little (at least when I am home in BKK).

The relatives kids do get anything, including all the horrid sweet gunk they want to eat - with the result that their teeth are in a dreadful state.

The kids do sleep in the same room - mainly because it's Thai style - but they have their own beds.

The other big difference is that in Thailand the kids usually start at school around 2yo whereas it's not the same in western communities. The "school" they go to is of course a pre-school or kindergarten, but when my kids started they had a full set of uniforms - one for normal school days, another for sports days.

These were real uniforms with the school name and the childs name, and the school day started before 8am and ended around 3.30pm.

[GuestHouse]

In short, if a child wants paradise and indulgence Live in LOS!

I think that sums up a concern I have, although we haven't got kids yet, I do think there is inevitably a line that is going to have to be drawn somewhere regarding what we expect from and what we expect for our children.

While this post discusses the part Thai mother's play in the raising of their children I think the real question to ask is what part is the Farang Father going to play and to what extent does he want his own culture to be brought into the raising of the child?

I think that there are many good things to be said for the way Thais treat children, but that is not to say there are not problems. I don't agree with all, indeed a lot of Thai child rasing, safety is an obvious issue, but there is also the challenge of raising children who think for themselves, read books!, have enquiring minds.

I would certainly not want a daughter of mine to be raised to believe she to expect the treatment Thai women expect of Thai men.

It is not all good news, and as I say, should I say I suspect, I think the challenge is not on the mother, but the father.

Edited December 6, 2005 by GuestHouse

[bina]

i've raised children on kibbutz and according to my jewish american parents, my children are spoiled rotten... but they do knowthe value of work, help to the community etc.... its just that with the idea that they will be in a dangerous army at the age of 18, we tend do not deny them things so that if a child should be killed in service, there is not the feeling of : i wish i had let him do/buy/play whatever instead of refusing on sometimes stupid petty grounds.... our kids live in the salon, watch tv, eat, etc etc dont go to bed on time, are fairly not disciplined but then they hit 18 to full discipline....

i found that this doesnt interfere with their brains: they ask questions, are inquisitive, innovative, creative etc etc... even if it does drive my folks mad

what drives the thai here crazy is that the kids dont help with house hold chores, even if their mother works hard all day, they expect her to ferry her off to the lates basket ball little league whatever.... and that corporal punishment is very very frowned on (even a light swat on the butt)....

i got reprimanded by my friend for 'puut lang' (yelling ) at my daughter for something or other.... on the other hand, he got caned as a child as did other thai i;ve met... corporal punishment and spoiling tohether.... maybe it works well?? as this guy turned out well

fair and steady i think are the key things....

[tuky]

I must say that my wife only insisted upon our baby wearing a nappy (diaper) when I was around. I think this is because in the first phase of our relationship I kicked one of her rellies out of our house for letting her 2yr old kid crap on our floor.

I have since grown used to stepping over patches of p1ss and remnants of crap.

Unfortunately, no matter how hard I try she just doesn't get it, reason being? the baby doesn't feel good with the nappy on

oh well, a good lesson in Jai Yen YEN

Kids are great, the wife will love em mate. Just be aware that all is not as you know it. It is quite acceptable for a kid to crap on the floor, like the puppy before it was house trained

[OxfordWill]

Out of anything, that would probably horrify me the most. Haha..English fathers and poo.

[COBBER]

The subject of discipline is an interesting one. Although thai children get a fairly free rein, its unusual to see a thai child throwing a tantrum in a shopping centre or public place, whereas in the west you see children throwing tantrums a lot more often.

[GuestHouse]

I don't think discipline is my main concern, rather the development of an enquiring mind and the ability to think as an individual as oposed to following the rote. A broad outlook is what I'd want to encourage, something very seldom found in Thais.

[COBBER]

I must say that my wife only insisted upon our baby wearing a nappy (diaper) when I was around. I think this is because in the first phase of our relationship I kicked one of her rellies out of our house for letting her 2yr old kid crap on our floor. 

I have since grown used to stepping over patches of p1ss and remnants of crap.

Unfortunately, no matter how hard I try she just doesn't get it, reason being? the baby doesn't feel good with the nappy on 

oh well, a good lesson in Jai Yen YEN 

Kids are great, the wife will love em mate. Just be aware that all is not as you know it. It is quite acceptable for a kid to crap on the floor, like the puppy before it was house trained 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

My experience has been that with Cobber Jr.,he has allways worn a nappy and never feels uncomfortable, but when we have upcountry relatives staying with us ,the kids just tear their nappies off,because they are not use to wearing them and find them unbearable in the hot weather.

[COBBER]

I don't think discipline is my main concern, rather the development of an enquiring mind and the ability to think as an individual as oposed to following the rote. A broad outlook is what I'd want to encourage, something very seldom found in Thais.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Could not agree more GuestHouse. I dont want to start a flame war with teachers but IMO it comes back to the education system here. Even the highly rated schools here leave a lot to be desired. You can try to instill free thinking ,and teach them to show a bit of initiative in the home , but i see the education system as being a big hurdle.

[billd766]

Out of anything, that would probably horrify me the most. Haha..English fathers and poo.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I am English and I changed my first childs nappies and I do for my second child as well.

Sh1t is sh1t at the end of the day. My parents looked after me and I will look after my son.

After all in a few years he will be changing my pampers as I will be to old to do it myself.

leisurely Posted Yesterday, 2005-12-06 20:51:57

laugh.gif laugh.gif Sorry wetting my pants laughing at this. From what I have obsevered since we arrived in Thailand Children are the be all and end all of life. They are number one (sorry Johnny not you). They dictate where and what peopel eat, how they travel and what people spend their money on. Our daughter is four years old and has every one, and I mean everyone in our soi twisted around her fingers. She is very cute for sure, but equally cute Thai children do the same. The child raiesed in the UK will not be given the only seat on the skytrain (before the 93 year old granny) will not have it's tantrums indulged, will not be carried everywhere (where are the prams?) will not be carried on the petrol tank of a motor bike with a 7.11 bag acting as a crash helmet (I've seen it). In short, if a child wants paradise and indulgence. Live in LOS!

Not in my house or in my family.

He will not get away with any of that at all.

He will however be polite to any elders, thai or farang, he will not be given the only seat on th skytrain and he WILL wear a crash helmet.

He only gets carried a lot at this time as he is only 16 months old.

When he can walk properly for a distance he will do and only be carried if he falls asleep.

[OZONE]

The subject of discipline is an interesting one. Although thai children get a fairly free rein, its unusual to see a thai child throwing a tantrum in a shopping centre or public place, whereas in the west you see children throwing tantrums a lot more often.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

ON discipling note: I think Thai children knows that a wooping is what they'll get if you embarassed your parents in public by misbehaving. "You make me lose face, Me spank your arse when we get home". Therefore, I hardly believe the Thai kids gets free rein. I think they just know whats good for them Well, atleast this is what I see from my close friends & wife's relatives. Their children practice good behavior as I can see. They bend down as they walk by, always says "krup & kha", never touched my head ....etc.

One other point I have to make is Thai kids accept their responsibility to take care of their parents as they get older. The children were taught since young and willing to accept that responsibility. I can't say that about US children. As far as I'm concern, they must be doing something right.

[greenwanderer108]

Since you're raising the child in the west, it could have different implications for the Thai mother how she raises the child..It depends on her initial experiences/environment there i.e. assimulating into western culture, whether she will raise the kid 'Thai' or not.

My Thai mother was naturalized citizen of the USA before I was born and thus had all new values instilled on top of her initial Thai values (she left Thailand at 28 years old, had me at 39)

I didn't learn Thai or even visit Thailand as a kid. My mother was trying to make sure I and my sister were as American as possible...I imagine this had to do with the initial racism and discrimination that my mother saw/experienced when first migrating to the states.

However, before she died 10 years ago, she did express regret that she didn't teach us Thai and really wanted us to visit her culture/country someday soon. I regret it that I didn't learn also, and so I made the penance by moving here when I was 18 and caught up...so everything turned out alright anyway.

Alot of it too, as GH is suggesting is the farang father. My dad met my mom in the states. He never even been to Thailand. So, he was even less culturally aware than a farang tourist who meets his bride here.

Thus I hope you give your child the benefit of both his parents cultures/languages no matter where you raise him/her. After all, he/she will be dual on the outside, so you might as well let it be on the inside as well.

I know I will try to give this benefit of dual cultures to my offpring. (American father / Thai mother) and I plan to raise the early years in Thailand.

Cheers