lannarebirth Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 If we did stay at the house i would of course had paid a generous amount of rent money and food. I That's a joke right? You don't charge guests who stop into your home do you? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post thaibeachlovers Posted February 22, 2012 Popular Post Share Posted February 22, 2012 Boil it down to the simple facts.......your saying that your brother-in-law is an a*shole and a control freak. Without getting involved in a petty family feud which could blow up to a vendetta I would let him know which days you would be visiting your parents in law and invite him to stay away on those days. I would top and tail the holiday, ie spend three days at the beginning and end with the parents in law, and spend the middle part suiting myself in Thailand. Just leave your wife with the parents in law and go on an excursion. The guy can then visit the kids. This guy may have done you a favour, as you can get some quality time to yourself, while fulfilling your obligation to visit. The first time you see the guy in private kick him squarely on the stones. Sounds like the parents don't like the OP either, so IMO don't go at all. Either stay in the UK, or head off for a nice holiday somewhere in LOS, and let her go by herself. Can't believe that the OP can't survive a couple weeks without his wife. The farang relative sounds like a complete dick. Before we got married, I made it clear to my wife that the family get nothing from me, and my sin sod was only for "face" and got given back. Building them a house and paying them 12,000 a month would be totally barking. I don't understand why the OP is even giving 5,000 a month. If his wife wants to give her parents money, she can get a job and give it to them herself. If any farang got married to a western woman, would he be expected to "pay" his in laws for the duration of the marriage? 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thaibeachlovers Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 ^ Good post Canberra-Man. I find all this paying relatives thing quite pathetic, really - and people believing it is the norm . . . how do all these men find women from Isaan . . . a faraway province . . . Must agree, and those who are handing over bundles please don't think you are anymore respected for it. If you stop paying for some unforeseen reason you will be dropped like a stone. Ain't that the truth! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
norrona Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 personally I wouldn't go to the village or anywhere near it and would say to your wife to go there on her own and see her family, you work hard all year to provide for your wife and someone elses kids right...have paid a lot of money to improve their lives and give them a chance in the western world with regards to prospects and education and even more of a chance of getting a better life back in Thailand if the children want to return there later in life...so you work hard all year and nows your holiday time...so my advice is do what I am doing when I return there soon. Let your wife go ahead of you and see the family and give the family the option of coming to meet you in Bangkok if they really want to where you will take them out to dinner and of course provide accommodation....if they really want to meet you then they will get on the bus....I personally do not expect any of my extended 'outlaws' to come see me in Bangkok but then again thats why I called it that way in the first place. p.s after a few months of living here my missus said something about money for the mother to me...she now has a job and takes care of that herself...zero sin sod either and theres no previous children or previous scum bag husband.... to me it's all about self esteem and how much of it you have got....this myth of paying the family to sit about on their <deleted> and how it is expected I really cannot get my head round, before anyone starts I have over 10 years of living/working in Thailand under my belt so know how it is... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kunash Posted February 22, 2012 Author Share Posted February 22, 2012 I did in fact invite my wifes mum and dad on a week's holiday to hua hin. they said yes. great. but then the BIL decided to invite his mum, from australia, to bangkok, and also to the mum and dad''s home. so the mum and dad had to cancel the trip to hua hin. i could understand their decision, as the aussie mum was coming all the way from australia. but after that i decided not to invite anyone on a freebie holiday again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
norrona Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 I did in fact invite my wifes mum and dad on a week's holiday to hua hin. they said yes. great. but then the BIL decided to invite his mum, from australia, to bangkok, and also to the mum and dad''s home. so the mum and dad had to cancel the trip to hua hin. i could understand their decision, as the aussie mum was coming all the way from australia. but after that i decided not to invite anyone on a freebie holiday again. so there you go mate, you were dropped from plans over the idiot brother in law who chucks money at people to get resepect....even more reason to not go to the village Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
robblok Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 I did in fact invite my wifes mum and dad on a week's holiday to hua hin. they said yes. great. but then the BIL decided to invite his mum, from australia, to bangkok, and also to the mum and dad''s home. so the mum and dad had to cancel the trip to hua hin. i could understand their decision, as the aussie mum was coming all the way from australia. but after that i decided not to invite anyone on a freebie holiday again. so there you go mate, you were dropped from plans over the idiot brother in law who chucks money at people to get resepect....even more reason to not go to the village I have to agree shows clearly who is more important, unless of course his plans were known before yours. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ludditeman Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 to me it's all about self esteem and how much of it you have got....this myth of paying the family to sit about on their <deleted> and how it is expected I really cannot get my head round, before anyone starts I have over 10 years of living/working in Thailand under my belt so know how it is... I took my wife and her daughter away from the farm. MIL aged 60, is not really fit enough to work the farm on her own. I felt obligated to give her some money each month, as I had removed her work force, and had no intention of living on the farm. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
norrona Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 to me it's all about self esteem and how much of it you have got....this myth of paying the family to sit about on their <deleted> and how it is expected I really cannot get my head round, before anyone starts I have over 10 years of living/working in Thailand under my belt so know how it is... I took my wife and her daughter away from the farm. MIL aged 60, is not really fit enough to work the farm on her own. I felt obligated to give her some money each month, as I had removed her work force, and had no intention of living on the farm. doesn't need 12k baht a month though on a farm does she? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ludditeman Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 to me it's all about self esteem and how much of it you have got....this myth of paying the family to sit about on their <deleted> and how it is expected I really cannot get my head round, before anyone starts I have over 10 years of living/working in Thailand under my belt so know how it is... I took my wife and her daughter away from the farm. MIL aged 60, is not really fit enough to work the farm on her own. I felt obligated to give her some money each month, as I had removed her work force, and had no intention of living on the farm. doesn't need 12k baht a month though on a farm does she? She admits to living very well on the 3k a month I send her, most of her peers would like me (or a friend of mine) to meet their daughters. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
norrona Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 to me it's all about self esteem and how much of it you have got....this myth of paying the family to sit about on their <deleted> and how it is expected I really cannot get my head round, before anyone starts I have over 10 years of living/working in Thailand under my belt so know how it is... I took my wife and her daughter away from the farm. MIL aged 60, is not really fit enough to work the farm on her own. I felt obligated to give her some money each month, as I had removed her work force, and had no intention of living on the farm. doesn't need 12k baht a month though on a farm does she? She admits to living very well on the 3k a month I send her, most of her peers would like me (or a friend of mine) to meet their daughters. bit more realistic on 3k a month....one question though, why doesn't your lady get a job and send that money to her Mum? I mean would she really be happy to send money to yours? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sing_Sling Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 I think you know exactly how, and where, they find them. A rhetorical question I did in fact invite my wifes mum and dad on a week's holiday to hua hin. they said yes. great. but then the BIL decided to invite his mum, from australia, to bangkok, and also to the mum and dad''s home. so the mum and dad had to cancel the trip to hua hin. i could understand their decision, as the aussie mum was coming all the way from australia. but after that i decided not to invite anyone on a freebie holiday again. Sorry, but . . . again you show yourself to be the victim . . . a whiny victim. You're a Brit, right? I think it is quite obvious that the Aussie has bought the parents' 'affection' with his 200k/month income . . . . . . and they are shallow enough to let it be that way. Look, it is your vacation - let your wife and kids see the parents in law and then have them join you somewhere for ten days of fun in the sun Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rgs2001uk Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 personally I wouldn't go to the village or anywhere near it and would say to your wife to go there on her own and see her family, you work hard all year to provide for your wife and someone elses kids right...have paid a lot of money to improve their lives and give them a chance in the western world with regards to prospects and education and even more of a chance of getting a better life back in Thailand if the children want to return there later in life...so you work hard all year and nows your holiday time...so my advice is do what I am doing when I return there soon. Let your wife go ahead of you and see the family and give the family the option of coming to meet you in Bangkok if they really want to where you will take them out to dinner and of course provide accommodation....if they really want to meet you then they will get on the bus....I personally do not expect any of my extended 'outlaws' to come see me in Bangkok but then again thats why I called it that way in the first place. p.s after a few months of living here my missus said something about money for the mother to me...she now has a job and takes care of that herself...zero sin sod either and theres no previous children or previous scum bag husband.... to me it's all about self esteem and how much of it you have got....this myth of paying the family to sit about on their <deleted> and how it is expected I really cannot get my head round, before anyone starts I have over 10 years of living/working in Thailand under my belt so know how it is... "previous scum bag husband..." Its quite funny when I talk to some of these guys who are referred to a scum bag husbands. The guys I refer to are all Thai, the picture they paint of the MIL is far from rosy, in fact most of the posts we read on here could have been written by Thai guys. These guys got fed up of the MIL and the lazy family members and walked, how many on here wish they were in a position to do the same. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
geriatrickid Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 Take this as an opportunity for some quality time, a real vacation for you. What's wrong with being by yourself for some time? If the relationship is in good shape and you are as mentally sound as you seem, then it should have no impact. If your brother in law doesn't like you so be it. Not your problem. Go enjoy yourself. The wife can stay with her mum and they can gossip for 2 weeks. I'd jump at the chance for some solitude and an excuse to not have to be with the inlaws. I don't associate with the relatives of my companion and my stress levels and bank account are healthy as a result. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arthurwait Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 Tell your mother in laws you will pay them like a sponsored walk. 10 Baht per mile they walk. I imagine thats problem solved. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ttthailand Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 I don't see a problem with helping out the inlaws if you can afford to do so. I would however give directly to them and not to the other farang. If you already agreed to give them 5,000 per month why not give them a years payment up front and tell them next year you will do the same. This way you will look great in their eyes while you are visiting and still pay the same amount for the year. The other Farang will be pissed because he and you know that they will spend all the cash in a week and he will have to continue giving the 12,000...hahaha I would take the high road and say hi when you see the guy and get on with having a good time. Why should you care what he thinks or does. If he is nasty tell him to f#&k off and just go on having a good time. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pauljones Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 He makes 200,000 a month and ONLY gives them 12,000.......... Get the family to pressure him for more. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2unique Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 lot of nailed on comments here re MiLs - no matter how good, gracious and different your girl is so many MiLs are swayed by peer pressure and the public opinion that "farangs" are rich with wads of disposable income. Once you subcsribe to that belief you won't find it easy to extricate yourself anytime soon. Not having an "upcountry" wife I've stayed somewhat silent through all these pages but i'd like to add my 2p now. Your BiL sounds like an arse, buying the parents a house makes it their house, telling them who they can invite to their house is rude as hell and comparable to him housing them like a Mia Noi - where do the 2 kids live btw as this makes a difference to how - but at some point you're going to have to stand up to this bullying control freak and assert yourself, if not as an alpha male then at least as an adult human being and family member with a right to be treated with respect. I'm quite disgusted by you bowing down to his superior income, since when has that been the criteria of what makes a person of value, how do you think that makes your gf feel? Get off his agenda and get on your own - the whole family are pandering to his whims and wishes stop letting him dictate what you and your gf do. Ignore him or confront him but either way assert your agenda and stop letting him rent space in your head. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2unique Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 I don't see a problem with helping out the inlaws if you can afford to do so. I would however give directly to them and not to the other farang. If you already agreed to give them 5,000 per month why not give them a years payment up front and tell them next year you will do the same. This way you will look great in their eyes while you are visiting and still pay the same amount for the year. The other Farang will be pissed because he and you know that they will spend all the cash in a week and he will have to continue giving the 12,000...hahaha nice one - give them a year's worth of cable - that way at least you get to watch the football and they have a tangible show of wealth Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KeyserSoze01 Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 The family has set the pecking order and the BIL comes before you, act accordingly. Let the wife and kids visit the parents while you languish by the pool and suffer massages every day. I would not attempt to broker a truce with this guy as from what you say he is an idiot and a control freak. What purpose would it serve to be on good terms with him anyway as he holds sway over the family. Had this person spoken to me in the manner you stated, I would have poked him in the nose on the spot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bino Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 I don't see a problem with helping out the inlaws if you can afford to do so. I would however give directly to them and not to the other farang. If you already agreed to give them 5,000 per month why not give them a years payment up front and tell them next year you will do the same. This way you will look great in their eyes while you are visiting and still pay the same amount for the year. The other Farang will be pissed because he and you know that they will spend all the cash in a week and he will have to continue giving the 12,000...hahaha I would take the high road and say hi when you see the guy and get on with having a good time. Why should you care what he thinks or does. If he is nasty tell him to f#&k off and just go on having a good time. I like it! I also like Pauljones suggestions... find a way to fck with him. If it turns out that you are truly not welcome in your wife's family home because of the actions of the brother in law and what is obviously his bitch of a wife, I'd shut off the 5000 / month and let them pay all from now on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
farang000999 Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 a lot of bitterness in this topic, I guess the topic of inlaws hits a nerve around here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kunash Posted February 23, 2012 Author Share Posted February 23, 2012 I have decided to add a small mini break to my itinery whilst in thailand. so, instead of staying a full 12/13 nights in the home town, me and the wife will now stay for 4 nights, then krabi for 5 nights, minus the kids, then back to the home town for 4 nights, I havent seen the BiL since july 2010, and havent heard from him since july 2011, and i will probably never see him again it is just whenever his name pops up in conversation - and this was the first time his name came up in over 5 months - it causes problems. but my wife knows what he is like and we dont let it affect our relationship. but it must have an affect on her relationship with her sisters and mum/dad. she is caught in the middle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
farang000999 Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 lol @ leaving the kids. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
F1fanatic Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 I'm missing something here... You don't expect to see your BIL again - so he is not living there or nearby? Is it the MIL who is worried about you staying 'cos she is worried about offending the BIL or, is it the BIL who has voiced a problem? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
robblok Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 The problem with weak men, is they want all other men to be weak to. Just do what you want to do, ignore what everyone else wants you to do. If your wife doesn't agree with you, get rid of her, plenty more Thai women wanting a go at a white guy with a bit of money. The great thing about Thailand. You wife and MIL is instantly replaceable with a younger and prettier model at little cost to you. You mean you rent an other model ? Ever tried it without paying ? I really don't see what the problem is with supporting your family as 95 % of men did this back 30,40, 50 years ago in America. Thailand is behind the US by at least the same number of years regarding this matter. Now if you are a poor man and can not really support yourself then I see why you have to have your wife work. I would rather have my lady at home taking care of my needs, getting an education, taking care of the kids and enjoying life than working 60 hours a week for 10 or 15,000 baht. I don't care if she is older or younger than myself the same applies. Different story when there are kids or when she is studying to get ahead. But most guys wont give a girl the option to go study because then she is independent and does not need him anymore. Then she would only stay if she liked him. I totally agree with letting her stay home if there are "young" kids or when she is studying. But just paying her to stay home for nothing is crazy. That is renting IMHO, and yes the age gap and the amount that is paid do influence it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ludditeman Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 (edited) I totally agree with letting her stay home if there are "young" kids or when she is studying. But just paying her to stay home for nothing is crazy. That is renting IMHO, and yes the age gap and the amount that is paid do influence it. Mine is looking after a 4 month old baby and attending high school (her second year exams are next week) ............. so you really 'totally agree' with me, and out little tiff was for nothing. Edited February 23, 2012 by ludditeman Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mirth Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 If one is not welcome, one should just sit in for the obligatory meal and disappear after that. Your wife can visit her parents as much as she wants, the children would be their own choices. At most, it's only a month, you still have the next 11 months with them back in UK. As for the BIL, i feel for him. Being the only "man" in the house, he feels he's responsible for them which is his biggest mistake and stupidity. Btw, be prepared to pay a lump sum for something, there's always something especially when you're far away for long period of time. so what would you do if you are told and know you are not welcome. ?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BookMan Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 I did in fact invite my wifes mum and dad on a week's holiday to hua hin. they said yes. great. but then the BIL decided to invite his mum, from australia, to bangkok, and also to the mum and dad''s home. so the mum and dad had to cancel the trip to hua hin. i could understand their decision, as the aussie mum was coming all the way from australia. but after that i decided not to invite anyone on a freebie holiday again. Keep the invites coming for the family. Just make sure you pick the moments when your BIL will be doing something with the in-laws and as such will give him preference. Such generosity on your part, with nothing to pay! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BookMan Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 I think a lot of people here are paying either the MIL or their GF so she would stay with them. Deep inside they don't like it one bit but they know what will happen when they stop paying. That is what you get if you want something you could not have had because of your charms and looks and wit. You keep on paying. +1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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