Problems With The Other Farang In The Family

[necronx99]

Sorry, but . . . again you show yourself to be the victim . . . a whiny victim. You're a Brit, right?

Still doing the typical boorish S aussie B routine, I see.

the aussie BiL said to me that the ''''''English think that they have a God given right to be in Thailand''''

edit: Maybe he doesnt like the English

Seems unlikely, all and I mean all Aussies love the British. He's obviously trying to fight the feelings of colonial love for his queen and English overlords.

Don't hate him, pity him. Next time you meet give him a big hug and say, I forgive you! He'll cry it out and promise to not fight it or you ever again.

This is true, we even set aside all of Perth for them to retire to as a demonstration of our unswerving fealty..

[scorecard]

hi, thanks for the replies.

some answers:

my wife actually spoke to her sister, who is married to the australian man, as she was staying at the family home. it was the sister who said her husband wouldnt like it, and it would be best if we didnt stay. not the mum. my wife isnt happy about it.

if we did stay at the house i would of course had paid a generous amount of rent money and food. I am sure we will still give them an amount of money to tide them over.

when i married my wife i paid no sin sod. there was no buddhist marriage ( due to BIL interfering ) but I decided to give 2 x 1 baht gold to the mum and dad as a present. i like the mum and dad. I jwould like to add the dad had a drinking problem. the BIL helped the dad by taking him to see the monks ( in some jungle ) - where they help people with addiction. the dad is now a recovering alcoholic. he hasnt drunk in maybe 6+ months

my wife agreed with her mum, the amount of 5k to pay each month. i guess the other farang reduced what he was paying. i have no idea. i dont have a problem paying a small amount to the mum each month. i can afford it. it keeps them happy. some people may not agree with this paying the mum and dad thing. that is their opinion. as well as 5k a month, i have bought the dad a pair of reading glasses, a few shirts for mum and dad at big c, and paid about 2k for a medical bill once. (oh and the gift of 2 x 1 baht gold). i wouldnt call that '''money hungry parents'''.

i believe the BIL earns at least 200k a month. he has a good job. he earns a lot more than me

i dont like ''atmospheres'' so i think it would be a good idea to try and patch things up. but that wouldnt be to become friends with him, just to keep the ''peace'' in the family.

in rely to - ''''how do all these men find women from Isaan . . . a faraway province . . . '''' @ sing_sling. not sure what you are inferring, but no. i am sorry to disappoint you. i didnt meet her in pattaya - i have never even been there.

In your earlier post, you complain that the BIL has "Set the bar high" with the house and 12,000 Bt per month.

In this post you say that you don't have a problem with paying a small amount (5,000Bt) as you can afford it.

Maybe the BIL considers 12,000 Bt per month a small amount.

You and your BIL are setting the bar high for other Farangs.

It is possible that the parents now have an income of 17,000 Bpm. They will undoubrably brag about this and will just reinforce the belief that all Farangs are loaded and stupid with their money. Remember that most working Thais do not earn 5,000 Bt in a month

There seems to be this widespread belief among Farangs that Thai children take care of and support their parents financially. If it happens with Thai daughters married to Thai men, then it must be very rare. I've never seen it. I have, however, seen Thai children bleed their parents dry often.

This mistaken belief may stem from the tradition that the youngest (usually) daughter and her husband will move in with the parents and take care of them as they age. In return they will get a roof over their head and usually inherit the house.

When the children live in the same village but separate house from the parents, they will often eat together, but as for financial support, very little if any at all.

I have known many Thai parents have their children sponge off them well into adulthood and some of those have gone into debt to help their offspring and ended up losing their property.

There is usually only one reason that Thai daughters married to a Thai will send money to their parents and that is because the parents are taking care of the Grandchildren. When they do send money, it's not regular and as little as 1000Bt per month.

I see nothing wrong with giving the parents a little extra, but I don't agree with fully supporting them, especially if they are able bodied. My FIL is retired now and with no savings, I give him 500 Baht per week. He is happy with this and would probably think me a total fool if I gave him 5,000 Bt per month. His children give him nothing apart from some food.

Interesting points. Here's another twist. My Thai born son, professional job, married a very sweet professional Thai lady a couple of years back. They are both very balanced people and they have a good marriage.

Her family asked that they please (no demands) have a traditional Thai ceremony and do the official registration at the amphur office, which is what they wanted anyway.

Her parents both originally from rural poor families, but both studied and worked hard, he's a retired respected engineer, she's a retired senior nurse, both have good pensions, and they have managed their finances well and today are very comfortable, both speak good English and today I often enjoy their company.

Her parents suggested a small wedding party at my house (mostly because of central location), all involved to equally share costs, about 20 guests, some decent food, and drinks. Total all up cost was about 25,000Baht. MIL managed all of this, but at every step got approval from her daughter.

Her parents asked for a small token sin sod, and indicated many times that it would come back to the bride and groom. Son and DIL gave her mother & father each a 1 Baht gold necklace. After the ceremony her parents said please wait just a while.

Within 3 months DIL was pregnant. Just before the day of birth of my granddaughter her parents suggested that on day of birth they would return the 2 Baht of gold, plus add a 1Baht necklace and politely suggested I also add 1 Baht more. All agreed everybody happy. DILs parents have never asked for anything since.

Now the twist, DIL has an older brother (2 years older), who is a nightmare, in and out of work continuously, salary never arrives, regularly gets caught up in ideas for new business ventures which has no chance in hell of being successful, funds disappear, he's left with the bills etc., and he has a serious gambling addiction.

As soon as my son arrived into the picture as 'the boyfriend', her brother started to put pressure on son to borrow money with all the comments about rich farang etc. My son was quite young at that time (still at uni) and succumbed for 10,000Baht, which of course was never returned.

Bottom line - son's girlfriend told her brother (insisted) that he never ever again ask my son for loans, and also insisted that he never again ask the parents for loans.

He didn't stop, he still asks my son, but my son has never given any further loans. He's also asked me several times for loans (10,000 - 500,000Baht), but I have never given him anything. He also continues to ask his father for loans, but father always says no, and insists they they change the topic of conversation.

I guess it will continue like this forever.

Edited February 25, 2012 by scorecard

[pgs]

Well.... after reading pretty much every entry here, I can very honestly say that I am EVER SO GRATEFUL for my Thai family.

They ask for nothing, are always ready to help, and are there if needed.

When Mrs calls them, they ask about me before asking about her - nieces & nephews included - as do a lot of her friends.

I am the only falang in the family - it wasn't always that way. Little sister married a Korean who was reasonably popular in the family - until she died & his colours became known. Nasty piece of work he was.

I'm not the only falang in the village - not even the only Aussie in the area. Not that I've met the others, but I do hear about them.

(start off topic)

Not all Aussies are anti-Brit... I can appreciate the nationals of any country that has decent beer. Yes, an Aussie with a fondness for Pommie Ales. By the gods, some are good.

Shame the US can't manage decent beer - even a nice one. I recall a comment - something to do with love & canoes.....

(end off topic)

Blasted Lottery God won't smile for me, at least the Good Extended Family God did.

I don't have in-laws. I have FAMILY.

Edited February 25, 2012 by pgs

[farang000999]

hi, thanks for the replies.

some answers:

my wife actually spoke to her sister, who is married to the australian man, as she was staying at the family home. it was the sister who said her husband wouldnt like it, and it would be best if we didnt stay. not the mum. my wife isnt happy about it.

if we did stay at the house i would of course had paid a generous amount of rent money and food. I am sure we will still give them an amount of money to tide them over.

when i married my wife i paid no sin sod. there was no buddhist marriage ( due to BIL interfering ) but I decided to give 2 x 1 baht gold to the mum and dad as a present. i like the mum and dad. I jwould like to add the dad had a drinking problem. the BIL helped the dad by taking him to see the monks ( in some jungle ) - where they help people with addiction. the dad is now a recovering alcoholic. he hasnt drunk in maybe 6+ months

my wife agreed with her mum, the amount of 5k to pay each month. i guess the other farang reduced what he was paying. i have no idea. i dont have a problem paying a small amount to the mum each month. i can afford it. it keeps them happy. some people may not agree with this paying the mum and dad thing. that is their opinion. as well as 5k a month, i have bought the dad a pair of reading glasses, a few shirts for mum and dad at big c, and paid about 2k for a medical bill once. (oh and the gift of 2 x 1 baht gold). i wouldnt call that '''money hungry parents'''.

i believe the BIL earns at least 200k a month. he has a good job. he earns a lot more than me

i dont like ''atmospheres'' so i think it would be a good idea to try and patch things up. but that wouldnt be to become friends with him, just to keep the ''peace'' in the family.

in rely to - ''''how do all these men find women from Isaan . . . a faraway province . . . '''' @ sing_sling. not sure what you are inferring, but no. i am sorry to disappoint you. i didnt meet her in pattaya - i have never even been there.

In your earlier post, you complain that the BIL has "Set the bar high" with the house and 12,000 Bt per month.

In this post you say that you don't have a problem with paying a small amount (5,000Bt) as you can afford it.

Maybe the BIL considers 12,000 Bt per month a small amount.

You and your BIL are setting the bar high for other Farangs.

It is possible that the parents now have an income of 17,000 Bpm. They will undoubrably brag about this and will just reinforce the belief that all Farangs are loaded and stupid with their money. Remember that most working Thais do not earn 5,000 Bt in a month

There seems to be this widespread belief among Farangs that Thai children take care of and support their parents financially. If it happens with Thai daughters married to Thai men, then it must be very rare. I've never seen it. I have, however, seen Thai children bleed their parents dry often.

This mistaken belief may stem from the tradition that the youngest (usually) daughter and her husband will move in with the parents and take care of them as they age. In return they will get a roof over their head and usually inherit the house.

When the children live in the same village but separate house from the parents, they will often eat together, but as for financial support, very little if any at all.

I have known many Thai parents have their children sponge off them well into adulthood and some of those have gone into debt to help their offspring and ended up losing their property.

There is usually only one reason that Thai daughters married to a Thai will send money to their parents and that is because the parents are taking care of the Grandchildren. When they do send money, it's not regular and as little as 1000Bt per month.

I see nothing wrong with giving the parents a little extra, but I don't agree with fully supporting them, especially if they are able bodied. My FIL is retired now and with no savings, I give him 500 Baht per week. He is happy with this and would probably think me a total fool if I gave him 5,000 Bt per month. His children give him nothing apart from some food.

Interesting points. Here's another twist. My Thai born son, professional job, married a very sweet professional Thai lady a couple of years back. They are both very balanced people and they have a good marriage.

Her family asked that they please (no demands) have a traditional Thai ceremony and do the official registration at the amphur office, which is what they wanted anyway.

Her parents both originally from rural poor families, but both studied and worked hard, he's a retired respected engineer, she's a retired senior nurse, both have good pensions, and they have managed their finances well and today are very comfortable, both speak good English and today I often enjoy their company.

Her parents suggested a small wedding party at my house (mostly because of central location), all involved to equally share costs, about 20 guests, some decent food, and drinks. Total all up cost was about 25,000Baht. MIL managed all of this, but at every step got approval from her daughter.

Her parents asked for a small token sin sod, and indicated many times that it would come back to the bride and groom. Son and DIL gave her mother & father each a 1 Baht gold necklace. After the ceremony her parents said please wait just a while.

Within 3 months DIL was pregnant. Just before the day of birth of my granddaughter her parents suggested that on day of birth they would return the 2 Baht of gold, plus add a 1Baht necklace and politely suggested I also add 1 Baht more. All agreed everybody happy. DILs parents have never asked for anything since.

Now the twist, DIL has an older brother (2 years older), who is a nightmare, in and out of work continuously, salary never arrives, regularly gets caught up in ideas for new business ventures which has no chance in hell of being successful, funds disappear, he's left with the bills etc., and he has a serious gambling addiction.

As soon as my son arrived into the picture as 'the boyfriend', her brother started to put pressure on son to borrow money with all the comments about rich farang etc. My son was quite young at that time (still at uni) and succumbed for 10,000Baht, which of course was never returned.

Bottom line - son's girlfriend told her brother (insisted) that he never ever again ask my son for loans, and also insisted that he never again ask the parents for loans.

He didn't stop, he still asks my son, but my son has never given any further loans. He's also asked me several times for loans (10,000 - 500,000Baht), but I have never given him anything. He also continues to ask his father for loans, but father always says no, and insists they they change the topic of conversation.

I guess it will continue like this forever.

that was a very long story.

[LannaFarang]

At first my reaction was one of hostility toward the BIL. However, I have changed my mind after considering the whole thing.

I think what is happening here is two-fold:

(1) The BIL does not want to lose face with the Thai family (as is possible with Thai people) by reducing his payment by whatever amount you contribute, and that is why he asked if you could give him the money.

(2) The BIL is not a rocket scientist and has very poor communication skills. He is assuming you should just be on the same wavelength about point (1).

I wonder if you could just clear the air with him by recognising that he is a rock ape and that you are going to have to be the one to take the higher ground? Maybe you could explain that you have thought about the whole thing and that in considering it all from his position you can understand where he is coming from.

I think it is unacceptable though for you to give him the money and that the family not know that you are contributing to their living costs. Maybe his wife and your wife could work out a "Thai" way to make sure the way things are working is communicated to the family so you are getting your just kudos and the BIL is not losing face with them?

I am quite surprised by the number of entries that seem to have an attitude of "screw the family" and to not give them a cent.

Given that some guys lose millions of baht I think that 6,000 baht per month is a reasonable amount to help out the Thai family-in-law. I give 5,000 baht per month to the Thai family-in-law and feel it is the least I can do. The family was raised by a single mother who did hard labor on a farm until her early fifties. The lady is a legend. She NEVER asked for the money and the incredible respect she has shown me because of it is worth a million baht a month. I made the decision to help her after having met her only one time. Why? This lady was knackered. She has terrible skeletal problems because of doing decades of hard labor.

If the family you are dealing with do not respect your assistance and take it for granted..... well that is a whole other issue

[samsiam]

Jeesus....the sil does not want you there...the mil does not want you there...why are you even wasting your time going there, give the place and the people a big miss and tell them why....land it back in there lap <deleted>.

[metisdead]

An inflammatory post has been removed. You can make your point without the inflammatory name calling.

[DGS1244]

I can understand his view

He is supporting the family for 12k a month, which is quite a lot. But rather than you paying a seperate amount in addition to the 12k he's paying, he wanted you to ease his financial burden. As you're in the UK (And I assume working there), it's likely a significantly smaller portion of your salary than what it is his. So he'd be thinking that you're a stingey prick, even though the main thing which you objected to was giving the money to him, not to your MIL directly.

You paid about right for Sin Sod, e.g. not much, just a token gesture (The gold should have gone to your wife not the parents tho right?). As being divorced with 2 kids, the Sin Sod has already been paid.

But even though you're right, you should try to mend the fence if you can, best to not have problems within the family as it makes problems similar to what you have now.

The only fence I would repair is the one I broke over this gits head. Family problems my arse; it's time to stand up and be counted as a British Bulldog instead of whinging about some 'Holier than thou' <deleted> who needs a lesson or two. Put up or shut up !

Exactly, although you do not mention the "Aussie's" age he sounds like a spoilt 25 year who thinks he owns everything just because he gave them a house. You are best off out of it, stay somewhere else and enjoy yourself, you have paid more than enough already. Get a life and stop complaining.

[transam]

I can understand his view

He is supporting the family for 12k a month, which is quite a lot. But rather than you paying a seperate amount in addition to the 12k he's paying, he wanted you to ease his financial burden. As you're in the UK (And I assume working there), it's likely a significantly smaller portion of your salary than what it is his. So he'd be thinking that you're a stingey prick, even though the main thing which you objected to was giving the money to him, not to your MIL directly.

You paid about right for Sin Sod, e.g. not much, just a token gesture (The gold should have gone to your wife not the parents tho right?). As being divorced with 2 kids, the Sin Sod has already been paid.

But even though you're right, you should try to mend the fence if you can, best to not have problems within the family as it makes problems similar to what you have now.

The only fence I would repair is the one I broke over this gits head. Family problems my arse; it's time to stand up and be counted as a British Bulldog instead of whinging about some 'Holier than thou' <deleted> who needs a lesson or two. Put up or shut up !

Exactly, although you do not mention the "Aussie's" age he sounds like a spoilt 25 year who thinks he owns everything just because he gave them a house. You are best off out of it, stay somewhere else and enjoy yourself, you have paid more than enough already. Get a life and stop complaining.

Perhaps the Aussie on arrival in LOS as a new boy fell for all the extended family financing crap and now is smarting a bit as he has learned a lot since and really doesn't want the OP to make him look a fool, which he is.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

If we did stay at the house i would of course had paid a generous amount of rent money and food. I

That's a joke right? You don't charge guests who stop into your home do you?

What is your problem? You keep insisting that we should pretend these are PC people-are-equal western-style relationships, when they're not.

99.9% of the time the only reason that sweet young girl is with that fat bald old farang is for money, both for her and to fullfill her (quite genuine) obligations to her parents. If the farang can afford it and doesn't mind handing over whatever amounts of money he wants in exchange for his teelak warming his bed, that's his business, no one else's.

If someone comes in and complains that they're no longer getting good value for money, talking about being betrayed in "love" or other moaning, OK they're asking to be called a fool along with advice on how to cut their losses, but as long as he's happy, they're happy **shut up** about it.

The young lass's prices will continue to go up as Thailand grows in prosperity, more and more farang lass-hunters arrive with more and more money, the upcountry peasants grow to realize their girls have a higher market value now than they did during the Vietnam war etc etc.

Pay up or shut up.

[transam]

If we did stay at the house i would of course had paid a generous amount of rent money and food. I

That's a joke right? You don't charge guests who stop into your home do you?

What is your problem? You keep insisting that we should pretend these are PC people-are-equal western-style relationships, when they're not.

99.9% of the time the only reason that sweet young girl is with that fat bald old farang is for money, both for her and to fullfill her (quite genuine) obligations to her parents. If the farang can afford it and doesn't mind handing over whatever amounts of money he wants in exchange for his teelak warming his bed, that's his business, no one else's.

If someone comes in and complains that they're no longer getting good value for money, talking about being betrayed in "love" or other moaning, OK they're asking to be called a fool along with advice on how to cut their losses, but as long as he's happy, they're happy **shut up** about it.

The young lass's prices will continue to go up as Thailand grows in prosperity, more and more farang lass-hunters arrive with more and more money, the upcountry peasants grow to realize their girls have a higher market value now than they did during the Vietnam war etc etc.

Pay up or shut up.

You sound pissed off Big J, are you also bald.

[Anon999]

^ Good post Canberra-Man.

I find all this paying relatives thing quite pathetic, really - and people believing it is the norm . . . how do all these men find women from Isaan . . . a faraway province . . .

Finding women from Isaan of any other part of Thailand isn't the problem and they do not have to be poor. Deciding to choose a girl with a poor family is up to them, their choice and their bed, they have to lie on it. There are limitless numbers of 'middle class' Thai ladies to choose from. What amazes me is I can't see the vast majority of them choosing someone from a comparably poor background in their own country!

[bino]

Perhaps the Aussie on arrival in LOS as a new boy fell for all the extended family financing crap and now is smarting a bit as he has learned a lot since and really doesn't want the OP to make him look a fool, which he is.

Something like this crossed my mind too- a very plausible scenario. As such, the biggest bitch / control freak here is the Aussie's wife. She scored the big fish who provided all of the extended financing. I'd imagine that she must be a serious hottie... able to lead the Aussie around by his testicles.

It fits with the sister telling the OP's wife what her husband wouldn't like (them staying at the house) and being able to convince the mother in law to think alike. Even though the Aussie speaks Thai, and built them a house with his own hands (and money), no foreign husband is ever going to be a part of the Thai family dynamic and call the shots.

OP- I feel for you and especially your wife, to be in this situation. I say "let 'em get on with it" - enjoy their sordid little lives while you and your wife enjoy yours happily as you together see fit.

[JeffreyMcCollum]

After 8 years in Thailand I got married to a wonderful Thai lady with 1 wonderful daughter. I take very good care of them. Early on I was in nearly the same situation. I gave nothing in sin sod. I was really married at the government office. I was approched to pay XXXX I said give from your heart and I will give from mine. I help when needed and give extra here and there as I see fit. And I have never had problems from the family.

Set your own rules and don't get caught in anyones game.

Edited February 26, 2012 by metisdead
Bold font removed, use default forum font when posting.

[transam]

Reminds me of a guy here that said he and his lady needed 300,000 bht a month to live on, HA. He didn't like my reply but he should have said his extended family requires '' in total '' 300,000 bht to live on.

[Pops]

What are you worried about ?

Do you really think your family in law is looking forward to see you at all ?

Wakey wakey !!!

As long as you pay your monthly rental fee they could not care less.

They do look forward to see their daughter though and their grandchildren.

You just enjoy yourself and relax somewhere else.

If they want to throw a party to celebrate the daughters homecoming they will invite you anyhow to pay for the bill.

Regarding the Aussie brother in law, he is just a control freak and know it all, <snip> him !

Edited February 27, 2012 by metisdead

[kunash]

Perhaps the Aussie on arrival in LOS as a new boy fell for all the extended family financing crap and now is smarting a bit as he has learned a lot since and really doesn't want the OP to make him look a fool, which he is.

Something like this crossed my mind too- a very plausible scenario. As such, the biggest bitch / control freak here is the Aussie's wife. She scored the big fish who provided all of the extended financing. I'd imagine that she must be a serious hottie... able to lead the Aussie around by his testicles.

It fits with the sister telling the OP's wife what her husband wouldn't like (them staying at the house) and being able to convince the mother in law to think alike. Even though the Aussie speaks Thai, and built them a house with his own hands (and money), no foreign husband is ever going to be a part of the Thai family dynamic and call the shots.

OP- I feel for you and especially your wife, to be in this situation. I say "let 'em get on with it" - enjoy their sordid little lives while you and your wife enjoy yours happily as you together see fit.

Interesting. So you believe that the sister thinks she is the 'top dog' ( and no, she isnt a dog - she is quite a stunner like you say ), within the family structure, after the mum of course - due to the fact her husband built the family home, spending over 1 million baht in the process plus paying 12k a month for 3 years+. so in total, approaching 2 million i would guess - paid to the family. i guess the sister does have more sway within the family.

hmmm. so there i pop up. he tries to tell me what to do, what to pay, and who to pay it to. and i say no thank you, i will do it my way.

and him paying that 12k was his arrangement, not mine. at the time i was a bit naive to agree to pay 5k, but it makes the wife happy and i help the poor work shy mum. ( ok we have already discussed the merits of this ).

i think he is a control freak. i think he wants to be the only farang in the family. he told me'' it will never work with two farang in the family''. i am not sure why it wouldnt. maybe it is his way or the highway. so i must be out on the highway then. he has obviously cemented his position within the family. or his perceived position.

[chrisinth]

Kunash,

I admit I haven't read all the posts in this thread and what I am going to say has likely been said. Did you marry your wife or did you marry the family? I say this with the knowledge that everything is about the family here in Thailand (I have been married here for 14 years to a Thai), and without appearing to be harsh in this response believe that both yourself and your brother-in-law (hopefully through his misunderstanding) are being used as cash cows, tame ATM's, call it what you like.

What is all this BS about sponsoring the family; where in Thai society does it say this? You give a family, who you have admitted have been removed from poverty by the brother-in-laws actions of building a house and paying 12,000 Baht a month and you adding another 5,000 Baht to this?? Hope you are paying the electricity and water for them as well.

Where is the incentive for the family to do anything for themselves? Absolutely none as everything is being provided by "sponsors"; you have established a group that is relient on hand outs.

I am still unsure if this post is a wind-up or not. If it is legit, then you need to talk to the wife. Sounds like you are in too deep now though to change what you have achieved.

[farang000999]

What are you worried about ?

Do you really think your family in law is looking forward to see you at all ?

Wakey wakey !!!

As long as you pay your monthly rental fee they could not care less.

They do look forward to see their daughter though and their grandchildren.

You just enjoy yourself and relax somewhere else.

If they want to throw a party to celebrate the daughters homecoming they will invite you anyhow to pay for the bill.

Regarding the Aussie brother in law, he is just a control freak and know it all, f..k him !

lol at being invited to pay the bill. funny post.

[transam]

Perhaps the Aussie on arrival in LOS as a new boy fell for all the extended family financing crap and now is smarting a bit as he has learned a lot since and really doesn't want the OP to make him look a fool, which he is.

Something like this crossed my mind too- a very plausible scenario. As such, the biggest bitch / control freak here is the Aussie's wife. She scored the big fish who provided all of the extended financing. I'd imagine that she must be a serious hottie... able to lead the Aussie around by his testicles.

It fits with the sister telling the OP's wife what her husband wouldn't like (them staying at the house) and being able to convince the mother in law to think alike. Even though the Aussie speaks Thai, and built them a house with his own hands (and money), no foreign husband is ever going to be a part of the Thai family dynamic and call the shots.

OP- I feel for you and especially your wife, to be in this situation. I say "let 'em get on with it" - enjoy their sordid little lives while you and your wife enjoy yours happily as you together see fit.

Interesting. So you believe that the sister thinks she is the 'top dog' ( and no, she isnt a dog - she is quite a stunner like you say ), within the family structure, after the mum of course - due to the fact her husband built the family home, spending over 1 million baht in the process plus paying 12k a month for 3 years+. so in total, approaching 2 million i would guess - paid to the family. i guess the sister does have more sway within the family.

hmmm. so there i pop up. he tries to tell me what to do, what to pay, and who to pay it to. and i say no thank you, i will do it my way.

and him paying that 12k was his arrangement, not mine. at the time i was a bit naive to agree to pay 5k, but it makes the wife happy and i help the poor work shy mum. ( ok we have already discussed the merits of this ).

i think he is a control freak. i think he wants to be the only farang in the family. he told me'' it will never work with two farang in the family''. i am not sure why it wouldnt. maybe it is his way or the highway. so i must be out on the highway then. he has obviously cemented his position within the family. or his perceived position.

Total &lt;deleted&gt;, the more farang numnuts handing over cash so the ''family'' can eat and sleep all day IS the agenda. EVERY day, when out, l have folk ask, do l have a farang friend want a lady, and thats from families with farang ATM in tow.

[Wallaby]

My girl pays her parents out of her own money she gets from factory work. But whilst she is with me in aus for 6 months she obviously isn't working so I take over those payments until she returns. I think that is only fair. The other siblings also send small amounts.

The person I feel sorry for is my girl's older brother. When he was a baby his mother gave him to her sister because she couldn't have children. He only found out when he finished school. Now he sends money home to 2 lots of parents and isn't exactly over the moon at his predicament. Poor guy. He's just got himself down to Phuket to drive a tour bus around so he can earn more and send more. He's the only one in the family that drinks alcohol and I can't say I blame him.

The other brother is a dopey useless git. He borrowed 5 thousand baht off his thai BiL about 2 months ago and hasn't paid it back. Then asked his father for more mone but was refused until he paid his debt. He's been basically cut off from any money and has now had to leave home to find work.

Good on the parents. They are old and can't work. Neither of them drink, good simple people that are happy.

[theblether]

Perhaps the Aussie on arrival in LOS as a new boy fell for all the extended family financing crap and now is smarting a bit as he has learned a lot since and really doesn't want the OP to make him look a fool, which he is.

Something like this crossed my mind too- a very plausible scenario. As such, the biggest bitch / control freak here is the Aussie's wife. She scored the big fish who provided all of the extended financing. I'd imagine that she must be a serious hottie... able to lead the Aussie around by his testicles.

It fits with the sister telling the OP's wife what her husband wouldn't like (them staying at the house) and being able to convince the mother in law to think alike. Even though the Aussie speaks Thai, and built them a house with his own hands (and money), no foreign husband is ever going to be a part of the Thai family dynamic and call the shots.

OP- I feel for you and especially your wife, to be in this situation. I say "let 'em get on with it" - enjoy their sordid little lives while you and your wife enjoy yours happily as you together see fit.

Interesting. So you believe that the sister thinks she is the 'top dog' ( and no, she isnt a dog - she is quite a stunner like you say ), within the family structure, after the mum of course - due to the fact her husband built the family home, spending over 1 million baht in the process plus paying 12k a month for 3 years+. so in total, approaching 2 million i would guess - paid to the family. i guess the sister does have more sway within the family.

hmmm. so there i pop up. he tries to tell me what to do, what to pay, and who to pay it to. and i say no thank you, i will do it my way.

and him paying that 12k was his arrangement, not mine. at the time i was a bit naive to agree to pay 5k, but it makes the wife happy and i help the poor work shy mum. ( ok we have already discussed the merits of this ).

i think he is a control freak. i think he wants to be the only farang in the family. he told me'' it will never work with two farang in the family''. i am not sure why it wouldnt. maybe it is his way or the highway. so i must be out on the highway then. he has obviously cemented his position within the family. or his perceived position.

Total &lt;deleted&gt;, the more farang numnuts handing over cash so the ''family'' can eat and sleep all day IS the agenda. EVERY day, when out, l have folk ask, do l have a farang friend want a lady, and thats from families with farang ATM in tow.

+1

The more you help the more you disable.

To make it even worse any help you give is not appreciated, you are sneered at for being an idiot for handing over money easily.

[pauljones]

I think it's the wife who is embarrassed to bring this guy home.

After all, she is the one who lost face & married the 'less generous' farang.

[Wallaby]

OP, try telling the MiL that the other git is being a tight ass as he makes 10 times more money than you. He should be paying 50k a month.

If he has a sook about it just kick him in the nads.

[samsiam]

I married my missus for her good looks.

Lucky she turned out to be ok in most other departments also.

Shallow i know, call me Hal.

[ludditeman]

I married my missus for her good looks.

Lucky she turned out to be ok in most other departments also.

Shallow i know, call me Hal.

Me too!

[bino]

Me three, plus the fact that her parents were already deceased thrown in for good measure.

[DP25]

Something like this crossed my mind too- a very plausible scenario. As such, the biggest bitch / control freak here is the Aussie's wife. She scored the big fish who provided all of the extended financing. I'd imagine that she must be a serious hottie... able to lead the Aussie around by his testicles.

The opposite wouldn't surprise me at all. Attractiveness has little to do with how much these women can control and scam out of a foreigner in my experience...ugly ones are often the best at it. Very few foreigners are with attractive women to begin with but many get scammed like this. The Thai stereotype is that we all like ugly chicks.

[DP25]

and him paying that 12k was his arrangement, not mine. at the time i was a bit naive to agree to pay 5k, but it makes the wife happy and i help the poor work shy mum. ( ok we have already discussed the merits of this ).

Work shy is a polite way to put it. 17k a month, plus they have a paid for free house already, is a lot of money in Thailand. That's more than a lot of people with a master's degree make working full time.

[theblether]

Me three, plus the fact that her parents were already deceased thrown in for good measure.

That was an added bonus. Maybe a good idea for a bar in Pattaya,

The Dead Parents Bar, we can confirm that the parents of all girls that work here are dead. The bar would be mobbed.