Problems With The Other Farang In The Family

[metisdead]

This topic got sidetracked from discussion of Problems With The Other Farang In The Family, several off topic posts and replies have been removed.

[poanoi]

Don't give mother in law, or any other mother or otherwise related/unrelated anything.

Instead give the two children a houndred baht each, when noone is watching -this is important, as otherwise those 200 baht will go to whiskey for insignificant others.

The two children will be far more greatful, and deserve it better as well.

As for the aussie, he just gave you a terrific excuse to only stay a day in that shithole,

and in addition you won't have to be surrounded by beggars more than a single day.

Destiny is on your side for the time being

Edited February 23, 2012 by poanoi

[bangkokburning]

First, stop paying any sort of stupid 5k a month to them. If that becomes a problem for your wife then you will know her true colors as well.

I do not know where the practice of FARANG paying monthly stipends to parents of their wives (and who knows who else). But it should really stop, especially if that money is used for drink in a house of poverty. That is your money pissed down a rathole.

Next, I second - they don't want you, off to the resort for you!

Edited February 23, 2012 by bangkokburning

[transam]

First, stop paying any sort of stupid 5k a month to them. If that becomes a problem for your wife then you will know her true colors as well.

I do not know where the practice of FARANG paying monthly stipends to parents of their wives (and who knows who else). But it should really stop, especially if that money is used for drink in a house of poverty. That is your money pissed down a rathole.

Next, I second - they don't want you, off to the resort for you!

Absolutely correct and any one that is coughing up wads cos he can afford it and thinks the family thinks he's wonderful is a complete numbnut.

[kunash]

I'm missing something here...

You don't expect to see your BIL again - so he is not living there or nearby?

Is it the MIL who is worried about you staying 'cos she is worried about offending the BIL or, is it the BIL who has voiced a problem?

the BIL lives in BKK . he returns to the family home maybe 2 days a month, if that. his wife returns more frequently but lives in bkk.

he was living at the house, when i first arrived on the scene, but when he got this job he moved to bkk.

i guess the family are indebted to the BIL for bringing them out of poverty and building them the lovely home. ( he built it himself ). he speaks fluent thai, and has obviously, over the years, built up a strong , and close relationship with the family. i dont speak thai, so i can never have the same bond. it would be nice to be able to speak to them though

it was the SiL who said it is better i didnt stay as i was not talking to the BIL. he wouldnt like it. also the mum said she would prefer we stayed in a hotel. but the children could stay at the home.

my wife is quite sad about the whole thing, as am i, as she also feels unwelcome now.

from what i know, i dont think the kids really want to spend much time there. they would rather stay with me and my wife. they will say hello of course and play with their couzens.

i am sure it will be all smiles when we arrive, but to me it will be all false

[kunash]

Instead give the two children a houndred baht each, when noone is watching -this is important, as otherwise those 200 baht will go to whiskey for insignificant others.

this has happened. the boy had a few hundred baht in his wallet. next day he had none. i asked where had it gone. the MIL took it. i wasnt happy. the MIL never returned it.

[metisdead]

Some more posts not relevant to this topic have been removed.

[GuestHouse]

I'd suggest taking your wife's parents into town and introducing them to a local DIY store.

Walk them by the brightly coloured tiles, florescent paints and offer to buy what they like - if they can't make up their mind offer to buy a selection of colours.

Once the tiles and paint are in the trolly, add some cheap paint brushes and cement, don't go to the expense of buying thinners, paint brush cleaner or proper tile grout.

Get this lot back to the house and then go looking for a couple of likely looking rice farmers you can train up as painters and decorators. You might suggest the idea of doing each room in a different 'theme'.

Your brother in-law will be delighted at the contribution you have made to family happiness.

[elliss]

I think you know exactly how, and where, they find them.

at a quess,

patty . bkk ,. phucket .

bttopic.

it,s the loaded brain dead farangs,

that give the rest of us , many an oppurtunity to sample the local exootic fruits.

many thai ladies, are off the opinion that all farangs are wealthy,and stupid.

keep spending ,

many thanks .

[pauljones]

I'd suggest taking your wife's parents into town and introducing them to a local DIY store.

Walk them by the brightly coloured tiles, florescent paints and offer to buy what they like - if they can't make up their mind offer to buy a selection of colours.

Once the tiles and paint are in the trolly, add some cheap paint brushes and cement, don't go to the expense of buying thinners, paint brush cleaner or proper tile grout.

Get this lot back to the house and then go looking for a couple of likely looking rice farmers you can train up as painters and decorators. You might suggest the idea of doing each room in a different 'theme'.

Your brother in-law will be delighted at the contribution you have made to family happiness.

Evil. I like it.

[Petesear]

As stated in many posts, I too find it unbelievable that men marry Thai ladies and then send the in-laws money!

It is something that has never been expected of me but even if it was it would not happen.

Is it not enough that they have rescued the girl without wanting to rescue everyone else in the family too?

[poanoi]

Instead give the two children a houndred baht each, when noone is watching -this is important, as otherwise those 200 baht will go to whiskey for insignificant others.

this has happened. the boy had a few hundred baht in his wallet. next day he had none. i asked where had it gone. the MIL took it. i wasnt happy. the MIL never returned it.

It is important that you take the kids aside when you give them,

and make a sign with your finger over your lips "keep it secret, keep it safe"

thai children is something so unusual as honest up to the age of 15 or so,

so they will have to make a silent promise/understanding to You in order to spend those baht on themself

Edited February 24, 2012 by poanoi

[scorecard]

I see one potential problem with you taking a holiday alone in Thailand.

Perhaps your BIL or SIL might say to your wifes parents and even perhaps say in front of your wife, "what's he doing alone, away from his wife", all intended to sew the seed that your 'playing around'.

Once this seed is planted it would be very difficult to 'cancel'.

I support the posters who say, go, be yourself, be pleasant, be helpful, be Mr. Nice Guy, low key.

If the parents do join you (and you probably know this already) I suggest to use accommodation, restaurants, attractions, etc., that they feel most comfortable with.

I have always taken this approach and on the first occasion / first day the parents both mentioned they were concerned that the small Thai style resort we were staying at had no western food.

I / my family very quickly put them at ease by saying, "not needed, he doesn't like western food' (which is true). At the same meal I added a lot of extra chily powder to my noodles (I like very spicy food). Both parents were shocked and delighted, all at the same time.

In fact, my family chose the small resort knowing full well that it would make both the parents and me happy.

[BookMan]

I'd suggest taking your wife's parents into town and introducing them to a local DIY store.

Walk them by the brightly coloured tiles, florescent paints and offer to buy what they like - if they can't make up their mind offer to buy a selection of colours.

Once the tiles and paint are in the trolly, add some cheap paint brushes and cement, don't go to the expense of buying thinners, paint brush cleaner or proper tile grout.

Get this lot back to the house and then go looking for a couple of likely looking rice farmers you can train up as painters and decorators. You might suggest the idea of doing each room in a different 'theme'.

Your brother in-law will be delighted at the contribution you have made to family happiness.

Maybe a disco ball also. Very fashionable. Or even suggest some tasteful Doraemon wallpaper.

[Sing_Sling]

I'd suggest taking your wife's parents into town and introducing them to a local DIY store.

Walk them by the brightly coloured tiles, florescent paints and offer to buy what they like - if they can't make up their mind offer to buy a selection of colours.

Once the tiles and paint are in the trolly, add some cheap paint brushes and cement, don't go to the expense of buying thinners, paint brush cleaner or proper tile grout.

Get this lot back to the house and then go looking for a couple of likely looking rice farmers you can train up as painters and decorators. You might suggest the idea of doing each room in a different 'theme'.

Your brother in-law will be delighted at the contribution you have made to family happiness.

Maybe a disco ball also. Very fashionable. Or even suggest some tasteful Doraemon wallpaper.

"Hello Kitty' wallpaper may be more appropriate - and tasteful

[scorecard]

I'd suggest taking your wife's parents into town and introducing them to a local DIY store.

Walk them by the brightly coloured tiles, florescent paints and offer to buy what they like - if they can't make up their mind offer to buy a selection of colours.

Once the tiles and paint are in the trolly, add some cheap paint brushes and cement, don't go to the expense of buying thinners, paint brush cleaner or proper tile grout.

Get this lot back to the house and then go looking for a couple of likely looking rice farmers you can train up as painters and decorators. You might suggest the idea of doing each room in a different 'theme'.

Your brother in-law will be delighted at the contribution you have made to family happiness.

A disco type stereo system and a dozen thumping music CDs would complete the furnishings.

Plus have a couple of big signs printed in Thai and placed where the neighbors can easily see them, saying that all neighbors are most welcome to borrow anything at anytime, and no need to return, ever.

Edited February 24, 2012 by scorecard

[farang000999]

Instead give the two children a houndred baht each, when noone is watching -this is important, as otherwise those 200 baht will go to whiskey for insignificant others.

this has happened. the boy had a few hundred baht in his wallet. next day he had none. i asked where had it gone. the MIL took it. i wasnt happy. the MIL never returned it.

so why are you "leaving the kids there" ?

[loong]

hi, thanks for the replies.

some answers:

my wife actually spoke to her sister, who is married to the australian man, as she was staying at the family home. it was the sister who said her husband wouldnt like it, and it would be best if we didnt stay. not the mum. my wife isnt happy about it.

if we did stay at the house i would of course had paid a generous amount of rent money and food. I am sure we will still give them an amount of money to tide them over.

when i married my wife i paid no sin sod. there was no buddhist marriage ( due to BIL interfering ) but I decided to give 2 x 1 baht gold to the mum and dad as a present. i like the mum and dad. I jwould like to add the dad had a drinking problem. the BIL helped the dad by taking him to see the monks ( in some jungle ) - where they help people with addiction. the dad is now a recovering alcoholic. he hasnt drunk in maybe 6+ months

my wife agreed with her mum, the amount of 5k to pay each month. i guess the other farang reduced what he was paying. i have no idea. i dont have a problem paying a small amount to the mum each month. i can afford it. it keeps them happy. some people may not agree with this paying the mum and dad thing. that is their opinion. as well as 5k a month, i have bought the dad a pair of reading glasses, a few shirts for mum and dad at big c, and paid about 2k for a medical bill once. (oh and the gift of 2 x 1 baht gold). i wouldnt call that '''money hungry parents'''.

i believe the BIL earns at least 200k a month. he has a good job. he earns a lot more than me

i dont like ''atmospheres'' so i think it would be a good idea to try and patch things up. but that wouldnt be to become friends with him, just to keep the ''peace'' in the family.

in rely to - ''''how do all these men find women from Isaan . . . a faraway province . . . '''' @ sing_sling. not sure what you are inferring, but no. i am sorry to disappoint you. i didnt meet her in pattaya - i have never even been there.

In your earlier post, you complain that the BIL has "Set the bar high" with the house and 12,000 Bt per month.

In this post you say that you don't have a problem with paying a small amount (5,000Bt) as you can afford it.

Maybe the BIL considers 12,000 Bt per month a small amount.

You and your BIL are setting the bar high for other Farangs.

It is possible that the parents now have an income of 17,000 Bpm. They will undoubrably brag about this and will just reinforce the belief that all Farangs are loaded and stupid with their money. Remember that most working Thais do not earn 5,000 Bt in a month

There seems to be this widespread belief among Farangs that Thai children take care of and support their parents financially. If it happens with Thai daughters married to Thai men, then it must be very rare. I've never seen it. I have, however, seen Thai children bleed their parents dry often.

This mistaken belief may stem from the tradition that the youngest (usually) daughter and her husband will move in with the parents and take care of them as they age. In return they will get a roof over their head and usually inherit the house.

When the children live in the same village but separate house from the parents, they will often eat together, but as for financial support, very little if any at all.

I have known many Thai parents have their children sponge off them well into adulthood and some of those have gone into debt to help their offspring and ended up losing their property.

There is usually only one reason that Thai daughters married to a Thai will send money to their parents and that is because the parents are taking care of the Grandchildren. When they do send money, it's not regular and as little as 1000Bt per month.

I see nothing wrong with giving the parents a little extra, but I don't agree with fully supporting them, especially if they are able bodied. My FIL is retired now and with no savings, I give him 500 Baht per week. He is happy with this and would probably think me a total fool if I gave him 5,000 Bt per month. His children give him nothing apart from some food.

[kunash]

Instead give the two children a houndred baht each, when noone is watching -this is important, as otherwise those 200 baht will go to whiskey for insignificant others.

this has happened. the boy had a few hundred baht in his wallet. next day he had none. i asked where had it gone. the MIL took it. i wasnt happy. the MIL never returned it.

so why are you "leaving the kids there" ?

we are not now. we are going to spend as little time as we can in the home town. the children wont even be spending the night there.

[elliss]

other farangs in the family .

i have only once experienced this .

with an issan lass, her two sisters had netted farangs , whilst working down south .

both farangs [german ] had bought houses, for their tee raks.

i was certainly put under pressure by her sisters to buy land and build a house ,

and constantly compared with , and told how good the other farangs are , good men , jai dee.

it came to a head when a family friend turned up with a car , which the thai family wanted me to buy .

i thought the thai lass , is not that good in the sack , and decided to pull the pin , and end the farse .

i certainly felt relieved , to get out of that stress full situation.

my ex then , on the advice of her sisters ,took her arse down to phucket ,

cause phucket more exspensive , better farang , go there , more money.

good luck to the happy families.

[thenervoussurgeon]

I have just read this thread and all i can say is that every night i thank God that i married a woman who had a familly that had enough money to support themselves and they all had houses ,i am the only farang in the familly and have never been asked for a cent (except by her dopey brother who while being a really nice guy,is about as much use as a chocolate spoon) for any of you that have to shell out constantly ,sorry boys.

Edited February 24, 2012 by metisdead
Underscore removed.

[kunash]

hi, thanks for the replies.

some answers:

my wife actually spoke to her sister, who is married to the australian man, as she was staying at the family home. it was the sister who said her husband wouldnt like it, and it would be best if we didnt stay. not the mum. my wife isnt happy about it.

if we did stay at the house i would of course had paid a generous amount of rent money and food. I am sure we will still give them an amount of money to tide them over.

when i married my wife i paid no sin sod. there was no buddhist marriage ( due to BIL interfering ) but I decided to give 2 x 1 baht gold to the mum and dad as a present. i like the mum and dad. I jwould like to add the dad had a drinking problem. the BIL helped the dad by taking him to see the monks ( in some jungle ) - where they help people with addiction. the dad is now a recovering alcoholic. he hasnt drunk in maybe 6+ months

my wife agreed with her mum, the amount of 5k to pay each month. i guess the other farang reduced what he was paying. i have no idea. i dont have a problem paying a small amount to the mum each month. i can afford it. it keeps them happy. some people may not agree with this paying the mum and dad thing. that is their opinion. as well as 5k a month, i have bought the dad a pair of reading glasses, a few shirts for mum and dad at big c, and paid about 2k for a medical bill once. (oh and the gift of 2 x 1 baht gold). i wouldnt call that '''money hungry parents'''.

i believe the BIL earns at least 200k a month. he has a good job. he earns a lot more than me

i dont like ''atmospheres'' so i think it would be a good idea to try and patch things up. but that wouldnt be to become friends with him, just to keep the ''peace'' in the family.

in rely to - ''''how do all these men find women from Isaan . . . a faraway province . . . '''' @ sing_sling. not sure what you are inferring, but no. i am sorry to disappoint you. i didnt meet her in pattaya - i have never even been there.

In your earlier post, you complain that the BIL has "Set the bar high" with the house and 12,000 Bt per month.

In this post you say that you don't have a problem with paying a small amount (5,000Bt) as you can afford it.

Maybe the BIL considers 12,000 Bt per month a small amount.

You and your BIL are setting the bar high for other Farangs.

It is possible that the parents now have an income of 17,000 Bpm. They will undoubrably brag about this and will just reinforce the belief that all Farangs are loaded and stupid with their money. Remember that most working Thais do not earn 5,000 Bt in a month

There seems to be this widespread belief among Farangs that Thai children take care of and support their parents financially. If it happens with Thai daughters married to Thai men, then it must be very rare. I've never seen it. I have, however, seen Thai children bleed their parents dry often.

This mistaken belief may stem from the tradition that the youngest (usually) daughter and her husband will move in with the parents and take care of them as they age. In return they will get a roof over their head and usually inherit the house.

When the children live in the same village but separate house from the parents, they will often eat together, but as for financial support, very little if any at all.

I have known many Thai parents have their children sponge off them well into adulthood and some of those have gone into debt to help their offspring and ended up losing their property.

There is usually only one reason that Thai daughters married to a Thai will send money to their parents and that is because the parents are taking care of the Grandchildren. When they do send money, it's not regular and as little as 1000Bt per month.

I see nothing wrong with giving the parents a little extra, but I don't agree with fully supporting them, especially if they are able bodied. My FIL is retired now and with no savings, I give him 500 Baht per week. He is happy with this and would probably think me a total fool if I gave him 5,000 Bt per month. His children give him nothing apart from some food.

you bet the BiL set the bar high. i think he was a fool for building them a house. the iL's struck it rich with him. and when i got on the scene they possibly thought they would be in for another big pay day (sin sod). they were expecting a huge sum from me. A sum suggested by the BiL. Maybe it was to help him finish off the house build or to fill his own pocket.

luckily i did some research on this website, and i paid nothing. anyway, the BiL interfered with the buddhist marriage, and so it never happened.

i would think the iL's would be getting 11k a month now in total.

obviously, opinions on paying the iL's is polarised. i can understand both points of view. i feel that the iL's should work for their own money.

it was the, (and here I go again), the BiL who said I have to pay, as the children are the parent's pension plan, so to speak. if i didnt pay, or pay only a small amount (4k), i would be looked down upon within the family. as i already said, he was paying for the three daughters - 4k each. i was naive, at that time, and said ok, i will pay 5k ( the BiL wasnt even happy with this amount,and wanted me to give it to him - but i wouldnt, and then he stopped talking to me ).

i dont fully agree with paying them, but i do, and i dont mind (mostly). i pay them one lump sump a year now. and nothing more. not even when i meet them in the summer.

anyway, as i said opinions are polarised. some farang pay, some dont.

[metisdead]

Off topic posts removed.

[metisdead]

More posts and replies not related to "Problems With The Other Farang In The Family" have been removed.

[KeyserSoze01]

Truly sad that money comes between family members and that your wife does not feel welcome in her own home anymore. The BIL is manipulating the parents by pulling the purse strings. As you previously stated, he has a poor opinion of your wife, so this further poisons the well. All you can hope to do is to form a relationship with the parents outside of the family home, if for no other reason than to preserve the relationship between your wife and her parents. That is if it is important to the happiness of your wife.

[jackr]

Sorry, but . . . again you show yourself to be the victim . . . a whiny victim. You're a Brit, right?

Still doing the typical boorish S aussie B routine, I see.

I do, however, agree that op should grow a pair. I'd personally - if ever got into such a situation, which just wouldn't happen - visit said house when sad aussie is there and drop the nut on him. He'd no doubt fold like most of them do. One would thus never have to suffer the ignominy of a visit there again.

[farangme]

The topic of whether to give money to family is subject to their individual circumstances and those of the husband. To all those TV posters pounding their chest and labelling other one way or another, get over yourselves....

Posted with Thaivisa App http://apps.thaivisa.com

[pattayadingo]

other farangs in the family .

i have only once experienced this .

with an issan lass, her two sisters had netted farangs , whilst working down south .

both farangs [german ] had bought houses, for their tee raks.

i was certainly put under pressure by her sisters to buy land and build a house ,

and constantly compared with , and told how good the other farangs are , good men , jai dee.

it came to a head when a family friend turned up with a car , which the thai family wanted me to buy .

i thought the thai lass , is not that good in the sack , and decided to pull the pin , and end the farse .

i certainly felt relieved , to get out of that stress full situation.

my ex then , on the advice of her sisters ,took her arse down to phucket ,

cause phucket more exspensive , better farang , go there , more money.

good luck to the happy families.

Yep, when the demands become excessive it is time to move on to pastures new. And there are plenty of pastures out there that want grazing.

[kunash]

Sorry, but . . . again you show yourself to be the victim . . . a whiny victim. You're a Brit, right?

Still doing the typical boorish S aussie B routine, I see.

the aussie BiL said to me that the ''''''English think that they have a God given right to be in Thailand''''

edit: Maybe he doesnt like the English

Edited February 24, 2012 by kunash

[2unique]

Sorry, but . . . again you show yourself to be the victim . . . a whiny victim. You're a Brit, right?

Still doing the typical boorish S aussie B routine, I see.

the aussie BiL said to me that the ''''''English think that they have a God given right to be in Thailand''''

edit: Maybe he doesnt like the English

Seems unlikely, all and I mean all Aussies love the British. He's obviously trying to fight the feelings of colonial love for his queen and English overlords.

Don't hate him, pity him. Next time you meet give him a big hug and say, I forgive you! He'll cry it out and promise to not fight it or you ever again.