Do You Really Have To Ease Your Criteria In Thailand?

[HardenedSoul]

There's no doubt that many foreigners moving here abandon their common sense with regard to women upon landing at the airport. This forum is replete with posts and topics of hapless guys who've been stretchered out of relationships with Thai females emotionally and financially battered by women they thought were good long term bets.

The subtitle of the thread focuses on the word "genuine" for good reason since, for myself and many Westerners, a girlfriend is a woman with whom one has a monogamous relationship based on communication, at least some shared values and mutual understanding.

In the four years I've lived here, I've not met a local woman that I'd feel comfortable calling a "girlfriend" but I've seen countless instances where friends and acquaintances have met a girl and moved her in within a month while they still play the field in the bars and clubs. One fella lived with his girl for two years and when they split - very acrimoniously and involving the police, I might add - it dawned on me that he didn't speak a word of Thai and she couldn't construct the most basic sentence in English. How on earth it lasted that long is beyond me.

Nevertheless, most of these guys agree with and share my feelings on what constitues a girlfriend in the West but they argue that the bar needs to be lowered when it comes to Thai girls. I counter with the argument that when one lowers the bar, surely one cannot complain then when the "relationship" turns sour, often in dramatic fashion.

Personally, I think there's an abundance of good quality women here but I prefer to keep the bar as high as it'd be back in London in terms of non-aesthetic qualities like education, intelligence and worldly wisdom but it'd be interesting to hear how far, it at all, others have eased the criteria for a TG to be dubbed a girlfriend?

[robblok]

I would never lower my standards, did it once it was a disaster. Now that i live here i see plenty of girls with an education. Its just a bit harder to get in contact with these kind of girls because they have options. So they don't fall for the money trick that some farangs like to use on each and every girl. They are scared of girls like that.

[JurgenG]

If you're here on holidays for a couple of weeks, not only you can but you should relax your criteria. You're here to relax, to take it easy. It's the time of the year when you should enjoy life without worries.

Now if you decide to call Thailand your home it's different. Normal criteria should apply and actually before you're really familiar with the place , the first six month / one year, you should even be more careful than usual. You're here for the long term and what you do will have long term consequences.

I just want to add a word of wisdom from a friend of mine. The big difference with prostitutes in Asia is they have a "girlfriend feeling" but we should never forget it's just a feeling not the real thing.

[chops]

Do most farang guys here find their wife in a bar? I've always wondered this.

Glad I never did. Thankfully!

[DocN]

You are all so good and wise and noble men!

I worship you!

[ttthailand]

No two relationships are exactly the same. The only thing that really matters is that you both fill each others needs. As long as this is done everyone is happy.

[TallGuyJohninBKK]

The OP talked in his post about guys raising or lowering "the bar" on their relationships with Thai women...

In too many cases, unfortunately, I think guys are finding their "girlfriends" at the bar or even under the bar, literally speaking.

[pattayadingo]

I do lower the bar to some degree because of cultural differences but there are signs to look out for.

Not many Thai women, educated or not, have much knowledge of the world as a whole, unlike most of us. Putting aside the question of money, I would be asking, 'What does she do for you?' 'How does she treat you?' 'Does she show genuine affection?'

Because a woman is educated does not make her a good woman. An Issan woman whose family lives in a tin shack can be a good and loving woman. Whereas a woman from a family with property and a college education can also be a right money grubbing B*tch.

Does the woman in your life genuinely snuggle up to you, does she kiss you, does she care if you are hurt or sick? Does she make love to you? If she does then that has to be a good start.

If she is happy to meet your friends and be sociable, that also is a good sign.

A woman who either helps with or does many of the day to day things like cooking, cleaning, shopping and laundry because she wants to. If she helps with problems along the way. When she asks what you want or would like to do. These are all good signs.

If the requests for money for whatever reason keep cropping up, that is often not a good sign, especially if her 'performance' in everything drops off because you do not give in to her financial requeats.

[mca]

I would never lower my standards, did it once it was a disaster.

You told me that you loved me you cruel bastard!

[ExpatOilWorker]

I raised my bar when I came to Thailand, but it is all relative. After a couple of years in South America and Russia my bar was pretty much all over the place.

[ludditeman]

In the west I dated and married 5s and 6s, my own age, and spent a fortune to bed them.

Here I dated and married 8s and 9s, 20 years younger than me, and it cost me almost nothing.

Each and every one of them would have cheated if given half a chance, although I do acknowledge most men never noticed.

They were all thick, compared to me although I suspect you might find it easier to meet your equal.

Here I have raised the bar.

[ludditeman]

Do most farang guys here find their wife in a bar? I've always wondered this.

I usually find other mens wives in bars.

[StreetCowboy]

I raised my bar when I came to Thailand, but it is all relative. After a couple of years in South America and Russia my bar was pretty much all over the place.

I've decided to stay away from the bar...

SC

[MediumPaceBowler]

In the west I dated and married 5s and 6s, my own age, and spent a fortune to bed them.

Here I dated and married 8s and 9s, 20 years younger than me, and it cost me almost nothing.

Each and every one of them would have cheated if given half a chance, although I do acknowledge most men never noticed.

They were all thick, compared to me although I suspect you might find it easier to meet your equal.

Here I have raised the bar.

So you've gone from average-looking thickos to nice-looking thickos!

I've gone from pretty and bright to pretty and bright. But I've managed to increase the age difference from 8 years to 15 years.

To the OP: no, you shouldn't need to lower your standards.

[ExpatOilWorker]

I raised my bar when I came to Thailand, but it is all relative. After a couple of years in South America and Russia my bar was pretty much all over the place.

I've decided to stay away from the bar...

SC

Except the Crossbar of course.....

[BookMan]

Single when you moved here. Still single after 4 years. Sounds like your standards are too high.

[Huayrat]

Another bar girl bashing thread... Boring boring boring

[Huayrat]

I do lower the bar to some degree because of cultural differences but there are signs to look out for.

Not many Thai women, educated or not, have much knowledge of the world as a whole, unlike most of us. Putting aside the question of money, I would be asking, 'What does she do for you?' 'How does she treat you?' 'Does she show genuine affection?'

Because a woman is educated does not make her a good woman. An Issan woman whose family lives in a tin shack can be a good and loving woman. Whereas a woman from a family with property and a college education can also be a right money grubbing B*tch.

Does the woman in your life genuinely snuggle up to you, does she kiss you, does she care if you are hurt or sick? Does she make love to you? If she does then that has to be a good start.

If she is happy to meet your friends and be sociable, that also is a good sign.

A woman who either helps with or does many of the day to day things like cooking, cleaning, shopping and laundry because she wants to. If she helps with problems along the way. When she asks what you want or would like to do. These are all good signs.

If the requests for money for whatever reason keep cropping up, that is often not a good sign, especially if her 'performance' in everything drops off because you do not give in to her financial requeats.

Great post ..... Everything i wanted to say but you did it for me...

[2unique]

ah standards - these belong to those people that claim they would kick Sporty Spice out of bed... I've found most people's standards are negotiable when there are no witnesses...

I have no spec or standards - if we click and have fun then we can hang - certainly not my job to judge another person - not until i learn not to pick my nose and fart in my own car anyway.

compatibility better than some fancy list of criteria that could help you find your Vulcan logical partner but could mean you miss out on someone that makes you truly happy. In other words don't write a checklist for your mates do what makes you happy.

Edited February 23, 2012 by 2unique

[2unique]

I do lower the bar to some degree because of cultural differences but there are signs to look out for.

that's not lowering the bar at all - by the same argument she's lowering the bar (because you're not Thai Chinese are you?!?) because of cultural differences.

surely you're just finding a level that you're both comfortable at where compromise is healthy and not to be confused with sacrifice

[Ulysses G.]

In the west I dated and married 5s and 6s, my own age, and spent a fortune to bed them.

Here I dated and married 8s and 9s, 20 years younger than me, and it cost me almost nothing.

Each and every one of them would have cheated if given half a chance, although I do acknowledge most men never noticed.

They were all thick, compared to me although I suspect you might find it easier to meet your equal.

Here I have raised the bar.

So you've gone from average-looking thickos to nice-looking thickos!

That is a step up in my book.

[pattayadingo]

I do lower the bar to some degree because of cultural differences but there are signs to look out for.

that's not lowering the bar at all - by the same argument she's lowering the bar (because you're not Thai Chinese are you?!?) because of cultural differences.

surely you're just finding a level that you're both comfortable at where compromise is healthy and not to be confused with sacrifice

Fair and agreeable comment.

[2unique]

I do lower the bar to some degree because of cultural differences but there are signs to look out for.

that's not lowering the bar at all - by the same argument she's lowering the bar (because you're not Thai Chinese are you?!?) because of cultural differences.

surely you're just finding a level that you're both comfortable at where compromise is healthy and not to be confused with sacrifice

Fair and agreeable comment.

sorry I'll try to be more aggressive and inline with tv standards - it's just i've started drinking and never been good at the ol' attack dawg mode hehe

[HardenedSoul]

Single when you moved here. Still single after 4 years. Sounds like your standards are too high.

If I was actively looking for a girlfriend then I'd be inclined to agree with you.

[rgs2001uk]

Single when you moved here. Still single after 4 years. Sounds like your standards are too high.

Maybe he doesnt weight 300 lbs, or isnt a geriatric, maybe he doesnt need performance enhancers, maybe he can string a sentence together.

Check out the bars on lower Suk for plenty of "desperadaos" who possess none of the above qualities.

[Beetlejuice]

This pertains in every country of the world.

If the girl gives up most of her social agenda to be with a guy, if most of her problems can be solved without financial assistance, she introduces the guy to her family, friends and work colleges and declares they are an item, lets the guy into her most intimate feelings and secrets, than this means she is genuine and sincerely in love with her man.

If this is not the case, than the guy is wasting his time, efforts and money. For you guys who do not reciprocate the loyalties of sincere girls and sole ambitions becomes to get the girl into bed in the fastest and most economical way possible and considers all Thai women as potential prostitutes, than you deserve all the crap that will be thrown back at you.

It`s all down to common sense really.

[RealisticRon]

If you can find a woman that is happy, has common sense, not over weight and above all honest you've cracked it. All this BS needs to be educated, wealthy, yada yada ya is from no# heads.

[Semper]

Girlfriend, hmm... if I remember right, it was something we had when we where teenagers.

[geriatrickid]

Single when you moved here. Still single after 4 years. Sounds like your standards are too high.

Or maybe still of sound mind and body?

[Soutpeel]

Single when you moved here. Still single after 4 years. Sounds like your standards are too high.

Or maybe still of sound mind and body?

Or maybe struggling with his sexuality....maybe somewhere inside of him there is a part of him that would rather play at boystown instead of girlstown...