connda Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 My Thai wife is really acting unstable. She goes though excessive mood swings at least once a day. I never quiet know who I'm going to wake up to in the morning. She has issues that I know about: death of a son many years ago; an abusive mother during her youth; menopause; and who knows what else -- probably me. About 2 years into our marriage I remember her doing a Dr Jekell to Mr. Hyde change where she told me that her outside persona was just an act to lure in unsuspecting farang. At that moment I saw something in her that was just ugly - angry, hate, and rage at farang in general, and me specifically. If I try to be supportive, she ignores me. If I ignore her moods, she blames me for not being supportive In fact, I seem to be the blame for most of what is making her unhappy at any given moment: Mosquitoes in the house -- my fault. Dirt on the floor -- my fault. If I clean the house, the house isn't clean enough, something is always missed and brought to my attention. Room too hot -- my fault. Room too cold -- my fault. Dishes dirty -- my fault. Wash all the dishes in the house but one -- she'll complain about the one that's dirty. There is no making her happy. I seem to be her personal whipping boy. She's emotionally abusive. And when around me, she is dour, sullen, and sulking most of the time. I've quit work and retired a year ago. I had my problems at first because life without work seem really strange, but I've settled into an acceptance of my new life style. Personally, I'm happy and grounded. So I pretty well let the abuse roll off of me. But it's tiresome. And I feel sorry for her, but I can only stand for so much pent up anger directed at me. I really think she needs to talk to a Thai speaking, professional psychologist. And I doubt she'll go see someone. I think someone will have to come to her. Anyway, I'm looking for suggestions. Can anyone vouch for a Thai speaking, professional psychologist in the Chiang Mai area? Someone that will make a house call. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OriginalPoster Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 Good luck on that. Most Thai women, if living in the West, would have a team of psychiatrists assigned to their case and writing papers about it. Here it's just considered to be normal. Go watch some Chucky movies and count your blessings that she's not worse than that., that will do as much good as trying to find professional help for her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Semper Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 Mosquitoes in the house -- my fault. Dirt on the floor -- my fault. If I clean the house, the house isn't clean enough, something is always missed and brought to my attention. Room too hot -- my fault. Room too cold -- my fault. Dishes dirty -- my fault. Well, I can tell you, that you're not alone to have these problems. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
transam Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 Mosquitoes in the house -- my fault. Dirt on the floor -- my fault. If I clean the house, the house isn't clean enough, something is always missed and brought to my attention. Room too hot -- my fault. Room too cold -- my fault. Dishes dirty -- my fault. Well, I can tell you, that you're not alone to have these problems. And sounds like my ex UK wife. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OriginalPoster Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 By any chance, when she does her Multiple Personality Disorder thing, do her two alters talk to each other in English rather than Thai. That variant of MPD is quite common in Thailand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
weary Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 If she gives you nothing, what is the point of having a relationship with her? It sounds like she has so much emotional baggage that it would take several years of councelling and motivation for her to get to the bottom of herself... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GarryP Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 I have heard numerous similar tales and actually met a few people who were treated the same way. The funny thing was that the women in question were nice and friendly with other people. They just acted out with their hubbies/boyfriends. All have long since separated. Hope you get things sorted. But if things do not get better in a few months or so, if it were me, I would start considering walking out, divorce or no divorce. You need to look at the long term and the chances of things actually improving and your own personal happiness/peace of mind. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Semper Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 If she gives you nothing, what is the point of having a relationship with her? It sounds like she has so much emotional baggage that it would take several years of councelling and motivation for her to get to the bottom of herself... And comparing that to split everything 50/50, maybe it would be better to just ignore her comments. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WinnieTheKhwai Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 (edited) Two words. Move - On ( Rather than try to work some problem that she likely doesn't even recognize, just move on and get one without issues. There's no shortage. ) Edited March 15, 2012 by WinnieTheKhwai 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Puwa Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 OP, I don't have a counselor to recommend, but want to chime in with moral support. You sound like a good guy doing your best to deal with a difficult situation. She may indeed have a treatable mental illness, and finding someone who can help might improve quality of life for you both. I hope all turns out well. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vacationman Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 Did you marry my Ex Thai Girlfriend and NOT invite me to your wedding. Life is short... try to enjoy everyday you can. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
egdirb Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 Two words. Move - On ( Rather than try to work some problem that she likely doesn't even recognize, just move on and get one without issues. There's no shortage. ) Plus 4 words There - is - the - door Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamborobert Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 (edited) My wife has not talked to me for four days. The first day I asked why as my telepathy was failing but was not graced with a reply. I have never been good at guessing games, I ask a few times, You don't tell me, the issue is then yours alone. Now I am just enjoying it, watch TV, play music, read books, its all good. Odd thing is that now that I am no longer asking why she is flitting around (silently) doing wifely tasks (placing ice in beer). This is a repeat cycle in my life until wifey works out that I really don't care about the silence then we are all back on an even keel again. It is child like, and infantile...probably on both parts I only say this as from my experience a Thai wife imediately vocalising an issue is unusual. Is there an underlying issue that you have to guess at? If she is angry at you, and you alone, then that is not a mental illness, albeit it may be irrational or uncalled for or ill informed. Forgotten a birthday, not noticed a new dress, her sister has a new house thats better, its not what matters to you its what irritates her.....and that is the $64 question. Tried asking another family member. Even if it gets back to her that you asked...the worse thing you have done is shown a caring nature...Good luck. Edited March 15, 2012 by mamborobert Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theDukes Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 South side of the moat is the psychiatric hospital. Not sure if they do house calls. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MAJIC Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 It sounds like any respect she had for you in the past,has now gone,probabably never to return. You don't need to take this abuse,there's plenty of nice Thai women out there, willing to treat you decently. Your flogging a dead horse, Hit the Road,and don't look back, 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
weary Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worgeordie Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 Connda, Washing the dishes and cleaning the house,I think you are the crazy one. regards Worgeordie 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CBR250 Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 Perhaps your wife's anger issues are too deep seated to resolve easily, even with counselling. But 2 other options to consider are: 1. Basic hormone level check. Maybe HRT could help her deal with menopause if this is contributing to her mood swings and abusive behavior. A trip to a GP may be a first step. 2. The old Thai standbye for minor (and even not so minor) psychological issues is meditation. Is she enough of a Buddhist that she would spend a few weeks in a temple meditating? It does have excellent results for some people. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Semper Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 As for Semper's comment that it's better to ignore her BS than split everything 50/50, don't believe it. There are many members on the forum that have "invested" a lot of money in their relationships, and maybe don't feel comfortable to just walk away from their "investments". Of course, this depends on the depth of their pockets. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
transam Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 As for Semper's comment that it's better to ignore her BS than split everything 50/50, don't believe it. There are many members on the forum that have "invested" a lot of money in their relationships, and maybe don't feel comfortable to just walk away from their "investments". Of course, this depends on the depth of their pockets. Yes, my chum was threatened with the village hit squad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
connda Posted March 15, 2012 Author Share Posted March 15, 2012 If she gives you nothing, what is the point of having a relationship with her? It sounds like she has so much emotional baggage that it would take several years of councelling and motivation for her to get to the bottom of herself... Actually this started around menopause. She actually was different. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
connda Posted March 15, 2012 Author Share Posted March 15, 2012 I have heard numerous similar tales and actually met a few people who were treated the same way. The funny thing was that the women in question were nice and friendly with other people. They just acted out with their hubbies/boyfriends. All have long since separated. Hope you get things sorted. But if things do not get better in a few months or so, if it were me, I would start considering walking out, divorce or no divorce. You need to look at the long term and the chances of things actually improving and your own personal happiness/peace of mind. Thanks, leaving is a possible option. I'm just trying to exhaust all other options before hitting the "Disengage" and "Eject" buttons. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hellodolly Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 Are you sure she's not really an American woman in Thai skin? That's the norm over there. As for Semper's comment that it's better to ignore her BS than split everything 50/50, don't believe it. I know too many American men who will die an early, unhappy death due to believing "it's cheaper to keep her". You can't put a price on peace of mind and happiness. Ditch her and start enjoying life again - you'll be glad you did. She's probably enjoying the manipulation. Good point. My ex and I came to a money settlement on the house. I then said tel me when you are leaving as I would rather not be there. Take what ever you want. It was not worth the bickering. She did and with the exception of one chair I was happy and she had no problem returning it. I know one fellow who rather than let his wife get any thing in a divorce killed himself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elektrified Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 Connda, Washing the dishes and cleaning the house,I think you are the crazy one. regards Worgeordie Obviously you don't have children. OP I sympathize with you. Thai women seem to be the most difficult women in the world to deal with. It is impossible to know what they are thinking. Every single one of my friends who is in a relationship with a Thai woman has major issues - some more than others but problems just the same. Good luck getting her to counseling. If she doesn't want to go then there is not much you can do about it. Many Thais do have major emotional issues as a result of their childhood, their social status and so forth. And many have severe mood swings. Two friends of mine here were successful in getting their spouses to see a doctor and both were given hormone replacement and anti-depressants and now the mood swings are under control. Best of luck to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mestizo Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 Connda, Washing the dishes and cleaning the house,I think you are the crazy one. regards Worgeordie Why is that crazy? I also do most of the dishes and general cleaning of my house. And we have a maid that comes in once a week to do the deep cleaning. -Mestizo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elektrified Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 Connda, Washing the dishes and cleaning the house,I think you are the crazy one. regards Worgeordie Why is that crazy? I also do most of the dishes and general cleaning of my house. And we have a maid that comes in once a week to do the deep cleaning. -Mestizo Same here - exactly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tombkk Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 If she gives you nothing, what is the point of having a relationship with her? It sounds like she has so much emotional baggage that it would take several years of councelling and motivation for her to get to the bottom of herself... Actually this started around menopause. She actually was different. How long have you been together for? I usually say that I am in a relationship because I feel better than being not in a relationship. If it changes and I feel better without, well then that's it. However. If you love someone and have been together for may years, and then they suddenly develop a mental problem, you won't drop them like that. Hence my question. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dante99 Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 If she gives you nothing, what is the point of having a relationship with her? It sounds like she has so much emotional baggage that it would take several years of councelling and motivation for her to get to the bottom of herself... Actually this started around menopause. She actually was different. So maybe you just have to get her through menopause and she will go back to the way she was before which I trust was okay. Good luck. Before she can have counseling she has to acknowledge the need and be willing, even if it is just counseling about menopause. Does she have any Thai friends or family that could help? Thai ladies do achieve some peace talking with each other even if it is not directly talking about the problem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Semper Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 Connda, Washing the dishes and cleaning the house,I think you are the crazy one. regards Worgeordie Why is that crazy? I also do most of the dishes and general cleaning of my house. And we have a maid that comes in once a week to do the deep cleaning. -Mestizo What does your wife/gf do? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scorecard Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 (edited) If she gives you nothing, what is the point of having a relationship with her? It sounds like she has so much emotional baggage that it would take several years of councelling and motivation for her to get to the bottom of herself... Actually this started around menopause. She actually was different. I can't quote details but my understanding is that in the last 5 - 10 years there are massive improvements in medications for menopause induced problems. In fact a female relative displayed quite a few of the items the OP mentioned, and after just a few days on medication she was a changed woman. From memory she took the medication for about six months. All depends of course on whether you endorse long terms medications, etc. I guess (repeat guess - I'm not a doctor, and I strongly oppose the notion armchair / untrained analysts) her internal chemistry is unbalanced from time to time and you see the results of this, but for her it could well be a living hell with she right now can't control, possibly with remorse as part of the 'cycle'. Good luck. with remorse Good luck to the OP. Edited March 15, 2012 by scorecard Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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