Why Is It So Difficult To Find A Good Friend In Thailand

[owenjones]

If you live in a village, you have to be able to live in your head and be happy with your own company.

You also need a hobby.

You cannot read books or watch TV all day - or even surf the Net all day.

I taught myself HTML and have made a few websites, which I enjoy maintaining and I have written two books which I am self-publishing.

This involved finding a printer and editing them, which I also did myself.

Every day at 4-5 pm, I go to the shop for a few beers until the mosquitoes come out.

There are no foreigners near me, but a few have learned my routine and once or twice a week, someone will pay a visit to the shop.

Rarely do strangers turn up, but the ones I haven't liked have never returned.

I usually take a book to read and a notepad to write someone a letter. They are great tools for letting people know you do not have time for them.

Sometimes I don't see anyone for weeks and that's OK too.

As for Thais, my Thai is poor but good enough for a rudimentary conversation on my terms. However, I am not interested in what most Thais are interested in: the farm, the price of rice and the family.

The same went for most Brits when I lived there: sport, football, sport and the girl at the bar with the big knockers.

I listen politely to the Thais that come over and make a few comments.

This satisfies them and helps me integrate (no-one here speaks English except me and my wife).

When I first came here, my wife recommended that I only speak to her family or people that she or her family had introduced me to. That was good advice, but I don't always follow it.

Thai people tend to buy me beers here rather than expect me to buy one for them - beer is seen as a pussy's drink, men drink lao khao.

I am very happy here, but I know that it does not suit everyone.

Best to slow down, stop looking and let them find you.

Edited April 29, 2012 by owenjones

[bendix]

So mr. the quietman, what did you learn after posting this on thaivisa?

i have had a number of pm's from like minded people and hopefully will meet up with them. apart from Bendix, who appears to be a very lonely, desperate, lost all hope, desperately crying for help, reckless,nearly hopeless, critical, suffering and who has a desperate need for recognition, most posters were nice.

Says the man who started a thread wailing and whining that he can't make friends and is lonely.

How ironic.

The fool who knows one's own folly,

is wise at least to that extent;

but the fool who thinks oneself wise is really a fool.

bye bye bendix,your attempt at humor is a sad way to let people know that you are lonely also. were you an only child ? i will bet you were. take care.

Only child? I wish. I was surrounded by brattish siblings and I spent my formative years fighting for unfettered access to the teat.

So nothing much has changed I guess.

I like the way you spell humour. It tells me a lot. Suddenly the entire thread makes sense.

Edited April 29, 2012 by bendix

[StreetCowboy]

...

I swear, you just post on here to piss people off.

So he's another point ahead now then.

If it bothers you that he pisses you off, why do you let him do it?

And if you think he does it deliberately to piss you off, why do you encourage him?

SC

[SimonD]

My impression is that bendix had deliberately aligned his bed so that he cannot fail but to get out of the wrong side of it every morning.

[thequietman]

hiya Bendix,sorry to disappoint, I am not American.

Edited April 29, 2012 by thequietman

[thequietman]

...

I swear, you just post on here to piss people off.

So he's another point ahead now then.

If it bothers you that he pisses you off, why do you let him do it?

And if you think he does it deliberately to piss you off, why do you encourage him?

SC

cause its fun.

[thehelmsman]

Benny ole Boy - Which of the 4 teats did you perfer?????

[BigJohnnyBKK]

yes im one of those....done my time in the village and it was fun then friends moved away and i broke with wife and started to travel around thailand.i have done 335.000klm driving around thailand and Laos and i still not sure where i want to live. so i am also back in pattaya ,in a week i will be bored here and go back up to udon then bored there after 2 weeks and maybe drive into Laos...and on and on looking for UTOPIA ? anyone been there ? i need directions..

Slow down. Maybe put a bike in the back and use that to explore the back roads rather than isolating yourself in a car.

I agree with you having lived here in Thailand for 4 years, the so called friends I have made have all had hang ups about one thing or another, and many are controlled by theirThai wife or girlfriend. They do not seem to have a mind of their own, and take what their partner tells them as gospel. In the end it ruins a relationship for two farangs to have a chat together most wives/ G F'S are so possesive abouth their partner they cleverly put a stop to it.

Much the truth. Three of my friends that started out very much in control of their own lives have ended up totally pussy-whipped, and rarely get permission to spend much time with me, because of course I try to open their eyes and help them man up and take back control over their lives, they're paying all the bills, usually supporting at least a dozen family members and hangers-on (yes possibly the original Thai husband as well) but have to ask permission to take a trip or have a friend stop by.

One tried to make a deal with me where I'd help knock off his wife, but he can't just up and leave her - the mind boggles. Kids involved of course. . .

Any newbies reading this - just like with an aggressive dog, you can't show fear or back down. Maintain an aggressive stance - never show you're willing to turn over control, don't let yourself ever get intimidated or the game's over - you have to always be the one who's ready to walk away, and from the very first time she threatens to do so call her bluff and don't even be reachable for at least a week or two.

PS Another reason on my list for looking for girls who haven't had any contact with farang before, haven't been exposed to and spoiled by the pussy-whipped western cultural programming.

[KeyserSoze01]

Move to a city.

When you're stuck in the sticks, if you've no Thai language skills, then you can hardly pick and choose.

You can meet other people every day in Pattaya. You get the odd <deleted> but they're easily avoidable. Once the novelty of having a younger wife and nice house out in the boondocks wears off you want a bit of company with like minded fellows. I have several friends who returned to Pattaya after a spell in the sticks but they were renters not buyers.

yes im one of those....done my time in the village and it was fun then friends moved away and i broke with wife and started to travel around thailand.i have done 335.000klm driving around thailand and Laos and i still not sure where i want to live. so i am also back in pattaya ,in a week i will be bored here and go back up to udon then bored there after 2 weeks and maybe drive into Laos...and on and on looking for UTOPIA ? anyone been there ? i need directions..

It's like Easy Street. You can't get there from here.

[WhingeingMoaners]

Could it possibly reflect on you that nobody wants to be your friend?

[smokie36]

Could it possibly reflect on you that nobody wants to be your friend?

No of course not....thequietman is a sound guy....why wouldn't he be?

His victims are all silenced already....

[StreetCowboy]

Could it possibly reflect on you that nobody wants to be your friend?

No of course not....thequietman is a sound guy....why wouldn't he be?

His victims are all silenced already....

I got "Hot Fuzz" from the knock-off DVD shop in the Village

"There's more guns in the country than in the city, you know"

"That's right; everyone and their mum's packing in the country"

"Like who?"

"Farmers"

"Farmers' mums"

I can't remember the quote exactly, so I'm looking forward to watching it again...

I've also got "Snatch", which recommends feeding the remains to the pigs, if you have a falling-out with your friends; though I am sure we have no need to tell Quietman that

SC

[necronx99]

Could it possibly reflect on you that nobody wants to be your friend?

No of course not....thequietman is a sound guy....why wouldn't he be?

His victims are all silenced already....

I got "Hot Fuzz" from the knock-off DVD shop in the Village

"There's more guns in the country than in the city, you know"

"That's right; everyone and their mum's packing in the country"

"Like who?"

"Farmers"

"Farmers' mums"

I can't remember the quote exactly, so I'm looking forward to watching it again...

I've also got "Snatch", which recommends feeding the remains to the pigs, if you have a falling-out with your friends; though I am sure we have no need to tell Quietman that

SC

Maybe he's got no friends cause he's a Pikey?

[TommoPhysicist]

I like the way you spell humour. It tells me a lot. Suddenly the entire thread makes sense.

You spell it the English way, he spells it the American way ......... that tells me he may be American.

(or Canadian, etc., but granted if he is English it does tell us something)

Edited April 30, 2012 by TommoPhysicist

[Ulysses G.]

Maybe he just uses a spell-check that spells it the American way.

[thehelmsman]

BENDIX - I'll be back in Thailand in a weeks time. Will you be my friend???? I'm so alone.

[StefanBBK]

Does it really matter where one is from?

Maybe it is just the wrong auto correct installed?

Topic was why it is difficult to find a good friend in Thailand. There is a huge difference between good friends and people you hang out with.

Good friends we all have just very few, I am sure.

Posted with Thaivisa App http://apps.thaivisa.com

[bendix]

BENDIX - I'll be back in Thailand in a weeks time. Will you be my friend???? I'm so alone.

No. Sod off.

If you want a friend, talk to thequietman. He has a vacancy.

Edited April 30, 2012 by bendix

[thehelmsman]

BENDIX - I'll be back in Thailand in a weeks time. Will you be my friend???? I'm so alone.

No. Sod off.

If you want a friend, talk to thequietman. He has a vacancy.

I'm quite devastated by your rejection. Is Sod off, a term of endearment?

[cup-O-coffee]

. Also taking into consideration that back then it was much more difficult for those of little wealth to come and settle in Thailand because the Immigration regulations were much tighter enforced, so as a whole, the farangs that moved here in them days, were higher educated, financially better off

I kind of see your point here , but can also see why some(..them.. ) may infer a sense of elitism from your implications.

ps I have a degree and a Post Office savings account

I was employed by a PR company based in Spain for over 35 years, most of my assignments where within South East Asia. I was on legal contracts to work in South East Asia and in Thailand.

Have now fully retired on a generous pension and a healthy bank account, can live with peace of mind in Thailand 100% legal with no concerns or the need to look over my shoulder to see who is watching me. I can walk into Immigration once a year for my visa extension and all done within 20 minutes. I am by no means rich, but do believe I did everything the right way and for this reason I feel quite proud of myself, so I’m blowing my own trumpet here.

If on my travels and I happen to meet other ex-pats that have the need to run over the borders every 5 minutes, work in bars paying the police beer money so as to convince them they’re not really there, struggling to keep they’re Thai girl friends from the underclass’s of Thai society content and happy, hoping to find any job, doing anything to support themselves here, than I have to ask myself, do I truly want to become involved and socialise with them? And the answer is no. Why? Because I don`t need to.

Call it elitism, snobbery or what you like, but the worst that can happen is that those sorts wont like me. So what, I certainly would not lose any sleep over that, plus I know there are plenty more living in similar situations as myself in Thailand and will think the same way. So I am being straight and up front with you regarding how it really is. Some may respect that and some may not, either way it makes no difference to me.

But isn't posting in a thread like this "striking up a conversation" sans the person being there? Aren't you likening almost everyone herein as those kinds you would not want to "strike up a conversation" with in person, yet you are "conversing" in a thread?

And don't most conversations in person stylize themselves pretty much like the "conversations" in these threads, whereby people don't really acknowledge what the last guy said, and instead use that information to propel into an additional comment or a digression?

This is what I have noticed in a a lot of conversation with mates sitting around having a beer. It is fun, to me, and that is what I like about male conversation. It is not restrictive, and it focuses on interesting things that do not damage or gossip about other people. It is usually about things that pertain to useful and practical interests that one can chew on or spit out as the case may be.

I don't know why you choose to "live on wall street" and then say you avoid conversation with people who are "interested in finances". What I mean is that most people here are here simply because Thailand is a relatively opportunistic place to scratch out a living and avoid all the BS back home. Your quid stretches a bit farther here and beer and cigarettes or companionship is not going to bust you.

I am glad for you that you are so fortunate to have your way made smooth. I think you will be very lonely if you seek out others in your position. I've met a lot of fellows in your position, and they are a joy to have around and to hear their input in general chat. I wonder why you are so selective in an environment that nurtures the thing you avoid, and at the same time choose to subject yourself to.

Maybe you should move to Barbados or Brazil so you can yuck it up with yacht owners and guys who walk around with white, permanent pressed pants and wear argyle socks?

[hotandhumid]

I'm sure you will find that one special person one day. You know what they say, there is someone out there for everyone.

Good luck.

[samsiam]

I'm sure you will find that one special person one day. You know what they say, there is someone out there for everyone.

Good luck.

I have already sent him the photos.

[cup-O-coffee]

There are some interesting observations here regarding striking up conversations with other farang you see around.

The obvious question is 'why?'

You wouldnt initiate conversation with random men back home, so why do it here, simply because they are the same race as you. It's no different from saying that you should initiate contact and strike up a conversation with people wearing the same colour teeshirt.

I'd take it further. If anyone randomly strikes up conversation with me, I make it a point to be very wary. If they are farang in Thailand, even more so.

Go away people. Leave me alone. Simply having fair skin and blue eyes does not give you the right to invade my life.

Lighten up. Yes! I would initiate conversation with random men back home when the setting is designed for it. When you are out in public and at a public place anyone has a right to acknowledge you politely and make a polite attempt to strike up a conversation if the setting is ripe for it (e.g. out front of a mom and pop shop where there are tables and geezers sitting around having a cold one, or a setting where people are able to sit near each other and enjoy the elements.

Some people simply like to get out once in awhile and enjoy conversing in their language with others who speak that language. I am not describing an idiot who singles you out and it is clear that their approach will make anyone uncomfortable. Usually eye contact and a friendly nod is enough to get the message across that you wish to chat or to be left alone, depending on the reaction of the other party.

Use it or lose it is what I say. Some times my brain feels like it is atrophying because I am around simian chatter all day and the context of 90 percent of that chatter is so base, unstimulated and devoid of anything worth listening to. It is truly refreshing to sit around and listen to others speak of things that make sense and to learn things you did not know had you not been there to listen to them. Even throwing in a word or two to stimulate the conversation brings pleasure because if you don't keep your mind sharp and test what you know against others, then what is the use of existing?

If you want to position yourself in the field as a target for a polite invite for chat, then perhaps you should put a placard in front of you that tells people to leave you alone, unless you are polite enough to let them know you are not in the mood for it. Otherwise, they will approach you. That is just the way of positive and happy people who are getting out of the house for a bit of fresh air and to get rid of the cabin fever.

[bendix]

There are some interesting observations here regarding striking up conversations with other farang you see around.

The obvious question is 'why?'

You wouldnt initiate conversation with random men back home, so why do it here, simply because they are the same race as you. It's no different from saying that you should initiate contact and strike up a conversation with people wearing the same colour teeshirt.

I'd take it further. If anyone randomly strikes up conversation with me, I make it a point to be very wary. If they are farang in Thailand, even more so.

Go away people. Leave me alone. Simply having fair skin and blue eyes does not give you the right to invade my life.

Lighten up. Yes! I would initiate conversation with random men back home when the setting is designed for it. When you are out in public and at a public place anyone has a right to acknowledge you politely and make a polite attempt to strike up a conversation if the setting is ripe for it (e.g. out front of a mom and pop shop where there are tables and geezers sitting around having a cold one, or a setting where people are able to sit near each other and enjoy the elements.

Some people simply like to get out once in awhile and enjoy conversing in their language with others who speak that language. I am not describing an idiot who singles you out and it is clear that their approach will make anyone uncomfortable. Usually eye contact and a friendly nod is enough to get the message across that you wish to chat or to be left alone, depending on the reaction of the other party.

Use it or lose it is what I say. Some times my brain feels like it is atrophying because I am around simian chatter all day and the context of 90 percent of that chatter is so base, unstimulated and devoid of anything worth listening to. It is truly refreshing to sit around and listen to others speak of things that make sense and to learn things you did not know had you not been there to listen to them. Even throwing in a word or two to stimulate the conversation brings pleasure because if you don't keep your mind sharp and test what you know against others, then what is the use of existing?

If you want to position yourself in the field as a target for a polite invite for chat, then perhaps you should put a placard in front of you that tells people to leave you alone, unless you are polite enough to let them know you are not in the mood for it. Otherwise, they will approach you. That is just the way of positive and happy people who are getting out of the house for a bit of fresh air and to get rid of the cabin fever.

Three points:

1) If people have 'the right' to approach me simply because they want to engage in a conversation, I retain the right to ignore them.

2) The day I need to engage with some neanderthal with tattoos, a shaved head and a Bad Boys Go To Pattaya teeshirt to keep my mind fresh, is the day I ask Mrs Bendix to load the shotgun and do the decent thing.

3) I love the idea of a placard. I might just do that, although I see there is an associated risk that it might encourage approaches too.

[Sayonarax]

Awww, so cute. A thread about making Friends.

[cup-O-coffee]

There are some interesting observations here regarding striking up conversations with other farang you see around.

The obvious question is 'why?'

You wouldnt initiate conversation with random men back home, so why do it here, simply because they are the same race as you. It's no different from saying that you should initiate contact and strike up a conversation with people wearing the same colour teeshirt.

I'd take it further. If anyone randomly strikes up conversation with me, I make it a point to be very wary. If they are farang in Thailand, even more so.

Go away people. Leave me alone. Simply having fair skin and blue eyes does not give you the right to invade my life.

Lighten up. Yes! I would initiate conversation with random men back home when the setting is designed for it. When you are out in public and at a public place anyone has a right to acknowledge you politely and make a polite attempt to strike up a conversation if the setting is ripe for it (e.g. out front of a mom and pop shop where there are tables and geezers sitting around having a cold one, or a setting where people are able to sit near each other and enjoy the elements.

Some people simply like to get out once in awhile and enjoy conversing in their language with others who speak that language. I am not describing an idiot who singles you out and it is clear that their approach will make anyone uncomfortable. Usually eye contact and a friendly nod is enough to get the message across that you wish to chat or to be left alone, depending on the reaction of the other party.

Use it or lose it is what I say. Some times my brain feels like it is atrophying because I am around simian chatter all day and the context of 90 percent of that chatter is so base, unstimulated and devoid of anything worth listening to. It is truly refreshing to sit around and listen to others speak of things that make sense and to learn things you did not know had you not been there to listen to them. Even throwing in a word or two to stimulate the conversation brings pleasure because if you don't keep your mind sharp and test what you know against others, then what is the use of existing?

If you want to position yourself in the field as a target for a polite invite for chat, then perhaps you should put a placard in front of you that tells people to leave you alone, unless you are polite enough to let them know you are not in the mood for it. Otherwise, they will approach you. That is just the way of positive and happy people who are getting out of the house for a bit of fresh air and to get rid of the cabin fever.

Three points:

1) If people have 'the right' to approach me simply because they want to engage in a conversation, I retain the right to ignore them.

Agreed, but ignoring someone in that manner is antisocial behavior. There are certain responsibilities that go hand in hand with being considered a part of the human race. Being polite and refusing is a part of that. I am only saying this as a means for you to consider in order to avoid confrontations or insults to your character and behavior.

2) The day I need to engage with some neanderthal with tattoos, a shaved head and a Bad Boys Go To Pattaya teeshirt to keep my mind fresh, is the day I ask Mrs Bendix to load the shotgun and do the decent thing.

Funny you extract this type of person as an example of what I am describing. You seem to allude to the most sinister and sordid examples when there are more options out there than those. You are either stirring the pot and glorifying in being a crusty old fart, or you really are the one to avoid and/or get a proper nut on the head if you do spout off the wrong thing when someone tries to be courteous about a little banter and crack.

How can someone know you are like this if they do not ask, and do so politely, or even be a bit careless and cross your line innocently (it happens occasionally) without you jumping down their throat? You are asituation waiting to happen; I can guarantee that!

3) I love the idea of a placard. I might just do that, although I see there is an associated risk that it might encourage approaches too.

Incorrigible! I would never intend to bother you, Bendix. I truly would not, and I mean that I respect what you say. But were you to be rude, then you must consider the consequences of your rudeness; not only from the person, but also from the bystanders who overhear your response and who view your behavior. the quietman is a far better person that you are, as demonstrated by his sincerity and courage. He simply questions - with that courage and sincerity - those things that you willingly choose to come on this thread and publicly take the time to $hit on; and without being euphemistic, that is exactly what you have been on about.

[transam]

There are some interesting observations here regarding striking up conversations with other farang you see around.

The obvious question is 'why?'

You wouldnt initiate conversation with random men back home, so why do it here, simply because they are the same race as you. It's no different from saying that you should initiate contact and strike up a conversation with people wearing the same colour teeshirt.

I'd take it further. If anyone randomly strikes up conversation with me, I make it a point to be very wary. If they are farang in Thailand, even more so.

Go away people. Leave me alone. Simply having fair skin and blue eyes does not give you the right to invade my life.

Lighten up. Yes! I would initiate conversation with random men back home when the setting is designed for it. When you are out in public and at a public place anyone has a right to acknowledge you politely and make a polite attempt to strike up a conversation if the setting is ripe for it (e.g. out front of a mom and pop shop where there are tables and geezers sitting around having a cold one, or a setting where people are able to sit near each other and enjoy the elements.

Some people simply like to get out once in awhile and enjoy conversing in their language with others who speak that language. I am not describing an idiot who singles you out and it is clear that their approach will make anyone uncomfortable. Usually eye contact and a friendly nod is enough to get the message across that you wish to chat or to be left alone, depending on the reaction of the other party.

Use it or lose it is what I say. Some times my brain feels like it is atrophying because I am around simian chatter all day and the context of 90 percent of that chatter is so base, unstimulated and devoid of anything worth listening to. It is truly refreshing to sit around and listen to others speak of things that make sense and to learn things you did not know had you not been there to listen to them. Even throwing in a word or two to stimulate the conversation brings pleasure because if you don't keep your mind sharp and test what you know against others, then what is the use of existing?

If you want to position yourself in the field as a target for a polite invite for chat, then perhaps you should put a placard in front of you that tells people to leave you alone, unless you are polite enough to let them know you are not in the mood for it. Otherwise, they will approach you. That is just the way of positive and happy people who are getting out of the house for a bit of fresh air and to get rid of the cabin fever.

Three points:

1) If people have 'the right' to approach me simply because they want to engage in a conversation, I retain the right to ignore them.

Agreed, but ignoring someone in that manner is antisocial behavior. There are certain responsibilities that go hand in hand with being considered a part of the human race. Being polite and refusing is a part of that. I am only saying this as a means for you to consider in order to avoid confrontations or insults to your character and behavior.

2) The day I need to engage with some neanderthal with tattoos, a shaved head and a Bad Boys Go To Pattaya teeshirt to keep my mind fresh, is the day I ask Mrs Bendix to load the shotgun and do the decent thing.

Funny you extract this type of person as an example of what I am describing. You seem to allude to the most sinister and sordid examples when there are more options out there than those. You are either stirring the pot and glorifying in being a crusty old fart, or you really are the one to avoid and/or get a proper nut on the head if you do spout off the wrong thing when someone tries to be courteous about a little banter and crack.

How can someone know you are like this if they do not ask, and do so politely, or even be a bit careless and cross your line innocently (it happens occasionally) without you jumping down their throat? You are asituation waiting to happen; I can guarantee that!

3) I love the idea of a placard. I might just do that, although I see there is an associated risk that it might encourage approaches too.

Incorrigible! I would never intend to bother you, Bendix. I truly would not, and I mean that I respect what you say. But were you to be rude, then you must consider the consequences of your rudeness; not only from the person, but also from the bystanders who overhear your response and who view your behavior. the quietman is a far better person that you are, as demonstrated by his sincerity and courage. He simply questions - with that courage and sincerity - those things that you willingly choose to come on this thread and publicly take the time to $hit on; and without being euphemistic, that is exactly what you have been on about.

As usual C-o-C an excellent post/reply.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

I think we should have a T-shirt made up:

* Incorrigible Old Fart - Just Leave Me Alone!

translated into Thai and a half-dozen other languages just to be safe.

Then maybe another one:

* Open to New Experiences - Feel Free to Talk to Me!

In my case Thai, English, French and German would suffice.

Probably not a good idea to have it tattooed to the forehead, because it's quite possible I'd change from the latter to the former. However I can't see many people going back the other way.

Just realized a lecture I recently saw on neuroscience is relevant - younger people tend to define "Happiness" with qualities related to stimulation and excitement, while older people equate it with peace and quiet.

[thequietman]

Could it possibly reflect on you that nobody wants to be your friend?

NO. next.

[thequietman]

I like the way you spell humour. It tells me a lot. Suddenly the entire thread makes sense.

You spell it the English way, he spells it the American way ......... that tells me he may be American.

(or Canadian, etc., but granted if he is English it does tell us something)

Sorry to disappoint. I am not English, perish the thought.