Tomboy Gik

[lovelomsak]

A married friend confided in me that he feels his wife has a tomboy gik.

He told me of a few instances where the tomboy was very aggressive in persuit of his wife right in front of him. He doesnot want to lose his wife. His wife says they are justing playing and have been friends for years and her friend isnot a tomboy.

I want to relate a couple of stories he told me that made him think what he does.

After being married about 6 months they went together to visit this woman at the service station where she works. His wife said she missed her friend and wanted to talk to her. My friend said that in less than a minute after they had arrived and started to talk the (tomboy) grabbed his wifes breast. His wife pushed the hand away and said something in Thai and then turned to the husband he said with with sad puppy eyes. They left soon after.

Another time the (tomboy) and wife drank a bottle of whiskey at his house.After they drank the whiskey the (tomboy) followed his wife around the house and constantly kept grabbing her and pulling her close or pushing her against the wall and rubbing against his wife.He said he got angry and told them to get in the car he was taking (tomboy)home. When they went to get in the car the (tomboy) tried to pull his wife into the backseat with her. He told his wife to get in front beside him. He told me that before the made it to road the (tomboy has reached around the seat his wife was in and was trying to grab her breasts. His wife grabbed her hands and just played along like they were just friends holding hands.All the way to the (tomboys) house he said the wife had to hold her hands to stop her but she still rubbed the back of her hands on his wifes breasts. When they got to (tomboys) the (tomboy) was angry with his wife and pushed her hard against the car door and walked away.

After all this the wife insisted they were just friends playing and her friend(tomboy) wasnot a tomboy just a good friend.

What can i do to help this poor guy.The (tomboy) and her have been friends for 20 years. All through her first marriiage and now with him.He told me this is driving him crazy.

I told him to tell his wife to never see the (tomboy) again.And never let her in house again.

What do you guys think?

I should mention these are women in the 40's not young kids.

Edited May 3, 2012 by lovelomsak

[kurnell]

I think that 90% of Thai women have a relationship with a Tom at some stage in their life, and then move on to a boyfriend/husband, but it is very difficult to convince the Tom that the relationship is over. Too many male hormones I think.

[nocturn]

i suppose its an original enough post, though it does seem familiar.

the tom angle is a nice change up on the hackneyed "brother" theme, though god knows why the word tomboy is bracketed every time it appears.

By way of a response, an affair is an affair regardless of the sexes involved. why would your "friend" react any differently than if his wife had a male assignation.

i personally would not do anything, lesbian gas station attendants are hot.

[arthurwait]

When I first met my wife in the UK at university one of the other Thai friends that hung around together was a tomboy that wanted to be with my wife who wasn't interested in being more than friends with her.

For about a year I put up with her jealousy towards me until one day we were in a car park in Brighton and a spider was hanging down on a web by the boot of their car which she was scared of (not so butch now) so I grabbed it and said "Here catch" as i threw it at her. I only ever saw her once again.

[Payboy]

Some husbands would pay good money to watch that stuff.

[GuestHouse]

Sorry if this is not well written, but I'm reduced to one hand typing.

I suggest this warrants a webcam in the bedroom for those times when the husband is not around.

[salavan]

i think the wife and the tomboy have a full on relationship thats been going on for some years. the husband is just the meal ticket.

i spoke to a thai man the other day whos wife is living with a farang for 3 years he told me that when she has got enough money from him she will come back to him. same same for lesbien its not just about the money its all about the money.

tit

[GuestHouse]

Sorry if this is not well written, but I'm reduced to one hand typing.

I suggest this warrants a webcam in the bedroom for those times when the husband is not around.

And please don't forget to post the URL

Edited May 3, 2012 by GuestHouse

[NanLaew]

From the OP

What can i do to help this poor guy.

Why are you even trying to help with this very personal and intimate marital relationship issue of your alleged married friend?

It's not y'all is it now?

[brewsterbudgen]

There seem to be regular 'tom' threads starting these days!

Why heterosexual guys think they'd get off watching their GF with a masculine looking tom, I have no idea.

[princejohnjay]

i guess he hasn't done his wife well (sexually) in bed as a man...if he has, she will never go near that tom again

[brewsterbudgen]

i guess he hasn't done his wife well (sexually) in bed as a man...if he has, she will never go near that tom again

Straight Thai women turn to toms for much more than sex.

Edited May 3, 2012 by brewsterbudgen

[nocturn]

There seem to be regular 'tom' threads starting these days!

Why heterosexual guys think they'd get off watching their GF with a masculine looking tom, I have no idea.

tough to fathom indeed

[899cc]

There seem to be regular 'tom' threads starting these days!

Why heterosexual guys think they'd get off watching their GF with a masculine looking tom, I have no idea.

May be it's better to watch than a thai soap.............

[SteveCNX]

Ask her if they are into threesomes?

[Kilgore Trout]

Whats that they say; if it looks like a duck, talks like a duck etc.......chances are its a..........

[Fatherfluffybottom]

Shit thats a tough one, the husband would want to be careful what he says, in case the tough tomboy hit him a few slaps

[theblether]

OP it's none of your business, so stay away from this issue with your friend. You can't win.

As to the issue, forget the Tom element, there is a person being sexually agressive with the wife. To make it worse, in sobriety, in a public place, going by the first story. As far as I am aware that is beyond out of order in Thailand.

Forget the alcohol story, to me that first story is the serious one. The fact that the wife has not cut all contact after being groped in public tells you there is a back story to this, an intense back story.

Your friend is in a bad situation, he can't be watching his wife 24/7, and it looks like she is emotionally involved / having a relationship with this other person.

He's going to have to regard it as he would any extra-marital affair. The fact that it is a Tom may be entertaining for Guesthouse but it's irrelevant as to the carnage that may follow.

Distrust is a cancer.

Ps. I told a story on TV recently about a French guy getting his head kicked in for groping.

If you ever want your head kicked in then touch a Thai guys gf or wife, if you grope them be prepared for the worst.

The level of disrespect shown by this Tom is breathtaking.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

It is unfortunately very likely that the tom relationship is the main one, so pushing too hard to supress will have unforeseen consequences.

Personally I'd go along with it, suggest an open marriage model, see if you can get a threesome thing going and make the most of it, could really enhance the excitement and honesty of the relationship. You certainly can't expect monogamy in this situation, it's 99% definitely an ongoing sexual relationship, but on the bright side she can't expect monogamy from you either.

Just know you'll really have to "man up" to ensure the tom doesn't end up dominating the household as a whole, but presumably you're in control of the finances so you've got some leverage there. The really worrying aspect about all this from my POV is that the tom is so confident as to be brazen like that, implies she has your wife completely wrapped around her finger.

Obviously all the usual cautions about protecting your assets from what may well be a purely transactional relationship from her POV apply, but that IMO applies in nearly all Thai-farang relationships anyway.

Edited May 3, 2012 by BigJohnnyBKK

[navara]

It's how you feel about life. Tom boy lovers can be an extra fun part in life of the wife. Question is: do you as a farang accept this or not and if so, how far should is go? Next to this, you could be involveld with ladyboys. Does the thai wife except this???

I am not gonna say what you should do, Thai culture ( and thinking and values of life ) are much different then ours.

If the tomboy look sexy, I would sleep with 2 ;-)

John

[Shiver]

As George Ure would say, " *Everything* is a business model ".

Edited May 3, 2012 by Shiver

[richard_smith237]

Whats that they say; if it looks like a duck, talks like a duck etc.......chances are its a..........

I'm going out on a limb here..... Tomboy ?

OK - My take on this: For some (not all) a choice of sexuality is more of a lifestyle / fashion choice than a sexual choice. This tom appears to be acting out her interpretation of how she expects a man to behave. Much in the same way some gay chappies overact in their femininity. Yes, there is sexual spectrum and its not a one size fits all box, but the fact remains that behaviour deemed disrespectful by one party involved in the relationship is enough to cross that line.

My wife's long term Gay Best Friend once grabbed her breast in front of me. In no uncertain terms I told him I wouldn't tolerate that behaviour from anyone, male, female, gay, lesbian or anything between, and I don't care if he's gay or not, crossing that line has nothing to do with sexuality, it has everything to do with respect.

Now, he's still a very good friend to my wife and has helped us both out in the past (wedding planning etc). It appears to me that society sometimes doesn't know how to handle gender and sexuality issues so those who's sexual persuasion differs from heterosexuality get a free pass. My point is that if these very same people wish to be respected they are to be treated with absolute equality, this includes not tolerating any extreme behaviour...

[phl]

For what its worth my few cents worth from personal real life experience

My business associate is a Thai female who i always thought to be a tom, as it turns out she was as she did have a gf.

At one stage after knowing each other for about 1 year, the gf asked me to marry her.

She was pretty open about it all, we had a meeting, myself, tom(business associate and her gf)

They told me straight, that GF needs to marry to have husband, so her family will leave her alone and also looks good in her circles.

We were NOT to live together, ONLY the big wedding for everyone to see and perhaps an occasional get together appearances.

The business associate (tom) also "needed" to get married.

After some thinking i refused, weeks later they split up(as i was told) this week tom is getting married.

Chances are in my opinion, after few months, the gf will reappear.

Family is happy, friends satisfied, face saved, and everything goes back to normal, ie lesbian

[Theyreallrubbish]

The tomboy may be acting up because she's frustrated that the wife has ended the sexual relationship and the tomboy is trying to demasculate the husband to bring her back.

The key is to how the wife reacts. If none of this behaviour affects how often she wants to see the tomboy, then its working. If she wants to see her less and less then the behaviour is eroding their previous relationship and it will work itself out as the the tomboy is ruining the relationship by herself.

I agree with other posters though, the OP has extraordinary calm to not explode at seeing his wife groped in public in front of him.

[adabeesi2k]

Tell your friend to stop being weak and leave her.

[MeMock]

I think that 90% of Thai women have a relationship with a Tom at some stage in their life, and then move on to a boyfriend/husband, but it is very difficult to convince the Tom that the relationship is over. Too many male hormones I think.

90% huh?

[jacobus]

I gotta agree with that post above, they're using you guys for money, get with it, it hurts but its true, nobody in the real world would likely tell you to your face. your "Friend" with the diesel-dyke BF? the wfe loves HER, not the husband,

and for the rug-muncher to openly display her hornballity to the wife in front of the husband like that, ouch! I would send them both packing, move on... get a new one.

some things we should accept in life, if you're being used for your money, or for the passport, that's one thing, but to be made out to be a schmuck so openly, well, up to you mate...

Finally, a sensible response!

[berryranger]

very interesting

but it's still better than your wife having an affair with another man?

um..but it won't be ok if a wife finds her husband having an affair with another man though (._.)

[volatilekoala]

I would say the problem is with the wife, not necessarily the tom. If the husband has an issue with their relationship he should take it up with his wife and she should make a compromise. They've been "friends" for 20 years so asking them not to be friends most-likely won't work. If his wife respects his feelings she would not act in such a way to make him feel disrespected... at least not in front of him.

[lovelomsak]

Now that I have read these posts I sincerely feel sorry for the guy. He is a nice guy, but perhaps to caught up with the wrong woman. I wrote (tomboy) like that because he and I have no direct proof she is a tomboy. I am with all of you who say get rid of his wife and look for a new one. But he doesnot want to let go.I quess he just needs to let his wife and the (tomboy) know he is the man and he is in charge. Until he does this he is just a puppet. So I will leave it up to him, but mention to him that I feel that is the best route to take. Thanks to all of you for your in put.