When A Speeding Motorcycle Is Coming Straight At You, Can You Hit Him With A Bottle Of Pickles?

[Jingthing]

As similar has happened a number of times before when (attempting) to cross a road in Pattaya a speeding motorcycle ran a traffic light and was approaching me at a very high speed. Both of us had to react in a split second. I jumped one way, he veered another. I could have easily gone badly. However, as I am often carrying a bag of GROCERIES with some hard items in it, such as bottles of PICKLES, I have noticed one of my automatic impulses IF it feels too late to avoid being hit, is to HIT BACK. In such a case, the laws of physics being what they are, I would probably never succeed in striking a speeding motorcyclist and harming him with a bottle of pickles. But ... supposing I did and survived, supposing the motorcyclist had indeed run a traffic light, where would such a self defender stand LEGALLY in Thailand?

Edited May 30, 2012 by Jingthing

[Ohyesuare]

I have no doubt that you (as a foreigner) would be in big trouble and pay for all the damage and a big compensation payment as well. I almost got hit by a speeding motorbike out of nowhere while crossing the street, if I didn't jump away at the last second I would probably be dead. Two Thai men nearby yelled in disappointment as I didn't get hit, they were looking forward to seeing it. I was shaking for the next hour or so as it really was a close call, I felt it zoom by me.

Edited May 30, 2012 by Ohyesuare

[Jingthing]

The driver last night was a white guy. Forget about the Thai vs. foreigner aspect for a moment. Please focus on the pure conflict this time: pedestrian with pickle bottle vs. biker with speeding machine.

[nocturn]

pickles are expensive, especially the claussen, and the half gallon kosher spears (630 thb) come in plastic bottlesnow so throwing the bottle would not be very satisfying.

[Jingthing]

It's actually a serious question, like life and death. OK, the pickle detail is funny. It could be any kind of HARD object.

[Semper]

I've heard that a bottle (jar) of pickles is quite expensive, can't you find something cheaper in your bag ?

[Jingthing]

I've heard that a bottle (jar) of pickles is quite expensive, can't you find something cheaper in your bag ?

What I meant was swing the entire bag at the bike/biker trying to divert him from his direct course of hitting you. Obviously you would try to have the impact point be something HARD in the bag. Come on now, folks, use your noodle! Even if you had time to strike a bike with your grocery bag, you would never have time to fish out a particular object.

[BookMan]

It would be most jarring to get hit by a motorcycle.

If you did raise your groceries against the rider I'm sure you would find yourself in a pickle of a situation with BiB. You would need to use all your negotiation skills to keep a lid on things.

Assault with deadly food items.

[BookMan]

I've heard that a bottle (jar) of pickles is quite expensive, can't you find something cheaper in your bag ?

What I meant was swing the entire bag at the bike/biker trying to divert him from his direct course of hitting you. Obviously you would try to have the impact point be something HARD in the bag. Come on now, folks, use your noodle! Even if you had time to strike a bike with your grocery bag, you would never have time to fish out a particular object.

Thats true. But if u had a bag full of potato chips or extruded pork products you wouldn't do much damage

[Jingthing]

OK, I did try to add some texture, color, and crunchiness to the topic with the pickle detail, but it clearly backfired. Oh well.

[DP25]

Come on now, folks, use your noodle!

I don't think noodles are going to be as effective as a jar of pickles

[BookMan]

OK, I did try to add some texture, color, and crunchiness to the topic with the pickle detail, but it clearly backfired. Oh well.

No no no....it didnt backfire at all. Agreed, you could have spiced up the condiment range a little bit perhaps.

[BookMan]

Come on now, folks, use your noodle!

I don't think noodles are going to be as effective as a jar of pickles

[richardjm65]

I think Ohyesuare is right. You'd also probably break your jar of pickles too.

Your incident served to remind me of an event in '89 when, after closing my office I strolled toward Sukhumvit Soi 4 for my evening drinks. I carried one of the solid, Samsonite briefcases in my right hand and, as on many other occasions a motorcyclist rode towards me on the sidewalk underneath the expressway flyover. Being well tired of having to step into the gutter for these oafs, this time I angled the briefcase out slightly and was able to cause it to contact his oncoming right knee with a very satisfying crack.

He hopped around a bit, clearly distressed and I apologised most earnestly, and was waved on and grinned at by the cop who had seen the "accident". My beer tasted so much better that evening.

[Semper]

You said that this has happened several times. Why on earth would the speeding/redlightning biker try to hit you? Is the same guy that's driving (maybe you have offended him before) or are there different drivers invoved? Try change your clothes as a disguise, before you cross the road next time and see what happens.

[carra]

I always carry a one baht coin when crossing the road at a zebra crossing, the when a car comes hurtling towards you I find it quite satisfying to flick the one baht coin in the air, sometimes I hear it hit the windscreen and sometimes it misses completely, never broken one yet but the sound it makes is quite refreshing and i am sure it jolts the driver, and of course a little flick of the coin with the thumb is almost always impossible to see.

I enjoy this so much I make unnecessary journeys across the road (not really)

[carra]

next time it happens, hit him with a turkey, then a christmas pudding, some biscuits and a bottle of wine, then he can tell the police he was hampered.

Thanks i am here all week, try the chicken

[Kilgore Trout]

The driver last night was a white guy. Forget about the Thai vs. foreigner aspect for a moment. Please focus on the pure conflict this time: pedestrian with pickle bottle vs. biker with speeding machine.

Depends on whose better connected or who strikes a deal first

[eyebee]

A couple of years ago I was on a motorcycle taxi travelling up 2nd Road in Pattaya. Suddenly this farang on a motorbike (drunk I guess) veered into our path. There was no way to prevent a collision. My quick thinking taxi driver just put his foot out and kicked the other bike over. He stopped and spoke to the police who soon arrived. The other guy wasn't badly hurt, and soon we were on our way.

Obviously the other guy was in the wrong, and it was better to have one injury than three. But I often wonder what the situation would have been if the other guy was thai and he was kicked over by a farang...

[Jingthing]

OK, I'll ask the question another way as we have many bikers here.

If I feel you are about to kill me with your bike, do I have the right to assault you with my groceries?

[carra]

OK, I'll ask the question another way as we have many bikers here.

If I feel you are about to kill me with your bike, do I have the right to assault you with my groceries?

I think that would depend on whether or not you had time to move out of the way rather than just lash out with something in you hand, as this would just be an act of revenge rather than an act of making sure you are safe.

Edited May 30, 2012 by carra

[NanLaew]

As in post #14, I think if you make it appear to be an accidental collision between grocery bag and dipshit, arrogant farang on a bike, you will have a much more rewarding experience. If you have a chance to swing it so that it has impetus and manage to get it around face level, all the better. Make it look like you were raising the bag in defense rather than taking a deliberate swing. How about bringing an extra bag on your shopping trip with a roofing tile, shingle or similar inside? Do remember to let go of the bag(s) at the very last minute to avoid having your arm ripped out of the socket when the bag gets impaled on the bike although the vision of pulling the driver backwards off his bike like the losing knight in a medieval joust is very, very appealing.

However, I do not recommend it with Thai bike riders... not the ones in Pattaya and especially not with a mototaxi guy.

When you are ready to try this, please let me know so I can come and watch. Hopefully you will be just around the corner at Villa crossing Sai Sohng and I can bring my beer from the bar.

[rucus7]

I have not been to the United States for several years. My recollection is that 17 states have laws on the books classifying jarred pickles as a deadly weapon. In California, what you are proposing would be a felony.

[Shot]

I've heard that a bottle (jar) of pickles is quite expensive, can't you find something cheaper in your bag ?

What I meant was swing the entire bag at the bike/biker trying to divert him from his direct course of hitting you.

Paper or plastic?

[hedonist44]

OK, I'll ask the question another way as we have many bikers here.

If I feel you are about to kill me with your bike, do I have the right to assault you with my groceries?

Personally, if I was careless enough to be going too fast and do actually put your person in danger (as well as my own) I would not hold it against you if you attempted to hurl something (relatively) soft at me to get the point across. Pickles would not be appreciated, but of course you already knew that.

[thequietman]

It's actually a serious question, like life and death. OK, the pickle detail is funny. It could be any kind of HARD object.

just hit him with your knob then or stick it in his spokes.

[PattayaParent]

I recommend you don't try crossing the road in Ha Noi Jingthing!

[Jingthing]

I recommend you don't try crossing the road in Ha Noi Jingthing!

I've been there. Yes it is epic!

[NanLaew]

I recommend you don't try crossing the road in Ha Noi Jingthing!

I've been there. Yes it is epic!

It's easy! You just get out your smartphone, start updating your Facebook (or whatever) and after quickly checking for a break in the traffic near the kerb and picking an angle of attack that is greater than 90 degrees to the traffic, look back down at your phone and step out into the abyss. Keep the head down and placing each footfall as you recite one-thousand, two-thousand, etc., just head to the opposite side. Ignore the beeping as they would do that if the street was empty anyway (it's a Viet thing) and the traffic magically parts around you as you seem to 'swim' to the other side. I was taught this recently by a young Italian girl who has been studying in HCMC for over a year and has adapted wonderfully to the traffic mayhem. Pretty sure it would work in Hanoi too but will defer to the more learned as my northern Vietnamese experience was in provincial cities and the country and not the capital.

Now, back on topic, when can we expect some jousting? I will be back in Pattaya this weekend.

[AleG]

Pickles?

Nah...

What you need is a good old fashioned infantry pike, plant the rear in the ground and watch that bastard get skewered if he doesn't swerve.