I Blew Up At The Missus This Evening.

[TommoPhysicist]

Some suggest that Thai men rule their ladies more firmly with less compromise than their Western counterparts – Perhaps society has established a valid reason for this. If I may make the fault of generalizing I would suspect that women from a less educated backgrounds require more firm guidance and uncompromising strength in a man, where as more educated ladies require a more gentle apprach… Perhaps I am totally wrong, but this is what I see day to day in Thailand.

You are totally wrong, Thai educational levels counts for nothing.

Now if you were comparing a Thai girl with a Thai girl educated in the west, that might be a more valid generalisation.

I think it's more to do with emotional development, most Thai girls still think 'Hello Kitty' is neat when 40+

Edited June 14, 2012 by TommoPhysicist

[richard_smith237]

Some suggest that Thai men rule their ladies more firmly with less compromise than their Western counterparts – Perhaps society has established a valid reason for this. If I may make the fault of generalizing I would suspect that women from a less educated backgrounds require more firm guidance and uncompromising strength in a man, where as more educated ladies require a more gentle apprach… Perhaps I am totally wrong, but this is what I see day to day in Thailand.

You are totally wrong, Thai educational levels counts for nothing.

Now if you were comparing a Thai girl with a Thai girl educated in the west, that might be a more valid generalisation.

I think it's more to do with emotional development, most Thai girls still think 'Hello Kitty' is neat when 40+

Fair enough - By I don't simply mean getting a MA from Thammarsat Uni or a Uni in the UK. Education in this sense of course means University etc, but also good upbringing, moral standards, communication and of course, not the cutesy annoying hello-kitty rubbish and saft 'isn't my honda Jazz so cute cos I have a hello kitty numberplate' type girl !!....

And yes - I suspect I am comparing to a Uni Educated girl in the West - as the relationships with Thai ladies that I have encountered more closely resemble one with a Western lady - Perhaps due to their more rounded up brining (education) which is perhaps more on par with a Western lady.

I agree with your 'emotional development' comment - Without it and mutually enjoyable relationship is doomed from the offset.

[pattayadingo]

Is she the breadwinner of the house at the moment? I know you may have your pension and what not, butclearly, she has started to draw her boundary of what she likes to do when she comes home. The others may be right by telling you to have some time for yourself. But in the case of a daughter whom you love very much in involved, you owe it to both you and the little girl to talk it out first with the iron maiden! All the best!

Mark

She works, but doesn't contribute a lot towards the household budget as she earns less than 6,000 Baht/month. I pay all the bills etc.

Loong, from your posts, you are doing a lot of what I did, maybe because it comes natural to some of us. Laundry, cooking, cleaning when the SO is out at work 12 hours a day. Nothing wrong with that. Yet it does seem to be taken as a sign of weakness far too often, especially over here. Then things seem to fall apart, as if they feel you are beneath them somewhat. I have to admit, again, I never found a solution each time.

That is why I am single again though I'd rather not be, yet it is preferable to living in a relationship that is not working.

[Krupnik]

OP, your dedication to her (your) daughter is admirable. I really hope that you can find a solution to the problems with your missus. It seems that you are putting in a lot more in to your relationship and homelife than you are getting out of it, you deserve better. It is brave of you to admit that you drink too much but unless it affects your behaviour towards your family, I can't see much of a relevance.

Goodluck.

Edited June 14, 2012 by Krupnik

[PattayaParent]

Disappear for a week like your missus did before, she might not even notice you're not there.

[soi41]

So you don't want to clean, you don't want to cook, you don't want to take care of the garden. But you want to get pissed and chainsmoke. Maybe you should have a good look in the mirror and change a few things about yourself !

I really don't mind doing the housework, especially as she is at work all day. I enjoy working in the garden.

I don't know how you got this from my OP.

I enjoy a beer or 2 , but I don't usually over indulge.

Smoking is bad and I keep trying to stop.

I know it is wrong and weak to use alcohol and nicotine as crutches.

@loong. Reading between the lines, I get the feeling that more than anything it is a question about loneliness and feeling isolated, where your wife, for better or worse, is your only real friend. And you are hurting because that friendship is slipping away. Hence the "crutches".

So instead of running away, as suggested by many posters here, what about taking your small family for a short holiday. Doesn't have to be something fancy or expensive, just do something together. Go to a nearby national park or make a trip to a place, that will make your daughter happy. Just a couple of days away from the village (?). To me it seems like your wife is decent woman, with a few flaws like the rest of us. So if there still is any feelings left, and you want it to work, give my miniholiday-concept a try. Good luck

[BigJohnnyBKK]

OP, your dedication to her (your) daughter is admirable. I really hope that you can find a solution to the problems with your missus. It seems that you are putting in a lot more in to your relationship and homelife than you are getting out of it, you deserve better. It is brave of you to admit that you drink too much but unless it affects your behaviour towards your family, I can't see much of a relevance.

Goodluck.

Alcohol abuse destroys character and cripples the soul, very difficult for a far-along alcoholic IMO to prevent his disease impacting the health of his friends and family, in fact often the closer the relationship the greater the harm.

Maybe relocating and getting dry then sober in a supportive community elsewhere (**lots** of great AAs in Bangkok) will kill two birds with one stone, also let his wife deal with sole motherhood and realize things are different from now on.

OP if you want help PM me be happy to do what I can.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

I agree with your 'emotional development' comment - Without it and mutually enjoyable relationship is doomed from the offset.

Even my graduate uni students, male and female are usually far less mature, both emotionally within themselves and in practical interpersonal and life skills, than my Aussie kids were at 13-14.

Assuming the other qualities are in place, just talking about maturity here, by the time a Thai woman (95% maybe) is truly mature to handle a western-style relationship she's no longer physically attractive, at least to me.

You can't get everything in the one package, better IMO to let each role have its specialists. . .

[rixalex]

Best of luck loong. From this thread, you come across as being a kind, caring and honest soul, who does not deserve to be treated the way that you are. What the solution is, i don't know, but what i do know is, things have to change and you are going to have to be the one that makes the change.

Tough decisions are easy to put off, but like anything that has an element of dread to it, once you do it, you'll feel so much better for it. Your problems won't disappear over night of course, but you will lift a weight from your shoulders and start thinking clearer. Please don't delay, if not for yourself, for the daughter you love.

[NanLaew]

Where does the OP live? I assume by opening up in an online forum, there's no other personal friends or even casual farang acquaintances to just hang out with? I am not talking about a local farang or non- Thai who he could discuss his personal problems with (I run a mile on the rare occasion one of those sorts wants to 'open up' at the bar). But you need someone other than family (and definitely other than the surrogate Thai family) to chat and relax with, get out more, socialize a bit no? This forum will give you mixed advice, mostly negative and totally flawed as it is based on only what you chose to tell the forum members.

I would wonder if the 4-week UK visit could qualify as exclusive 'me' time if the OP was visiting relatives (even siblings) and constantly thinking about the unresolved issue of the loveless relationship that he would be returning to. It does seem that the OP doesn't share any common interests with his partner which only enhances the already established meal-ticket raison d'etre even more. Be honest, if she is working for less than 6000 baht/month with all those personal outlays, then why is she doing it at all other than NOT to be around the OP for most of the day. Then she goes and chats with her friends rather than come into the house and say hello. I would not go as far as to say that she doesn't like you or hates you but it does appear that she can't really be bothered with you. As mentioned on some of the later posts, regardless of education, there's an immaturity in the Thai psych (male AND female) that doesn't easily allow a person to accept that they may have a problem or, they may have the personal ability to resolve a problem.

The OP comments that she bought the pickup (on finance) and got the life insurance (probably mandated by the car finance company) without consulting with him. Does that bother the OP? What would have been his response if she asked about buying the pickup first? Maybe she does feel the need to be self-sufficient and earn 'her' money and not ask for money from the live-in sponsor that the OP appears to have become.

So my advice follows with some given earlier with the first priority of STOP DRINKING! There's no excuse for any man to be drinking alcohol alone during the day, none whatsoever. It is a depressant and makes things seem worse, including your health. Then plan on doing the disappearing act IN THAILAND as suggested but don't go anywhere you have been before. The idea is to have you distracted and stimulated and that is generally easier somewhere new. Even a quick trip over the land border to Laos or Cambodia can be considered if it hasn't been done before.

Edited June 14, 2012 by NanLaew

[theblether]

Loong, the fact that you have just had me time changes everything.

It's time to leave now Loong.

[transam]

Where does the OP live? I assume by opening up in an online forum, there's no other personal friends or even casual farang acquaintances to just hang out with? I am not talking about a local farang or non- Thai who he could discuss his personal problems with (I run a mile on the rare occasion one of those sorts wants to 'open up' at the bar). But you need someone other than family (and definitely other than the surrogate Thai family) to chat and relax with, get out more, socialize a bit no? This forum will give you mixed advice, mostly negative and totally flawed as it is based on only what you chose to tell the forum members.

I would wonder if the 4-week UK visit could qualify as exclusive 'me' time if one was visiting relatives (even siblings) and constantly thinking about the unresolved issue of the loveless relationship that he would be returning to. It does seem that the OP doesn't share any common interests with his partner which only enhances the already established meal-ticket raison d'etre even more. Be honest, if she is working for less than 6000 baht/month with all those personal outlays, then why is she doing it at all other than NOT to be around the OP for most of the day. Then she goes and chats with her friends rather than come into the house and say hello. I would not go as far as to say that she doesn't like you or hates you but it does appear that she can't really be bothered with you. As mentioned on some of the later posts, regardless of education, there's an immaturity in the Thai psych (male AND female) that doesn't easily allow a person to accept that they may have a problem or, they may have the personal ability to resolve a problem.

The OP comments that she bought the pickup (on finance) and got the life insurance (mandated by the car finance company) without consulting with him. Does that bother the OP? What would have been his response if she asked about buying the pickup first? Maybe she does feel the need to be self-sufficient and earn 'her' money and not ask for money from the live-in sponsor that the OP appears to have become.

So my advice follows with some given earlier with the first priority of STOP DRINKING! There's no excuse for any man to be drinking alcohol alone during the day, none whatsoever. It is a depressant and makes things seem worse, including your health. Then plan on doing the disappearing act IN THAILAND as suggested but don't go anywhere you have been before. The idea is to have you distracted and stimulated and that is generally easier somewhere new. Even a quick trip over the land border to Laos or Cambodia can be considered if it hasn't been done before.

Stop drinking , l drink alone during the day and never get depressed by it, in fact makes me sparkle, so think your assuming to much with the beer angle, might make you depressed though eh.

[loong]

Disappear for a week like your missus did before, she might not even notice you're not there.

She went for more than a week. Something like 2 months, can't remember exactly.

To other posters..

I honestly don't think that I have a problem with alcohol abuse. It's not often that I will drink more than 4 small cans.

@loong. Reading between the lines, I get the feeling that more than anything it is a question about loneliness and feeling isolated, where your wife, for better or worse, is your only real friend.

That could have something to do with my frame of mind. I have no interaction with anybody else that can speak English. I can speak Thai well enough for day to day needs, but not able to have a real in depth conversation. Worse, here in Isaan, I struggle to understand some of the older people who just speak Lao or don't speak clearly enough.

Maybe I am lonely and just didn't realise it?

Last month, in the UK, I had unlimited English conversation, maybe I have found it difficult to re-adjust on my return.

Maybe I have been pouncing on her when she gets home, hungry for a bit of English conversation.

[theblether]

Maybe now you are just over analysing Loong, when was the last time you felt happy and content with your Mrs?

[NanLaew]

Where does the OP live? I assume by opening up in an online forum, there's no other personal friends or even casual farang acquaintances to just hang out with? I am not talking about a local farang or non- Thai who he could discuss his personal problems with (I run a mile on the rare occasion one of those sorts wants to 'open up' at the bar). But you need someone other than family (and definitely other than the surrogate Thai family) to chat and relax with, get out more, socialize a bit no? This forum will give you mixed advice, mostly negative and totally flawed as it is based on only what you chose to tell the forum members.

I would wonder if the 4-week UK visit could qualify as exclusive 'me' time if one was visiting relatives (even siblings) and constantly thinking about the unresolved issue of the loveless relationship that he would be returning to. It does seem that the OP doesn't share any common interests with his partner which only enhances the already established meal-ticket raison d'etre even more. Be honest, if she is working for less than 6000 baht/month with all those personal outlays, then why is she doing it at all other than NOT to be around the OP for most of the day. Then she goes and chats with her friends rather than come into the house and say hello. I would not go as far as to say that she doesn't like you or hates you but it does appear that she can't really be bothered with you. As mentioned on some of the later posts, regardless of education, there's an immaturity in the Thai psych (male AND female) that doesn't easily allow a person to accept that they may have a problem or, they may have the personal ability to resolve a problem.

The OP comments that she bought the pickup (on finance) and got the life insurance (mandated by the car finance company) without consulting with him. Does that bother the OP? What would have been his response if she asked about buying the pickup first? Maybe she does feel the need to be self-sufficient and earn 'her' money and not ask for money from the live-in sponsor that the OP appears to have become.

So my advice follows with some given earlier with the first priority of STOP DRINKING! There's no excuse for any man to be drinking alcohol alone during the day, none whatsoever. It is a depressant and makes things seem worse, including your health. Then plan on doing the disappearing act IN THAILAND as suggested but don't go anywhere you have been before. The idea is to have you distracted and stimulated and that is generally easier somewhere new. Even a quick trip over the land border to Laos or Cambodia can be considered if it hasn't been done before.

Stop drinking , l drink alone during the day and never get depressed by it, in fact makes me sparkle, so think your assuming to much with the beer angle, might make you depressed though eh.

I would never have guessed that you were French!

.... is it still just the one glass of red for intestinal fortitude?

Or are you beating the OP's four tinnies a day?

Edited June 14, 2012 by NanLaew

[transam]

Where does the OP live? I assume by opening up in an online forum, there's no other personal friends or even casual farang acquaintances to just hang out with? I am not talking about a local farang or non- Thai who he could discuss his personal problems with (I run a mile on the rare occasion one of those sorts wants to 'open up' at the bar). But you need someone other than family (and definitely other than the surrogate Thai family) to chat and relax with, get out more, socialize a bit no? This forum will give you mixed advice, mostly negative and totally flawed as it is based on only what you chose to tell the forum members.

I would wonder if the 4-week UK visit could qualify as exclusive 'me' time if one was visiting relatives (even siblings) and constantly thinking about the unresolved issue of the loveless relationship that he would be returning to. It does seem that the OP doesn't share any common interests with his partner which only enhances the already established meal-ticket raison d'etre even more. Be honest, if she is working for less than 6000 baht/month with all those personal outlays, then why is she doing it at all other than NOT to be around the OP for most of the day. Then she goes and chats with her friends rather than come into the house and say hello. I would not go as far as to say that she doesn't like you or hates you but it does appear that she can't really be bothered with you. As mentioned on some of the later posts, regardless of education, there's an immaturity in the Thai psych (male AND female) that doesn't easily allow a person to accept that they may have a problem or, they may have the personal ability to resolve a problem.

The OP comments that she bought the pickup (on finance) and got the life insurance (mandated by the car finance company) without consulting with him. Does that bother the OP? What would have been his response if she asked about buying the pickup first? Maybe she does feel the need to be self-sufficient and earn 'her' money and not ask for money from the live-in sponsor that the OP appears to have become.

So my advice follows with some given earlier with the first priority of STOP DRINKING! There's no excuse for any man to be drinking alcohol alone during the day, none whatsoever. It is a depressant and makes things seem worse, including your health. Then plan on doing the disappearing act IN THAILAND as suggested but don't go anywhere you have been before. The idea is to have you distracted and stimulated and that is generally easier somewhere new. Even a quick trip over the land border to Laos or Cambodia can be considered if it hasn't been done before.

Stop drinking , l drink alone during the day and never get depressed by it, in fact makes me sparkle, so think your assuming to much with the beer angle, might make you depressed though eh.

I would never have guessed that you were French!

.... is it still just the one glass of red for intestinal fortitude?

Or are you beating the OP's four tinnies a day?

A bottle of red a day in the UK, days gone by. Here, purely for water intake AND sparkle, it's a few beers.

[tutsiwarrior]

the wife left this morning to discharge her brother from hospital who got seriously busted up in a motorbike accident...we paid about thb30000 to assist him and his family and I see it as part of our responsibility...

problem is that he has never said a word to me and never meets my eye when we are in the same room...and I remarked as much to my wife who just said that he is illiterate and mentally difficient and I responded: 'and why does an illiterate and mentally difficient individual presume that he can assume responsibility for suppporting a family? (he has 2 little boys)...'

she just shrugged her shoulders in irritation...

[maxme]

I doubt giving him some "me" time will help the situation in the long haul.

She maybe consider you as the father and therefor have no qualms leaving her kids with you but that's just an assumption. Myself I would consider that a selfish act but that's just me.

First thing is to try to open her up, if she is willing to see the problem at hand. If not then you could probably force by saying "for the sake of the family/kids".

You probably need to try this more than one time but if she still doesn't give in to have an open discussion then I seriously doubt she cares of what happens with the family.

Even with Thai women who has great understanding of the English language have some mismatched communication skils... It's called selective hearing, they just hear what they want to hear. If they do not then YOU are the reason the relationship is trouble. It's the old Thai blame game... I have experienced this more than a few times, luckily I made my decision to force it into an ultimatum.

No matter who you choose... if they are not educated in the west or even have remote knowledge in the difference between a farang and a Thai, I seriously doubt they will ever have your full attention. They look after themselves first, then you.

I don't mean to come down as negative but a relationship especially in Thailand is much of a struggle that can turn out to be really good. Despite all of this, I think any normal relationship comes down to if the communication is working between the two partners.

I don't tell you to give up but I do think if you have tried hard enough then you'll have to decide what is the best for the family and make a decision from there.

[loong]

Nanlaew,

I was typing my last post while you posted.

Yes I'm North of Khon Kaen, the only farang around here.

Yes, I drink alone, but not during the day. I enjoy a few cold beers at the end of the day, especially when it's hot.

In the past I have indulged in social drinking with Thais and it is not a good idea as many do not know when to stop and many will expect me to keep paying.

When I first moved to this village, I was firm that I would not drink with Thais and definitely not pay for their alcohol.

Only once have I broken this rule, that was at Songkhran time when I bought some cases of beer and pop. That was a great day, but for weeks after I had people badgering me to buy them beer whenever I went to the shop.

The OP comments that she bought the pickup (on finance) and got the life insurance (mandated by the car finance company) without consulting with him. Does that bother the OP? What would have been his response if she asked about buying the pickup first? Maybe she does feel the need to be self-sufficient and earn 'her' money and not ask for money from the live-in sponsor that the OP appears to have become.

My investments had taken a major hit, tenant in my UK house wasn't paying the rent and the exchange rate for my GBP had plummeted. To be honest I wasn't as financially secure as I thought I was. She had previously talked about getting a pick-up and I had said that I really wasn't in a position to buy one.

She just came home one day driving a shiny new pick-up. At the time, I was actually quite proud of her. She had saved up the deposit of about 130K.

Problem then was that there was intensive building going on around her restaurant. The land opposite that she rented for customer parking was no longer available.. More food outlets opened and with very little parking available in the narrow street takings dropped dramatically. That's why she sold the business as she was working long hours for not much reward.

Now she earns nowhere near enough to cover her commitments, so I have to chip in. The pick-up is useful at times, but mostly it just sits on the driveway.

It is important to me, and I think to her, that she works and contributes something, much better than someone who just lazes around all day and puts her hand out everytime she needs cash.

[barefoot1988]

just my opinion . .

Looks like you married a woman who takes you for granted and doesn't place priority in the family. Sadly, I will say its pointless to discuss about that particular woman. The main issue now is the child and you should probably ask more about that. Its either you endure with your wife or win the child custody. Your wife doesn't seems to have any sense of responsibility, if you decided to move on, do not leave your child with her, your child will only suffer.

a very common problem from what i had seen, but being a foreigner here makes things really complex. maybe someone who is familiar with the laws could give some advise. ts seems like a fine men, its a pity really

Edited June 14, 2012 by barefoot1988

[BigJohnnyBKK]

the wife left this morning to discharge her brother from hospital who got seriously busted up in a motorbike accident...we paid about thb30000 to assist him and his family and I see it as part of our responsibility...

problem is that he has never said a word to me and never meets my eye when we are in the same room...and I remarked as much to my wife who just said that he is illiterate and mentally difficient and I responded: 'and why does an illiterate and mentally difficient individual presume that he can assume responsibility for suppporting a family? (he has 2 little boys)...'

she just shrugged her shoulders in irritation...

I can see why she would be irritated, who are you to judge? At least he's trying to take some responsibility, are you saying it would have been "smarter" for him to walk away abandon the mother like so many guys do?

And you think just because you volunteered to chip in for his health care he should now meet your standards of social politeness? Maybe he hates you, maybe he's just shy, maybe ashamed.

You may never know. . .

Maybe he's not even really your wife's brother?

[simple1]

Over a 100 posts to date. OP have you now got enough input to make a decision on your next steps. Plenty of interest in your situation so if you want to carry on the dialogue why not summarise your plans. I am sure their will be lots of comments to keep you engaged.

[cardholder]

the wife left this morning to discharge her brother from hospital who got seriously busted up in a motorbike accident...we paid about thb30000 to assist him and his family and I see it as part of our responsibility...

problem is that he has never said a word to me and never meets my eye when we are in the same room...and I remarked as much to my wife who just said that he is illiterate and mentally difficient and I responded: 'and why does an illiterate and mentally difficient individual presume that he can assume responsibility for suppporting a family? (he has 2 little boys)...'

she just shrugged her shoulders in irritation...

I can see why she would be irritated, who are you to judge? At least he's trying to take some responsibility, are you saying it would have been "smarter" for him to walk away abandon the mother like so many guys do?

And you think just because you volunteered to chip in for his health care he should now meet your standards of social politeness? Maybe he hates you, maybe he's just shy, maybe ashamed.

You may never know. . .

Maybe he's not even really your wife's brother?

I have always thought that 30,000 Baht buys something. Certainly the right to 'judge'.

Clearly it is not enough to buy respect.

[robblok]

I would not pay a penny for someone who hates / ignores me. The least they can do is be civil.

[GarryP]

I misread the title and thought this thread was about inflatable dolls. Bit of a disappointment really.

[NanLaew]

Nanlaew,

I was typing my last post while you posted.

Yes I'm North of Khon Kaen, the only farang around here.

Yes, I drink alone, but not during the day. I enjoy a few cold beers at the end of the day, especially when it's hot.

In the past I have indulged in social drinking with Thais and it is not a good idea as many do not know when to stop and many will expect me to keep paying.

When I first moved to this village, I was firm that I would not drink with Thais and definitely not pay for their alcohol.

Only once have I broken this rule, that was at Songkhran time when I bought some cases of beer and pop. That was a great day, but for weeks after I had people badgering me to buy them beer whenever I went to the shop.

The OP comments that she bought the pickup (on finance) and got the life insurance (mandated by the car finance company) without consulting with him. Does that bother the OP? What would have been his response if she asked about buying the pickup first? Maybe she does feel the need to be self-sufficient and earn 'her' money and not ask for money from the live-in sponsor that the OP appears to have become.

My investments had taken a major hit, tenant in my UK house wasn't paying the rent and the exchange rate for my GBP had plummeted. To be honest I wasn't as financially secure as I thought I was. She had previously talked about getting a pick-up and I had said that I really wasn't in a position to buy one.

She just came home one day driving a shiny new pick-up. At the time, I was actually quite proud of her. She had saved up the deposit of about 130K.

Problem then was that there was intensive building going on around her restaurant. The land opposite that she rented for customer parking was no longer available.. More food outlets opened and with very little parking available in the narrow street takings dropped dramatically. That's why she sold the business as she was working long hours for not much reward.

Now she earns nowhere near enough to cover her commitments, so I have to chip in. The pick-up is useful at times, but mostly it just sits on the driveway.

It is important to me, and I think to her, that she works and contributes something, much better than someone who just lazes around all day and puts her hand out everytime she needs cash.

The good news is you appear to know what is going on in her business life and her attempts to be somewhat independent so that doesn't mean that you aren't totally out of communication. An earlier poster asked when was the last time you felt happy with your partner and the relationship. Has there been anything notable that could have kicked off this perceived 'change of heart' on her part? On your part? The failure of her business venture and having to work for the new owner for peanuts may have been a catalyst on her part. Or maybe your UK tenant problems and the exchange rate worries on your part? I learned very quickly that bringing work problems wasn't conducive to marital harmony and since you aren't working, you may have mentioned your 'alternative income' woes a tad too often?

So by admission, you are bereft of basic alternative friendship and companionship in the Isaan boonies. I think that this feeling of being unloved by your significant other is leading you to place far too much importance in the childs love and thus making it imperative that you be seen to be returning that love. A childs love is unconditional. It's only when they reach adulthood and start tacking on terms and conditions that it goes pear-shaped. The fact that your rather distant partner has not attempted to subvert the childs love means that she hasn't given up the ghost on your relationship IMHO. But she is probably at a total loss about how to fix the problem what with making payments on the car and wondering why you aren't as happy as you used to be. I bet a pound to a penny that with all her time spent chatting with her friends, she aint bringing up her shaky relationship with you, ie. seeking advice. They are just yapping away about other stuff which helps her unwind and forget about her current rock/hard-place feelings.

Anyway, did you feel free of the worries while you were at home in May or was the 'problem' in Isaan always in your thoughts? If so, you still need the 'me time' break so make a plan to do unto your partner what she did to you. Just get up and go. Pop up to Udon Thani for a long weekend where you can happily get lost among the nameless farangs, stay at a nameless resort, hang about the new mall (check the eye candy at weekends) and basically do your own thing. Rent a motorbike and get out and about a bit. Beyond pottering about in the garden, you haven't suggested any other pastimes or hobbies. If I am in town, I will let you buy me a beer or eight.

Your benevolence during Songkran wasn't excessive IMHO but don't let the odd few scroungers that 'try it on' discourage you from doing something similar WITH THE FAMILY involved next time; like a birthday or (more fun IMHO) as wake for a family member or a significant village worthy passing on. Arbitrarily buying piss for the locals isn't any way to go in these here parts as you already know.

Edited June 14, 2012 by NanLaew

[NanLaew]

I misread the title and thought this thread was about inflatable dolls. Bit of a disappointment really.

Yes, you are just that.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

I have always thought that 30,000 Baht buys something. Certainly the right to 'judge'.

Clearly it is not enough to buy respect.

Actually that was exactly my point.

Volunteering to give money for people that aren't actually your concern is of course up to you, just as you can choose to give it to Soi Dogs Rescue or your local church.

However don't expect to get anything in return, and in fact if it's someone with whom you have a relationship of any sort already, the gift is more than likely to screw that up.

You can't buy respect, nor use it to teach manners or overcome mental illness or other fundamental "missing bits" you find all over the place here looking with your culture's glasses and a very limited understanding of what's really going on.

IMO give it with no strings attached, no expectations at all, or don't give it at all.

You will certainly never very rarely get any gratitude.

[loong]

Over a 100 posts to date. OP have you now got enough input to make a decision on your next steps. Plenty of interest in your situation so if you want to carry on the dialogue why not summarise your plans. I am sure their will be lots of comments to keep you engaged.

The only decision that I have been able to make today is that I won't be drinking any beer this evening. My head's still fuddled from last night.

I will see what happens when she comes home today, she didn't speak a word to me this morning.

I'm not going to rush into anything, especially not when under the influence

[seasia]

I feel I can only wish the OP Good Luck in whatever he decides, shouldn`t judge but comes across as a nice person and quite likely in the right.

Some of the replies have made me think so a good thread.

Although far from perfect the partner I am with cleans, cooks etc. whilst also holding down a job,although is prone to complete silence at times( won`t talk) which annoys me.

She would probably feel she is failing if she didn`t do those things which she seems to regard as her duty/responsibility.

Good Luck loong in whatever you decide, genuinely.