I Blew Up At The Missus This Evening.

[robblok]

Possibly. I find it difficult to convey that I not only have to think about my spending for today, but also for the years to come. I gave her the money for the car insurance a couple of days ago and told her that we have to be a bit careful for a few months as I only have 860K in my Thai bank account and I need to have 800K when I apply for my retirement extension in August. I can't move any more cash over yet as it is tied up.

NEVER ever put money in someones hand to pay a third party. She will cheat you, either not pay or exaggerate the cost.

You want to pay car insurance, go down to the insurance office and pay them yourself.

PS

Minimum government insurance is about 900bht, why pay more on someone else's car.

PPS

Check her car driving licence, she has one and it is currently valid, else the insurance is invalid anyway (so no point buying).

Just reading this makes me wonder whether a relationship based on mistrust is worth it in the end.

If I had to question my wife on mundane aspects like "do you have a driving licence or insurance" for me the game is up, probably before it began.

" She will cheat you, either not pay or exaggerate the cost."God there has to be some trust (and hope) out there, and I find it hard to believe this is typical of a Thai relationship!

I can't believe it either. Might be the typical young girl old guy relation ship that is based on money. I can't understand anyone wanting to live like that. I am careful but this is paranoid.

[loong]

May I politely request that you don't turn this thread into a "Thai women only with farang for money and they lie and cheat etc etc"

I have no doubt that my missus was actively seeking a farang to take care of her financially. I really don't have a problem with that and that is not what this thread is about.

[rixalex]

May I politely request that you don't turn this thread into a "Thai women only with farang for money and they lie and cheat etc etc"

I have no doubt that my missus was actively seeking a farang to take care of her financially. I really don't have a problem with that and that is not what this thread is about.

Whilst i agree that this thread shouldn't become a discussion/argument on relationships in general, but should rather focus on your situation and what might be done to improve it, i do think the matter of your wife "actively seeking a farang to take care of her financially" and your "having no problem with that", might actually be deep down right at the heart of all your current problems.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

May I politely request that you don't turn this thread into a "Thai women only with farang for money and they lie and cheat etc etc"

I have no doubt that my missus was actively seeking a farang to take care of her financially. I really don't have a problem with that and that is not what this thread is about.

I agree with your general sentiment, both about your intention with the thread and your acceptance of the foundation of your relationship. However if you went into it with your eyes open then why wouldn't you put appropriate safeguards in place and exert appropriate control rather than letting her take over? You pay the bills, you should be the boss, things start to deteriorate you put your foot down fast and hard. If they don't improve sharpish then out the door.

From the first week, certainly for the first year strong strong strong until the pattern's established.

You've let things get so far out of hand it's going to be very difficult if not impossible to resurrect a situation that will allow you any measure of happiness, it's going to take world war III or you just accepting to let things go on the way they are.

Sorry if I'm being harsh here, consider it tough love, obviously your life you're the one going to live it. I could of course be completely wrong, dealing with a very incomplete picture filtered through my own biases and experiences. . .

[BigJohnnyBKK]

Whilst i agree that this thread shouldn't become a discussion/argument on relationships in general, but should rather focus on your situation and what might be done to improve it, i do think the matter of your wife "actively seeking a farang to take care of her financially" and your "having no problem with that", might actually be deep down right at the heart of all your current problems.

I disagree, that can be the basis for a wonderful straightforward and honest relationship in the beginning, but only if the guy has the will to keep his role straight. If you're an employer or manager you don't let your lower-level staff run the place, if you're a teacher you don't let the kids run riot, etc etc. Within that framework real love can develop, but as soon as the appropriate roles get messed up and the service provider realizes she can take advantage and actually dictate terms then game over, no respect and it's usually just a matter of time before the sponsor is all chewed up and spit out.

[TommoPhysicist]

You clearly only have two choices.

1) Leave

2) Try on a dress

[crazykopite]

I used to have a saying " If you get up on a Monday to go to work and you say I hate my job " then it is time to pack it in the same goes with long term relationships or even marriage , there is nothing worse if your not happy hence why you take to the bottle which in the end will no doubt shorten your life as it did with my beloved brother, his wife sat in one room and he in the other drinking all day !!!! Life is to short if you love the little girl then ensure you make provisions for her ie schooling and go and take her out once a week it takes two to Tango and I get the feeling the tang has gone between you both but at the end of the day it is you who has to decide maybe you should sit down and make a list of For's and Against and see what you come up with good luck !!!!

[rixalex]

I disagree, that can be the basis for a wonderful straightforward and honest relationship in the beginning, but only if the guy has the will to keep his role straight.

The sort of honest relationship in which you can't trust your wife with paying a simple bill for fear she might be ripping you off?

The sort of honest relationship in which you are both honest enough to admit that you have no trust in the other?

Guess it might work for some, but doesn't sound very wonderful or healthy to me. Each to their own i suppose.

[transam]

I disagree, that can be the basis for a wonderful straightforward and honest relationship in the beginning, but only if the guy has the will to keep his role straight.

The sort of honest relationship in which you can't trust your wife with paying a simple bill for fear she might be ripping you off?

The sort of honest relationship in which you are both honest enough to admit that you have no trust in the other?

Guess it might work for some, but doesn't sound very wonderful or healthy to me. Each to their own i suppose.

But ol' chum, l know a few that are doing it. Sadly.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

The sort of honest relationship in which you can't trust your wife with paying a simple bill for fear she might be ripping you off?

The sort of honest relationship in which you are both honest enough to admit that you have no trust in the other?

Guess it might work for some, but doesn't sound very wonderful or healthy to me. Each to their own i suppose.

My point is that the transactional basis of the beginning doesn't prevent a genuine relationship from being possible.

Honesty can't be assumed no matter where you met her or whatever the supposed basis for her attraction to you.

Trust but verify, don't expose yourself too much in the meantime, experience over time will tell. And realize that situations change and so do people, you'd be stupid to put your whole future survival at risk even if right now you think she's the cat's meow.

If at any point the negatives outweight the positives - and for some finding out your SO pilfers from the housekeeping money is a big deal - then you give fair warning making sure she understands she's on the brink of outtahere. Things don't correct pretty sharpish you walk away and start again with the next one. If you can't just walk away because all your assets have been tied up in her name well then you're an idjit aren't you.

If you get a few good years out of each then you're ahead of most. Maybe you win the lottery and get a real long-term keeper.

Again, remember I'm a fat old bald half-blind fart without much money, yet am not willing to compromise my physical requirements, which have become more and more stringent over time. Nor do I relinquish pretty strict control including the ability to have multiple concurrent teeraks without having to deceive anyone.

That pretty much locks me into a certain modus operandi so of course YMMV.

[TommoPhysicist]

If at any point the negatives outweight the positives - and for some finding out your SO pilfers from the housekeeping money is a big deal - then you give fair warning making sure she understands she's on the brink of outtahere. Things don't correct pretty sharpish you walk away and start again with the next one. If you can't just walk away because all your assets have been tied up in her name well then you're an idjit aren't you.

I've always found children have to be taught not to steal by an adult ............

Again, remember I'm a fat old bald half-blind fart without much money, yet am not willing to compromise my physical requirements,

I suspect most of us are.

Those that blather (or is that Blether) on about trust and lifelong partnership tend to be either, the very young, or men that have never managed to have a relationship before (in the west).

Edited June 14, 2012 by TommoPhysicist

[rixalex]

The sort of honest relationship in which you can't trust your wife with paying a simple bill for fear she might be ripping you off?

The sort of honest relationship in which you are both honest enough to admit that you have no trust in the other?

Guess it might work for some, but doesn't sound very wonderful or healthy to me. Each to their own i suppose.

My point is that the transactional basis of the beginning doesn't prevent a genuine relationship from being possible.

Honesty can't be assumed no matter where you met her or whatever the supposed basis for her attraction to you.

Trust but verify, don't expose yourself too much in the meantime, experience over time will tell. And realize that situations change and so do people, you'd be stupid to put your whole future survival at risk even if right now you think she's the cat's meow.

If at any point the negatives outweight the positives - and for some finding out your SO pilfers from the housekeeping money is a big deal - then you give fair warning making sure she understands she's on the brink of outtahere. Things don't correct pretty sharpish you walk away and start again with the next one. If you can't just walk away because all your assets have been tied up in her name well then you're an idjit aren't you.

If you get a few good years out of each then you're ahead of most. Maybe you win the lottery and get a real long-term keeper.

Again, remember I'm a fat old bald half-blind fart without much money, yet am not willing to compromise my physical requirements, which have become more and more stringent over time. Nor do I relinquish pretty strict control including the ability to have multiple concurrent teeraks without having to deceive anyone.

That pretty much locks me into a certain modus operandi so of course YMMV.

Well i do think that at the end of the day, if a relationship works for both parties, then that is all that matters.

[BookMan]

If at any point the negatives outweight the positives - and for some finding out your SO pilfers from the housekeeping money is a big deal - then you give fair warning making sure she understands she's on the brink of outtahere. Things don't correct pretty sharpish you walk away and start again with the next one. If you can't just walk away because all your assets have been tied up in her name well then you're an idjit aren't you.

I've always found children have to be taught not to steal by an adult ............

Again, remember I'm a fat old bald half-blind fart without much money, yet am not willing to compromise my physical requirements,

I suspect most of us are.

Those that blather (or is that Blether) on about trust and lifelong partnership tend to be either, the very young, or men that have never managed to have a relationship before (in the west).

Trust has to be earned in any relationship. If you give blind trust from day one you are setting yourself up for a fall, IMHO.

I trust people once they have shown they can be trusted and I wouldn't expect people to trust me either till I have proved myself to them.

Perhaps I have learnt the hard way through business and love to be like this, but I don't see it as a negative

[transam]

If at any point the negatives outweight the positives - and for some finding out your SO pilfers from the housekeeping money is a big deal - then you give fair warning making sure she understands she's on the brink of outtahere. Things don't correct pretty sharpish you walk away and start again with the next one. If you can't just walk away because all your assets have been tied up in her name well then you're an idjit aren't you.

I've always found children have to be taught not to steal by an adult ............

Again, remember I'm a fat old bald half-blind fart without much money, yet am not willing to compromise my physical requirements,

I suspect most of us are.

Those that blather (or is that Blether) on about trust and lifelong partnership tend to be either, the very young, or men that have never managed to have a relationship before (in the west).

Trust has to be earned in any relationship. If you give blind trust from day one you are setting yourself up for a fall, IMHO.

I trust people once they have shown they can be trusted and I wouldn't expect people to trust me either till I have proved myself to them.

Perhaps I have learnt the hard way through business and love to be like this, but I don't see it as a negative

Must admit, l trust not a single person on this planet. Sad l know but my life taught me that. BUT, there was this bird in the snooker hall..............................

[TommoPhysicist]

For me

Trust is a woman buying ME a house and a car.

(one can always hope)

[soi41]

You clearly only have two choices.

1) Leave

2) Try on a dress

That is what I call a quality post . For sure that is going to help the OP solve his problem. Or is it a way to get your postcount up ? You have been a member here for less than 3 months and tomorrow, with your current rate of posting, you will reach 1000 posts. Soon you will be able to join the"popular boys" table and use the forum as a private chatroom, all "liking" eachothers posts ofcourse . You don't have to answer, unless you need it for your postcount!

[TommoPhysicist]

with your current rate of posting, you will reach 1000 posts. Soon you will be able to join the"popular boys" table and use the forum as a private chatroom, all "liking" eachothers posts ofcourse

?????????

[BigJohnnyBKK]

Those that blather (or is that Blether) on about trust and lifelong partnership tend to be either, the very young, or men that have never managed to have a relationship before (in the west).

Or are so comfortable financially that there's never any stress in that regard and they never really know what their SO's really made of.

What most westerners call "love" and "romance" I maintain are largely luxuries the poor can't afford. Yes exceptions exist I know, but they prove the rule don't they.

However true love can arise in the most unlikely circumstances anytime and anyplace if you leave yourself open to it.

The trick is leaving yourself wide open in that way, but not in the other, bit of a high-wire act I know.

[transam]

with your current rate of posting, you will reach 1000 posts. Soon you will be able to join the"popular boys" table and use the forum as a private chatroom, all "liking" eachothers posts ofcourse

?????????

Me too, ????????????????????

[tinfoilhat]

Some suggest that Thai men rule their ladies more firmly with less compromise than their Western counterparts – Perhaps society has established a valid reason for this. If I may make the fault of generalizing I would suspect that women from a less educated backgrounds require more firm guidance and uncompromising strength in a man, where as more educated ladies require a more gentle apprach… Perhaps I am totally wrong, but this is what I see day to day in Thailand.

You are totally wrong, Thai educational levels counts for nothing.

Now if you were comparing a Thai girl with a Thai girl educated in the west, that might be a more valid generalisation.

I think it's more to do with emotional development, most Thai girls still think 'Hello Kitty' is neat when 40+

alot of women of all ages the world over like hello kitty.

time and time again this forum demonstrates that its members are willing to settle for women here that they would not even give the time of day in the west.

what i find ironic is that this in not their first time around, and while they have unlimited bile for their exes back home, they end up with far worse here.

it boggles the mind.

Edited June 14, 2012 by tinfoilhat

[TommoPhysicist]

time and time again this forum demonstrates that its members are willing to settle for women here that they would not even give the time of day in the west.

I'm more than happy to waste my time with women in their 30s no matter where in the world they come from.

what i find ironic is that this in not their first time around, and while they have unlimited bile for their exes back home, they end up with far worse here.

You didn't ever meet my ex, or you wouldn't be saying that.

Edited June 14, 2012 by TommoPhysicist

[transam]

Some suggest that Thai men rule their ladies more firmly with less compromise than their Western counterparts – Perhaps society has established a valid reason for this. If I may make the fault of generalizing I would suspect that women from a less educated backgrounds require more firm guidance and uncompromising strength in a man, where as more educated ladies require a more gentle apprach… Perhaps I am totally wrong, but this is what I see day to day in Thailand.

You are totally wrong, Thai educational levels counts for nothing.

Now if you were comparing a Thai girl with a Thai girl educated in the west, that might be a more valid generalisation.

I think it's more to do with emotional development, most Thai girls still think 'Hello Kitty' is neat when 40+

alot of women of all ages the world over like hello kitty.

time and time again this forum demonstrates that its members are willing to settle for women here that they would not even give the time of day in the west.

what i find ironic is that this in not their first time around, and while they have unlimited bile for their exes back home, they end up with far worse here.

it boggles the mind.

Hmmmmmmmmm , think your sitting alone in a bedsit.

My ex UK wife of 25 years was 17 years my junior, my Thai wife is 19 years my junior. What's your ''real'' point ?

Sorry, sorry, but sort out your grammar, etc, so l can take you seriously.

[cardholder]

Some suggest that Thai men rule their ladies more firmly with less compromise than their Western counterparts – Perhaps society has established a valid reason for this. If I may make the fault of generalizing I would suspect that women from a less educated backgrounds require more firm guidance and uncompromising strength in a man, where as more educated ladies require a more gentle apprach… Perhaps I am totally wrong, but this is what I see day to day in Thailand.

You are totally wrong, Thai educational levels counts for nothing.

Now if you were comparing a Thai girl with a Thai girl educated in the west, that might be a more valid generalisation.

I think it's more to do with emotional development, most Thai girls still think 'Hello Kitty' is neat when 40+

alot of women of all ages the world over like hello kitty.

time and time again this forum demonstrates that its members are willing to settle for women here that they would not even give the time of day in the west.

what i find ironic is that this in not their first time around, and while they have unlimited bile for their exes back home, they end up with far worse here.

it boggles the mind.

I would like to see that more clearly defined. If I can do better in the West than a 36 year old, who shags like a rattle snake, then I am on the plane tomorrow.

Somehow, I don't think I will be troubling the airline booking office.

[brit1984]

My advice for the OP is as follows:

Ask yourself and (honestly) answer the question of whether you love the wife.

If no, find a way to support her daughter in absentia and arrange a smooth exit.

If yes, you need to find a way to deal with the issues that are bothering you.

Make a list of all these issues and categorise them into important and not important.

I suspect you will surprised how few are in the "important" category.

For the ones that are important find a way to change them or deal with them.

Discuss with the wife any issues requiring behavioural changes on her part.

After this discussion, and on a regular basis thereafter, repeat all the above.

While rational thinking is always advisable, love is irrational and should not be ignored.

[kerryk]

Some suggest that Thai men rule their ladies more firmly with less compromise than their Western counterparts – Perhaps society has established a valid reason for this. If I may make the fault of generalizing I would suspect that women from a less educated backgrounds require more firm guidance and uncompromising strength in a man, where as more educated ladies require a more gentle apprach… Perhaps I am totally wrong, but this is what I see day to day in Thailand.

You are totally wrong, Thai educational levels counts for nothing.

Now if you were comparing a Thai girl with a Thai girl educated in the west, that might be a more valid generalisation.

I think it's more to do with emotional development, most Thai girls still think 'Hello Kitty' is neat when 40+

alot of women of all ages the world over like hello kitty.

time and time again this forum demonstrates that its members are willing to settle for women here that they would not even give the time of day in the west.

what i find ironic is that this in not their first time around, and while they have unlimited bile for their exes back home, they end up with far worse here.

it boggles the mind.

I would like to see that more clearly defined. If I can do better in the West than a 36 year old, who shags like a rattle snake, then I am on the plane tomorrow.

Somehow, I don't think I will be troubling the airline booking office.

36 is pretty old eh?

[transam]

My advice for the OP is as follows:

Ask yourself and (honestly) answer the question of whether you love the wife.

If no, find a way to support her daughter in absentia and arrange a smooth exit.

If yes, you need to find a way to deal with the issues that are bothering you.

Make a list of all these issues and categorise them into important and not important.

I suspect you will surprised how few are in the "important" category.

For the ones that are important find a way to change them or deal with them.

Discuss with the wife any issues requiring behavioural changes on her part.

After this discussion, and on a regular basis thereafter, repeat all the above.

While rational thinking is always advisable, love is irrational and should not be ignored.

Sorry haven't read how old the wife is. In farang land, your suggestion, my ex farang wife would dooooooo nothing, been there, done that with a farang. Ladies are ladies, great, we guys will have a real job understanding cos we are guys. One CANNOT change a girls way of thinking, period. Their decision, think know one can change a ladies mind.

[TommoPhysicist]

Sorry haven't read how old the wife is...........

I don't think he posted the relative ages, probably thought we would all call him an old fool .... or summit like that.

[Kilgore Trout]

You deserve your smokes and beer, don't let anyone tell you different.

I too understand how difficult it is dealing with a Thai spouse, they think they can treat you in ways that they would never accept if you treated them that way. For me this is the most difficult thing to put up with, they are completely run by their emotions and initial feelings about something, then, I don't know, maybe the face thing kicks in and they just turn to stone.

I think that if someone really loves you, then face shouldn't mean shit.

[transam]

You deserve your smokes and beer, don't let anyone tell you different.

I too understand how difficult it is dealing with a Thai spouse, they think they can treat you in ways that they would never accept if you treated them that way. For me this is the most difficult thing to put up with, they are completely run by their emotions and initial feelings about something, then, I don't know, maybe the face thing kicks in and they just turn to stone.

I think that if someone really loves you, then face shouldn't mean shit.

For sure, BUT, this IS a different continent with Very different folk. BIG learning curve for us all.

[soi41]

with your current rate of posting, you will reach 1000 posts. Soon you will be able to join the"popular boys" table and use the forum as a private chatroom, all "liking" eachothers posts ofcourse

?????????

This thread have a little more than 160 replies, of those 80 are from 6 posters Either you are the real relationship-problem solvers, or you just like to see yourself "in writing" . With a few exceptions most of you don't contribute anything to make life better for the OP. Just talking between yourselves. Not only on this thread, but on many other subjects.

Good for Thaivisa to keep the forum alive