Peter Kaye-isms.

[redrus]

All true....

1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.

2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.

3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your

pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.

4) You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.

5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008

into a calculator

6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.

7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.

8) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a

fire in your back garden.

10) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.

11) You never know where to look when eating a banana.

12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.

13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.

14) Rummaging in an overgrow garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.

15) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.

16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.

17) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call

your

teacher mum or dad.

18) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at

the first given opportunity.

19) Some days you see lots of people on crutches.

20) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee, flushed half way

through and then raced against the flush.

21) Old women with mobile phones look wrong.

22) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.

23) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.

24) You never ever run out of salt.

25) Old ladies can eat more than you think.

26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.

27) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've

got your hand or head stuck in something.

28) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.

29) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had

their arm broken by a swan.

30) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on

an upturned plug.

31) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard.

32) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of

wood specifically to stir paint with.

33) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.

34) Bricks are horrible to carry.

35) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.

36) Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it

in a fruit salad.

redus

[suegha]

These really made me laugh and I just had to share them with the people around me in work - they all laughed out loud too...

This was my favorite

"You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of

wood specifically to stir paint with."

[redrus]

These really made me laugh and I just had to share them with the people around me in work - they all laughed out loud too...

This was my favorite

"You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of

wood specifically to stir paint with."

He is a top comedian, although he's getting a bit of stick for not changing his routine enough.

These will always though cos, we all remember them or can relate to them.

After much deliberation my personal favourites;

3- 36) Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it

in a fruit salad.

2- 11) You never know where to look when eating a banana.

1- 6) You can't respect a man who carries a dog. (esp in England, it just seems that men of a certain age suddenly inherite the wifes lap dog) (they're not real dogs anyway)

redrus

[Lilyflower]

no no no no no no no!!!!!!!

if your parents instilled in you (from a very early age) a fear of anything even slightly likely to be dangerous, or just moderately risky, you'll know that the best one ever is...

29) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.

i'm obviously not in PK's league - but i think this could be closely followed by

29b) ...or their leg broken by a badger

but garlic bread definitely is the future - and i have tasted it!!

[redrus]

no no no no no no no!!!!!!!

if your parents instilled in you (from a very early age) a fear of anything even slightly likely to be dangerous, or just moderately risky, you'll know that the best one ever is...

29) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.

i'm obviously not in PK's league - but i think this could be closely followed by

29b) ...or their leg broken by a badger, it was always the other way round for me.

but garlic bread definitely is the future - and i have tasted it!!

No no no no no,

cheese- cake is the future. Cheese--and cake.....!!!!!

redrus

[ThaiPauly]

Had to do the calculator one:

I always used 71077345 to impress!

A great read Red........and I know about the painting stick..Arhhhhhhhh

[redrus]

I bet you steal noses too TP.....?

redrus

[Kan Win]

Posted these before BTW somtam ago.

Some more beauties for you!

-I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid problem?'

-When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I

realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.

-Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine?

-I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming.

-I was doing some decorating, so I got out my step-ladder. I don't get on with my real ladder.

-I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

-A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Pass. Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals.

-well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names. But one day I turned to my bullies and said - 'Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me', and it worked! From there on it was sticks and stones all the way.

-My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.

-Sex is like bridge: If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.

-I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, Six should be enough."

-If we aren't supposed to eat animals, then why are they made out of meat?

-I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.

-You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither.

-Politicians are wonderful people as long as they stay away from things they don't understand, such as working for a living.

-I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

-Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.

-I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

[suegha]

"When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I

realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me."

Hillarious, made me laugh out loud, brilliant!!!

[Lisa28]

Love Peter Kay!

Excellent, redrus.....