The Mother In Law

[qdinthailand]

The reality is that in the USA, the vast amount of MIL's do not need a SIL to build them a home. They have the government for that.

And you've passed on your entitlements (disability/ military benes/social security). Or maybe you worked in the hidden economy all your life, didn't pay taxes and now you righteously object to those that payed their taxes from collecting some of what they paid? What an a'hole comment.

[chiangmaikelly]

"You are being too subtle. I don't think he knows he knows nothing about Thailand yet."

Oh the irony of your double negative there!

I have to wonder if you know what day of the week it is?

Monday.

You're just guessing, CMK.... 1 in 7 chance of being correct!!!

What are the odds of a happy marriage?

[Rob8891]

"You are being too subtle. I don't think he knows he knows nothing about Thailand yet."

Oh the irony of your double negative there!

I have to wonder if you know what day of the week it is?

Monday.

You're just guessing, CMK.... 1 in 7 chance of being correct!!!

What are the odds of a happy marriage?

No idea, but I had one.

[barefoot1988]

i paid for my mother in law house renovation and gave her monthly allowance. both my mum & dad just love spending their time in casinos. not the best hobbies out there but both of them keep their control down well and i paid for all the expenses as well.

seriously you guys don't pamper your parents and inlaws?? i spent most of my money in my families than myself and i have no regrets. they are nice & humble people, so why not? as for those useless jobless relatives, i dont give a flying shit

[robblok]

i paid for my mother in law house renovation and gave her monthly allowance. both my mum & dad just love spending their time in casinos. not the best hobbies out there but both of them keep their control down well and i paid for all the expenses as well.

seriously you guys don't pamper your parents and inlaws?? i spent most of my money in my families than myself and i have no regrets. they are nice & humble people, so why not? as for those useless jobless relatives, i dont give a flying shit

Actually no, my parents are quite well of and like to give us things so the taxman won't get them later. Dad always had a well paid job, he is actually still working and enjoying it. He even goes on after retirement just to keep amused. Of course he works less only 2 days then.

That does not mean i would not help them out, my parents however always made sure we were independent and not relying on others money.

[Waterloo]

Personally I have nothing but respect for the Mother in law she is currently staying with us in the UK to help out with our 8 week old little girl & will be staying with us until mid november when our little boy turns 2.

She has been a great help & our little boy will be heartbroken when she goes home & contrary to some peoples expectations she is 9 years older than me.

[harryfrompattaya]

I known many that are sleeping with MIL that is way they brought the MIL a house. Understand

[thaibeachlovers]

In my opinion they lived here without me and survived and now that i am here it does not mean that i am their meal ticket. If you start giving more and more is expected. When I arrived here they tried loaning money for stupid things. I refused and now our relation is good and they don't ask.

They live in a normal Thai house nothing luxurious but are not dirt poor either. I would help out when there are real problems, but i'm not a cash cow. I don't see their other children contributing more as us.

Its a personal choice but if you want to be the one responsible for their welfare please do so. Some girls will only be with you for the money then. Its IMHO bad enough to pay your wife a "salary" but if your also paying everything for the outlaws............

Of course not every situation is the same, if give you an usefrunct (not sure about the spelling) for their land and you build your house there and let them live there too is different again.

Good post.

My take is that if I had not married my wife, what would they have done then, and why should that option change just because I did marry her?

Still, it seems to be a given amongst Thai people that farangs will give endless amounts of money to their Thai families. My wife is always telling me about how people at her work are asking why she is still working, given that she married a farang, and why I haven't built her a house, bought a car etc.

I don't care about them so much, but get annoyed that my SIL also thinks that I should be handing over the loot to them, and it's even made it difficult at times with my wife.

Just as well I made it clear BEFORE we got married, that no one else was getting any largesse, or it might be really difficult now.

However, I'd have no objection to the MIL coming to live with us if it meant that we don't have to move back to the village ( shudder ).

[Songhua]

I known many that are sleeping with MIL that is way they brought the MIL a house. Understand

I'm not sleeping with mine ......

..... she's dead

[JUDAS]

Haven't read the whole thread, but then again, I don't need to as it will follow the norm for TV. I'm off tomorrow on a 900km drive to visit the in laws and let the kids spend a few days with their grandparents. I can honestly say I, along with the rest of the family are really looking forward to seeing them, wonderful, warm, welcoming family orientated people. They have never asked for freebies but after knowing them for 9 years I would not hesitate to help them through a tough financial spot, exactly as I would do if my own parents ever needed it.

It's goes against the common perception but they are Issan people who take pride in having a nice home, raising kids with good morals and standing on their own 2 feet.

[trainman34014]

In my opinion they lived here without me and survived and now that i am here it does not mean that i am their meal ticket. If you start giving more and more is expected. When I arrived here they tried loaning money for stupid things. I refused and now our relation is good and they don't ask.

They live in a normal Thai house nothing luxurious but are not dirt poor either. I would help out when there are real problems, but i'm not a cash cow. I don't see their other children contributing more as us.

Its a personal choice but if you want to be the one responsible for their welfare please do so. Some girls will only be with you for the money then. Its IMHO bad enough to pay your wife a "salary" but if your also paying everything for the outlaws............

Of course not every situation is the same, if give you an usefrunct (not sure about the spelling) for their land and you build your house there and let them live there too is different again.

Good post.

My take is that if I had not married my wife, what would they have done then, and why should that option change just because I did marry her?

Still, it seems to be a given amongst Thai people that farangs will give endless amounts of money to their Thai families. My wife is always telling me about how people at her work are asking why she is still working, given that she married a farang, and why I haven't built her a house, bought a car etc.

I don't care about them so much, but get annoyed that my SIL also thinks that I should be handing over the loot to them, and it's even made it difficult at times with my wife.

Just as well I made it clear BEFORE we got married, that no one else was getting any largesse, or it might be really difficult now.

However, I'd have no objection to the MIL coming to live with us if it meant that we don't have to move back to the village ( shudder ).

I think there are many Farang married, or involved with Thai women that don't understand the peer pressure they get from co-workers, friends,family etc who are constantly asking them about how much money/land/property/gold etc they are getting from said Farang. It got so bad for my Wife that I got her to retire at just 45 to get away from a lot of it. Can be a horrendous pressure for them especially in the workplace. A lot of the women are too scared or embarrassed to discuss this with their partners and it can lead to many problems in the relationship. Being 'Miafarang' is not all cake and honey for them.

[GentlemanJim]

My MiL is awesome. A great cook, great Grandma to the kids, a genuinely warm and loving person, stalwart of the community and a good looker! We built a big place and she has a big room in the house with balcony etc etc. She lives with us full time, the family love it and the house is big enough for me to find a quiet corner if I find it all getting too busy. If I can't do that I retire to my Man Cave (study) where only I am allowed (and of course the 5 year old princess who relishes in the fact she can get access). Life is sweet and totally family orientated. My wife has all the support a mother could wish for and between them they all keep the place spotless (except they can't grasp how to clean windows properly so I insist on doing that ). If the FiL was still alive I would willingly have built a small place next to us for them, it's how it is out here and one of the reasons I love the place. Family!...just choose a nice one mind!

[jacktrip]

its not a foreigner buying a house for the mother, its a foreigner giving money to a thai lady, who chooses to give it to her mother, who buys a house with it.

you don't do that do you? good.

[nietzche]

In my opinion they lived here without me and survived and now that i am here it does not mean that i am their meal ticket. If you start giving more and more is expected. When I arrived here they tried loaning money for stupid things. I refused and now our relation is good and they don't ask.

They live in a normal Thai house nothing luxurious but are not dirt poor either. I would help out when there are real problems, but i'm not a cash cow. I don't see their other children contributing more as us.

Its a personal choice but if you want to be the one responsible for their welfare please do so. Some girls will only be with you for the money then. Its IMHO bad enough to pay your wife a "salary" but if your also paying everything for the outlaws............

Of course not every situation is the same, if give you an usefrunct (not sure about the spelling) for their land and you build your house there and let them live there too is different again.

Assuming your not Donal Trump (I have to ask because there are a lot of millionaires on TV ), then $20,000 isn't pocket change.

Instead of worrying about you wife's parents, why don't you take that money and by your own parents something nice?

Maybe it's just me, but I would rather make sure my own parents have everything they wanted before I start buying stuff for other people's.

If my parents didn't want anything, then I would take care of my sister, then my brother, then........maybe...........

[GentlemanJim]

In my opinion they lived here without me and survived and now that i am here it does not mean that i am their meal ticket. If you start giving more and more is expected. When I arrived here they tried loaning money for stupid things. I refused and now our relation is good and they don't ask.

They live in a normal Thai house nothing luxurious but are not dirt poor either. I would help out when there are real problems, but i'm not a cash cow. I don't see their other children contributing more as us.

Its a personal choice but if you want to be the one responsible for their welfare please do so. Some girls will only be with you for the money then. Its IMHO bad enough to pay your wife a "salary" but if your also paying everything for the outlaws............

Of course not every situation is the same, if give you an usefrunct (not sure about the spelling) for their land and you build your house there and let them live there too is different again.

Assuming your not Donal Trump (I have to ask because there are a lot of millionaires on TV ), then $20,000 isn't pocket change.

Instead of worrying about you wife's parents, why don't you take that money and by your own parents something nice?

Maybe it's just me, but I would rather make sure my own parents have everything they wanted before I start buying stuff for other people's.

If my parents didn't want anything, then I would take care of my sister, then my brother, then........maybe...........

you may be astonished to discover that some peoples parents are both dead and they have no brothers or sisters.

[RomanGladiator]

In my opinion they lived here without me and survived and now that i am here it does not mean that i am their meal ticket. If you start giving more and more is expected. When I arrived here they tried loaning money for stupid things. I refused and now our relation is good and they don't ask.

Excellent.

[RomanGladiator]

Hard to believe that some people can be so utterly stupid,I wouldn't expect and I'm probably right,anyone to buy or build a house for me during my lifetime,so why the hell should I do it for anyone else?

Then people complain when they are treated as walking ATMs,I've even seen stories on here of villages in Isaan,where the whole village comes and knocks on the Falang's door if they're a bit short of cash,hilarious!

Talk about making a rod for your own back!

More excellence. You're really got it nailed.

[RomanGladiator]

Exactly,what sort of parents would try to undermine their child's hapiness with constant demands for houses,cars,money and medical treatment for sick buffaloes,unbelievable?

Even more excellence.

[nietzche]

If I was to marry my previous American girlfriend, it was expected that both of our parents would give us a little help in regards to buying a house.

Her parents had almost guaranteed that if we got married the would give us the deposit to buy a house.

What kind of society is this where the young have to take care of the old

[endure]

If I was to marry my previous American girlfriend, it was expected that both of our parents would give us a little help in regards to buying a house.

Her parents had almost guaranteed that if we got married the would give us the deposit to buy a house.

What kind of society is this where the young have to take care of the old

It's a society that's emulated all over the world. The young looking after their parents/relatives is common in societies with little or no state-provided welfare.

[Rob8891]

If I was to marry my previous American girlfriend, it was expected that both of our parents would give us a little help in regards to buying a house.

Her parents had almost guaranteed that if we got married the would give us the deposit to buy a house.

What kind of society is this where the young have to take care of the old

You show a remarkable lack of understanding of almost all of the societies in the world, outwith our privileged circle of EMDCs, which account for only about 20% of the world's population at most. Can I suggest you look, listen and learn before casting wholly unjustified aspersions? This is a good way of increasing understanding of other cultures, and helps to dispel ignorance.

Further to this, in many EMDCs, when granny and gramp get a bit old, infirm, forgetful and smelly, it is all too easy for the younger members of the family to put them into a granny farm for the rest of their days. In most other societies, there is a much stronger family ethos, where the young repay the debt to their elders who took the time to bring them up.

There may be many faults with Thailand, but this is one area where they, and other ELDCs have EMDCs beaten hands down.

[Vale Tudo]

If I was to marry my previous American girlfriend, it was expected that both of our parents would give us a little help in regards to buying a house.

Her parents had almost guaranteed that if we got married the would give us the deposit to buy a house.

What kind of society is this where the young have to take care of the old

You show a remarkable lack of understanding of almost all of the societies in the world, outwith our privileged circle of EMDCs, which account for only about 20% of the world's population at most. Can I suggest you look, listen and learn before casting wholly unjustified aspersions? This is a good way of increasing understanding of other cultures, and helps to dispel ignorance.

Further to this, in many EMDCs, when granny and gramp get a bit old, infirm, forgetful and smelly, it is all too easy for the younger members of the family to put them into a granny farm for the rest of their days. In most other societies, there is a much stronger family ethos, where the young repay the debt to their elders who took the time to bring them up.

There may be many faults with Thailand, but this is one area where they, and other ELDCs have EMDCs beaten hands down.

Forgive my ignorance but what exactly are ELDCs & EMDCs?

[Rob8891]

If I was to marry my previous American girlfriend, it was expected that both of our parents would give us a little help in regards to buying a house.

Her parents had almost guaranteed that if we got married the would give us the deposit to buy a house.

What kind of society is this where the young have to take care of the old

You show a remarkable lack of understanding of almost all of the societies in the world, outwith our privileged circle of EMDCs, which account for only about 20% of the world's population at most. Can I suggest you look, listen and learn before casting wholly unjustified aspersions? This is a good way of increasing understanding of other cultures, and helps to dispel ignorance.

Further to this, in many EMDCs, when granny and gramp get a bit old, infirm, forgetful and smelly, it is all too easy for the younger members of the family to put them into a granny farm for the rest of their days. In most other societies, there is a much stronger family ethos, where the young repay the debt to their elders who took the time to bring them up.

There may be many faults with Thailand, but this is one area where they, and other ELDCs have EMDCs beaten hands down.

Forgive my ignorance but what exactly are ELDCs & EMDCs?

Sorry.... Economically Less Developed Countries and Economically More Dev...... Mea Culpa, I should not have used acronyms.

[pigeonjake]

If I was to marry my previous American girlfriend, it was expected that both of our parents would give us a little help in regards to buying a house.

Her parents had almost guaranteed that if we got married the would give us the deposit to buy a house.

What kind of society is this where the young have to take care of the old

so you can spunge of the perents of the girl you would marry,

so they have to work hard all there lifes to help you,,lol,

your having a laugh,

i would call that big double standerds

you want to go to the toilet and give your head a shake, your full of it,

jake

[Rob8891]

If I was to marry my previous American girlfriend, it was expected that both of our parents would give us a little help in regards to buying a house.

Her parents had almost guaranteed that if we got married the would give us the deposit to buy a house.

What kind of society is this where the young have to take care of the old

so you can spunge of the perents of the girl you would marry,

so they have to work hard all there lifes to help you,,lol,

your having a laugh,

i would call that big double standerds

you want to go to the toilet and give your head a shake, your full of it,

jake

He's young and inadequately educated, Jake.... a wee laddie trying to play big.

[Scully]

If I was to marry my previous American girlfriend, it was expected that both of our parents would give us a little help in regards to buying a house.

Her parents had almost guaranteed that if we got married the would give us the deposit to buy a house.

What kind of society is this where the young have to take care of the old

so you can spunge of the perents of the girl you would marry,

so they have to work hard all there lifes to help you,,lol,

your having a laugh,

i would call that big double standerds

you want to go to the toilet and give your head a shake, your full of it,

jake

I think what you are both trying to say is if you can afford to help you should, if its family.

No need to be nasty

[pigeonjake]

what makes me laugh again on TV, is that what f###king business is it of anyone else what others do,

and i know what some will say if you dont like it dont read the posts or post on them,

but ive said it for ages there are sexpats sorry i mean people who come for a holiday and they become experts on thai living, they havnt lived in the village and seen what family life is like, how most of them help each other, planting rice bringing it in, all sorts of things,

i would sooner live with people who halp each other, then people who sit on here or at a bar thinking of there next troll poll to have a go at others and what they spend THERE money on,

jake

[Rob8891]

If I was to marry my previous American girlfriend, it was expected that both of our parents would give us a little help in regards to buying a house.

Her parents had almost guaranteed that if we got married the would give us the deposit to buy a house.

What kind of society is this where the young have to take care of the old

so you can spunge of the perents of the girl you would marry,

so they have to work hard all there lifes to help you,,lol,

your having a laugh,

i would call that big double standerds

you want to go to the toilet and give your head a shake, your full of it,

jake

I think what you are both trying to say is if you can afford to help you should, if its family.

No need to be nasty

@Scully

If this guy had read the thread properly, (ignoring the cr@p of course) he should have gathered enough info not to make such a judgemental comment about thai society. Even #4, #5 and would give him a decent idea. I am pretty sure this post started out as yet another trolling exercise, and the OP has been conspicuously scarce, (but that is beside the point). That does not preclude someone from reading the thread and building up one's understanding of (in this case) the thai family in society. To come charging in with such an ignorant post after 70-80 posts is dumb most ill-advised.

Yeah, maybe my last post was a bit harsh, but if it wakes him up to thinking before posting, or makes him see that if he lacks knowledge he should ask, then there is are more positives in the outcome than negatives. In that case, he will post more intelligently next time.

[robblok]

In my opinion they lived here without me and survived and now that i am here it does not mean that i am their meal ticket. If you start giving more and more is expected. When I arrived here they tried loaning money for stupid things. I refused and now our relation is good and they don't ask.

They live in a normal Thai house nothing luxurious but are not dirt poor either. I would help out when there are real problems, but i'm not a cash cow. I don't see their other children contributing more as us.

Its a personal choice but if you want to be the one responsible for their welfare please do so. Some girls will only be with you for the money then. Its IMHO bad enough to pay your wife a "salary" but if your also paying everything for the outlaws............

Of course not every situation is the same, if give you an usefrunct (not sure about the spelling) for their land and you build your house there and let them live there too is different again.

Assuming your not Donal Trump (I have to ask because there are a lot of millionaires on TV ), then $20,000 isn't pocket change.

Instead of worrying about you wife's parents, why don't you take that money and by your own parents something nice?

Maybe it's just me, but I would rather make sure my own parents have everything they wanted before I start buying stuff for other people's.

If my parents didn't want anything, then I would take care of my sister, then my brother, then........maybe...........

I have no idea why your singling me out as i am saying almost the same as you but saying its free choice. I see it as buying the wife (in certain cases) other cases its just helping out a bit. But buying them a complete home is a bit over the top according to me.

As for my parents they only give me things always.

[robblok]

If I was to marry my previous American girlfriend, it was expected that both of our parents would give us a little help in regards to buying a house.

Her parents had almost guaranteed that if we got married the would give us the deposit to buy a house.

What kind of society is this where the young have to take care of the old

so you can spunge of the perents of the girl you would marry,

so they have to work hard all there lifes to help you,,lol,

your having a laugh,

i would call that big double standerds

you want to go to the toilet and give your head a shake, your full of it,

jake

Actually this is exactly that was happened to me and an ex (non thai) gf. We got money from both our parents to buy a house. Its quite normal where i am from that parents help their children.

I still say there is a fine line between buying your love and helping out. The test is of course giving nothing and watching how that goes. Also not using money to get your girl. But most people know deep down in what kind of relation they are. Some are in the i pay my gf or else she leaves me. others just help out a bit but the relation would not change much if the money was not there.

Everyone has a good idea bout the kinds im talking about. I don't want to single out people but large age gaps are more prone to this kind of relations. Not all i state that now because i'm not going to drawn into a flame fest. I seen large age gaps that were not based on money but seen more that were. I also saw younger guys (me long ago) get ripped off. So it does not exclude each other. Mostly people know best deep inside.