Are We In A 'falang Bubble'?

[citizen33]

Reading the title and then the thread, I realised that the 'bubble' has always had a different connotation for me. I think of the cultural stranger who doesn't fully understand the institutions of the Thai nation state, or its social structure, politics and ways of doing things. This is a problem for all of us Westerners, but some seem to make more effort then others to acquaint themselves with even the basics.

[jaideeguy]

I'm reading the OP two ways.....one is the OP is fed up with the BS of daily life and the other is the OP is worried that he is in danger of isolating himself to his detriment.

OP.......you are the author of your own misfortune the more you withdraw the more incapable you will become of interacting with the outside world. You have created your own vicious circle.

If you think it's bad now just wait three years, you will become a social cripple.

Get out of the house every day and go play golf, cycle like vf does, take photos, have lunch with the locals,

Just go mingle with the World, then retire to your castle, close the door and enjoy your bubble.

It's your castle.......not your gilded cage.

You may have it right Blether...it's a fine line between being socially isolated and socially crippled and I try to be aware of this.

I let my dutiful Thai wife do all the social requirements and even going to the local shop for ice and she seems to enjoy doing it. I don't like to do it because of the local [friendly] drunks always wanting to engage me in a friendly manner [buying me a drink at noon]. She likes going to the store to catch up on the local gossip etc. Sometimes having a Thai wife can contribute to your isolation, for better and worse.

I find it both frustrating and challenging just going to the local hardware shop for a piece of plumbing....depending on my mood, but I have developed my own sign language that can mostly get me what I am seeking.

One of the main excuses for staying at home in my castle or guilded cage is that driving has become such a challenge, as you can have so many near death experiences once you get on the road.

[transam]

I'm reading the OP two ways.....one is the OP is fed up with the BS of daily life and the other is the OP is worried that he is in danger of isolating himself to his detriment.

OP.......you are the author of your own misfortune the more you withdraw the more incapable you will become of interacting with the outside world. You have created your own vicious circle.

If you think it's bad now just wait three years, you will become a social cripple.

Get out of the house every day and go play golf, cycle like vf does, take photos, have lunch with the locals,

Just go mingle with the World, then retire to your castle, close the door and enjoy your bubble.

It's your castle.......not your gilded cage.

You may have it right Blether...it's a fine line between being socially isolated and socially crippled and I try to be aware of this.

I let my dutiful Thai wife do all the social requirements and even going to the local shop for ice and she seems to enjoy doing it. I don't like to do it because of the local [friendly] drunks always wanting to engage me in a friendly manner [buying me a drink at noon]. She likes going to the store to catch up on the local gossip etc. Sometimes having a Thai wife can contribute to your isolation, for better and worse.

I find it both frustrating and challenging just going to the local hardware shop for a piece of plumbing....depending on my mood, but I have developed my own sign language that can mostly get me what I am seeking.

One of the main excuses for staying at home in my castle or guilded cage is that driving has become such a challenge, as you can have so many near death experiences once you get on the road.

Hmmmmm, sounds like stuff is eating you away.

[Semper]

Get out of the house every day and go play golf, cycle like vf does, take photos, have lunch with the locals,

........and now someone who has a bit of an imagination.

Yes, I can imagine you riding your bicycle and having lunch with the locals on Phuket.

Maybe you could become Phukets "Glitterman".

[TommoPhysicist]

I've mostly given up on local community events because of my Thai language impairment and let the wife represent me and have limited my shopping to one day a week to stock up on essentials.

I am mostly happy at home......

Are there others out there in 'the falang bubble'??? and are you happy??

A lot of old folk become virtual hermits.

Not to do with Thailand, to do with you getting old.

It's called 'Elderly Withdrawal' aka 'the Disengagement Theory of Aging'

http://health.howstu...ent-theory1.htm

According to Cumming and Henry's model, the major shift in interaction between seniors and society begins once older people fully recognize the brevity of their remaining life spans.

Once that realization sets in, the elderly will remove themselves both consciously and subconsciously from many social networks. Simultaneously, society distances itself from the elderly, and the roles and authority reserved for the older members of a population are passed along to the younger ones.

[transam]

I've mostly given up on local community events because of my Thai language impairment and let the wife represent me and have limited my shopping to one day a week to stock up on essentials.

I am mostly happy at home......

Are there others out there in 'the falang bubble'??? and are you happy??

A lot of old folk become virtual hermits.

Not to do with Thailand, to do with you getting old.

It's called 'Elderly Withdrawal'

http://health.howstu...ent-theory1.htm

According to Cumming and Henry's model, the major shift in interaction between seniors and society begins once older people fully recognize the brevity of their remaining life spans.

Correct, same as older folk in their own country.

[Pattaya28]

I live in Pattaya. My bubble is a large 1. I spend my time eating my wifes' amazing food, socializing with her large family, and going to bars (weekends only). I keep my sanity by having UBC full package and fast speed internet. I tend not to interact with Thais, coz I would loose my marbles, tho in no way am I having a pop at Thais. I love Thailand and Buddhism. My bubble is my Nirvana.

[davejones]

I think this is about living in your comfort zone, not a bubble. Some people have very small comfort zones and others have larger ones. If you are happy in a small comfort zone, then that's all the counts. But I can't help feeling that some people are missing out on life because they won't try new things. I think many farangs can't be bothered to learn Thai and therefore are excluded from lots of things, whether they like it or not. They may be happy with this, but at the same time they don't know what they're missing.

I am happy at home and happy with my own company, but I would hate to be stuck at home all the time. I go out every day, even if it's just for lunch, coffee, etc. It's good to get out and about.

[chiangmaikelly]

I live in Pattaya. My bubble is a large 1. I spend my time eating my wifes' amazing food, socializing with her large family, and going to bars (weekends only). I keep my sanity by having UBC full package and fast speed internet. I tend not to interact with Thais, coz I would loose my marbles, tho in no way am I having a pop at Thais. I love Thailand and Buddhism. My bubble is my Nirvana.

Since this is your first post and all I am sure you would like some feedback. When you write, " I tend not to interact with Thais, coz I would loose my marbles." That is a negative comment about Thais. See, it says that Farangs are OK but Thai people make you crazy.

[davejones]

I'm reading the OP two ways.....one is the OP is fed up with the BS of daily life and the other is the OP is worried that he is in danger of isolating himself to his detriment.

OP.......you are the author of your own misfortune the more you withdraw the more incapable you will become of interacting with the outside world. You have created your own vicious circle.

If you think it's bad now just wait three years, you will become a social cripple.

Get out of the house every day and go play golf, cycle like vf does, take photos, have lunch with the locals,

Just go mingle with the World, then retire to your castle, close the door and enjoy your bubble.

It's your castle.......not your gilded cage.

You may have it right Blether...it's a fine line between being socially isolated and socially crippled and I try to be aware of this.

I let my dutiful Thai wife do all the social requirements and even going to the local shop for ice and she seems to enjoy doing it. I don't like to do it because of the local [friendly] drunks always wanting to engage me in a friendly manner [buying me a drink at noon]. She likes going to the store to catch up on the local gossip etc. Sometimes having a Thai wife can contribute to your isolation, for better and worse.

I find it both frustrating and challenging just going to the local hardware shop for a piece of plumbing....depending on my mood, but I have developed my own sign language that can mostly get me what I am seeking.

One of the main excuses for staying at home in my castle or guilded cage is that driving has become such a challenge, as you can have so many near death experiences once you get on the road.

Why don't you learn Thai? It seems like you would have a much better experience living here.

[transam]

I live in Pattaya. My bubble is a large 1. I spend my time eating my wifes' amazing food, socializing with her large family, and going to bars (weekends only). I keep my sanity by having UBC full package and fast speed internet. I tend not to interact with Thais, coz I would loose my marbles, tho in no way am I having a pop at Thais. I love Thailand and Buddhism. My bubble is my Nirvana.

Perhaps you are confused eh.

[firestar]

I don't think it's an old age only thing... part of the problem I think is that it's quite difficult to make real friends here. So many different situations amongst people living in Thailand. Different levels of income, jealousy, even how long you've been here comes into play, newcomers will often be more into the whole bar thing while others are over it, tourists come and go... after a while many can't be asked to try to establish new relationships anymore and just stay in their "bubble".

[jaideeguy]

'Why don't you learn Thai? It seems like you would have a much better experience living here.'

The truth is that I knew more Thai before I got married and started depending on the Thai wife, and in actual fact, I have been certified as tone deaf and can't distinguish the tones of the language.

And, I've seen soo many falangs that think they know Thai by speaking a few words that they know and then end up in a complete loss of words when the Thai assumes that they really do speak Thai. I don't pretend to speak Thai!!

[poanoi]

Yes, i'm in the same bubble, avoiding traffic jam and humanoids alike like the plague.

I'm not happy tho, i have no party life any more.

[jaideeguy]

I've mostly given up on local community events because of my Thai language impairment and let the wife represent me and have limited my shopping to one day a week to stock up on essentials.

I am mostly happy at home......

Are there others out there in 'the falang bubble'??? and are you happy??

A lot of old folk become virtual hermits.

Not to do with Thailand, to do with you getting old.

It's called 'Elderly Withdrawal' aka 'the Disengagement Theory of Aging'

http://health.howstu...ent-theory1.htm

According to Cumming and Henry's model, the major shift in interaction between seniors and society begins once older people fully recognize the brevity of their remaining life spans.

Once that realization sets in, the elderly will remove themselves both consciously and subconsciously from many social networks. Simultaneously, society distances itself from the elderly, and the roles and authority reserved for the older members of a population are passed along to the younger ones.

Could be part of my situation, as I witnessed my father's total withdrawal into his own little 'box in the sky' [condo], guilded cage, bubble, where he didn't have any contact at all with people except when family visited and he was not comfortable for longer than a half hr of visits.

BTW.....I'm 65yrs old.

[inthepink]

I've mostly given up on local community events because of my Thai language impairment and let the wife represent me and have limited my shopping to one day a week to stock up on essentials.

I am mostly happy at home......

Are there others out there in 'the falang bubble'??? and are you happy??

A lot of old folk become virtual hermits.

Not to do with Thailand, to do with you getting old.

It's called 'Elderly Withdrawal' aka 'the Disengagement Theory of Aging'

http://health.howstu...ent-theory1.htm

According to Cumming and Henry's model, the major shift in interaction between seniors and society begins once older people fully recognize the brevity of their remaining life spans.

Once that realization sets in, the elderly will remove themselves both consciously and subconsciously from many social networks. Simultaneously, society distances itself from the elderly, and the roles and authority reserved for the older members of a population are passed along to the younger ones.

Try reading to the end of the article you quoted: "Today, disengagement theory is largely a relic of a bygone era."

[TommoPhysicist]

Try reading to the end of the article you quoted: "Today, disengagement theory is largely a relic of a bygone era."

Plenty of discussion still going on in academic circles.

[The Smithy]

I live in exactly the same bubble here as I have lived in for the last 40 years elsewhere, and I love it.

I have no idea who my neighbours are and it suits me fine. Probably suits them fine too.

I'm not interested in local goings-on, unless they involve nearby building works etc., traffic deviations or other similar upheaval.

So it's not a "farang bubble", it's my bubble. And it's just fine.

Why did you bother to leave your home country then?

[jaideeguy]

I want to thank you guys for maintaining an intelligent discussion without going off topic or trolling.....so far. There have been a lot of thought provoking replies and hopefully this discussion will enlighten others.

Bottom line, I do enjoy my little bubble, but would find it hard to do it without my Thai family to keep me occupied. I have very few moments of boredom and boredom is our worst enemy as expats.

I remember a quote from my oldest falang expat guru 25 yrs ago......'Over here [in Asia] we're completely on our own" and those words are proving to be sage advise.

[simple1]

To answer the OP's question I prefer to live in Thailand and am happier, let's say more content, than living in my home country where indifference to others seemed normal.

I do not socialise that much with other westerners maybe once a week over breakfast/dinner. I proactively smile with Thai's and it's great that the smile is regularly politely reciprocated with the occasional conversation in my limited Thai. Personally I don't feel isolated and my Thai wife's family (locals from Pattaya) are good people and respect my privacy. We have family gatherings for marriages, birthdays and funerals; extended family of around 200. I'll attend an event for my wife's close family about every month or so. We live in Pattaya (wife's home town) and I don't spend my days/nights in bars.

Other TV members may disagree, but from communicating with friends I would say it's a truism that people who are transitioning to middle age can count on one hand close friends; those with whom you have empathy, trust, respect & love. With close friends no matter how distant in miles, your not lonely or isolated

[The Smithy]

Get out of the house every day and go play golf, cycle like vf does, take photos, have lunch with the locals,

........and now someone who has a bit of an imagination.

I don't honestly see how someone wouldn't want to go out of the house every day.Staring at the same four walls day after day is a surefire recipe for lunacy!

[transam]

Get out of the house every day and go play golf, cycle like vf does, take photos, have lunch with the locals,

........and now someone who has a bit of an imagination.

I don't honestly see how someone wouldn't want to go out of the house every day.Staring at the same four walls day after day is a surefire recipe for lunacy!

Yeh, l am there.

[jaideeguy]

Get out of the house every day and go play golf, cycle like vf does, take photos, have lunch with the locals,

........and now someone who has a bit of an imagination.

I don't honestly see how someone wouldn't want to go out of the house every day.Staring at the same four walls day after day is a surefire recipe for lunacy!

I've got a hell of a lot more than 4 walls to stare at......3 houses, swimming pool, garden, chickens and ducks and living in a forested natural setting.......not a 'box in the sky'

[transam]

Get out of the house every day and go play golf, cycle like vf does, take photos, have lunch with the locals,

........and now someone who has a bit of an imagination.

I don't honestly see how someone wouldn't want to go out of the house every day.Staring at the same four walls day after day is a surefire recipe for lunacy!

I've got a hell of a lot more than 4 walls to stare at......3 houses, swimming pool, garden, chickens and ducks and living in a forested natural setting.......not a 'box in the sky'

Quack, Quack.

[jaideeguy]

here we go........

[chiangmaikelly]

Back when I was a younger man in Thailand I lived above a Pub that had good food and good beer and ale on tap and ladies in addition to the wait staff. It was really hard to justify going out when it rained. Pool and foosball of course. Big screen TV with sporting events. Whenever one of the regular customers or one of the ladies had a birthday there was a party. Sometimes I would drink at the bar. Sometimes I would drink on the porch outside of the bar. Sometimes I would drink at the bar across the street or the bar next door.

[Rsquared]

I know of people who are very social, yet that social life is the same as the bubble you speak of.

I refer to where I was before I settled in LOS. Some would wander from club to club and have friends at every venue, and you could tell what day of the week it was by which club they were at. But at the same time you could see that they were in their own little bubble.

I guess at the end of the day....to the OP...albeit you are 65, if you feel yourself slipping, do as others have suggested, find a new hobby, painting, model making,pottery....you are only limited by your imagination.

Have Fun

Cheers.

[laislica]

Well I don’t think that the OP has anything to worry about.

I have lived in a bubble all my life (now 70) and am very happy.

My bubble changes completely from time to time and is most often determined by circumstance.

It’s as if I live different lives during my stay on this planet.

In one life I was an apprentice/day release and night school goer.

In the next I moved into electronics from heavy electrical engineering, worked abroad in the far east, middle east and Europe. The next bubble was marriage/children, etc.

However, having the disadvantage of not being able to distinguish tones must make learning Thai difficult for the OP and I do feel that it is very important to understand the language in the country where you live.

Before I learned to read a few Thai characters, I used to feel very isolated because I was unable to read any signs. I have learned just enough for that feeling to go away and I can go out without my trusty Thai guide he he. (I totally relate to your comment “I let my dutiful Thai wife do all the social requirements and even going to the local shop for ice and she seems to enjoy doing it.”)

I found an internet course called Learn Thai Podcast and I find it a super way to learn.

There are lessons in the form of MP3 files so I can listen to them on an iPod and the same lessons are presented as small MP4 videos where you see written Thai along with Phonetic Thai and the English meaning, in a sort of Karaoke way. These can also be seen on the iPod but I prefer a larger screen.

Learning a new language is an excellent way of improving cognitive function and warding off the dreaded age related memory loss.

This course is not expensive and they even give you a free introductory Holiday Phrases course with a 300 word vocabulary so you can try before you buy J

There are free courses which give you full access to everything for a limited time, you mught like to look at Thai-flashcards, it’s a .com company.

Maybe try the totally free site http://www.seasite.niu.edu/Thai/maanii1/fsmaanii1.htm which is great for reading and writing.

I am a Newbie in Thailand and have never been in a gogo or any other bar. I met a fabulous Thai lady and my bubble includes her family and friends along with a few of my expat friends and their wives.

We have spent some months travelling in Thailand, sightseeing, meeting friends etc, but still in our bubble J

BTW, thanks for raising this most interesting topic and I Loved the post by CharlieH:-

Well we've reached post 16, and so far it been like walking into an air con room from the hot sun, "sigh" that's good, no one abusing, no insults, no attacks or derogatory remarks.

Let's see if it continues, would make a refreshing change to be able to have a grown up adult chat about something without descending into the playground or psychiatric ward.

Good luck to you jaideeguy and may your bubble expand a little and ever so gently.

[mogandave]

The older I get, the more I like hanging around the house. At the end of the day all you really have is how you feel about yourself.

[DrTuner]

No matter how hard I try the pesky Thais manage to enter my hard built bubble. Maybe I'll buy a pellet gun.